. including six conversations you don’t want to start.
As a psychologist in New York City, I hear about a lot of first dates. I love hearing people say, “It was love at first sight,” or, “By the time our first date ended, I knew I just met the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with.”
But I rarely do.
I’m far more likely to hear how the other person did something annoying, embarrassing, or otherwise sufficiently objectionable to immediately disqualify them from second-date consideration.
The interesting thing is how people often qualify their description of the deal-breaking behavior: “It’s a shame because he seemed so nice,” or “I was really into her before that happened,” or “I was having a great time but that just ruined it for me.”
Indeed, it doesn’t take much to turn a good date bad. Luckily, the most common such mistakes are quite avoidable once you know what they are.
We have a lot to pay attention to on a date—what we think of the other person, how we’re coming across, whether they meet our expectations, whether we meet theirs—all of which is over and above our need to be present and engaged in the moment.
Knowing ahead of time what behaviors to avoid can save you from the mistakes that can cost you a second date with someone you like. Following are 15 of the most common mistakes I hear about in my practice. All are easy to correct. Some might seem petty and even unworthy of being grounds for disqualification, and perhaps they are, but people still cite them.
15 First Date Mistakes You Can Avoid
1. Being late. It makes a terrible first impression and guarantees the other person starts the date annoyed. If it cannot be avoided, text with an apology and apologize again when you arrive.
2. Rudeness to service people. Nothing screams entitlement, irritability or obnoxiousness more than being rude to a waiter. If the waiter is just that bad, tell your date what you find unacceptable about the service and that you plan to say something (but skip it if your date objects or seems uncomfortable).
3. Not asking questions. Asking questions conveys engagement. If you do not ask your date questions, they will assume you’re not interested in them and will promptly lose interest in you. If you’re shy or unsure about what to ask, think of topics ahead of time.
4. Unnecessary medical history reveals. No one wants to hear about your colonoscopy on a first date (or the second, third, or fourth). Save your medical history for later unless you’re showing up with your leg in a cast and there’s a good story behind it.
5. Talking about an ex. Unless you’re asked directly, avoid soliloquies about your ex. It will only make you look like you haven’t moved on. If you are asked, say the briefest, nicest thing you can and subtly and politely try to change the subject.
6. Poor table manners. Most of us know saliva breaks down food—we don’t need to see a demonstration of it. Watch your manners (even if you’re drinking). Speaking of which .
7. Overindulging. A drink or two is fine, but make sure you stay present and in control. Getting sloppy or messy on a first date does not make a good impression unless your date is getting just as sloppy and messy as you are—which is not how most solid relationships begin.
8. Checking your phone. Checking your phone makes you come across as bored or distracted, neither of which is appealing to the person you’re with. If you must check your phone, apologize, explain why, and do it quickly—or just excuse yourself to the restroom and do it there.
9. Discussing your ideal partner. The problem with this topic is it usually comes across as a “must have” or “dealbreaker” list most people cannot meet, even if you just intend it as “nice-to-have” guidelines. In other words, it likely turns off the other person rather than endearing them to you.
10. Talking too much, especially if it’s all about you. Make sure conversation flows back and forth, and don’t make it hard for the other person to get a word in. If the person you’re with isn’t talking much, try open-ended questions.
11. Using terms of endearment prematurely. Even when the date is going amazingly well and you think the feeling is mutual, avoid calling your date babe or honey (unless you work in a diner and can’t shake the habit). It simply presumes too much familiarity too soon, and some people find it patronizing, despite the good intention.
12. Being too self-effacing. There is absolutely no need to announce all your flaws on a first date. Modesty is appealing; low self-esteem less so. Making one self-effacing joke is fine but not a string of them. And the one you should not make is .
13. Joking about how bad you are at dating. Telling someone on a first date that you’re bad at dating is like the director coming out before the movie to announce that it stinks. It kills any interest or motivation the other person might have had.
14. Bragging about your income, possessions, or skills. Bragging in general is a turn-off. This includes name dropping, discussing how much you paid for your new ski house, or describing how amazing you are at beach volleyball. Saying you just came back from Greece is fine. Saying you flew first-class and stayed on a private yacht is unnecessary and might create resentment if the person you’re with has never left the country.
15. Giving a lecture or tirade about cherished beliefs. There’s a reason you shouldn’t discuss politics or religion on a first date: When you have strong opinions or beliefs, it’s easy to get a bit overexcited and go from participating in a discussion to monopolizing one. Be cautious when discussing anything about which you feel passionately (or angry) and make sure you’re not overwhelming the other person.
- If your date goes poorly and you get rejected, it might be a good time to check out the chapters on rejection, self-esteem, and loneliness in Emotional First Aid: Healing Rejection, Guilt, Failure and Other Everyday Hurts(Plume, 2014).
- Watch my TED Talk and learn how to boost your emotional strength.
- Also, join my email list
- Visit my website and follow me on Twitter @GuyWinch
You did it. You got the number of that gorgeous woman you’ve been lusting after. Now it’s time to get the conversation going and build the attraction between you with some clever texts. If you’re not adept at texting women, not to worry. We can help you avoid the common mistakes men make when texting women.
We’ll be focusing on the six colossal no-nos of texting women — and what you should do instead.
Texting with a woman you like is a great way to get to know each other before going out on your first date. By following our rules, you’ll be texting like a pro in no time — and every single woman you text will be dying to meet you in person.
Mistake #1: Emoticon and LOL usage
If you’re texting the woman you like by sending walls of emojis, consider it game over. Emojis may be popular but sending too many when texting can make you come across as immature — and that’s a major no-no when texting with a woman. You want her to think of you as an equal, not as a frat boy.
Your best bet is to keep your emoticons to a minimum. Sending a smile or a wink is OK, but only when you text something flirtatious or funny. In this case, it’s completely appropriate and sets the right tone.
Overusing LOL is also a mistake.
Think of it like this: when you’re talking with someone in person, you don’t laugh at the end of every sentence do you? You only laugh when something is actually funny. So make sure to treat your texts the same way.
If you’re not writing or responding to something that’s actually funny. Steer clear of LOL, “ha ha ha” or any of its equivalents.
Mistake #2: Not asking her out is a huge mistake men make when texting women
All too often, guys will text, and text and then text some more — but they never actually ask the woman they’ve been conversing with out. Whether they’re too nervous or they’re waiting for her to do the asking or they’re caught up with flirting over text, it still leaves a bad impression. You’ll look like you lack confidence.
Remember guys, if she gave you her number, she’s interested in getting to know you better and is probably expecting you to ask her out for coffee or dinner.
When you do ask her out, make sure you are direct and specific. Asking if she wants to get together sometime just doesn’t cut it. She may say yes, but unless you make specific plans, that date is never going to happen.
So ask her if she wants to grab a drink after work or go out for dinner with you on Friday. Even if she’s not available on the days you suggest, don’t wait. Find a date and time that works for both of you right then and there if you truly want the date to happen.
There’s more to asking a woman out than finding the right thing to say. You need to build up a connection first. How can you do that? Take a look at our complete video guide on dating women. We spend hours teaching you to have to meet and attract women both online and offline in an authentic and enjoyable way.
Mistake #3: Asking her out over text
If texting is going well and you’ve built up a good rapport, it’s time to dial her number and talk to her. One of the best ways to ensure she’ll answer is to call her in the middle of a text conversation. Nine times out of 10 she’ll answer because she’ll be curious to know why you’re changing things up. So keep the conversation going for a minute or two and then ask her out.
A woman will admire this type of boldness because, let’s face it, it takes way more confidence to ask a woman out over the phone than it does over text.
Mistake #4: Sending explicit photos or texts
Sending an occasional photo to the woman you like to stimulate a conversation is a great idea. Sending photos of anything more explicit, pictures of you in your underwear or anything that focuses below the blet, however, is a huge mistake.
Just. Don’t. Do. It. It’s juvenile and will not impress the woman you’re texting.
The same goes for sexual texts. Getting sexual before you’ve even gone out on a date conveys only one thing: “I just want to sleep with you.” And that’s not the impression you want to leave her with (unless she already likes you and wants to sleep with you).
Instead, focus on sending texts that show her your personality and intelligence. Women appreciate a good-looking guy, but they also want someone who can hold an intelligent conversation. As a rule of thumb, unless she initiates a steamy conversation, don’t dive right into sexting!
Mistake #5: Waiting too long to respond
You know that rule about waiting three days to text a woman after she gives you her number? Worst. Advice. Ever.
You want the lady to know you’re interested and waiting three days to text definitely doesn’t show her that you’re into her, especially if it’s your first time texting! It would be so easy for her to assume that your interest fizzled out.
We’re not saying you should text her immediately, but the next day or as soon as your schedule allows is a better move. Find something, any interesting topic to talk about over text and send her that message! Not only does waiting too long let her know that she’s on your mind, but it also keeps you on her mind too.
The same goes for responding to her texts. Don’t worry about waiting the same length of time to respond that she did. Text her back when it works best for you and don’t worry about playing the waiting game. It’s not worth obsessing over. And it can take all the fun out of texting.
Mistake #6: Sending super long texts is a huge mistake men make when texting women
Texting a woman is definitely an art form. Most guys know they need to write more than “how’s it going?” to get a conversation started, but make sure you don’t go overboard. You’re not writing a novel, after all. And, if she sees huge blocks of text, she’ll probably just scan over them quickly — or won’t read them at all.
So keep your texts engaging and no more than three or four lines until you get to know each other better. The only exception to the rule is if the conversation actually calls for a longer response. If your relationship has escalated to the point where you actually have that much to say to each other, stop texting and call her. It will create a better connection and help build the attraction between you.
If you’re making any of these mistakes when texting, it’s time to up your game. Knowing what not to do and say can have a huge impact on your success with women.
So, next time you get the number of a hot woman, you can text her with confidence — and that’s something she’ll find very attractive. Now get to texting!
Men: A change in thinking may improve your sex life. Get the details on seven common mistakes guys make with women, and learn how to avoid them.
Mistake 1: Sex Starts in the Bedroom
Men may turn on like a light, but for women, arousal doesn’t happen so fast, says sex therapist Ian Kerner, PhD.
Pave the way during the day by hugging, kissing, and holding hands. Have some fun together, and show you appreciate her.
Feeling safe and secure in the relationship is key for a woman to really let loose during sex, Kerner says. A long hug can go further than you’d think. “Hugging for 30 seconds stimulates oxytocin, the hormone in women that creates [a] sense of connection and trust.”
Mistake 2: Assume You Know What They Want
“Just as many women are faking orgasm today as 20 or 30 years ago,” Kerner says. So, if she’s not enjoying herself, you might not know it.
Don’t be afraid to ask questions like “How does this feel?” or “Do you want something different?”
In other words, ask for directions.
Mistake 3: Stick to Your Plan
Don’t think that “if it worked the first three times, it will work the next three times,” says sex therapist Sari Cooper, LCSW.
What turns her on may depend on her mood, and where she is in her monthly cycle. “Perhaps her nipples are more sensitive or her genitals are less tingly,” Cooper adds.
Pay attention to your partner, says psychologist Lonnie Barbach, PhD. “Try different things and see how she responds.”
When you find something that works, linger on it. Women often complain that men move on to the next thing just as they really start to enjoy an activity.
Mistake 4: Keep It Strictly Physical
Expand your idea of foreplay. Some men “focus on physical stimulation and often ignore mental stimulation,” Kerner says.
