How to ask a person if theyre single

This article was co-authored by John Keegan. John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men’s Health.

This article has been viewed 201,175 times.

If you have recently met someone who you want to date, then it is important to find out if the person is available. This can be tricky, and you might be worried about coming off as nosy or too eager. However, there are some simple ways to find out of a person is single that will make it easy to ask for a date. These strategies will also help you to avoid an awkward situation if the person is already taken.

How to ask a person if theyre single

John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 13 July 2021. If you flash a smile at someone and the person returns it, then this is a good sign. [2] X Research source

  • If you are standing across the room, try by making eye contact and smiling at the person. Doing this will send him or her the message that you would like to talk. If the person returns your gaze and smiles back, then you should approach him or her.
  • If the person looks away or does not return your smile, then he or she may not be interested.

How to ask a person if theyre single

How to ask a person if theyre single

John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 13 July 2021.

  • Try saying something like, “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?” or “Are you seeing anyone?”
  • If he or she says “yes,” try not to show your disappointment. Just say something like, “That’s cool,” and then talk for a little longer before excusing yourself.
  • If the person says “no,” don’t react with too much excitement. You might just say something like, “Cool. I’m not either.”
  • Try asking them playfully! You might say, “You seem like a really cool guy. Why don’t you have a girl?” [5] X Expert Source

When we meet a person and get amazed by how awesome they are, the first thing we want to do is to ask them on a date or get an opportunity to be around them. But, before doing that, it’s very important to know if that person is available or not. I know it’s really difficult to ask such a question, but don’t worry. You should know how to ask if someone is single in the right way because there are many ways of doing so. If you want to show or hide your interest in someone, you can use different methods to find out if a person is available, and among these eight tips on how to find out if someone is single, you will certainly find the one that suits you. So, how to ask someone if they are single?

How to ask a person if theyre single

1. Ask them directly

This is the simplest and most straightforward way. If you are confident and brave, this is the perfect way to ask them. Many people would admire that straightforwardness and honesty, so whatever the answer is, that person will like you more than before. Also, before you ask, try to have a longer conversation with that person beforehand, so you can discern their character traits. If they seem shy and not so talkative, maybe being too direct will upset them, and they maybe won’t even answer the question. Nonetheless, just be friendly, positive, smile, and everything will be fine.

2. Assume they have a partner and ask them about their life

You can always try to guess if they have someone or not, so listen carefully when they speak. They might reveal some details about their social or love life which will help you find out if they are single. You can ask a lot of questions about them, and try to look for the clues in their answers. A partner is one of the most important people in our lives, so we tend to talk a lot about what we do with them and so on. If they mention nothing about their partner, either they don’t have it, or they actually like you so they hesitate to talk about their relationship.

3. Ask for phone number first

You can simply ask for a number or think of an excuse for asking. You can ask them to borrow you something or to inform you about something, so the chances of you getting their number will increase. It’s important to know that being too indirect and hiding interest can actually be counterproductive. You should at least show a bit of interest because you can be friend-zoned easily. If they refuse to give you their number, it’s probably because they are taken and they don’t want their partner to have any doubts. That’s why it’s maybe better to take a risk and directly ask them for their number. That’s how you will actually be able to find out if they are single or not.

4. Check for couple items

People love to publicly express their relationship in various ways. For example, they put their partner’s picture on their mobile phone wallpaper or they have a couple mug or keychain. They also wear a piece of jewelry with the first letter of their partner’s names or something else. This is not the most accurate method, but you should always combine this way with some other ways. However, I personally know a lot of people who find this way of expressing emotions repulsive even if they have a partner, so not having a couple of items will not tell you much about their relationship status, but if you see one, you will instantly know. Also, look for an engagement ring on their hand.

How to ask a person if theyre single

5. Pay attention to body language

This is one of the most important things when it comes to asking a person about their relationship status. Human relationships are very complicated, so you should observe how they behave around you. If they are constantly keeping their distance, they may have someone. The best thing to do is to actually ask them if they are single while observing the way they answer. If they have something with another person which is actually not important to them, you will be able to know that based on their body language. They will probably laugh it off or something like that. If you are still hesitant about asking them, then just observe how close they stand or sit next to you. If they seem close and completely carefree, don’t be afraid to ask them if they are single.

6. Speak with their friends and acquaintances

If you know a person a bit more, you probably know which type of people they hang out with. You may even know who their family members are. It’s probably best to ask their close friends about that because they surely know the answer. Keep in mind that they will probably inform them that you are asking about their relationship status, but it shouldn’t really bother you.

7. Check their profiles on social media

Luckily, social media profiles can tell us a lot about other people, so follow them on Instagram or other social media that allows posting stories. If there is one person who is constantly tagged in their posts, it’s probably their partner. Also, look for the pictures and especially their descriptions. Based on them you can easily know if the person in the picture with them is their partner or not. But remember that, usually, the stories will be the ones who will tell you what you want to know because even when people dislike posting pictures with their partner because they find it cringy, they will tag them in their stories. If you suspect someone, check their profile as well.

8. Lead the conversation so they can tell you on their own

This way of finding out if a person is available is the safest option. The only thing you need to do is ask questions and talk about some life situations which should probably involve a partner, such as traveling, emotions, some funny relationship stories from the past or even what they like and dislike in a partner. They will by no means mention their partner if they have one, trust me, so you won’t even have to ask.

How to ask a person if theyre single


In the text above you could find out how to ask if someone is single. The thing that is important is the answer, so do not hesitate to pop the question. If you don’t know them that well, check your friend lists on social media and find the people who might know them. Trust me, with just a little time and effort, you will find out what you want to know.

This article was co-authored by John Keegan. John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men’s Health.

There are 7 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.

This article has been viewed 391,445 times.

Sometimes guys can be confusing as to whether they might like you or if they have a girlfriend. It’s good to find out if the guy you’re crushing on is taken or not. But it’s also important to find out if the guy you’ve been casually dating has a girlfriend that you don’t know about. Pay attention so that you can avoid drama and heartache.

How to ask a person if theyre single

How to ask a person if theyre single

How to ask a person if theyre single

How to ask a person if theyre single

How to ask a person if theyre single

How to ask a person if theyre single

John Keegan
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 13 July 2021. See if he mentions hanging out with a specific girl more than usual or posts photos with a certain girl. You can also simply check his profile descriptions to see is he mentions being in a relationship.

  • Check his friends’ pages as well. Sometimes a guy won’t post photos of a relationship, but you can check his mutual friends and followers’ pages to see if they posted pictures of him with another girl.
  • Be careful not to ‘like’ or accidentally comment on any old pictures or posts of his. He’ll get a notification that you’re stalking him.
  • Although its increasingly unusual, it is possible that your guy may not have a social media page, in which case it may be more beneficial to check his friend’s pages to see if they posted any information about the guy.

By Guest miwari ,
October 4, 2010 in soompi hangout

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    Before reading the article, check out this announcement, free for a limited time:

    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    Want to find out if she is single without making things awkward?

    Sure, it would be great if every woman you met in person had “Available” or “Unavailable” in flashing lights above her head.

    While I can’t wave a magic wand and make that a reality, what I can do is help you find out in one of five easy ways, which we’ll get into right now.

    First things first, let’s make sure you’re feeling confident to begin with, yeah? The best way to ensure that for free is inside this handy and fun 22-page ebook.

    Bring up dating in one of these casual ways:

    Mentioning the topic of dating doesn’t have to be an uncomfortable experience. It can be as easygoing as being curious, moving things along with her gently, or even bringing it up almost as a hobby. You can discover much more about dating here.

    Here are several ways to directly or indirectly ask if someone is single:

    (1) You can find out in a relaxed easy tone…

    “By the way, are you single? I saw you with that guy and wasn’t sure…”

    This gives her a good indication that you are feeling attracted to her, while being relaxed in your body language and eye contact, and giving her lots of space to tell you whether or not she is available.

    (2) You can also be gentle and direct…

    “Can I take you on a date sometime?”

    Once you’ve warmed up to her and have read her flirting signs, you can gently ask for her number or invite her on a date (and let her decline as needed!).

    Then she can tell you right then and there whether she’s available; no harm, no foul.

    (3) You can bring up dating as a hobby, almost…

    “I’ve been dating lately, and it’s been a lot of fun to meet new interesting people.”

    This gives her an opportunity to share about her experience as well! Be sure to make eye contact after delivering this line, which will invite her to respond.

    If you view dating as a hobby of sorts (meeting women and going on dates is pretty fun, after all!), then this starts to feel quite natural.

    By bringing this subject up in a no-pressure fun way, two things happen:

    • You automatically differentiate yourself from the very large and un-fun crowd who complains about dating. (Complaining is no one’s best look!)
    • You open the door for her to discuss her own dating life without any awkwardness.

    Best of all, if she turns out to have a significant other, you didn’t even ask; you were just sharing your own experience.

    You’re not out on a limb, risking rejection; you’re just having a fun time and exploring if a girl is single.

    Sometimes you don’t have to ask her directly at all.

    If it feels more natural to find out without asking her, go for it!

    Here are some subtle, smooth ways to find out if she’s single without asking her outright:

    (4) Consult mutual friends.

    If you meet a woman at the grocery store, coffee shop, or anywhere out and about, then you’re not going to be able to ask a mutual friend because you likely don’t have friends in common.