While men get stirred up by what they see, “women fantasize a lot during sex as part of [the] process of arousal.” Join in — share a fantasy or a sexy memory.
Mistake 5: Expect Intercourse to Give Them an Orgasm
For 80% of women, intercourse alone won’t do the trick. Why not? Most sex positions don’t directly stimulate the clitoris.
There are other ways to pleasure her. “Women orgasm much more consistently from oral sex than from intercourse,” Kerner says. Also, try sex with the woman on top, or a vibrator made for couples to use during sex. “Men should feel comfortable, not threatened, with sex toys,” he says.
To help her hit the high note when you do have sex, take time to get her going before you make your entrance. “The closer women are when they start intercourse, the more likely they are to have an orgasm,” Barbach says.
Mistake 6: Skip the Seduction
Women like to be seduced. “Seduction is as important as, or sometimes more important than, technique,” Cooper says.
It helps to know what kind of turn-on your partner likes, whether it’s oral, visual, or mental, she says. “Does your partner like it when you talk dirty over the phone or text? Trace your finger slowly up her chest? Flirt with her at a bar?”
Also, if you like what you see, say so. “Let a woman know how desirable she is,” Barbach says.
Mistake 7: Focus on Ringing the Bell
Most women need clitoral stimulation to have an orgasm, but it’s more complex than you may think.
Some men “don’t understand the anatomy of the clitoris,” Cooper says. It’s more than the small “button” you can see. Its nerve endings spread throughout the vulva and inside the vagina. All are potential pleasure points worth exploring.
“You can go back and forth,” Cooper says. Paying too much attention to the glans, at the top of the vulva, can take away from pleasure for some women. It’s so sensitive, that too much stimulation can hurt.
Ian Kerner, PhD, sex therapist; author, She Comes First, William Morrow Paperbacks, 2010.
Sari Cooper, LCSW, AASECT, certified sex therapist.
Lonnie Barbach, PhD, psychologist; author, For Each Other, Anchor, 1983, and For Yourself, Signet, 2000.
Eight Mistakes Most Guys Don’t Realize They’re Making On Dating Apps
Dating apps are a ubiquitous feature of modern romantic life, but no one really gives you a rule book on how to use them properly. Users take to Tinder or Bumble with a basic idea of the app’s functionality, but no real clue about how to present themselves in the best possible light and interact meaningfully with the humans whose profiles pop up in their queues.
No wonder, then, that so many men are using Tinder, Bumble and other dating apps of choice all wrong. From being undiscerning in their right-swiping to having blank bios to being unable to take rejection on the chin, most men are stumbling through the process and failing to make it work to their advantage. It doesn’t have to be this way, though: all of the most common dating app mistakes are easy to rectify, but first, you need to understand what you’re doing wrong. So, without further ado, here are 8 ways you’re using Tinder, Bumble, etc. all wrong:
1. Right Swiping Indiscriminately
A lot of men struggle to accrue matches on dating apps, and one misguided strategy guys use to get as many matches as possible is to swipe right on users’ profiles indiscriminately. That way, at least you’re guaranteeing that if a woman has swiped right on you, you’re not “throwing away” the match by swiping left. However, this tactic doesn’t make sense if you take a longer term view of the purpose of using a dating app, which is not just to accrue matches, but to accrue matches with people you might actually want to form some kind of relationship with. It pays to be at least a little bit selective — a good rule of thumb is that, if you wouldn’t want to actually go on a date with the user, don’t swipe right.
2. Not Reading Bios
Another common dating app mistake men make is not reading the bios of the women coming up in their queues. It’s fairly common for men to swipe through a woman’s photos and make a decision on that basis, which is a mistake for at least two reasons. The first is that, put simply, personality matters, and while you can get a little bit of a glimpse of someone’s personality from their photos, their bio is really your best bet for seeing how smart, funny and thoughtful they are. The second is that, by not reading the bio, you’re depriving yourself of potential gold opening lines: asking a question about something a match has mentioned in her bio is pretty much a guaranteed way to kick off the conversation in a positive way.
3. Having A Poor Selection Of Photos
This one should be obvious, but men are surprisingly bad at selecting photos for their profiles. Sometimes they’ll include only group photos, making it impossible for users to tell which one is actually them, and other times they’ll have only photos in which they’re wearing sunglasses, which means no one can really tell what they look like. Others simply choose bad, unflattering shots. To avoid this mistake, your best bet is to upload as many photos as your dating app of choice will allow, and include a range of shots: individual and with friends; close ups of your face and full body pics; selfies and non-selfies; and photos showing you engaged in a variety of activities.
4. Having A Bad Bio, Or None At All
We know, drafting a dating app bio is hard work. You have to distill your desirability into fewer than 500 words, and hit the sweet spot between being too brief and waffling on endlessly about yourself. No wonder, then, that so many men leave the “about you” section blank or fill it with cliched one-liners (“If you don’t look like your pictures you’re buying the drinks until you do”, and so on). A good bio can be the difference between a left or right swipe, though, so you definitely need to have one. Aim for between one and three sentences that sum up your best features and convey what you’re looking for in a woman, in as witty and thoughtful a manner as you can muster.
5. Making The Conversation Sexual Way Too Early
Even if you are on Tinder, Bumble or other dating apps just to find casual hookups, not everyone is in the same boat, and you may find yourself getting unmatched or blocked if you come on too strong after getting a match. Again, this one should be obvious, but loads of women report receiving opening lines on Tinder like, “great boobs” or “are you DTF?”. Tasteless, rude messages like these fail about as spectacularly to secure their intended objective as you’d imagine, so stick with more wholesome openers: even if it does turn out that you’re both after a hookup, it’s better that that comes up in a more organic way.
6. Being Too Picky
On the other end of the spectrum from the guys who are blindly swiping right like there’s no tomorrow are the ones who are overly choosy when it comes to potential dates. These are the guys that swipe as though they’re difficult-to-please modeling scouts, with bios that read like demanding wishlists of female qualities, e.g. “You should be fit, smart and able to hold a conversation. No dog filters or mirror selfies. I prefer redheads.” The woman of your dreams may just happen to find the dog filter funny, so avoid being overly narrow in your hunt for dates and keep your mind — and options — open.
7. Letting The Conversation Lose Momentum
Even if you’ve matched with someone cute and got the ball rolling with a great opening line, it’s still easy for the conversation to lose momentum if you’re not careful. Failing to ask questions about your match or move beyond the quotidian, “so, how has your day been?” level of small talk will likely mean you end up losing her interest. Bear in mind that women tend to accrue matches more easily than men do, and have inboxes full of men sending variations of messages like, “Hey! How are you?” and “So how was your day?”, so try to stand out by being engaging, asking thoughtful questions and putting a date on the table at the right moment.
8. Not Knowing When To Call It A Day
Every woman has a story about losing interest in a guy on Tinder or Bumble only to see her inbox fill up with futile attempts to re-start the conversation — and then another, and another, and, oh God, another — even when she’s long stopped replying. Pleading a series of “hey!”s into the void is not going to change her mind, so if your match has stopped replying to you, move on gracefully. You may have thought that the conversation was going well or be perplexed that she’s suddenly ghosted you, but unfortunately that’s part of dating life, and there’s nothing you can do about it except move on to the next, more enthusiastic match. Don’t waste any more of your own time.
It’s easy to make these 8 common mistakes on dating apps, and you may be feeling guilty or embarrassed about engaging in some of them yourself. Don’t worry about it too much, though: fortunately, there’s a simple fix for each one, and now that you’re aware of them, you can be confident you’ll be putting your best foot forward next time you start swiping. Steer clear of these common pitfalls, and you’ll be racking up the matches and dates in no time.
Nobody’s perfect, but it seems there are some mistakes that have more dire consequences on your love relationship than others. Make your marriage a success by avoiding these relationship traps.
Mistake 1: Trying To Change Your Partner
“If they love me enough, they’ll change to please me.” So many believe that they can and will change their partner. It’s only a matter of time. They say, “If he loves me enough, he’ll change that small thing to please me.” But to your partner, that “small thing” isn’t so small. Even if they do try to change to please you, very often they become resentful. “You don’t love me for myself, but for the person you want me to be,” they say. And it’s true. When you try to change them they feel you don’t really love them. You just want to turn them into someone to fill your needs.
Mistake 2: Feeling Like You’re A Failure In Relationships
When some people see that things aren’t working they become depressed. They start to feel as though they’re not loveable, that destiny is against them or that they will always be a failure in love. The truth is that you’re not a failure. You simple have not yet been taught important truths about relationships. Once you learn and practice new ideas and methods, you’ll be able to handle your life in a way you may have never thought possible.
Mistake 3: Believing You Have To Be “Good Enough” To Keep Their Love
Many feel they’re not “good enough”. They feel they have to turn into a pretzel to keep someone’s love. Recently a woman came to me and said, “I finally found a wonderful man but I’m miserable in the relationship. Everyday I worry that he’ll find out who I really am and leave.” This woman not only expected rejection, she actually did little things to bring it about. Soon she began to sabotage the relationship, finding fault with him at every turn. Although she didn’t realize it, she did this to feel better about herself. The truth is we can never earn another person’s love. The more we try the worse we feel. We must simply understand that who we truly are is entirely loveable. We must learn to make friends with ourselves.
Mistake 4: Rejecting Your Partner So They Can’t Do It First
Many reject their partners as protection individuals against being rejected themselves. The bottom line is these may not feel they deserve a relationship, they feel they can’t hold onto a partner because they haven’t accepted themselves.
Mistake 5: Believing Your Partner Should Read Your Mind, And Know What You Want Without Your “Communicating” Clearly
“If he/she really loved me, they’d know what I needed and give it to me.” Many believe that if their partners really loved them, they would read their minds. It wouldn’t be necessary to have to actually ask for what they wanted. This is one of the most serious mistakes people make in relationships. Without truthful, open, communication no relationship can flourish. Effective communication, however, can be a skill. And though you may feel that you have repeated yourself a thousand times, that YOU HAVE communicated. There are available communication techniques which, in and of themselves, can save your relationship. Not only is it necessary to know what you want, and to ask for it clearly (without producing guilt) — it is also necessary to be able to accept both yes and no.
Mistake 6: Believing It’s Your Partner’s Job To Make You Happy
Your partner is not there to meet all your needs. If he/she says no, it doesn’t mean he/she doesn’t love you. Some demands may be impossible to fulfill. It is not your partner’s job to make you happy. Your partner should be here to grow and share with you.You must learn to make yourself happy, and make others happy as well. Love is based upon communicating, consideration and giving. First, however, you must be happy with yourself, before another can make you happy.
Mistake 7: Believing It’s Hard To Get Him To Talk
“No matter what I do I can’t get him to talk, and I do not believe he is sharing all of his honest feelings with me.” Many women claim they can’t get men to talk. When time comes for intimate conversation guys clam up, offer a few grunts and expect women to magically understand what’s going on. Women feel shut out and men feel misunderstood. However, there is something women don’t realize. Men want to talk. Under the right conditions, they’ll talk all night long. Men desperately want to let others know what’s going on. However, something else many don’t realize is, men are more fragile than women. In order for them to talk, things have to be right. All that’s needed here is to learn how to create the right conditions, what is necessary for a man to feel safe enough with you to talk.