    But if meet her through friends or have coworkers in common, you can simply ask those folks in person or via text.

    (5) Check social media.

    If it’s natural to ask to connect with her on Instagram or Facebook, then you can see her relationship status right there in the app if it’s on there.

    This way, you get your answer after simply asking to connect on social media, without asking her relationship status outright.

    Obvious but noteworthy: See if she’s wearing a wedding ring.

    While her not having a ring on her ring finger doesn’t mean that she’s *not* taken, her having a ring on the fourth finger of her left hand does mean that she *is* taken or at least is wanting to appear taken with the symbolic presence of an engagement or wedding ring.

    Obviously, a ring on her left hand doesn’t mean anything except that she likes jewelry. 😉

    Also, pay attention to her body language to tell whether or not she seems open to you approaching her in the first place. For help with this, check out these articles:

    Conclusion on how to find out if she is single

    For many guys, to find out if a girl is single feels too vulnerable and sounds too aggressive, so they hold back… and they never find out the answer.

    But by practicing these keys, you can directly or indirectly ask the question even if you’re on the shy side.

    What about the bigger picture of feeling desirable as a man?

    Feeling desirable is the best way to gain courage to find out if she desires you! To do that, find your unique attractiveness in our ebook (namely the exercise on page 8!).

    How To Ask If She’s Single (Without Making A Fool Of Yourself)

    Sometimes in a relationship, you’re not sure how to phrase a delicate subject or tricky topic. Sure, saying nothing at all is easy, but avoiding the subject doesn’t do anyone any good. Awkward Conversations provides you with a template for what to say — and what not to say — and why, so you can have those difficult discussions without them turning into full-blown fights.

    Picture this scenario: you’re at a party, you meet a beautiful woman, and you spend the entire evening talking to each other. You’re really hitting it off. You both like that one team! You’re both from small towns, and you both agree that wasabi peas are the perfect party snack. You want to marry her tomorrow.

    There’s just one tiny problem. You don’t know whether she’s single or not.

    There are some great context clues you should look for — like a wedding ring or frequent mentions of “My boyfriend says” – but let’s assume that you’re flying absolutely blind here and you have no mutual friends who would know. The only thing left to do is ask.

    Having the “are you single?” conversation can feel extremely daunting, I know. That’s because it removes all plausible deniability. Hey, maybe you were chatting to her because she was next to the bowl of wasabi peas. With one question, you’re establishing that you have Romance on your mind. That’s scary!

    There are no real rules about when to ask somebody if they’re single. Lots of people ask right off the bat:

    You: Hi, I saw you from across the room and wow, you look stunning in that red dress. Do you have a boyfriend?

    An approach this confident is not for the faint of heart! The problem with this opener is that it can lead to immediate rejection. She could say “Yes, and he’s the angry-looking 6’6 guy in the corner who’s built like a football player.” What a terrifying thought.

    On the other hand, if you put it off too long, you’ll never catch that cute girl between boyfriends. It’s a real conundrum. But never fear- it can be done, and done smoothly. (Men have been asking women if they’re single for hundreds of years! You’re not alone.)

    One way to minimize the awkwardness of a “No” is to volunteer information about your own status! A simple reference to your ex, or to your dating life, will likely elicit the same information.

    You: I moved to the city a year ago, to live with my girlfriend. And then we broke up, so I’ve been struggling with online dating ever since.

    Her: I know, isn’t it the worst? I’ve given up on online dating. My friends say I might as well be single.

    Her: Oh wow. That sucks. I live with my boyfriend too! But we met through friends – I’ve never tried online dating.

    Either way, the embarrassment is minimal, because you’re not asking her directly. But the beauty of this approach is also what makes it flawed. You could try this, but she may not give you the info because… she’s secretive due to her job as an international spy. OK, maybe she’s not a spy, but people don’t always volunteer information if you don’t ask for it.

    Another, slightly more direct method is to comment on other couples in the room:

    You: Wow, Tom invited a lot of couples, didn’t he? Check out that couple making out like teenagers! Reminds me of Facebook – it always makes me feel like I’m the only single person left in the world.

    Her: I know! It’s the worst. I hate PDA. And yeah, I think I’m the last single person in my group of friends.

    The safest bet is to laughingly mention something difficult about how you’re single, and then ask her if she can relate to it. This is more daring than the previous methods, but it’s still essentially casual – there’s a context for why you’re asking!

    You: There’s this great Thai place around the corner. But it’s really hard to meet the delivery minimum because I live alone and I can’t eat that much food. Ugh. It’s discrimination against single people! I don’t know if you’re dating someone but if you are, check it out-you can order two entrées.

    Her: *laughs* Oh, I’m not single! Thanks for the tip though, I’ll definitely tell my boyfriend about it. He loves Thai.

    If you do go the direct route, and pop the scary S question, you have to be prepared for whatever answer you might get. This is (and I cannot emphasize this enough) crucial. Asking if someone is single isn’t offensive, but not handling rejection with grace certainly is.

    You: I was wondering whether you’re single.

    Her: Actually, I have a boyfriend.

    You: Of course you do! He’s a lucky guy. Well, enjoy your evening.

    Smile, keep it light, walk away. Women feel awkward too! You want to make the interaction as painless as possible for both parties. A nice compliment will improve her day, while showing her that this isn’t a big deal. Don’t make rejection into a big deal: there’s plenty of other women in the world who are single.

    Of course, there’s a chance she is single, but not interested. Don’t assume that if she doesn’t have a partner, she has to be interested in you. Maybe you’re not her type. Maybe she likes women! Maybe she’s not looking to date right now because she’s about to move to another country. Whatever she says, be easygoing about it:

    Her: I’m single, but I’m not interested, thanks.

    You: Well, I wasn’t going to ask you out, anyway. Don’t flatter yourself.

    Oh, boy. This is the worst thing you could do. Even if it’s true – you only asked about her relationship status because you wanted to know for a census you were taking – it’s the natural assumption to make. If you try and act as if you were never interested, you come off as somebody who’s lying, which is pathetic. It’s much better to gracefully bring the conversation to a halt.

    Her: I’m single, but I’m not interested, thanks.

    You: No worries. I’d be kicking myself if I didn’t ask! Have a nice night.

    And once again, smile, joke, walk away. No big deal, right?

    But say that’s not what happens. Good things do happen! There’s a definite chance that the pretty girl you met is single, and even better – that she’s open to going on a date with you:

    You: I’d love to take you to the Thai restaurant I mentioned, if you’re interested. You know, defeat their evil Anti-Singles agenda by teaming up.

    Once you find out that she’s single, follow up right away! (Or the guy eavesdropping on the conversation is going to ask her first.) What’s the point of doing all the hard work if you walk away at the eleventh hour? Good luck, and congratulations on your new life, in which you are always able to ask a girl casually if she’s single.

    The moment we enquire as to someone’s availability in a neutral environment there is no more keeping up an aloof front

    How to ask a person if theyre single

    Reviews and recommendations are unbiased and products are independently selected. Postmedia may earn an affiliate commission from purchases made through links on this page.

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    By Sarah Sahagian

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    On my favourite episode of The Mindy Project, Dr. Mindy Lahiri directly addresses a handsome stranger with whom she has a sudden romantic interest, “What are you going to do, now? Are you going to meet up with your girlfriend and make out with her?”

    The Important Questions: How do you find out if someone is single? Back to video

    The question is hilariously inelegant, and yet, there is a sharpness to its point: it’s impossible to tactfully ask someone if they’re spoken for. That’s why the only reasonable course of action is to bite the bullet and flat out say, “Hey there, are you single?”

    The skill with which one would normally derive such information is in sharp decline thanks to the ever expanding use of dating apps. With Hinge or Tinder, there’s no ambiguity – you know whether someone is on the market the moment you swipe on their profile. Apps remove a certain amount of guess work from the equation, but there’s still the question of what happens when you meet a person who catches your attention in real life. They could be in a monogamous domestic partnership with 17 kids and a mortgage, but you’ll never know unless you make the necessary inquiries.

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    Yes, the idea of explicitly asking the human you met at a bookstore or a barbecue whether they’re available is daunting. In the world of dating, looking interested is about as hip as listening to Coldplay or using the term “hip.” We’re all supposed to act like we’re Chloe Sevigny or something. Yet, the moment we enquire as to someone’s availability in a neutral environment there is no more keeping up an aloof front.

    The moment we enquire as to someone’s availability in a neutral environment there is no more keeping up an aloof front

    Perhaps the only worse option is to stand there over-analyzing their use of plural pronouns, wondering if the “we” they refer to involves a partner or a friend group. It could take hours of The da Vinci Code-style cryptography to determine if someone you are taken with is taken. Plenty of very private people rarely discuss their paramours. So, unless the question is explicit, you’re being inefficient.

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    Yes, asking a question that definitively shows your interest in someone is scary. But do you want to remain enigmatic, or do you want to be happy? That’s why the direct approach is the right approach. Find out if they’re single, then ask them on a date! Of course, one of the most common fears associated with asking after an individual’s eligibility is that they’ll answer in the negative. No one likes awkwardness, and the idea of hitting on someone who already has a shared chequing account could be uncomfortable.

    But, when you take a step back, is there really anything to actually be embarrassed about? Attached people love to be reminded that they’re still hot. They’ll probably take it as a compliment! So, get ready to mingle, and directly ask people if they’re single!