Mistake 8: Being Addicted To Fighting
Many couples keep relationships alive and exciting by fighting. When they see their partner upset, it reassures them that they care. Others have seen their parents fighting and this is the only role model they have. Some are addicted to the “high” they get out of fighting. A few crave the feeling of domination or control. Domination is not love. If it hurts, it is abuse, not love.
By Jade Seashell (contributor), author of “A Seductress’ Confession: How to leverage beauty and savor tantalizing pleasure”
Indeed, Mexican girls are hot – think about Eva Longoria – pretty and sexy. When many Western men are dating Mexican women, it would be valuable to point out a range of common mistakes made by these men, so that you can avoid making these big mistakes.
Mistake #1: Never look at her face without makeup.
Mexican women are extremely good at applying makeup. They are able to put on mascara while driving, and they can use a teaspoon to curl their eyelashes! You may be surprised to see Eva Longoria’s photos without makeup – she isn’t really that gorgeous when she has no makeup on her face. In fact, Eva Longoria looks like Cristiano Ronaldo when she doesn’t wear makeup. So you would be well-advised to take a look at your Mexican girl’s face when she wakes up in the morning, because that’s what she really looks like! If you meet a Mexican girl in the pub, she may look like an 8 or 9, although she is only a 5 or 6!
Mistake #2: Ignore healthy living.
Western men are very laid-back. Many Western men are into pizza and chips, and they keep this habit while dating Mexican girls. However, Mexican ladies are into healthy living – they are passionate about herbal tea, honey and diet! That sounds a bit New Age, but girls in Mexico are having fun with it. If you want to eat junk food while your Mexican girlfriend wants to eat vegetables, the relationship is probably not sustainable in the long run.
Mistake #3: Don’t understand Mexican dating culture.
It is true that Mexican girls are usually more submissive than western women. That’s because they were taught to respect men since a young age. In Mexico, women are supposed to be very respectful in front of men. However, if your Mexican girlfriend is very submissive, it doesn’t mean you are allowed to bully her. Don’t assume you can do whatever you want if your girlfriend is Mexican, because although she may listen to you and follow your guidance, she is probably thinking about how to exit the relationship already. If you have been the bully for quite a while, you’ll be surprised when your Mexican girlfriend tells you that she is leaving. So my advice is you should also respect your Mexican girl and don’t take her for granted, and don’t bully her simply because she is much more submissive than your ex-girlfriends.
Mistake #4: Assume that she should approach you simply because she is flirtatious.
Mexican ladies are very flirtatious and playful, indeed. Yet they are also traditional at the same time. Traditionally, men are supposed to approach women, so you should totally make the first move. Sending her flowers and chocolate is a nice gesture. Never assume that she should chase you because she is a flirtatious Mexican lady.
Mistake #5: Want to have sex too soon.
In countries such as the United States and Canada, dating means having sex fast. However, in Mexico, people want to build trust, love and connection first, and then they will consider having sex with the new partner. So if you want to have sex too soon, it may become a culture shock, because your Mexican girlfriend’s rejection might make you confused.
When many Western men are dating Mexican women, it would be valuable to point out a range of common mistakes made by these men, so that you can avoid making these big mistakes.
Mistake #6: Don’t have a vision or ambition.
In developed countries, a lot of men don’t really work as hard as men who live in developing countries, because those who live in a wealthy country don’t have to work too hard in order to live a good life. But Mexican women are turned on by ambitious men. As a matter of fact, all women like men who know where they want to be twenty years from now – this is especially true with women from developing countries like Mexico.
Mistake #7: Expect her to visit your city first.
You may expect your Mexican girl to visit you first if you’ve met her online. But that’s a big mistake, as you should show your sincerity by visiting her city first, and then she can visit you later on based on the principle of reciprocity. If you ask her to visit you first, she wouldn’t feel respected by you.
Mistake #8: Ignore your own looks.
The majority of Western men know nothing about fashion. Because Western men are very relaxed, they tend to ignore their own looks. But if you are dating a Mexican lady, you’d better pay more attention to your looks, as she will check you out from head to toe. Mexican women want their men to be presentable and decent, so please don’t neglect your fashion. Also, Mexican girls are very fashion-conscious themselves, so you need to dress well, too.
Mistake #9: Don’t learn Spanish.
Mexican ladies are proud of their language and culture, so if you are in love with a Mexican girl, you probably should impress her by speaking some Spanish. If you don’t want to speak Spanish at all, she may feel slightly offended because she wants to feel important (national identity and cultural identity are very important to her).
Mistake #10: Want casual relationships with Mexican girls.
Unlike women from Western countries such as the United States and Australia, Mexican women are less likely to be your casual sex partner, because Mexican people are generally more traditional and they value family – they want to get married and start a family. Yet many Western men only want to have casual relationships with Mexican ladies, which is a big mistake – women from Mexico are usually not interested in casual relationships because they want to be cherished and loved in a sustainable way.
In conclusion, ladies from Mexico are one of the best in Latin America – they are outgoing, fun, traditional, well-mannered and sexy. Now you’ve understood the common mistakes made by western men dating Mexican women, so hopefully you’ll keep the content of this article and refer to it when necessary.
By Elizabeth Stone — Written on Apr 30, 2019
Lately, I’ve noticed some deeper reasons why women struggle with attracting a good man and keeping healthy relationships going for the long-term.
Sometimes the best dating tips and advice come not only from knowing what you should do in order to get a guy to like you and fall in love with you, but also from taking a long, hard look at the biggest, most common mistakes you — and lots of smart, wonderful women just like you — make all too frequently with men.
If you see yourself on this list, don’t worry, it’s all fixable and I’ve been there too.
Here are eight sneaky mistakes women make with men:
1. You hate being single.
There is a difference between genuinely wanting to enjoy a relationship and feeling as though you’re secretly doomed if you’re not coupled up.
The problem with really wanting a relationship is that it gives off a needy vibe that guys perceive as “it doesn’t matter if she really likes ME, she just wants someone.”
This needy energy puts him in the driver’s seat and kills the opportunity to win you over with the chase.
If you’re already in a relationship, not being comfortable with your own company will cause you to settle for situations that are wrong for you because being alone is scarier than anything else.
That brings me to the next point .
2. You think a man will bring you happiness.
Relationships are not the cure-all for your happiness problem.
While romantic love is one of the most beautiful, transformative experiences there is — expecting a man to make you happy is simply unrealistic.
Knowing how to be happy with your life just the way it is already is a huge secret to attracting a good man. People are magnetically drawn to happy people.
Because people get this backwards so often, they don’t understand why they fail to attract love. You have to be happy first, then the love and relationship can come into your life.
3. You’re too eager to have children or merge a family.
Finding a family man who wants to have children or parent yours (if you’re a single mother) is an amazing thing. And, it is definitely NOT WRONG to want children. You are absolutely entitled to what you want your life to look like.
The problem is that when women look for a man to have a family with, sometimes they come off like that’s way more important than falling in love and having a good relationship.
Marriage and children are high stakes concepts — so when men meet a woman who’s so focused on the family and less on what he’s like, it is a complete turnoff.
I understand why this happens.
If you’re in your 30’s, want children, and are single, the clock is ticking for healthy biological children. If you’re a single mother, you cherish your children and want to meet someone who would be good with them.
Either way, the pressure to meet a family friendly man can be big.
The problem happens when women pass this pressure unto men — even when they don’t mean to.
Sometimes women try to “cut to the chase” and ask a man if he wants a family right away. Sometimes women try to figure out whether or not a man might be open to marriage without really getting to know him first.
While not wanting to waste time makes sense on paper, in reality, it makes the man in front of you bolt.
Also, wanting the same things is important. However, these are not topics to discuss on the first few dates when you’re getting to know someone before you’ve both even figured out if there’s a mutual attraction.
4. You’re too independent.
I was raised to be capable. It took me awhile to learn that “capable” doesn’t mean “don’t accept anyone’s ideas” or “you always know better” or “treat that man like he’s hired help while he hangs those shelves.”
Independence is awesome, but keep in mind that bossy is not.
As a recovering control freak, I can vouch that expecting everything to be just-so will kill a man’s attraction to you faster than you can say “put that over there.”
5. You make a man the center of your world.
All of the great stuff that comes along with relationship is wonderful.
If you give up your dreams, hobbies, and passions to spend more time with a man, eventually you will feel the pain of losing yourself.
He will notice that your emotional world revolves around him — and this is too much responsibility for anyone.
Sooner or later, resentment will bloom and damage your relationship.
You don’t have to sell out for love, quite the opposite. Hold strong to what you really like. If there is one big, fat, major regret I have about my failed relationships, it’s the times I compromised on what I love for a love.
Never make a man your hobby, your dream or your goal.
It will hurt you in ways you can’t even imagine right now. There is nothing more attractive than the way someone’s eyes light up when they’re talking about their individual passions. Never compromise that for anyone.
6. You hold undercover negative beliefs about men.
Sneaky negativity about men is a huge reason why men are turned off by women who they would otherwise find really attractive.
If you’ve gotten your heart broken a few times and/or had a shaky relationship with your father, it can be difficult to trust and understand men.
This leads to the excruciating, catch-22 position of wanting to attract a good man but not really believing that it’s possible.
If you think that all men want is sex or that they can’t stay faithful, you will manifest exactly those situations!
Liking men is essential to attracting a good man and keeping him long-term. Men can sense when you don’t trust them, and it kills all attraction to you.
How do you like men when you have been hurt?
Start noticing all of the times when men do things you appreciate. Keep in mind that guys are just individuals, like members of any other group. Some are bad news and some are wonderful — like women.
Do your best to stop generalizing. It will do wonders for the quality of men you attract into your life.
7. You chase him down.
I’ve written before about how to get men to chase you, but it bears repeating that if you want a masculine energy man who will pursue you and cherish your feelings, it has to be his idea.
I know how hard it is to sit back and wait for. well. anything. but patience is essential if you want the kind of love that lasts.
From now on, you don’t need closure, to know “why he wasn’t interested” or anything else. Gracefully let dead relationships die and the cream to float to the surface.
Relationship Therapist, Clinical Sexologist and Founder of Relationup, an online relationship community
Forget the “rules” about dating. There are no hard and fast rules for getting to know someone better, but there are some easy mistakes you can avoid to ensure you won’t send him off and running or give her the cold shoulder and lose your chances with someone great. According to data collected from Relationup, an app that provides live, anonymous relationship advice, 68% of their users seeking advice about new relationships want help managing the beginning phase of the relationship.
Here are five common mistakes people make in the dating process, why they don’t work, and some tips for how to overcome them.
Over- or under-texting. If all you want to do is send texts to your crush all day long, let’s face it: you might be needy. You come alive with the intensity of a new relationship and may need a lot of reassurance, but over-texting isn’t going to help. Send too much too fast can easily overwhelm the receiver. Their desire to text may not match yours, which can lead you to overanalyze the situation and worry. However, if you tend to be guarded and don’t want to show your cards too quickly, step up and make sure that you reciprocate and initiate some texts as well. If you don’t respond or send a few flirts here and there, you may come across aloof and give the impression that you’re not as interested as you really are.
Rushing into things after a hook-up. More and more, hook-ups are becoming a common way to meet someone. Sometimes, that one-night stand results in the couple never having contact again. However, some hook-ups mark the beginning of a budding relationship. Remember, physical intimacy doesn’t mean you are necessarily close and connected. Following a single fling, take time to get to know the other person and see what direction it takes, if any.
Replacing live conversations with texts. Don’t fight or make apologies over texts. Texts are too ambiguous and misinterpretations can easily happen. Do the old-fashioned thing and pick up the phone (if you were texting, it’s already in your hand) and even leave a message if you have to. The tone of your voice helps set a context for what you are saying. Your humility, sincerity and willingness to work through a problem will come through when you talk to each other directly and repairing any damage made will be quick and painless.
Ignoring your inner voice. If you’re wondering whether you’ve got enough in common, are truly attracted or have chemistry, most likely, this is a sign that you and your partner aren’t compatible. Be careful not to discount red flags and doubts just because it feels so good to be in the throes of passion. You may waste time in a sub-par relationship trying to make something work that just won’t.
Worrying about exclusivity and commitment. It is common at the beginning of a relationship for people to be dating multiple partners. Online profiles are not shut down until a person knows that he or she wants to be exclusive. Until committed, Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat accounts might be frequented by old flames or friends with benefits (and maybe even after you’re Facebook-official). Assume that the person you’re going out with is seeing others. Try and be easygoing about needing exclusivity or initiating a commitment discussion too early. Manage your anxiety and do your best to cope with uncertainty while you are seeing where this goes.
Whether you’ve just hooked up or you’re a few dates in, recognize that the beginnings of a relationship aren’t easy. Making snap judgments about a person or fantasizing wildly about walking down the aisle are normal, but may not help you if you act on them.
Keep the above tips in mind and try to stay cool about your feelings. Remember, you are just getting to know each other and not everyone is going to be a perfect match. That’s why it’s so special when you find “the one.”
Etiquette expert Myka Meier outlines the ten bad habits you need to break asap.
You may think your manners are on point, but you could be making a gaffe without even knowing it. Just in time for peak wedding season and a social calendar full of summer dinner parties, etiquette expert Myka Meier outlines the top ten etiquette faux pas you don’t even realize you’re making.
1. Never shake hands while seated. If someone walks up to your table, do not extend a hand while sitting. Always stand—no matter your gender!
2. Regarding the cheek kiss: It’s one kiss (right cheek to right cheek) in America. If you travel to Europe, it can be two, or even three, depending on the country.
3. The guest of honor at an event always sits the right of the host or hostess.
4. The French don’t say bon appétit at the beginning of a meal, and neither should we! Instead try “please enjoy.” The commonly misused phrase has a physical connotation in France, meaning “hope you digest everything okay” instead of wishing guests an enjoyable meal.
5. Regardless of whether it contains wine or water, if a glass has a stem, that is where you should hold it.
6. Soup should always be scooped away from you.
7. At the end of a meal, your napkin should be pinched in the middle and is placed to the left of your plate to signify that you are finished.
8. Other than marital or religious jewelry, diamonds should only be worn after 6 p.m.
9. When you send out an invitation, never say “please RSVP” because that phrasing is redundant. RSVP stands for répondez s’il vous plaît, which means “Please respond,” so the “please” is already included.
10. If you need to leave a room, simply say “please excuse me,” never “pardon me.” Asking for a pardon is reserved for service staff.
Even though most guys think they know how to text girls in order to build attraction and interest, many of them regularly commit simple mistakes that end up murdering any attracting the girl might have had.
The worst part is, these are simple mistakes that could easily be avoid. In fact, there are 3 very common, yet very deadly mistakes that guys often make.
I’m going to tell you what they are and also how to fix them. See if you are guilty of some of these pitfalls and make sure to very do them again.
Deadly Text Game Mistake #1: NOT Waiting Until You Get A Reply Before Sending Her More Texts
You should never send a girl multiple text messages without her first replying back to your original message. The only exception is when your first message did not get delivered and your phone gives you an error message.
Other than that, you should ALWAYS wait until she respond to your first text before you bombard her in box with more messages.
Because not doing so only communicate to her that you are needy and desperate. Just like so many of the lovable losers that she’d interacted with in the past.
This is a huge TURN OFF for women!
It lowers your value and gives her power over you. The more you keep texting her without her replying, the more it becomes apparent that she is the prize and you are just begging to talk to her.
Just remember, you just met this girl. Don’t give her the impression that you are already picking out the wedding dress.
Deadly Text Game Mistake #2: Making Your First Text To Her BORING
The first text message to a girl you just met is the most important text you will ever send her. This is the text that will mostly determine whether she respond back to you, so don’t make it boring!
Most guys make the first message they send out look like this:
“Hi, this is John from the club last night. I just wanted to say Hi, and that I really enjoy meeting you. blah blah blah.”
Don’t do that! It’s boring and, worse, it doesn’t compel her to respond back.
Here is a sad truth that you must understand.
You Are NOT Special To Her!
OK, maybe I didn’t have to scream. Sorry about that.
But listen, the truth is, the girl (especially if she’s hot) probably gave her numbers out to a bunch of different guys last night (girls do that.) So sending some vanilla text message is not going to make her remember you. And if she doesn’t remember you, she won’t reply!
Instead you should say something attention grabbing that also relates to the time when you met her. Something like.
“Man what was the deal with that crazy guy on the dance floor last night?! I think he gave me a black eye – John”
“Oh my god. I just realized who you look like. “
Girls are VERY interested in their looks and this statement is sure to peak her interest.
Also, by bring up something funny or interesting that happened last night, you not only remind her who you are but also pull her back to the emotional state that she was in when she met you (and having fun.) This is a very powerful technique and very important for building attraction (more on this in other articles.)
Deadly Text Game Mistake #3: Sending Texts That Are Too FORMAL
Remember, you are trying to hook up with this girl, not audit her taxes. So don’t send her messages like.
“Dear Stacey, I’m really glad we had a chance to talk last night and I had a very pleasant time. “
Instead, talk to her like you two are already friends. Be playful, teasing, and fun. Don’t be afraid to use slang, misspellings, and choppy sentences. (The obvious exception would be if she is foreign or is highly educated and is turned by bad grammar and slang.)
For example, a normal text like, “How is your day going?” could be said in a more fun and less formal way like.
“Hey! Man, I think I just had the weirdest day of my life. Yours must be pretty crazy, i bet.”
This message also serve to arouse her curiosity and make her wonder what was so weird about your day.
Remember our ultimate goal is to escalate the texts to this girl to a sexual level so it’s best to start off with a playful tone, rather than a formal one.
Now you might be thinking that you’d never make these stupid mistakes, but I can’t tell you how many guys I’ve seen repeatedly make these text game mistakes and.
Destroy Their Chances To Sleep With So Many Hot Girls
Don’t make the same mistakes. The pitfalls that I’ve mentioned might sound simple but by avoid them, you can double or triple your chances with a girl.
Also, here’s something else that will double your chances of sleeping with the hot, sexy girl of your dream.
Head over to http://howtoflirtwithagirlovertext.org read the rest of my free articles and trainings I’ve posted.
They will teach you everything you need to know about how to text girls.
A writer, editor, and YouTuber who likes to share about technology and lifestyle tips. Read full profile
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When a relationship goes wrong it’s usually because both parties are to blame. You may have read otherwise but when one person does something wrong it inspires bad behavior in the other person and vice versa. To all of the men out there, you can’t change people but you can fix the issues that you’re causing and hope that it motivates your partner to fix theirs too. Here are some of the biggest relationship mistakes most men make.
1. You don’t give her enough gifts
This is a common one. After a while it’s hard to drive up the motivation to get your partner something special. Money may be tight or you may not think about it anymore because you have slid into that routine that all couples get into eventually. There is absolutely no point in any relationship where the woman or man in your life doesn’t like getting something nice.
2. You give her the wrong gifts
It’s just as bad to give her the wrong gifts. It is a frequent occurrence that men will get their partner a gift that the man actually wants but wants to disguise it as a gift for her or for both of them. After a very short period of time (if you’re paying attention) you will know what kind of stuff she likes. Stay within those defined lines unless otherwise notified. If she likes cloths and shoes and you buy her a pool tarp, you are doing it wrong.
3. You don’t understand her
People are like snowflakes. They are all different and that makes them infinitely more difficult to understand. That makes this a more common problem than many men will admit. If you’re having problems figuring her out then you should probably sit down and ask her some questions. If you’ve been trying this long and have failed, it’s probably not a good idea to base your relationship on the idea that you’ll eventually just understand her.
4. You’re scared or intimidated by her
Don’t get us wrong. Women can be scary. They can be very scary. That doesn’t mean that they’ll sit there and take you being scared of them. When you’re in a relationship, you’re in a partnership. If the woman feels like you’re only around because you’re too scared to do what you really want then she’ll get rid of you and find someone who isn’t afraid to show her how he feels.
5. You put something else before her
This is pretty self-explanatory. No person ever likes it when their significant other puts work, another person, or anything else before them. You had better believe she has a running tally of how many times you’ve blown off a dinner date because of work or because of your friends. We’re not saying you can’t have a job, friends, or interests but when push comes to shove you’d better make sure she knows she matters the most.
6. You don’t pay enough attention to her feelings
When a woman in a relationship is angry, she may not show it like a normal person. If she’s jealous, suspicious, or otherwise unhappy then you’re looking at pretty much the same predicament. Unfortunately it’s your job to figure it out because what she’s doing is essentially testing you. If you notice that something is off you are rewarded with her telling you the problem and giving you and opportunity to fix it. If you let it go, she’ll do the same to you.
7. You pay way too much attention to her feelings
If you’re asking her what the problem is every other day or every day then you’re probably looking too far into things. It’s touching and sweet at first but rest assured it’ll start getting annoying. Soon her problem will be you and we both know what happens when you’re the problem in a relationship.
8. You don’t inspire trust
As far as I’m concerned, this is the most important item on the list. If you can’t get her to trust you then you have messed up pretty bad. The rest of these are issues that are easily overcome but trust is something that’ll likely be lost forever. It’s a fragile feeling and it’s easy to shatter trust. It doesn’t have to be cheating or outward lying either. If you’re sending messages to another woman on Facebook and they could even remotely be construed as suggestive, then you better hope she never finds out. If she does, it’s game over. The best way to inspire trust and the best way to maintain it is to simply not do anything that could destroy it.
9. You’re too clingy or wishy washy
Women love a man who is around frequently but if you’re attached to her hip she’s going to learn to dislike it when you’re around. If she wanted an animal that hugged her leg all day long she’d have kids or get a dog. She needs a partner and especially one that knows how to give her space when she needs it. Also, don’t be too wishy washy. If you have to ask if you’re being too wishy washy then you’re probably being too wishy washy. You can love someone without turning into a total pansy.
10. You don’t talk to her enough
One of the reasons you’re even in a relationship is so you don’t have to go through life alone. If you’re not talking to your partner then why do you have one? Sit down on a frequent basis and talk to the woman. Ask her about her day, tell her about your dreams, and discuss things you guys have in common. She’s not just a person you have sex with, she’s your best friend and partner in crime. If the communication is weak then the relationship is weak.
Now women, a lot of these can apply to you too. Getting your man that pink, Hello Kitty t-shirt may be fun for you but he has to go out in public in that thing. Sending even remotely suggestive messages to that guy on Facebook and hiding it from your man can inspire just as much distrust as when he does it to you. Frankly, we probably could have taken the gender identifier out of this and made it the relationship mistakes that everyone makes. However, this is for you men out there. If you have a problem, fix it and hope that it encourages your partner to do the same.