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    Share this Story: The Important Questions: How do you find out if someone is single?

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    Couldn’t have said it better. Simple and to the point.

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    We just wrote their name and guest on the envelope.

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    I just wrote “and guest” if they got a plus one its worked so far

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    Address the invitation to the person & guest

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    How do you handle the opposite? Our guest list is way too big and we need to scale down. How do you let a single guest know that unfortunately they cannot bring a guest?

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    You just address the invitation to the person you are inviting. If they send the RSVP card indicating a guest, then you call them and tell them they were not invited with a guest.

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    There’s only one way to do that. Ms. Jane Doe & Guest.

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    We did a line on the RSVP card that said “__ seats reserved in your honor” and if they have a plus one, we’ll put a 2 there

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    The proper way is to put “Jane Smith and Guest” on the envelope, instead of just “Jane Smith”. Simple as that. No printed notes necessary. And you don’t say “and plus one”, it’s always “and guest”. That is the only wording.

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    Simple, address to (Their name) and guest.

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    Thank you so much for this post! I was just wondering this myself

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    I should’ve done this. Apparently it wasn’t clear that if the envelope doesn’t say “and guest” or “plus one”, and I’ve had a few folks assume that they can bring someone with them when they saw the “Number of Attending ___” without spelling out the number of max invitees. I’ve had some awkward convos as a result of people’s lack of knowledge of wedding etiquette.


    It’s not always safe to assume that just because a guy is showing interest in you that he’s single. In addition, you don’t have to embarrass yourself by being too forward about his relationship status if you are interested. You can tactfully approach the subject by mastering small talk and looking for cues within your conversation to safely navigate the topic of his potential availability without coming off as too eager, bold or brazen.

    Explore this article

    • Steering the Conversation
    • Utilizing Small Talk
    • Assume He Has a Girlfriend
    • Use a Directly Tactful Departure

    1 Steering the Conversation

    Coming right out and asking “Do you have a girlfriend” may be seen by some as rude and can leave you in an awkward position. Minimize this awkwardness by steering your conversation to a point where his relationship status naturally comes up. Instead of asking if he is single, ask him what he did over the weekend or how he plans to spend his spring break. If he responds “We went out to the lake” as opposed to “I hung out at the lake with my friends,” his use of “We” instead of “I” might be an indication that he has a girlfriend. By saying “We,” instead of “I,” you can then tactfully ask who he went with, by stating, “That sounds fun — who’d you go with?”

    2 Utilizing Small Talk

    Small talk, or talking about trivial topics such as the weather, is often considered to be menial in comparison to talking about meaningful topics, such as your thoughts and ideas; however, it can be a valuable information gathering tool. In a study of college undergraduates conducted by Matthias Mehl and his research associates published in the 2009 edition of “Psychological Science,” small talk was reported to make up about 18 percent of the conversations held by undergraduates. Ask about movies he’s seen and restaurants that he’s visited lately. Chances are he didn’t go see that romantic comedy and have a romantic dinner with his friends. Once that information is out in the open, feel free to ask who he went with.

    3 Assume He Has a Girlfriend

    Instead of outright asking if he has a girlfriend, look for an opening in the conversation to mention her to him. Bring up places that you have traveled or some of your favorite restaurants and wait for him to chime in with his opinions. After listening to his ideas on his favorite vacation spot, mention “I bet your girlfriend loved it there” or “That’s such a great restaurant for an anniversary date” and wait for his response. If he explains that he doesn’t have a girlfriend, you can playfully apologize for the assumption and move forward knowing that he is fair game.

    4 Use a Directly Tactful Departure

    The most clear-cut manner of asking if he has a girlfriend is to be direct; however, remember that you can be direct while maintaining your social composure. As your conversation comes to a close, use your departure as a way to approach his relationship status by stating, “If you’re not seeing anyone, I’d like to continue this conversation sometime.” By allowing the conversation to flow naturally before asking if he has a girlfriend, you stand a good chance of not coming off as rude or solely interested in him for his dating potential. In the event that he does have a girlfriend, thank him for his time and wish him well. If he doesn’t, use your departure as an excuse to exchange numbers for a future rendezvous.

    Researchers have discovered the quickest way to tell if someone is a narcissist: Simply ask them.

    A new study describes a single question that appears to be nearly as accurate at identifying narcissists than a commonly used narcissist diagnostic test 40 items long.

    And that single question is this: “To what extent do you agree with this statement: I am a narcissist. (Note: The word ‘narcissist’ means egotistical, self-focused and vain.)”

    The parenthetical definition of narcissism is part of the carefully worded question, so the meaning of the word is clear and nothing is sugarcoated. Responders are asked to select a number between 1 (not very true of me) to 7 (very true of me).

    The upshot is, if you think you are a narcissist, you are probably right.

    (If you’d like to try it for yourself, the researchers have set up a quick interactive quiz for the public to take.)

    “Narcissists have no problem admitting they are narcissists,” said Brad Bushman, a coauthor on the paper and a professor of communication and psychology at Ohio State University. “They think they deserve special treatment and they don’t try to hide that from others.”

    In 11 different studies with more than 2,000 participants, the research team found that people who scored high on what they call their Single Item Narcissism Scale (SINS) also tested for other traits associated with narcissism including low empathy, less committed relationships, a preference for non-social rewards, higher aggression, and even a belief that they should be paid more than their colleagues.

    They were also more likely to be younger than people who scored lower on the self-reported narcissism scale.

    Still, in the conclusion of the paper, they acknowledge that the results of their study may be hard to swallow at first.

    “Are people really aware of their own levels of narcissism?” they write in the paper, published this week in PLOS One. “We would argue that, based on the evidence from the current studies, people who are willing to admit that they are relatively more narcissistic than others, actually are.”

    Bushman added that there were even people who admitted to being a full fledged 7 on the narcissism scale.

    “It was just 1 percent of the thousands of responses we got chose 7, but some people did,” he said.

    The researchers admit that SINS is not perfect. While it does a good job of identifying narcissists, it does not distinguish between those who are loud and proud of their narcissism (grandiose narcissism) and those who are more shy and feel shame and concern that people will judge them negatively for their self-involvement (vulnerable narcissism).

    The authors say SINS should not replace other narcissism diagnostic tests, but they say it can still be useful. After all, some of the longer tests can take as long as 13 minutes to read and complete. SINS takes just 20 seconds.

    “I’d imagine people using it in very expensive studies, and exploratory studies,” said Bushman. “Or when you are concerned about fatigue. I think it is very useful if you just want a quick and dirty take. It corrleates so strongly with the 40-question test, and it is a lot better than nothing at all.”

    He added that even non-research types might find the question useful when picking a potential mate, or making a hire.

    “Narcissists are very bad relationship partners and they are bad team players,” he said. “It might be nice to find out how much of a narcissist someone is.”

    And, as the study shows, all you have to do is ask.

    Do you love to learn? Follow me @DeborahNetburn and “like” Los Angeles Times Science & Health on Facebook.

    When you’re on a first date and it’s going well, congratulations, you’ve cleared the first hurdle.

    But even though you’re quite sure you’re attracted to each other, other anxieties can creep up on you.

    For example, you might start to ask yourself how the attractive, smart, funny person sitting opposite you could possibly be single.

    According to marriage counselor Robert Maurer, asking your date this question out loud is a good way of sussing them out, because it will give you an insight into their attitudes towards their past relationships. Are they always blameless when something goes wrong, or are they mature enough to learn from their mistakes?

    However, Erika Ettin, founder of dating site A Little Nudge, says asking someone “so how come someone as wonderful as you is still single?” is a terrible idea.

    “To start, this question is a back-handed compliment at its finest, with undertones of ‘What’s
    wrong with you?’ or ‘Why does no one else want you?'” Ettin said in an email to Business Insider. “This question immediately puts the person at the receiving end on the defensive, when that person has nothing at all to be defensive about.”

    At best, Ettin said, the person can uncomfortably deflect the question, by answering with something like: “Aren’t you lucky that I am?”

    The most awkward part of the question, Ettin says, is the use of the word “still,” as it implies that there is something wrong with being single in the first place.

    “Being single is not a crime,” she said. “In fact, it’s a valid life choice that many people desire. [It’s] as if one thinks you’ve been single since the day you came out of the womb. The reality is that we never know the other person’s story.”

    It also suggests that being in a relationship is everyone’s ultimate goal, which isn’t necessarily the case. Just because someone is unattached, doesn’t mean they are desperate for a relationship, or they are lagging behind everyone else.

    In fact, Ettin says she discourages her clients from discussing past lovers on the first date at all.

    “When you go on a date, the focus should be on the present, not the past,” Ettin said. “Talking about prior relationships often brings up difficult feelings, usually negative, and takes the tone of the date down. Talk about things that make you happy, what you like to do, and who you are as a person… not who you used to be, and who you used to be with.”

    With that in mind, however curious you might be about someone’s past, perhaps stick to less daunting questions the first time you meet them.

    How to ask a person if theyre single

    Research shows that asking someone if they’re suicidal doesn’t make them more likely to attempt suicide. Still, starting that conversation can feel intimidating for people worried about offending or embarrassing a loved one.

    That’s why Crisis Text Line, a free, nonprofit emotional support texting service, has released new data suggesting that one way of framing that question is more effective than another.

    After using artificial intelligence to analyze its dataset of 75 million text messages, collected since the service’s launch in 2013, Crisis Text Line found that assessing suicide risk with an “expression of care” was most likely to reduce a texter’s suicidal feelings.

    Texters were nearly twice as likely to feel less suicidal when a counselor used a compassionate approach as opposed to a blunt one.

    In the former scenario, a counselor would repeat the texter’s reason for reaching out, then ask about suicide risk by explicitly mentioning care and concern for their safety.

    A counselor speaking to a texter dealing with a breakup, for example, would say this: “Sometimes when people go through a breakup, they may have thoughts of ending their life. I want to check in, have you had any of these thoughts?”

    Another example might look like this: “With all of your sadness about the breakup, I just want to check in about your safety. Have you had any thoughts about death or dying?”

    “I just want to check in about your safety. Have you had any thoughts about death or dying?”

    By contrast, language like, “Are you feeling suicidal?,” “Do you want to hurt yourself?” and, “Are you having suicidal thoughts?” was less effective.

    Nearly 6 percent of texters reported feeling less suicidal in a post-conversation survey when they’d experienced an explicitly caring approach, compared to 3.3 percent who were asked outright about suicidal thoughts or behavior.

    In addition to analyzing 75 million messages, Crisis Text Line’s clinical staff reviewed about 400 transcripts to evaluate how texters responded to counselors’ different approaches. As a result, they found that an “apology” method — saying sorry, expressing hesitancy, or implying they’d rather not ask about suicide — was also less effective.

    That reflected phrasing like, “I’m sorry, but I have to ask, are you thinking of killing yourself?” and “Since you mentioned feeling depressed, I need to ask, are you planning to kill yourself?”

    The findings led Crisis Text Line to institute a new policy of always asking texters whether they feel suicidal, and training counselors to always use the “expression of care” method. Previously, counselors only asked the question when they felt someone was at risk of suicide.

    “Let’s give people the words to use and show them it’s not hard to use, and you will do more good than harm,” said Shairi Turner, an internist, pediatrician, and chief medical officer of Crisis Text Line.

    For someone contemplating suicide, an apology that precedes a question about whether they’re thinking of taking their life may invoke feelings of shame and isolation, Turner added. An affirmative, caring tone, on the other hand, normalizes the conversation and makes it easier for someone to share their suicidal thoughts.

    “How you set up that conversation is actually critically important,” said Christine Moutier, a member of Crisis Text Line’s clinical advisory board and chief medical officer of the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

    While Moutier believes the new insights from Crisis Text Line add to existing knowledge about how to ask a loved one if they’re experiencing suicidal thoughts or behavior, she notes that the best practices are based on a population of people who’ve reached out to a stranger for help. It’s possible that a different approach might work better with people who don’t seek help, but there’s no way the Crisis Text Line data can answer that question.

    In general, though, Moutier urges people to be empathetic when asking a loved one about suicide.

    “When the receiving person can simply tolerate it, hold it in a way that doesn’t judge, and doesn’t jump in with a solution or quick fix, but receives it in a loving, compassionate way, that’s the ideal,” says Moutier.

    Turner says that while we may not ever understand why a suicidal person attempts to take their life, we can get better at asking them before it’s too late.

    “[I]f we can arm people to be the experts to help each tother,” she says, “then I think we’ll make tremendous headway into helping those who are in pain.”

    If you want to talk to someone or are experiencing suicidal thoughts, text the Crisis Text Line at 741-741 or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Here is a list of international resources.

    Related Video: Michael Phelps discusses how he learned to overcome suicidal thoughts

    (WXYZ) — Summer activities are around the corner and people are itching to return to normal.

    State officials say the vaccination rate will play a big role in getting us there.

    The latest numbers show more than 50 percent of Michiganders have received at least one dose. The governor’s goal for completed vaccinations is 70%. But, when is it appropriate to ask someone if they’ve been vaccinated?

    Asking someone’s vaccination status can be a touchy subject. But if done with the right intentions and with the right approach, an etiquette consultant said you can get your answer without being offensive.

    “If it’s somebody I know then I’m going to ask them. It’s just kind of like asking have you had an STD test or when it the last time you’ve been to the doctor, have you got your teeth checked? It’s kind of a personal medical question if you ask me,” Tiffany Blair said.

    “I see both sides of it. Like, I have friends that are kind of anti against it. And we talk about it. They know I’m vaccinated. They respect my opinion, and I respect their opinion. So it’s not like we would get mad at each other about it,” Lauren Kuiper added.

    Wisetta Dolsey, an etiquette consultant and owner of Five Star School of Etiquette in Southfield, gave us some tips.

    “Just for the sake of knowing, it’s never right to ask someone if they’ve been vaccinated,” she said.

    Instead, Dolsey says make you’re asking for a specific reason, such as inviting someone to an event.

    Second, she says to start the conversation by “telling on yourself,” sharing your own vaccination status.

    “If you’re really curious, then you disclose. I’ve been vaccinated and believe me, the response will let you know either they’ve been vaccinated or they’re completely against vaccination,” she said.

    Third, know your audience.

    “We always have to remember it’s important to know who our audience is. So what you ask of your peer, you would never ask of a stranger or your boss or a co-worker,” she said.

    If you’re the one being asked but aren’t comfortable sharing, just say that it’s personal information that you intent to keep to yourself.

    Additional Coronavirus information and resources:

    View a global coronavirus tracker with data from Johns Hopkins University.

    Visit our The Rebound Detroit, a place where we are working to help people impacted financially from the coronavirus. We have all the information on everything available to help you through this crisis and how to access it.

    Curious if that new guy you’re seeing is full of himself? Does your best friend only seem to care about “me, me, me”? Wondering if the rising star at work has a big, fat ego? All you need to do is ask. A new report finds when people are asked if they are narcissistic, they answer accurately.

    “When it comes to self awareness, they tend to be in tune with knowing that they are not really agreeable or super nice,” says Sara Konrath, lead author of the paper published in PLOS ONE and an assistant professor at Indiana University Lilly Family School of Philanthropy.

    Narcissistic people have inflated egos; they often feel entitled, unique, and misunderstood because of these traits and often they alienate themselves from others. They also experience less empathy toward others.

    “I think the narcissism itself is negative,” says Robert Rowney, a staff physician in the Department of Psychiatry and Psychology at Cleveland Clinic, who was not involved with this study. “It is really viewed as different than confidence.”

    Surveys exist to determine whether someone suffers from narcissism and narcissistic personality disorder, but these questionnaires involve as many as 40 questions. During a party one evening, Konrath and some colleagues were talking to another coworker that they considered narcissistic. When someone asked what Konrath studied, she mentioned narcissism and the self-involved colleague boldly announced that he was a narcissist.

    “I kind of thought to myself it would be a really interesting question to ask [people] if they know if they are a narcissist,” she says. What if a single question was enough to identify the personality disorder?

    How to ask a person if theyre single

    Would Kanye West call himself a narcissist? Consider a quote he told the New York Times in 2013: \”I am so credible and so influential and so relevant that I will change things.\” Lionel Cironneau / Today

    Konrath and colleagues identified a question that yielded the most accurate answer. The query—“To what extent do you agree with this statement: ‘I am a narcissist.’ (Note: The word ‘narcissist’ means egotistical, self-focused, and vain).” People rate how much they agree on a scale from one to seven, with one being “not very true of me” and seven being “very true of me.”

    Then the researchers asked people to answer the one question, what they call the Single Item Narcissism Scale or SINS, and also complete a longer narcissism questionnaire. The results matched; people identified as narcissistic in traditional measures ranked similarly in SINS.

    While the single question survey shouldn’t replace traditional tests for diagnostic purposes, SINS can be valuable. If researchers are conducting online or phone surveys and don’t have enough time for a full narcissism assessment, SINS will provide a comparable result.

    “If you are at 6 or 7, you are in the top 95 [percent]… [You] are the most narcissistic,” says Konrath.

    As tempting as it might be to ask our dates, friends, coworkers, children, or neighbors if they are narcissistic, knowing that the answer is likely accurate, Konrath advises against it.

    “It’s not necessarily meant to categorize people outside of research,” she says, adding that we won’t find narcissists around every corner.

    “Someone who is saying that [he/she is narcissistic] is pretty rare and I think that is good news.”

    6 Answers

    I would ask Fred Jenkins when he is going to make an honest woman out of CindyLou CindyLou.

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    Mr. Trump, is that thing on your head alive?

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    Your place or mine?

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    If you had one day to live, how would you live it?

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    I would ask a random person their opinions about something they’re compastionate about. I love seeing people get excited over something they love!

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    I’d ask immodest people: Why not just go naked if you show much skin already? It like your bending the rules. If being naked is against the law how come it isn’t to wear so little that you practically are?


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    You might also like.


    At what age did JESUS CHRIST die.

    History Events

    I would visit Albert Einstein and just ask him to teach me all he knows.


    I would probably ask a dog If they actually had a real name?? Not names we give.. What they actually.


    What if the world was flat.


    Great question . My dog : Why do you face north when you poop ? :).