Eye contact is vital during a conversation, is a skill that can be developed and can be used to make presentations stronger. Explore some common mistakes that are made with eye contact.
Communication mistakes occur regularly. Statements can be taken out of context; what is said might be misheard; or body language can send an unintended message. Did you know that a person can communicate with their eyes and never say a word? Our eyes show emotion, build connections and indicate interest. Communication mistakes can even happen when using eye contact.
Have you thought about eye contact as a skill? If you are an adult, you already know that using appropriate eye contact can be difficult, so it’s important to help youth think about eye contact as a skill they can continue to work on. Since eye contact can be tied to so many life skills, it’s important for our youth to practice and learn about eye contact as a communication skill. Consider for a moment using eye contact to show empathy, concern for others, to manage feelings or to help with communication. Those are all life skills that youth will develop as they mature into successful adults.
We already know from part one and part two of this article series that eye contact is vital during a conversation because it’s a mode of communication that shows emotion or interest. Likewise, each time a youth talks to a judge, reads minutes of a meeting out loud or provides a how-to demonstration, that youth is presenting. Presentation skills, like eye contact, can be tricky. Because such skills can be tricky, we will explore some common mistakes in eye contact communication and how to remedy those mistakes.
The Conversation Aid website is a great tool that explores many facets of communication. One of the greatest mistakes in eye contact is staring. They suggest the following tips to help maintain good eye contact without staring:
- Use the 50/70 rule. To maintain appropriate eye contact without staring, you should maintain eye contact for 50 percent of the time while speaking and 70% of the time while listening. This helps to display interest and confidence.
- Maintain it for 4-5 seconds. Once you establish eye contact, maintain or hold it for 4-5 seconds. After this time passes, you can slowly glance to the side and then go back to establishing eye contact.
- Think about where you’re looking. Maintaining eye contact is easy because you’re looking at the other person. However, when you look away, do it slowly without darting your eyes. This can make you look shy or nervous. And don’t look down; remember to look from side-to-side. Looking down can give the appearance that you lack confidence.
- Establish eye contact right away. Before you begin talking, establish eye contact. Don’t look down or look at something before you begin speaking. Establish eye contact right away and then begin talking.
- Listening with your eyes is important too: Remember the 70 percent rule (you should maintain eye contact for 70 percent of the time while listening)? Communication happens with your eyes while you’re listening just as much as when you’re talking. Remember that while you’re listening and maintaining eye contact, you should smile, open your face and look interested.
- Practice. Eye contact will come easy to some, but if it doesn’t for you, it’s okay to practice until you become confident. You can look at an eyebrow or the space between the eyes and mouth. You can also practice with yourself in the mirror.
This article is the third and last in a series of articles that examined eye contact in communication. Remember that eye contact is a skill and it often takes time and practice to fine-tune our skills.
This article was published by Michigan State University Extension. For more information, visit https://extension.msu.edu. To have a digest of information delivered straight to your email inbox, visit https://extension.msu.edu/newsletters. To contact an expert in your area, visit https://extension.msu.edu/experts, or call 888-MSUE4MI (888-678-3464).
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Do you scare guys away?
“Not a chance,” you may be thinking to yourself.
“The only thing I’m doing wrong is going after jerks who blow me off.”
Hmmmm. Are you sure about that?
Not every guy who breaks up with you, fails to call after a few dates, or doesn’t reciprocate your interest is a “bad guy.
And chalking his actions up as some sort of personality defect or deep-seated issue on his part actually ends up undermining you and your success with men.
Isn’t it preferable to figure out what we are doing to sabotage our chance at relationship happiness?
Yet it’s not always easy to be self-reflective when it comes to dating and relationships.
It’s often more comfortable to shirk personal accountability and point your finger at the guy who, in your opinion, treated you badly.
However, if your dating resume is a lackluster chronology of short-lived romances and potential relationships which never came to fruition, it’s time to assess whether you are (at least partly) to blame.
So if you are ready to accept responsibility for your love life, take a look below at five common behaviors which cause men to flee.
When we discover what we’re doing wrong, it becomes much easier to figure out how to do it right.
1. Being High Maintenance
Do you come across as snobby, demanding, or hard to please on dates? Do you expect men to do things for you and fail to show genuine appreciation
Does your online dating profile contain a laundry list of what you are looking for and what you won’t accept in a guy?
If so, congrats. You are officially high maintenance.
When a man encounters a high-maintenance woman, he believes he is doomed to fail.
In his mind, nothing he does will ever be enough to keep her happy. And so he’ll move on to a woman he feels he can satisfy.
2. Being Clingy
Have you ever met a guy and fallen hard and fast?
Maybe you became certain he was “the one” and so you stuck to him like crazy glue.
You needed to know where he was at all times, how he felt about you, and where your relationship was going.
And when he seemed cold, ambivalent, or aloof, it made you crazy, didn’t it?
Smothering behavior is the ultimate turn-off to a man and attaching too quickly will almost certainly cause him to pull away.
Men want a woman who has a spirit of independence and a full life – whether or not he’s in the picture.
When he knows you can live without him, he begins to think that maybe he won’t be able to live without you.
3. Being an Open Book
Have you ever heard that men like women who are mysterious?
If so, you’ve probably wondered what it takes to be seen as a “mysterious” woman.
Does it require you to be deceptive or misleading?
Does it mean he’ll never know who you truly are?
If you want to be “mysterious,” you simply have to wait a bit before sharing your innermost thoughts and secrets.
Women who reveal themselves slowly – and as men earn their trust – are mysterious.
On the converse, if you are the queen of “TMI,” he will not see you as “mysterious.”
Tell him – on the first couple of dates – about the work you’ve been doing with your therapist, how you have “daddy issues,” or every horrific detail of your last relationship and watch him yell for the check and make a beeline for the exit.
4. Being Overly Eager
I often like to tell women they shouldn’t start acting like a girlfriend before they are actually his girlfriend.
In fact, engaging in “girlfriend behavior” – cooking for him, giving him lots of compliments, or booking up his calendar with activities and events – usually prevents him from wanting you to be his girlfriend.
You may think you’re showing him how you feel. He’ll think you seem desperate.
In the beginning, it’s important to relax and let him set the pace.
Allow him the opportunity to step up and show you how much he’s prepared to invest in you.
When you let him be the one to move things along, you’ll be much more certain of how he truly feels about you.
5. Being Superficial
Of course men want to be with women they find attractive.
However, if all you have to offer is a pretty face and a hot body, your relationships will not live long after the initial attraction.
If you believe men should treat you well simply because you’re good looking, you’re setting yourself up for heartbreak.
I’ve often found it interesting that many of the most beautiful women I’ve known could rarely sustain a long-term relationship.
They bounced from man to man for most of their young-adult lives.
And as they grew older and their looks began to fade, their dating pool became smaller and smaller. It’s sad, really.
In a similar fashion, it shouldn’t be superficial qualities which draw you to him either.
When you make it loudly known that you’re extremely impressed with his Rolex and BMW, you come off as a potential gold digger.
Sure, a player who cultivates a flashy lifestyle in order to get chicks will love it. But a quality man does not want a woman who is overly interested in what he can provide.
To learn more about how to fix a big mistake with a man, I recommend Mimi Tanner’s program, Man Mistake Eraser.
Mimi explains exactly what to do when you mess up with a man and how to get a man’s interest back, even if he has been ignoring you.
She has a bonus report in that package called, “The Serious Talk: When You Want To Ask Him Where This Relationship Is Going” which goes over exactly how to talk with a man about commitment. Her understanding of male psychology is really incredible.
ET spells out the common financial mistakes made by women. And what women, and even men, can do to rectify them.
The latest study by recruitment firm Monster.com said a woman earns Rs 73 for every Rs 100 a male colleague makes in a similar role for the same job. Most will see this as a gender disparity issue, but it has huge financial implications too.
While earnings are less, the cost of living for men and women is the same.You don’t get a discount on your rent for being a woman and the government doesn’t give you a higher taxbreak either. So, the propensity to save is less. Moreover, a woman is expected to take more breaks to care for children and family and therefore, has smaller savings in employment-linked schemes such as the EPF.
“It’s a vicious cycle,“ says Priya Sunder, director of PeakAlpha Investment Services. “They earn less than men and hence tend to be conservative with their investments.Being conservative eats into the returns, pushing them deeper into a downward financial spiral,” says Sunder. On the other hand, she has a longer life expectancy, making her economic position difficult.
The situation gets worse because of the mistakes women tend to make.They avoid financial decisions letting men take the lead, have no experience in handling investments, quit jobs losing financial independence and do not care to create their own wealth.
Not actively participating
Women are in-charge of the household budget managing the cash flow.You may think financial decision making and planning should come naturally to them. However, its not.While they may be experts in daily money management, when it comes to investments and asset building, suddenly the power balance changes.Financial planners say women start playing a more supportive role and the men take the lead. “Women tend to avoid investment-related decisions because there is a fear of going wrong and being answerable for it, especially if the primary earning member is the man,” says Bhuvana Shreeram, a Mumbai-based certified financial planner. A huge mistake. Ceding financial responsibilities can be disastrous for women simply because they are likely to outlive their spouses.
Unless you start educating yourself and practise handling a portfolio, it will be baptism by fire in case of an eventuality. Step one to close the knowledge gap is simply to communicate with your spouse.
If you think you need formal training to gain confidence, there are free online courses and workshops to attend as well. You can also play around with a dummy-portfolio. This will educate you in basics and help you take the first step.
What men can do
She is smart. All she needs is some encouragement and a seat at the table when you are meeting your financial planner. Keeping each other clued in and deciding on goals together can make both spouses financially more secure and avoid leaving one spouse in the dark after a death or divorce.
Not staying in the game
A woman is expected to take a break and tend to the family . While there is no harm in taking a break, child care or caregiving should not lead to career atrophy . Many women tend not to rejoin the workforce after a career break leading to a huge dent in financial independence and security. “When women take breaks, even forced savings in terms of PF contribution come to a halt. All of this leaves them financially vulnerable,” says Sunder.
A working woman can deal with a financial mishap -loss of income, death or divorce -better than than someone who is not employed. “We see cases where women get tied down to unhappy marriages because they do not have the financial security to leave,“ adds Sunder. So make sure it’s a break and not an end to your career.
Good news is that juggling work and family is becoming easier with workfrom-home and flexi-hour options.But choosing to take a longer break or opting for a freelance work may mean taking a pay cut.
What men can do
Babysitting on Sundays or helping with the daily chores is not enough.Instead, may be you can help her rewrite her resume, find her a course to update her knowledge and introduce her to relevant people and help her network better
Not building assets of your own
Managing daily expenses and being able to invest in jewellery is not enough. It certainly doesn’t make you independent unless you own assets and have an investment portfolio. And by building assets, we mean your own and not what you helped your spouse to build. Joint ownership is fine but make sure it is legally so.
“Since expenses were taken care of by the women, she did not focus on savings. Nor are the assets in her name leaving her penniless,“ says Sunder.Joint ownership should be maintained for all financial assets like bank accounts and investment portfolio.This is to ensure you always have a fair share and equal say .
What men can do
Discuss with your financial planner to make sure they have considered your spouse outliving you in the retirement plan calculation. Also, make sure you write a Will that clearly defines her share and makes provision for her when you are gone.