    By Esther Bilbao — Written on Aug 11, 2020

    How to ask a person if theyre single

    When a person’s actions are subtle, it can be hard to tell if someone likes you or if they’re just being nice. Sometimes it can be confusing because you can’t tell if he’s flirting and attracted to you, or if they’re like that with everyone.

    Most people are not brave enough to tell someone upfront that they are interested in them. Women and men alike are afraid of rejection.

    How to Tell If Someone Likes You

    Looking for the signs someone likes you can be a nail biter, especially when that guy is innately nice. There is a fine line between being nice and flirting and, sometimes, people send mixed signals that leave you confused.

    But, fortunately, there are some clues to figure out how to tell if someone likes you.

    1. They go out of their way for you.

    Not everyone goes out of their way to see you, talk to you, and be with you — not even your own friends. Someone who is attracted to you makes time for you and makes an effort to spend time with you.

    For example, the person is willing to pick you up and drive you home even though they live 15 miles from you. They’re also willing to do things that are out of their interest, such as watching a Broadway musical because you like it and even accompanying you when you want to go shopping.

    2. They ask you personal questions.

    If someone asks you a lot of personal questions about your life, like about your family, your likes and dislikes, your love life, and your dreams, it’s because they want to get to know you better and develop a deeper bond with you.

    If someone is just being nice, they would not bother asking you too many personal questions.

    3. They seem particularly interested in your relationship status.

    People generally care less about your dating game if they only see you as a friend.

    When someone is interested in you as more than just a friend, they will want to know if you are single or who you are currently dating. If they don’t even pry into your personal life, then they might not be that interested.

    4. They remember little details.

    People who are just being nice will actively listen to you when you are speaking simply because they don’t want to be rude.

    However, if this particular person asks you a lot of questions and keeps the conversation going for hours — even if your story is starting to get boring — and even brings up some small details from your story that you’ve mentioned in a conversation months ago, then most likely, they are interested in you. This is one of the best ways to learn how to tell if someone likes you.

    5. They’re genuinely concerned about your well-being.

    Friends also show their concern for your well-being especially when they know that you are going through something. This is one of the signs someone likes you in general.

    However, a person who is interested in you will always ask how your day went, if you got home safe, or even if you had your lunch.

    They’ll ask what is going on with you all the time. When they recognize that you’re sad, they’ll ask the reason why, and try their best to cheer you up and make you smile. If someone is overly concerned about you, it’s probably because they like you.

    6. They treat you differently than anyone else.

    When you are together with a group of friends, they pay special attention to you compared to your other friends.

    How to ask a person if theyre single

    In a perfect world, when you’re checking in with someone who’s struggling, you’d have your conversation together in a calm, private setting. Phones and devices would be silenced and stashed out of sight. Food and drinks tend to put people at ease, so you’d nosh on snacks or sip a beverage together, too.

    But this, of course, isn’t a perfect world, and we’re still in the throes of a pandemic, so this idyllic social scenario may not be possible anytime soon. So it’s even more important you choose the right moment to check in, as it will determine the quality of the interaction you have.

    While we may not be able to be physically present when we approach a troubled friend, we can create an atmosphere — and cultivate the right mind-set within ourselves — so the other person will feel comfortable opening up when they need support most.

    Look for signs of distress

    When you chat with a friend, Thomas Joiner, a psychology professor at Florida State University, said you should be on the lookout for noticeable changes in their demeanor, such as an irritable mood or a disheveled appearance. If your friend has recently experienced relationship issues, health problems or workplace stress, or has faced financial difficulties, they may be especially vulnerable to anguish right now.

    Be mindful of any power dynamics

    Depending on your relationship, you might want to tread carefully. Personal friends, work colleagues, classmates and family members all require different approaches, said Phoenix Jackson, a licensed marriage and family therapist. She recommends carefully considering the power dynamics before you approach, as it’s easier to be vulnerable with someone if you’re on equal footing.

    In some cases, even asking if someone is OK, “depending on how, where and when it’s posed, could be seen as an affront or even something where a case is being built to dismiss that person,” she said. She recommends reassuring the other person that you’re asking from a place of real concern. If the person doesn’t want to engage, say you respect their decision. Assure them you’ll drop the issue.

    Check in with yourself first

    “When you check in with others, you are opening some vulnerability there and that takes some insight,” said Dr. Jena Lee, a child and adult psychiatrist and clinical instructor at the David Geffen School of Medicine at U.C.L.A. So it’s important to make sure you’re in a healthy place to be present and engage with someone who’s struggling.

    When you’re ready to have a conversation, pinpoint why you’re concerned

    Be explicit: “I notice you’ve been slower to respond to my text messages.” Or, “I see you’ve been sleeping a lot more than usual. Is there anything you want to talk about?”

    By indicating you’ve noticed a change in their behavior, “you give them the opportunity to either confirm what you’re saying or deny it,” said Uche Ukuku, a psychologist. You’re not telling the other person how they feel, but you’re initiating a conversation and giving them a chance to address the change, she said.

    Offer confidentiality

    If you have the kind of relationship where you can honor confidentiality, Ms. Jackson suggests offering it. Your promise might help them feel more secure confiding in you. If there’s potential for embarrassment or shame, she suggests letting the person know you understand if they’re not ready to have a conversation. Just reiterate that you care about them, which is why you’re asking.

    The Coronavirus Pandemic: Latest Updates

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    Ask open-ended, nonjudgmental questions

    When asking someone if they’re OK, the other person may reflexively reply they’re fine, which shuts the conversation down. Dr. Ukuku suggests keeping your questions open-ended:

    “Is anything on your mind?”

    “What’s the most difficult thing you’ve experienced lately?”

    If you are more familiar with this person, Dr. Lee suggests asking specific questions to show you care:

    “How are your kids adjusting to so many changes at school?”

    This way, she said, your questions come out naturally. “What you’re trying to do is actually show that you want to know what their life is like and how they’re actually experiencing their circumstances,” she said.

    Reveal a bit about your own struggles

    Dr. Lee also recommends sharing a little bit about yourself to get the conversation rolling. Saying something like: “I’ve been so stressed. How have things been for you?” Or “I’m sick of cooking meals. How have you been handling staying home?” Opening the conversation this way, she said, gives the other person permission to air their own grievances and worries.

    Or, you don’t have to pose a question at all

    Ms. Jackson suggests sending a letter or postcard to someone as a way to let them know you’re thinking about them. You could write: “I’m wondering how you are.” The phrasing leaves a lot of room for people to choose whether to engage, Ms. Jackson said.

    Don’t be preoccupied with what to say in response

    “When you’re in the conversation and someone is sharing with you a horrible situation that they’re going through, the first thing that most people think is, ‘What do I say? How can I help them?’” Dr. Lee said. It’s an understandable reaction, “but thinking about those things distracts your mind and you actually aren’t able to be empathetic,” she said.

    She suggests putting yourself in their shoes. Even if you sit in silence, your facial expressions and body language will convey your empathetic reaction, Dr. Lee said. Validate your friend. Say that yes, their situation is painful. “The most helpful thing that we can do for each other is just share that you’re actually burdened together,” she said.

    Don’t set out to solve your friend’s problem

    For complex problems with no easy solutions, you shouldn’t expect that you can resolve these issues on your own. If your friend is experiencing distress, Dr. Joiner suggests telling them to reach out to their primary care physician or family doctor for added support. If your friend is religious, encourage them to reach out to a clergy person as “they’re often really helpful with things like this,” he said.

    Make a date to follow up

    Coming up with a follow-up plan — a phone call in a few days, a socially distanced picnic, a Zoom call — not only gives the other person something to look forward to, but it also sends the message that this checkup isn’t going to be a one-time thing. It also takes the pressure off the other person from feeling as if they have to provide daily updates and gives you both space to process your conversation, Dr. Ukuku said.

    “We don’t realize how much being seen can really change somebody’s mood,” she said. “The idea that you checked in on them is telling them, ‘Hey, not only am I seen, but also that I’m known and I’m loved.’”

    There will be times when your friends aren’t able to communicate what they need from you. The goal, Dr. Ukuku said, is to plant a seed so that when they do need support, they’ll know you’re somebody they can reach out to.

    By Ossiana Tepfenhart — Written on Dec 15, 2017

    How to ask a person if theyre single

    Single dads, for many ladies, are considered to be a “unicorn” in the dating scene. Or, rather, I should say that the Single Dad Trope seems to be the best thing around. He’s good with kids, clearly wants a woman ready to settle down, and he also happens to be in a good enough state to be open to a new relationship.

    With so many ladies wanting a Mr. Right to settle down with, you’d think that single dads would have it easy. But truth be told, most women do not want to deal with them. And they are wise to make that call in most cases.

    The problem that single dads are facing, though, is the fact th at they are themselves. Speaking as a veteran in the dating scenes (and as a child-free person), I totally understand why a lot of ladies have a harder time wanting a relationship with a guy who has kids to take care of, regardless of how incredible he is as a person. While there are certainly plenty of reasons relationships with single dads can work out beautifully, for some, it’s best to know the additional downside of dating a single dad.

    1. Dating a single dad means that you will have to play “mommy,” regardless of what he says.

    This is the big thing most women don’t want to deal with when they’re dating a single dad. Most single dads are looking for a mother to their kids, even if they don’t realize that’s what they want.

    The problem with this is that most women do not want to be forced to have to get in that role while they’re still dating.