Robert’s Rules For Dummies
Robert’s Rules are designed to facilitate the transaction of business by your group, not to hinder it. If you’re going to be effective in meetings, you need to know the right вЂ” and wrong вЂ” ways to use parliamentary motions.
The following list clues you in to the more frequent and obvious places where some members reveal their tenuous grasp on Robert’s Rules of Order:
Speaking without recognition: It’s a mistake to make just about any motion without first being recognized by the chair. Rise and address the chair (“Mr. President” or “Madam Chairman”) and seek recognition in proper form.
Moving to “Table!”: Many people think tabling a motion is tantamount to killing it, but the motion to Lay on the Table is used to set a pending motion aside temporarily in order to take up something else more pressing or urgent. If you want to kill a main motion, you move to Postpone Indefinitely.
Calling the question: When members get tired of hearing the same arguments go back and forth on a pending motion, inevitably somebody calls out, “Question!” or “I call the question!” Your presiding officer may take the opportunity to tell the members that calling the question actually requires a formal motion from a member after being recognized by the chair. Generally, the presiding officer waits until it’s clear no one else wants to speak to the issue; calling out “Question” without first obtaining the floor is just plain rude.
Tabling it until next month: This is yet another misuse of the word table. What the member who makes this proposal really wants to do is to Postpone to a Certain Time, not Lay on the Table.
The order of precedence and the rules covering whether the motion is debatable, amendable, and so forth make distinguishing motions important.
“Reconsidering” a vote: Under Robert’s Rules, reconsider has a very specific meaning sometimes at odds with the word’s meaning in general usage. In a meeting run under Robert’s Rules, you can reconsider only with respect to a decision made in the current meeting (or on the next day, if the session lasts more than one day).
Requesting a point of information: Some people think this motion means they can get the floor to give information. In reality, a point of information is made to enable the member to request information, not to give him an opportunity to speak again!
Offering friendly amendments: Most everybody has encountered a well-intended member who offers, “I want to make a friendly amendment.” But the fact is, when a motion is on the floor, the maker of the motion no longer owns it. Any motion to amend a main motion depends upon the acceptance of the assembly, not the person who made the original motion.
Offering a friendly amendment is really patronizing. The best thing to do is to simply get recognition of the chair, move your amendment, and tell the membership why you’re offering the amendment.
Making a motion to accept or receive reports: Except in some specific situations, motions to accept or receive reports after they’re presented shouldn’t be entertained. Instead, the chair should simply thank the reporting member and go on to the next item of business.
Sometimes, a report contains recommendations or suggests the need for the group to take some specific action. In those cases, the presiding officer states the question on the motion that arises from the report, not on whether to adopt the recommendations contained in the report, and not on whether to receive, adopt, or accept the report.
Dispensing with the minutes: You don’t want to dispense with the minutes; you want to dispense with the reading of the minutes. Minutes must be approved in order to become the official record of the assembly’s action. Dispense with their reading if you must, but ask for corrections and approve them at some point in order to have a complete and official record of your meetings.
Wasting breath on “I so move”: If you just say, “I so move,” in response to the presiding officer saying, “The chair will entertain a motion to take a recess,” for example, you haven’t actually made a motion.
When you make a motion, propose your action as exactly and specifically as you can. Leave no doubt as to what it is you’re asking the membership to agree to.
A user’s manual for tri virgins
For many of us, threesomes are the kind of sexploits that only happen in the movies. But they don’t have to be permanently relegated to the realm of fantasy. With a little forethought and planning, you can make a three-way tryst a very sexy reality. Here’s how.
If you’re a single woman, Morse suggests dating sites, like Plenty of Fish, where couples may be looking for a third. The same goes for CraigsList—although she warns that you might find lots of weirdos, so you’ll want to FaceTime or, better yet, meet them in a public place in person first. Other sites like FetLife and 3nder are also worth checking out. Another option is to go to your local sex toy store and talk to someone there, says Morse. You can ask the owners or clerks about what goes on in the community and probably find some fliers for parties or clubs.
Keep in mind that whether it’s two women and a man or two men and a woman is entirely up to you as an individual or as a couple, although female-female-male is more common because guys tend to be less open-minded about including another man. That being said, a woman should never cave in just because her partner is pushing his preference. “It should never be a quid pro quo,” says Morse. “You should want to do it.”
Watch men and women spill the honest truth about exactly what they think about cheating:
If that goes well, then you can think about making a more direct ask. “Keep it light, and keep it fun,” says Morse. A simple, “Hey, my partner and I think you’re fun and you’re cool. We want to have a threesome, and we think you’d be a good time. Is that something you’d be open to?” should do the trick. If you know the person, make it clear that you don’t want the friendship to change. If it’s a stranger or someone you connected with online, take some time to get to know each other first. Hang out to see if you’re attracted to the person and could trust them.
But don’t worry too much about making the big ask. The person on the receiving end will be flattered, no matter what.
(And don’t think making a certain activity off-limits will make your threesome worse, says Morse. “It can be really thrilling to have a threesome without penetration.”)
If you’re in a relationship, you and your partner may also want to designate a safe word or phrase you can use in case things veer off course. “I need to get some water” or “I’m thirsty” are both good options. You should also tell the third person to speak up if he or she is ever uncomfortable.
Massage is also a great gateway to intimacy. Emily & Tony massage candles turn into a luxurious oil when blown out. You can use them to give a relaxing body rub that will seamlessly set the mood.
As for good positions to try, Morse suggests the guy lie on his back and enjoy oral sex from one woman while the other woman straddles his face so he can perform oral on her. Or have one woman lie on her back as the other woman lies on top of her. Then, the guy can enter the woman on top doggy style while the women touch one another. Another option: Arrange yourselves in a circle, and go down on each other.
“There are so many places to put our hands, our genitals, our mouths,” says Morse. “If you have a free hand or tongue, just get in there.”
If it ever seems like one party is left out, reach over and start playing with that person. This will help them get back in on the action.
Compliment her. Compliment her. COMPLIMENT HER.
Life is short. You should definitely make out (or more!) on the first date. But how! you ask. Like so many things in this cruel world, first-date-kissing-initiative can be an anxiety-provoking experience, especially for two women. We don’t have those weird heteronormative rules about who should make the first move.
Once you’ve gone on enough dates with women, you’ll realize the first kiss thing is really no sweat. It’s actually really easy and natural! Yay girls! But if you’re anxious like me, you’ll still agonize over it. No amount of successful first date hookups can take away the awkwardness of the initiation. Lucky for you, I’m gonna break this shit down into a cute little list:
1) Compliments, compliments, compliments!
Compliments make me purr like a kitten. And they work both ways! Usually, all my brain can process on a date is you’re so sexy you’re so sexy you’re so sexy. So I just say it out loud! It’s simple. It’s effective. If someone tells me I’m sexy, I’m immediately thinking of sex (as if I hadn’t been already.) Give a genuine compliment. Make eye contact. Lean in. See? You’re getting good at this!
2) Liquid Confidence.
Girl, there is nothing wrong with a *SMALL* date pregame. If having a drink calms your nerves before a first date, then I say go for it. If I wasn’t sucking down a pinot grigio in a bar down the block before my dates, I’d never have sex again. But don’t drink too much or you’ll look sloppy as hell and lower your chances of having an orgasm! Tragic but true.
3) If you’re nervous, be honest! It’s endearing and cute. Trying to be cool all the time? *yawn*
^ actual footage of me on a date.
After my first date with my ex, I was already smitten. We had talked for hours and I was sure we had a connection. I wanted to kiss her, but I was a scaredy cat. “You make me nervous,” I giggled. “You’re cute,” she answered. Then she kissed me!
4) Accept that sometimes awkward shit is gonna happen.
Maybe you’ve gotten to undressing and you notice an extra long nipple hair on yourself. Maybe you both go for tongue at the same time. Maybe you’ll try to be sexy and grab your date’s face and knock over your vodka soda at Cubbyhole (f*ck my life). But you know what? At the end of the day, if someone is into you, they’re into you, regardless if you’re cool all the time or not.
5) There are no perfect moments.
To get to the perfect moment, you gotta take a chance! Live a little! Life has lead us to believe that we’ll know when the moment is right. But life is awkward! Life is weird! I mean, you’re meeting a stranger from the internet. This isn’t a Nicholas Sparks movie. Sometimes, you’ll both awkwardly stand there and stare at each other upon saying your goodbyes, willing the other person to take action. This is the part where you hear my voice in your head (or the song from the Little Mermaid) saying go on and kiss the girl!
6) Sometimes there are absolutely perfect moments (seriously!) Trust that they will happen.
Sometimes, I find myself making out with a hot girl and I’m like, is this real life? Because it happens so seamlessly, so naturally. The best kisses are the ones you don’t have to think about: they just happen. And before you know it you’re ubering back to their place. Sometimes you just get lucky.
7) Consent is the name of the game babes!
If your date pulls away or indicates they don’t want to kiss, don’t kiss them. And same goes if they go in to kiss you and you’re not into it. You should never feel obligated to kiss someone just because you went on a date with them. But if you and your date are super into each other and consenting, there’s nothing wrong with going farther. Including but not limited to fingering each other in the bar bathroom, making out in Ikea a la 500 days of Summer, holding hands, showing each other pictures of your embarrassing middle school phases, all the bases; there’s no wrong way to have a first date.
8) Go somewhere
Might I suggest Milk and Roses in Greenpoint Brooklyn?
9) Keep the conversation interesting.
Get over your anxiety and show her that you want to get to know her. It’s hot.
10) Ask permission.
If after reading this list, you’re still wondering how to kiss on a first date, I recommend asking. There’s something so vulnerable, respectful, flattering and honest in asking “Can I kiss you?”
DEAR DR. JENN,
My boyfriend suggested a threesome with a third woman. I’ve always been curious, so I’m game. But I’m also nervous about hurting our relationship if things go awry. How can we prepare for — and avoid — that? —XXX
Threesomes are an extremely common fantasy (if not the most common), especially for men, and more and more women are feeling the pull, too. However, despite this desire, according to a 2017 study, only 10% of women and 18% of men have engaged in a threesome.
If you fall into the group that has always thought about a threesome but has yet to turn the fantasy into a reality, read on for my essential rules for having a successful first threesome.
1. First, think about why you want to have a threesome.
I need to state a disclaimer: I generally don’t recommend threesomes for couples in committed relationships. I’m all for them for people in casual, non-committed relationships, or situationships. But as a relationship therapist, I care most about the long-term impact on the couple dynamic, which leaves me with several concerns.
First, if the threesome idea was sparked by boredom in the bedroom, bringing a new person into the mix disincentives you from putting energy and creativity into your sex life with your partner. You’re no longer working to up your game and figure out new fantasies to explore, techniques to try, and preferences your partner may have that you haven’t yet probed. While a threesome may be exciting initially, it does not solve the longer-term issue of how to keep things fresh and become a better lover.
I have also seen way too many jealousy issues arise and emotional bonds form as a result of what was supposed to be “meaningless” sex. Sometimes, people who have a hard time with emotional intimacy find it hard to maintain sexual interest in their long-term partner; for them, opening the relationship to other people is an ineffective Band-Air and can stunt personal growth.
2. When Choosing a Partner, Don’t Make the Fatal Mistake
When it comes to picking a third, many couples gravitate to someone they know. This is a huge mistake. Inviting someone into the bedroom who one or both of you already have an emotional bond with makes it more likely that someone will have feelings or someone will get their feelings hurt.
Picking up strangers at bars can also be tricky. Fortunately, there are many apps, like Thrinder and Feeld, designed specifically to help you out. Once you both agree on a potential partner, I recommend meeting her for an IRL “date” before inviting her straight to bed, so you can make sure they are true to their photo, test the chemistry, and see how it feels to take the next step.
With that said, now more than ever, it’s important to consider safety when it comes to who you are bringing into your bed.
3. Put Safety First
Early on in the pandemic, health experts and local governments recommended limiting close contact — including sex — with anyone outside your household. Things may be more relaxed now, but with Delta breakthrough infections turning up at every corner, it’s still important to talk about Covid-19 risk factors beforehand.
If you do feel comfortable moving forward, there are other safety measures to consider. First up: Birth control. You should talk about birth control with your partner and your guest star before the big event. Make sure that if your boyfriend is wearing a condom he does not double-dip. Check that everyone involved has a clean bill of health and establish in advance with your partner whether there will be any exchanging of bodily fluids. Limiting drugs and alcohol prevent things from getting out of control and makes it easier for everyone to keep their agreements.
4. Make a Sex Act Checklist
Some couples make a no penetration rule. Others embrace a watch-but-don’t-touch philosophy. For other couples, it’s about limiting intimacy during the threesome experience and focusing solely on sex, aka no kissing or cuddling.
However you feel, it’s important to go over every possible sexual scenario together and talk about what is off-limits and what is acceptable. Just because you are all getting naked together does not mean that it is a no holds barred sexual experience. Physical rules should be established upfront in order for this to be an emotionally safe experience.
5. State Your Fears
Communication is key when bringing a third party into the mix. You both must be skilled in talking about delicate topics, and be willing to share any concerns or fears in advance. Find out what your boyfriend’s expectations of the event are and share yours. If during this conversation you discover that one of you isn’t fully on board or enthusiastic about the idea, it’s best not to move forward. A threesome should never be about doing something solely for your partner’s pleasure or ‘taking one for the team’.
6. Pick a Safety Word
The moment one person becomes uncomfortable, they should have the right to end the threesome, no questions asked. One way to do this is by creating a safety word with your boyfriend. This is something that either of you can say that indicates that you’re no longer feeling comfortable with the situation. Discuss in advance that this may be a real possibility that neither partner can roll their eyes at.
7. Follow the Leader
It can also be helpful to discuss who will lead in this sexual dance that you will be doing. Who’s going to be the person to initiate physical activity with your new partner? Who is going to politely end things if that’s what it comes to? It may seem un-sexy, but talking all of these logistics through in advance can make sure things go smoothly once you bring in a third person.
8. Establish Relationship Boundaries
Ahead of time, set explicit boundaries about staying in contact before, during, and after the threesome. Is it OK for you or your boyfriend to text the other woman without their partner knowing? How do you want to handle things after the event is over? Is she invited to spend the night? Are you having breakfast together in the morning? Are you hoping to escort her out ASAP? Most couples find it helpful to say a kind goodbye to the third party relatively quickly and find time to connect with one another.
It’s also important to be clear on whether or not this is a one-time thing or if either of you is hoping to have this be a regular activity and, if so, with the same person every time. Stay true to these commitments. All too often people get slippery about the agreements they make, develop bonds with the non-primary partner, become jealous, or hurt each other’s feelings.
9. Talk to the Newcomer
While all of these tips are about protecting your relationship with your partner, be sure to discuss expectations, boundaries, and protocol with the newcomer, too. They also have the right to bow out if they feel uncomfortable at any point. You all need to be on the same page in order for everyone to feel respected and have a good time.
In Hump Day, award-winning psychotherapist and TV host Dr. Jenn Mann answers your sex and relationship questions — unjudged and unfiltered.
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It’s been a few months and what was just a fling has turned into a full blown relationship. Now is usually the point where things start going to the dumps and your perfect relationship ends in a fiery cloud of smoke.
This time it’s going to be different. This one is going to be really perfect and you’re not going to make the same mistakes as last time. Just make sure you’re not making any of the following common relationship mistakes or that fiery cloud is going to make its appearance once again.
Don’t Stand Up For Yourself
This is an all too-common habit of both men and women. The same feeling of lack of self-worth is behind this habit for both genders, but it manifests itself differently.
Some men think that in order to remain in a woman’s good graces, you have to submit to everything she wants. If they start disagreeing with her, she’ll drop him like a hot potato. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Women want a strong gentleman, not a puppy. It seems as if men believe there are only two choices: (1) the pushover who puts up with everything, and (2) the hyper-masculine a-hole. They vacillate between these two, unable to see that there’s a perfect median. They end up resenting their partner instead of loving them.
The same is true for women, except women will almost always express their resentment in the form of passive aggression. Don’t do this! There’s no need. A man doesn’t want a woman who can’t think for herself, or who pretends to agree with him and then punishes him with her passive aggressive tactics.
Accept Sacrifice As A Rule
Most people are under the impression that love requires sacrifice. Now don’t get me wrong, I know that relationships require work and compromise, but they never require sacrifice. Let me tell you why.
In any given situation, a sacrifice requires you to give up something you value more for something you value less. When you practice this concept in relationships it breeds resentment and anger. Instead, understand that your partner has had a life before you, and respect that he or she will not and should not change everything just because you asked.
For example, if your partner has a friend that makes you really uncomfortable because you just know that they have feelings for your partner you have 3 choices; only one of which will lead to a healthy relationship:
- Ask your partner to stop being friends with this person as a necessary sacrifice they must make to stay in a relationship with you.
- Pretend like you don’t care until all hell breaks out.
- Tell your partner how you feel and see how you can work together to alleviate your fears. Maybe they invite you to become friends with this person, or they decide to not do certain things together, etc. Agree to a course of action that works for both of you.
You should never feel pressured to sacrifice something you don’t want to give up for your significant other, unless your relationship is worth way more than the sacrifice. Maybe you give up smoking in the house for this person, or move across the country and give up your house because you want them in your life. Remember to do so because you want to and not because you have to.
Rely On Telepathy To Communicate
Contrary to popular belief, this is a relationship crime committed by both men and women equally.
Gentlemen. Please don’t assume that your partner knows that you think they’re gorgeous. Don’t assume that you don’t have to say how much you care about them. They can’t read your mind and if you don’t say it they’ll never know. So remember, say it and say it often.
Ladies. I know you think it’s romantic for your partner to know what’s bothering you, but it’s just not realistic or fair. Women want to believe that their perfect partner will just know what’s wrong or, even worse, they’ll know what to do to make it right. Trust me, we know that it ruins the fairy tale, but you’re just going to have to get over it. You’ll probably going to have to tell him when he makes you angry, because he literally doesn’t know. Yes, it’s hard to believe. I promise that he’s not ignoring you or doing something to spite you. He’s clueless. Tell him and then tell him what he can do better next time and how to make it OK this time.
Ladies and Gentlemen. Giving directions during sex is the only fool-proof way to get exactly what you want. We’ve all just agreed that neither gender is capable of mind reading, so make sure you vocalize what you want and how.
Slack Off As Soon As Possible
Now that you’re both comfortable with each other, you start getting sloppy. Everything your partner loved about you in the beginning is starting to fade away.
Guys. Remember when you were so sweet and attentive? You were romantic and you were considerate. Where did that guy go? Why isn’t he here anymore and how can we get him back? It’s not OK to stop doing these things when you feel you’ve got her in the bag. There’s going to be a gentlemen around the corner who’s going to go the extra mile and you’ll be left in the dust.
Women aren’t off the hook either. When was the last time you pulled out something sexy to wear to bed? Has it really been an entire week since you did anything about your hair? Beauty isn’t about looking a certain way. It’s about doing the best you can with what you have and taking pride in your appearance. It sounds shallow, but you can’t expect your partner to be equally attracted to a slob and a lady. It doesn’t work that way. He’ll find a woman who loves herself and who’s willing to take care of herself for longer than 3 months.
(Editors Note: This is quite a controversial topic which you may not agree with, if so, how would you avoid these common relationship mistakes?)
I’m a member of the club women hate to join — the Widows Club.
When my husband died, it felt like a big part of me died, too. I lost the love of my life and the dreams we shared for our future. All gone in an instant and right after my 60th birthday.
I share this identity with more than 12 million American women. We are one of the fastest-growing segments of the U.S. population, as about 1 million women a year experience this heart-breaking event. Worldwide, the staggering estimate of widows is over 250 million.
In early widowhood, a widow’s grief can feel like a brain freeze. For many new widows, memory is weak, attention span is short and decision making is down-right difficult.
That sure was me. I couldn’t remember where I put my car keys or even my Social Security number. I wondered if I was going crazy or getting Alzheimer’s! I wasn’t. I was just in the first stage of widowhood.
Many widows aren’t as familiar with investing, insurance, taxes and estate planning, as their late husbands were. Even if their knowledge of financial matters is good, their widow’s brain emotional stress is raw. It’s a very difficult time.
Below are suggestions to help widows avoid mistakes, especially in early widowhood.
When you’re in the midst of grief, your brain functions differently. Wait until your thinking returns to normal before making important decisions.
For example, don’t buy or sell investments you don’t understand. Rather, hold steady and review your sources of money coming in and going out. Pay your regular bills, file for death benefits, and keep enough cash available.
Save major decisions for later. For example, if you receive a life insurance death payment, deposit this in a short-term savings account. Then think about how you need to use this money before you invest or spend it all. You may also want to download this helpful free eBooklet from my website, Financial Steps for Recent Widows.
Unethical salespeople may take advantage of women after their partner dies. My elderly widowed aunt was sold Iraqi dinars (Iraq currency) by “a nice young man” who was her friend’s nephew. He convinced her that she would double her money with this investment. But, my aunt never received one penny back. New widows are especially vulnerable, so be careful.
Your house may feel lonely after your spouse’s death. You may be tempted to sell and move right away — perhaps to live with an adult child in a different community. But then you’ll miss your friends, other social contacts, medical providers, and nearby faith community. You could be hit with secondary grief if you relocate too soon.
Some widows who stay in their house pay off the mortgage immediately with death benefits they receive. Or they redecorate lavishly. Wait! Keep this cash available while making decisions about your new life ahead. Eventually you may change houses, but keep your options open for the near-term.
When you’re thinking more clearly, review your investments to see what adjustments you need. What was good for you and your husband before might not be the best now. A common question new widows ask is “Do I have enough money?” Understanding your financial net worth (the value of what you own minus your outstanding debts) and your income sources and expenses will be helpful.
Family or friends may give you advice without knowing your entire situation. Practice saying, “Thanks for your suggestions. I’ll take your ideas into consideration. But first I need to decide what my longer-term goals are.”
You may benefit from unbiased guidance from a “thinking partner” who can evaluate your financial position with you to provide objective, comprehensive suggestions. Find an advisor you trust, who listens with empathy and respect. Your advisor should be experienced in working with widows and have an accepted professional designation.
Widows may be approached by family members requesting money. For example, a widow’s son asked her to invest in a new business he wanted to start, however, he didn’t have any ideas about getting customers to pay for his services. Don’t give in to pressure like this.