    2. Baby mama drama is a thing.

    Yes, I’ve seen countless baby mamas try to get between a single dad and his new date. Also, for some reason, single dads tend to like to cheat on their new relationships with their baby mamas.

    Because she’s tied to his kid, she will always be a part of his life. That’s a big “no thanks” for most ladies.

    3. A lot of single dads tend to have entitled double standards when it comes to dating.

    It’s baffling how many single dads do not want to date single mom, or dumped the mothers of their children because they “let themselves go.” Some even openly admit it’s because they want a woman who will take care of their kids while also looking like a gym bunny.

    It’s 2017, and no one has time for that. Frankly, most guys who think that way have shown they really don’t have anything to offer women as a whole.

    4. There’s also the issue of time.

    Raising kids takes a lot of time out of your day, and guess what? If you’re dating, that time ends up being deducted from what you could be spending with your date. Unfortunately for single dads, most women do not want to have to work around a kid’s schedule.

    5. Don’t forget the money aspect, either.

    Most single dads out there have to pay child support and possibly spouse alimony. So, even if he does have a six-figure income, that doesn’t necessarily mean that he’ll have much money to spend on dates.

    Speaking as someone who’s dated single dads who expected me to pay for dinner because of bills dealing with kids, this isn’t attractive.

    6. No matter how “okay” with kids you are, there’s always that concern about having the breakup hurt the kid.

    Here’s the thing: in a normal breakup, you end up with two people hurt. When you date a single dad, there’s also an innocent party at stake. That does not feel good at all.

    7. Though this isn’t always the case, there good reason to worry about single dads being unfit partners.

    Raising a kid is a two-person job. With most women dreading the potential of being a single mom, it says volumes if you find out that he’s divorced or that she’s walked from him. That typically means that the ex felt it was easier to be alone than it was to be with him, and you have to wonder why.

    8. A lot of women do want to have kids, but want their kids to be the dad’s first.

    Once again, totally understandable, since most women want to go on that journey with someone that has about the same experience as they do. So, that’s kind of an automatic dealbreaker, no?

    9. There’s also the issue of his kid coming first, all the time.

    Sorry ladies, it’s true. A single dad will always prioritize his kids first, and that means that you will never be the number one in his life.

    If you aren’t cool with that, dating a single dad will not work out well for you. Also, if he’s not putting his kid first, you probably don’t want to date him because of what that says about his priorities and personality.

    How to ask a person if theyre single

    Question: Should I ask my ex if she is seeing someone else and if she is, what do I do? The last time I asked her directly it became emotionally heated and things ended badly. She said I was insecure and if she is seeing someone else she will not be talking to me. She also said, we’re not together and if she was seeing someone else; it’s none of my business. I want to know if it is wise or if there is a good way to ask if she is seeing someone else, interested in another guy or does it not really matter? It does bother me to see she can just move on so easily. I am driving myself nuts thinking about it.

    Yangki’s Answer: Unless something has changed to suggest she is now seeing someone else or interested in another guy; I agree with her that your fears are about your insecurity. Your ex said if she was seeing someone else she will not be talking to you; if she’s talking to you, you should take her word for it.

    Unless she brings it up, or you find out from reliable sources that there is someone else; I suggest that you keep the focus on the the two of you. Obsessing about your ex seeing someone else takes the attention away from the two of you.

    That said, if it bothers you that much that your ex maybe seeing someone else, you can ask her again. Asking directly if she’s seeing someone else is always the best way. But make sure that you own you feeling; and not come across as being suspicious that she’s lying to you. The last time she said you were insecure, start from there. Something along the lines, “I’m probably being insecure again…”

    Whatever she says, make sure you don’t react negatively there and then. This is where problems usually begin; not in the asking, but in the reaction to the answer. Calmly try to find out more about the relationship. Find out if it’s serious or casual so you can decide (when you are on your own), if you still want try getting back together or not.

    Based on her response that last time you asked if she was seeing someone else; whether she is seeing someone else or not, in her mind there is nothing wrong with that. You’re not together, so it’s not like she’d cheating on you.

    Of course that’s no comfort for you, but it’s the reality of being broken up. That’s not to say, you completely ignore the possibility of there being someone else. Look out for some usual signs like she’s suddenly taking too long to respond, she doesn’t respond most of the time, her responses are short and emotionally closed off, or she seems distracted etc.

    If this is happening consistently, you might want to consider the fact that there is someone else she interested in, or is seeing. How you handle the situation may make all the difference.

    How to ask a person if theyre single

    Do you want somebody that you know to keep you informed with something?

    Are you ever unsure of the right words to say in this situation in English?

    Do you wish that you could get somebody to update you and you want to convey this just right?

    We’re going to help you with the perfect way to say this, and how you can work this into conversation.

    How to ask a person if theyre single

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    Use This Unique Opportunity

    When you want to let someone know that they should keep you informed about something, it’s a huge opportunity for connection.

    You might not see it that way but you can use this as your sort of introduction or to show you concern.

    The possible ways to connect in this way include:

    • If a family member has a job interview and you want to see how it went
    • If you want to hear about a decision someone is thinking about making that you know is big and has a dramatic impact on their life
    • If you want to hear how someone’s first day at work or school goes

    All of these are great examples of how you can show your concern, and that they are in your thoughts.

    Using The Right Phrases To Show How You Feel

    You want to show your concern, and that may seem difficult to do at times.

    What phrases can you use to show someone their event or decision is important to you?

    This makes the person feel important and will keep the connection going.

    These phrases can also be used in business.

    What’s interesting is these phrases all involve the verbs keep or let.

    • Keep me posted: You’re asking for somebody to let you know how something goes. You want them to keep you updated with progress, and it’s a common phrase for that.
    • Let me know what happens: You know that something big is coming up for them and you want to hear about it. You want to know the way that things transpire, and you’re showing that you care.
    • Keep me updated: You’re asking for updates on their situation. It’s the ultimate way to show that you want to hear how it’s all going for them. It’s an easy but effective way to get them to tell you about their situation.
    • Keep me in the loop: It may sound like an unusual phrase, but it’s actually quite common. It means that you want them to keep you updated on what is going on with their situation.
    • Let me know how it goes: You literally want them to tell you what happens and how everything goes. It’s pretty straightforward and can be used in any situation with anybody.

    It’s All About Showing Interest

    You now have the best phrases to use in these situations.

    All of these phrases are quite common and important, and they work well to accomplish what you want them to.

    It’s important to show the proper amount of interest in others’ lives, and these can al help.

    These phrases are great and remember it’s all about the tone that we use to deliver the right message.


    Use these phrases to keep a conversation going past the initial one.

    If someone is telling you about something going on with their life, it’s nice to show your interest and say the person should keep in touch.

    That’s not to say you should be nosy, but it’s good to show a healthy amount of interest.

    You will find this fine balance and when you do, it feels great to know how to make this conversation and connection work.I

    If you have any questions, please leave them in the comments section.

    We’ll get back to you as soon as we can.

    When Friends Are Too Lazy to Call

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    How to ask a person if theyre single

    It seems like I’m always the one who has to initiate things with my friends. If I don’t call them, they don’t seem to call me. Why is that?


    New Friendships Need Extra Attention

    It depends on how new your friendship is, but sometimes people just get into a habit of laziness where they wait for people to connect with them rather than picking up the phone themselves. This happens a lot with newer friendships, where people aren’t used to thinking of you yet to invite you to an event (“Oh, my favorite band is in town, I’m going to invite Jane”) so they wait for you to call instead.

    This also happens when they aren’t sure yet about the friendship. They might be afraid of being rejected and as a result they don’t bother reaching out. Or, they don’t know you well enough to invite you to things, thinking that perhaps you might not enjoy the activity they’re suggesting. (This is also a common reason why friends get excluded sometimes.)

    Older Friendships That Fall Into a Rut

    If you and your friend have known each other a long time, you may have fallen in a rut where you do all the contacting and your friend waits to hear from you. Your friend might not mean for this to be a bad thing, it’s just that this is the way it’s always been and they don’t make an effort to change it.

    A Problem With Your Friendship

    Another reason your friends let you do all the communication work is that perhaps there is an issue with your friendship that hasn’t yet been resolved. Maybe your friend is mad at you, feeling jealous, or just irritated with you for whatever reason.

    Still, another reason could be the most simple: Perhaps they’re just lazy. After all, organizing even a simple coffee date can take effort to coordinate schedules and choose a venue. For some, it’s too much work.

    Friends With an Introvert?

    When extroverts and introverts are friends, the extrovert might find that they are doing most of the work when it comes to initiating communication. Introverts may communicate mainly through email or Facebook rather than by phone. Introverts prefer one-on-one talks to chatting in a large group, so while they might need you to make the first move and invite them out, they’ll really enjoy spending time with you.

    The Frustration of Being Proactive

    It can be very frustrating to be the one to initiate communication all the time. You could try to avoid the people that don’t make an effort and instead focus on the people that are reciprocal in this area, but your friend might move on to a new friendship or think you’re angry with them.

    You could also try gently bringing up the situation with a nudge like, “Hey, is everything okay? I noticed I’ve been the one to call and set up plans for the last six months. Are we good?” Approaching it this way will help your friend recognize their inability to give as well as take in your friendship. However, they could also just tell you they are busy or that there’s nothing wrong at all. Not everyone is self-aware when it comes to friendship.