If you date again later, be careful about a romantic partner who sees you as a potential purse with money for him. Keep money matters to yourself, at least until you know the other person very well.
Always ask questions about your money matters. How does this investment fit my goals? Why is your recommendation good for me? What are my other choices? What are the fees and expenses?
Buyer beware. If it looks too good to be true, it probably is.
Care for yourself, with enjoyable, inexpensive activities. For example, take a yoga or exercise class, meet a girlfriend for tea, get a manicure, attend a free concert or art festival, buy a new lipstick, read an interesting book, write your thoughts in a pretty journal, or mediate. And eat some healthy, delicious and fragrant dark chocolate!
If you are a widow, what advice would you give other new widows about avoiding big financial mistakes? What money mistakes did you make when shaping a new life after your partner’s death? Please share your comments and let’s start a conversation.
Almost every relationship can be salvaged after a breakup, and chances are good that yours is no different. there’s a strong possibility that, if you play your cards right and work at it long enough, you can turn your ex boyfriend’s feelings upside down and make him come running back, begging for a second chance.
Unfortunately, most women trying to get their ex back make a number of mistakes that end up ruining their chances. They do or say things that might seem like a good idea at the time, but are actually pushing their ex boyfriend further away and into the arms of some other women.
If you want to win your ex boyfriend’s heart back, then you’ll want to avoid these 5 common mistakes at all costs.
Mistake #1: Begging, Pleading, and Crying
It can be nearly impossible not to break down into tears when your boyfriend breaks up with you. Nonetheless, the more you cry and beg for him to reconsider, the more he’ll become convinced he’s making the right decision. Self-confidence and independence are traits men find attractive, and pleading your ex to take you sends the opposite message.
Mistake #2: Contacting Your Ex Frequently (Or At All)
Most breakup experts — myself included — believe that you should cut off all communication with your ex for 3-4 weeks after the breakup. This gives him time to forget the negative aspects of your relationship, and will force him to experience life without you in his life. While you may be able to win your ex back even if you talk to him a few times after breaking up, it’s never a good idea to initiate communication for at least a few weeks. No matter what you may think, there are no urgent reasons for you to call or text him!
Mistake #3: Buying Your Ex Gifts & Sending Love Notes
This is a mistake that’s more common with men, but a lot of ladies feel like they can win their ex boyfriend’s heart back by telling him how much they love and miss him. Sending gifts, cards, love notes, etc is never a good idea in the wake of a breakup. You want him to think that you’re completely fine with being apart, as this will cause him to second-guess his decision to end the relationship. Sending cards and gifts will make him think that you’re desperate and clingy, which aren’t attractive qualities.
Mistake #4: Making Promises That You’ll Change Yourself Or The Relationship
Your ex boyfriend may have had legitimate reasons for ending the relationship, and they may be things you’ll need to work on if there’s a long term future for the two of you together. But right now, you don’t want to go overboard admitting you’ve made mistakes. this is along the same lines as begging and pleading, and certainly won’t cause him to change his mind about the breakup.
Mistake #5: Trying To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Jealous
You can use jealousy to your advantage (and you probably should!) when winning your ex back. But if you do decide to date other guys and go on a social splurge, don’t make it obvious that you’re doing so just because you want your ex to notice. There’s no reason to be blatant about dating other men or going bar-hopping every weekend, since your ex will found out anyway. and if he thinks you’re trying to make him jealous, it will only serve to make him angry and will likely backfire.
If you can manage to avoid making any of these five mistakes outlined above, you’ll be well positioned to win back your ex boyfriend’s heart. and rebuild a happy, loving relationship that will stand the test of time.
There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your ex boyfriend back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying. Visit Ex Back Secrets to find out more.
Whether you want to get your ex back or you’re just worried that he might leave one day, getting the right advice is important. So how does “Getting Him Back” book compare to the rest? Let’s find out…
The problem with most “get him back” books is that they usually say things like, “just don’t pursue him and he may eventually come back.” What kind of advice is that? What if he’s seeing other women? What if he’s moved on? Then what do you do?
That kind of information sucks, especially when you pay money for it! And worst of all, most of these books PROMISE they’ll get your man back. How can they make claims like this when there are 1000’s of possible scenarios you could experience?
Thankfully, “Getting Him Back” is different. It never tries to sugarcoat or get your hopes up. It stays grounded in the real world (where most of us live!)
And the content? Upon first glance I was very pleased with the content. The book started off with the most important topic of all: Do you REALLY REALLY want him back?
It covers this in great depth to ensure you don’t make the same mistake over and over again, and it does a good job of this. It covers 22 important questions on 3 topics including: How did you contribute to the breakup? How did he? How will things be different when you get back together? Questions you should ask yourself to help you make the right decision.
Once you’re 100% sure you want him back, the book moves into the breakup material. It begins with the breakup itself and covers everything all the way up to catching up with him again, covering each stage step-by-step.
I love that this book is FOR WOMEN ONLY. Most of these books are NOT gender specific, which of course is ridiculous because most of us would agree that men and women are completely different creatures.
So is the book perfect? No.
While using canned speeches could work against your efforts by making your ex suspicious, it still would have been nice to see some examples in this book to help paint the picture.
However, all in all, this is still the best “getting the love of your life back” book I’ve seen. I highly recommend it to any woman who wants her sweetheart back, or is having relationship trouble, or is just worried that her man may leave her one day.
If you’d like to get more information about The “Getting Him Back” book , just click here!
Once you’ve decided to you’re ready to propose, it’s inevitable that you’ll be excited and anxious. After all, it’s a moment that you both will remember (and repeat the story of) for the rest of your lives. Bottom line: It doesn’t have to be perfect. That said, don’t let your nerves lead you to make one of these all-too-common marriage proposal mistakes.
Mistake: Asking Empty-Handed
In a recent survey we conducted with more than 19,000 couples, “proposing with no ring” was ranked number one as the biggest engagement faux pas. Sure, your declaration of love and request for a lifetime commitment should be more important than whether or not you’re bearing jewelry, but you have to understand that to many, an engagement won’t seem 100 percent legit unless she’s got an engagement ring to show for it. If you don’t feel confident enough to pick a bauble without her input, buy one from a jeweler with an exchange policy or borrow a family heirloom that can act as a placeholder until you go shopping together. (And if you’re not dead set on making your proposal a total surprise, you can take her ring-shopping in advance — more than 50 percent of women surveyed said that they had something to do with choosing their rings.)
Mistake: Jumping the Gun
Your girl’s got it all — brains, beauty, and a willingness to spend Sunday afternoons eating salt and vinegar potato chips in front of ESPN. Though you’re understandably eager to seal the deal, cool your jets until you’re beyond the dizzy-with-infatuation stage. You won’t be truly ready for a lifetime commitment until you’ve tackled some real relationship challenges, weathered your beloved’s every mood, and received unequivocal signs that she’s equally ready to commit. Proposing too early may scare her off or result in an awkward “let me think about it and get back to you. “
Mistake: Proposing in Front of an Audience
Though you may be so passionate about your hoped-for bride that you want to shout your proposal for the entire world to hear, it’s much more likely that she’d prefer you keep the engagement a just-the-two-of-you occasion. In our survey most women deemed “proposing in public” and “proposing in front of friends or family” as the biggest blunders an aspiring fiance could make (don’t even think about a sports stadium unless that’s where you met/first kissed/fell in love). She won’t be able to savor the moment if she feels like she’s on stage. Once you’ve asked and she’s (hopefully) accepted, you two will want to linger in your own little love bubble for a while — not possible if colleagues, cousins, or perfect strangers are getting in your faces to congratulate you. Note: Not all public places are off-limits, 58 percent said that the site of your first date is the best place to propose.
Despite the obvious advantage of e-mails and SMS (short messaging services) in today’s world, sending a letter, moreover, writing and adressing a letter is one of the essentials in the business world.
That’s why we want to take you through explanations, suggestions, and tips on how to address a professional letter and how to avoid some common mistakes.
Don’t waste any of your time and start reading the following lines.
Pro tip: Read our ultimate guide on how to write a professional email first if you want to ensure your emails leave good impression.
Addressing a formal envelope
Some of you may use preprinted envelopes with already printed contact information.
If you, however, are among those who don’t use preprinted envelopes, then you write the following information in the upper left corner:
First line: Full name
Second line: Company’s name
Third line: Street address
The fourth line: Town or city, state name, and zip code. If sending a letter to another country, then put the name of the country in this line.
In the middle of the envelope, a few lines from your address put the following information about the recipient:
First line: Recipient’s name
Second line: Title
If you don’t have the information about the person’s title, then write down the department.
Third line: Company’s name
The fourth line: Street address
Make sure and double-check if the street address is exact. It should be placed in one line.
Here are some examples of a properly addressed envelope:
John Thompson Place for stamps
White Lillies 1
New York, New York, USA, 10001
Washington D.C., Washington, USA, 20001
Addressing an envelope is very important for obvious reasons.
If you don’t write exact contact information, then perhaps the recipient will not receive it.
If you aren’t sure whether you’ve learned properly, we suggest getting some help from online tutors who are true professionals in their field of work.
Addressing a formal letter
An official correspondence is the first primary step to writing a formal letter.
Formal letters are still in use in today’s world, especially in business correspondences and job applications.
Our step-by-step guide may help you improve and master the art of formal letters.
At the top of the page, preferably on the left, write down your, that is, a sender’s contact information.
Sender’s Contact Information:
Sender’s Company Name
Sender’s Street Address
Sender’s Town/City, Province/State, Zip/ Postal Code
Sender’s phone number and/or e-mail address
Note: Double-check if you’ve put a phone number or e-mail address so that a recipient can contact you.
This information is vital, especially in job applications.
You don’t want to lose the job of your dreams, so pay attention to this.
Write down the date on which you are sending the letter.
Months should be written with letters, days, and years in numbers.
For example, March 31, 2020, February 2, 2010, etc.
Align the date to the margin, too.
Note: Pay attention to the calendar and double-check that you’ve written the correct date.
Recipient’s Contact Information:
This contact information should be placed a little bit below the date.
Please see the examples below.
Recipient’s Company Name
Recipient’s Street Address
Recipient’s Town/City, Province/State, Zip/ Postal Code
Recipient’s phone number and/or e-mail address
Name your letter. When the recipient reads it, he will know what the letter is about.
If you are applying for a job for example, then write ‘Job application.’
Salutation– Dear Name
Always put a salutation under the subject but skip one line.
Whether many consider this form of greeting old-fashioned and too formal, it is still the most used salutation.
You can use ‘Hello; or ‘Hi’ if you are among those kinds of people who would avoid this old form.
If you decided to use the ‘Dear’ salutation, it should follow a person’s title as Mr. Mrs., Sir, etc.
If you know a person’s name, then feel free to use it. In this case, use it without a title.
In a situation when you write a letter to a woman, but you don’t know whether she is married, then use the title ‘Ms.’
One more possible situation: if you don’t know the name of the person, you can use the ‘To whom it may concern’ ’
Although some consider it too old-fashioned and try to avoid them, it’s up to you whether you want to use them or perhaps do a little research.
Call the company and ask for a person’s name.
Don’t worry; you won’t sound weird. It can only give you extra points.
There is one more way to find out the recipient’s name.
Try searching on the internet.
Start from the website of the company in ‘About us’ or ‘Management’ section.
If there is no such kind of help, try searching through the LinkedIn profile of the company.