    Copy to Clipboard

    Always ask before including someone as a reference.

    Send a polite email or call them on the phone, offering a few details about the request including timelines.

    After your reference agrees, send them your updated resume and details about the position.

    Follow up in a timely manner, thanking them for their reference.

    At some point during your job search

    , you may be asked to provide a list of references. You might provide this as you fill out a job application or later during the interview phase.

    Employers rely on these references—as well as professional background checks—to fact-check your resume

    or interview answers. For this reason, you should be sure to include credible references who can speak positively to your qualities and experience. You should also let these people know that you are applying for jobs and listing them as references so they can prepare. In this article, you’ll learn how to choose references and how to ask someone to be a reference with examples.

    How to ask someone to be a reference

    1. Choose the right people

    You’ll want to consider who your references will be early on in the job search process, as references can be asked for as early as the application phase. Make a list of people who could be potential references. Consider individuals who you believe will speak highly of your accomplishments, work-ethic, character and qualifications.

    References can be any of the following:

    Former managers or supervisors

    Advisors, teachers, mentors or instructors

    Connections from volunteering, professional clubs or academic groups

    In general, the more recently you worked or interacted with a potential reference, the better. But you can make exceptions for individuals employed at the company you are applying to, well-respected community members or a supervisor you worked for at a past job who especially respected your work.

    Start your initial list with everyone you can think of, then narrow it down based on your priorities, the nature of the relationship, and the position you’re applying for. Typically, companies ask for no more than three references, but it’s a good idea to have four or even five in case one becomes unavailable.

    2. Notify your references in advance

    Once you’ve decided on references, notify them immediately. You want to avoid a situation where your reference is contacted without knowing you’ve listed them as it can hinder the quality of their reference and may even put the opportunity at risk.

    The person giving you a reference also may need to write a letter, fill out a questionnaire or speak to someone from human resources on the phone. Providing this favor is no small task. Give your potential reference plenty of time to consider the request, and be sure to thank them for their time and efforts.

    3. Ask politely and be aware of how you’re being received

    If it’s been awhile since you’ve communicated with a potential reference, connect the dots between the past and the present, including what you worked on together and where you are in your current career path. Providing your resume is an easy way to do this. Always give your potential reference an option to decline by using language like, “Would you feel comfortable being a reference for me?” or, “I understand your time is valuable, so don’t hesitate to let me know if this isn’t a good time.” If they show any hesitation, gracefully back out of the invitation and move down your list to the next option. It’s better to preserve the relationship in the long run.

    4. Provide them with helpful details

    Once you’ve provided your list of references to your potential employer, send a quick email to let each reference know which company will be reaching out and, if you know the details, what information the company will be requesting. Provide your references with a brief overview of what the role is and any specific information you’d like them to speak to as this will make it easier for your reference to know what to say.

    Here’s an example email for how to update your references:

    Subject line: Reference request – update

    Dear [ Reference’s name ] ,

    Thank you again for being a reference for me. I wanted to let you know that I’ve completed my interviews for the [ job title you interviewed for ] , and Company XYZ may be contacting you soon. I’ve attached the job description below so you’re aware of the qualities they’re seeking in a candidate. Let me know if there’s any additional information I can provide you.

    Thank you!
    [ Your name ]

    Follow up

    Follow up with your reference to thank them after every reference they provide. You can do so through a hand-written letter or thoughtful email. Then, if you are hired for the position, take a moment to celebrate by sending a quick email to your references to let them know you’ve accepted a position and that you’re grateful for their help on your behalf. You might consider letting your reference know that you’re willing to return the favor if ever needed.

    Here’s an example email for how to thank your reference:

    Subject line: Reference request – Thank you!

    Dear [ Reference’s name ] ,

    I’ve just accepted the [ job you interviewed for ] role at Company XYZ. Thank you so much for sending a reference on my behalf. I sincerely appreciate it. I’d be happy to return the favor by serving as a reference for you in the future.

    Thanks again,
    [ Your name ]

    How to ask a person if theyre single

    Thank You Letter Format

    Start with a greeting.

    Share your gratitude with specific examples.

    Include any details from your conversations.

    Close with any additional thoughts or information.

    End with a polite closing.

    *Proofread your message: Take a few minutes to review your thank you notes for any spelling, grammar or syntax mistakes. A message that’s free of errors shows you’re professional and detail-oriented.

    These contacts will likely be important throughout your career. By expressing your gratitude, you’ll be more likely to benefit from the relationship for years to come.

    Asking for a reference email example

    Sometimes a phone call or in-person meeting is a good idea for requesting a personal reference, but you can also start out with an email. Below is an example email template you can easily adapt, depending on the position you’re applying for and the relationship you have with your potential reference:

    Subject line: Reference request for [ Your Name ]

    Dear [ Recipient Name ] ,

    I hope you are well! [ Insert a pleasantry (e.g. ‘How is your family?’ or ‘It was great seeing you at the Women in Tech event last month.”) ]

    I am currently seeking employment as a [ job title you’re applying for ] and am wondering if you’d be comfortable providing a reference for me. Having worked with you for several years at Company ABC, I believe you can provide potential employers with specific information about my skills that will improve my chances of getting the job.

    Attached is my current resume. Please let me know if you need any additional information to act as a reference on my behalf. If now is not a good time for you, don’t hesitate you let me know. Thank you so much for considering my request.

    Thanks again,
    [ Your name ]
    [ Your number ]
    [ Your email ]

    Suzie the Love Diva: Helping you take back your POWER!

    How to ask a person if theyre single

    It seems like you have found the perfect partner. You met them online, and what they have shared with you about themselves makes you trust them on a deeper level. They might be halfway across the globe from you, but somehow you feel like you might actually be falling…in….love with them. Wait, what? Before you allow yourself to get overly attached to this person, you have to make sure that they are “the real deal”.

    In a study done in 2013, 35% of married couples met online. This is great, and this might restore a little trust in humanity and make you rethink the idea that everyone out there is “out to get you”. More and more people are using internet dating sites in the hope of finding the love of their life.

    But on that same note, more and more cyber cons are showing up all over the place and it’s becoming hard to tell the difference between a real person and just another scammer online. Falling for “the one” online only to find out that they really aren’t all they sketched themselves up to be, isn’t only heart-breaking, it also damages you and makes you seriously skeptical about future encounters.

    5 Ways to Know If Someone You Met Online is a Fraud

    So, to get back to the real business, here are some red flags that you need to be on the lookout for when you want to establish if they’re a fraud or not:

    1. It’s in the way they describe themselves in their profile and the pic itself

    Seriously, you just need to take a closer look. What do they describe themselves as? Their physical description of themselves should be rational. An athlete with a “plush” body, really? The best way to establish if they really look like what they say they do is to ask them to send you a picture where they’re holding a specific item, or even something that is hand written, close to their body. The other thing that should be setting off alarms is professional photos used for profile pics, unless off course they really are a model. A seriously cool tool to use is Google Goggles, where you can see if the photo they sent you has been used anywhere else online. If they’re using someone else’s pictures and posting them as their own, the warning bells should be very loud by now.

    2. Their profile seems a little “cut and pasty”

    Try using plagiarism scanners to see if his “introduction letter” online has been used anywhere else or by anyone else. You should be able to spot a phony immediately based on this. A real person, with honest to goodness intentions would be strong enough to set up their own letter and really allow users to get a peek into their life and what they’re all about. It obviously goes without saying that their grammar and spelling should also be good. Loads of scammers give themselves away here. Open your eyes and actually READ what they have to say.

    3. They want to go IM ASAP

    If they’re trying to get you off the dating site and on to email or personal instant messaging right from the word go, you should be worrying. Sure they might seem legit, but do yourself a favor and create a different email address exclusively for use in the online dating world, where they won’t be able to get a hold of any of your personal details if you don’t want them to have it. You should also be worrying if they’re saying they love you way at the start of things. The scammers out there are often out to get you emotionally overwhelmed. They’ll tell you whatever you need to hear in order to sneak their way into our life.

    4. They’re not on Facebook

    Sorry, but if they can go through the length of creating an online dating profile, the heck, they can surely create a Facebook profile. We live in a world were just about anyone who’s anyone makes use of this social media platform. If grandmothers can use it, they sure can. Once you have established that they have a Facebook account, snoop around over there too! Facebook says a whole lot about a person. Do yourself a favor and have a look at things such as the date they created their profile. If they did it as in yesterday, RED FLAG! Also take a look at the pictures, and their friends. Pretty much the same goes for twitter, although not everyone uses twitter. Google search them. Just do it. You won’t regret it. Just don’t go borderline cyber stalker here!

    5. They ask for Cash

    Oh hell no, you surely aren’t an ATM and the fact that they even considered to ask you for money should be having you running for the hills. Or at least in the online world, blocking and disabling them, and then reporting them. Sympathy scams are everywhere to be found these days and the victims are usually regular people like me and you, and the sad fact is that some of them honestly succeed with this trick because the poor victim is too smitten to even realize what’s going on.

    Sadly, our modern culture has created a world where some people often feel the need to create a fake persona just to get a taste of what a real relationship could feel like, because they don’t see themselves as worthy of getting a real girlfriend or boyfriend. It’s a terrible reality, and what’s worse is the fact that they have perfectly innocent REAL people falling for their fake personalities in a bid to try and get whatever they can have.

    Unfortunately even some of the smartest people tend to lose their common sense when the idea of romance and even love comes to light. If two or more of the Red Flags that we talked about here applies to your internet beau, then sadly, its time you considered the fact that he might not be real at all.

    Get the conversation going — really going

    Everyone who goes to networking events has this challenge: What do I ask someone I don’t know to start a good conversation.

    A simple “ How Are You?” usually won’t do the trick to bring out the most interesting stories.

    Honestly, this is also true for your friends and family. If you only have time for a quick check-in, maybe. But even so, how many times have you heard anyone answering something meaningful?

    Kalina Silverman, then a college student, conducted a “little” research project, called BIG TALK. She wanted to be able to make meaningful connections with new people, and realized that takes skipping the small talk to have deeper conversations. She approached strangers and asked them this one question: “What do you want to do before you die?”

    She shares her inspiring story in a TEDxtalk, which has already more than 4,400,000 views.

    In a previous post I talked about the transformational power of asking questions . Asking thought-provocative or sometimes seemingly “absurd” questions often don’t come naturally.

    It simply needs practice.

    That’s the reason why I challenged myself to ask all the questions that come into my mind, no matter to whom/what it is, for an entire month. And obviously taking the time to mindfully listen to the answers.

    Why don’t you join me?

    Would love to hear which of your questions resulted in the most unexpected, honest, mind-opening, and interesting stories.

    Whether you have a good friend who seems depressed lately, or a family member who seems especially anxious, mental health can be a hard subject to bring up.

    But you shouldn’t ignore a potential mental health issue if you’re concerned. The other person may want to address their psychological well-being, but just doesn’t know how to bring it up.

    Asking a few pointed questions can give them an opportunity to talk, if they want to. It can also show that you care, and help them see you’re willing to be there for them when they’re going through a tough time.

    Don’t run through these questions like a checklist, however. The last thing someone with a mental health issue wants is to feel like they’re being interrogated.

    But do pick and choose a few questions to invite the other person to get a conversation started. If it seems they aren’t interested in talking, that’s OK. You can ask again on another day.

    1. How are you doing?

    “How are you?” is most commonly used as a figure of speech that generates pleasant replies like, “Good.”

    But if you really want to know how someone is doing, ask them after you’ve already cut through the small talk.

    You might point out something you’ve observed like, “I notice you haven’t been going to see your parents lately. Are you doing OK?”

    Or you might talk about a difficult experience the person has had by saying something like, “I’ve been meaning to ask, how have you been doing since your grandmother passed away?”

    Make eye contact when you ask an important question. And give the other person time to respond without any interruptions.

    2. Is there anything you want to talk about?

    Sometimes people just need assurance that it’s OK to bring up tough subjects or topics that go a little deeper.

    This can help the conversation move from superficial subjects to something a little more meaningful if the other person wants.

    If they aren’t interested in talking about anything, don’t pry. Instead, let them know you’re willing to listen if they ever do want to talk.

    3. How’s your stress level lately?

    Sometimes it’s easier to talk about an external force like stress rather than an internal problem like emotional turmoil.

    So asking someone how their stress has been might feel a little less threatening than outright asking about their mental state. Yet it could allow you to have a similar conversation.

    4. Have you been eating and sleeping?

    People who find it hard to share their feelings may feel more comfortable sharing tangible evidence that they’re in pain.

    Sleep and appetite are often impacted by mental health. So someone might more easily say, “I just haven’t wanted to eat for a while,” or “I haven’t slept more than 20 minutes at a time.”

    Asking those questions also shows you care, and it may give you an opening to intervene. You might follow it up with a question like, “Have you thought about talking to your doctor about that?” Show empathy by acknowledging their pain, and make it clear that you want them to feel better.

    5. Would you be willing to talk to someone?

    Your loved one might be on the fence about talking to a therapist. Asking them in a nonjudgmental way could encourage them to do it.

    And if they haven’t been thinking about it, asking about it may open their eyes to the fact that it’s a possibility.

    Asking this question might also show them that there’s no need to be embarrassed about talking to a professional. If they agree, you could offer to help them schedule an appointment, or you might even offer to take them.

    6. What can I do for you?

    Mental health issues can make it tough to function. So if your loved one is struggling, they might appreciate some help. Help may involve practical things like getting groceries or regular emotional support like daily video chats.

    However, don’t be surprised if they aren’t sure what you could do for them. Sometimes it’s hard to recognize where we need help, or how someone may be able to assist. If you see something that might be helpful, make a specific offer like, “Can I help you get the dishes done?”

    7. When is the best time to check in with you again?

    You don’t want to force your way into someone’s life by saying, “I’m going to call you several times a day.” Annoying them won’t encourage the person to talk.

    But you can ask them when it’s OK to follow up. Let them know you’d like to check in with them. Whether they want you to call another day or in a couple of weeks, it’s OK. Just make sure to show you’re sincere by following up and doing what you say.

    Have you ever been interested in a man without knowing whether he was single…and you didn’t know how to ask him without it being really obvious? This happens to most of us, so we’ve consulted two guys and asked “What questions can a woman ask to find if a guy is single, without being obvious?”

    Joe Dlhopolsky Says:

    Try to find out who he does things with, especially in dating type situations. If he’s married or dating someone seriously, then it will be difficult to keep her out of the conversation when you are talking about things that he must have done with her. Some men will try to deceive you about the existence of a significant other. Apart from your not wanting to have anything to do with such men, you can often sense deception by halting speech and awkward pauses while he thinks up his line.

    Good Questions to Ask:

    • “How was your weekend? Did you do anything interesting?”
    • “What’s your favorite music? Have you ever gone to concerts?”
    • “Did you see such and such movie?”
    • “What did you do on your last vacation?”

    Bruce Butler Says:

    Avoid the obvious such as “Do you have a girlfriend?”

    Instead, ask:

    • “Are you new in town?”
    • “Do you have family nearby?”
    • “Do you own a home or rent an apartment?”
    • “What do you like to do for fun?”
    • “What do you do in your free time?” (A variation of the previous question).
    • Different patients may respond better to different approaches.
    • Make sure to ask in a private environment and do not use family or friends as interpreters.
    • See ethics and privacy section before you start discussion.
    • Patients highly value compassion and the quality of being non-judgemental

    Written questions
    Oral questions
    Asking indirectly
    Framing the question – this sets the stage for asking, so that the patient doesn’t feel embarrassed that you singled her out to ask
    Asking directly
    SAFE questions – a series of sequential questions

    Written questions

    Written questions are more efficient for your time, but, realizing that many patients with abuse issues will check “no”, please always add:

    “I see that you have checked “no” about questions relating to feeling safe with your partner. Do you have any other questions about this issue? (No.) I just want you to know that if anything like this ever does come up, this is a safe place to talk about it and get help.”

    For written questions, you can use a combination of the questions under oral questions (the Agency for Healthcare Quality and Research suggests you ask at least three questions), or see Resources for a list of written screening instruments.

    Oral questions

    Asking indirectly

    • How are things going at home?
    • What about stress levels? How are things going at work? At home?
    • How do you feel about the relationships in your life?
    • How does your partner treat you?
    • Are you having any problems with your partner?

    Framing the question

    • Because unfortunately violence is so common in our society, I have started asking all of my patients about it.
    • Because domestic violence has so many effects on health, I now ask all my patients about it.
    • From past experience with other patients, I’m concerned that some of your medical problems may be the result of someone hurting you. Is that happening?
    • I don’t know if this is a problem for you, but many of my patients are dealing with abusive relationships. Some are too afraid or uncomfortable to bring it up themselves, so I’ve started asking about it routinely.
    • Violence affects many families. Violence in the home may result in physical and emotional problems for you and your child. We are offering services to anyone who may be concerned about violence in their home.

    Asking directly

    • Are you afraid of your partner? Do you feel you are in danger?
    • You mentioned your partner’s problem with temper/stress/drinking. When that happens, has he ever threatened or hurt you?
    • Every couple fights at times – what are your fights like at home? Do the fights ever become physical?
    • Have you been hit or scared since the last time I saw you?
    • Has anyone at home hit you or tried to injure you in any way?
    • What kinds of experiences with violence have you had in your life?
    • Do you feel controlled or isolated by your partner?
    • Does your partner ever try to control you by threatening to hurt you or your family?
    • Has anyone close to you ever threatened or hurt you?
    • Does your partner ever hit, kick, hurt or threaten you?
    • Have you ever been slapped, pushed or shoved by your partner?
    • Have you ever been touched in a way that made you feel uncomfortable?
    • Has anyone ever made you to do something sexual when you did not want to?
    • Has your partner ever refused to practice safe sex?

    SAFE Questions (oral, add sequentially as needed)
    Ashur M. Asking About Domestic Violence: SAFE Questions. JAMA.1993;269(18):2367 SAFE Questions

    Senior Lifestyle Reporter, HuffPost

    How to ask a person if theyre single

    “Pansexual” may have shot up to Merriam Webster’s most searched term of the day recently when singer Janelle Monae came out, but there’s still a lot of confusion about the sexual orientation. (FYI: The dictionary defines the word as “of, relating to, or characterized by sexual desire or attraction that is not limited to people of a particular gender identity or sexual orientation.”)

    We asked people who identify as pansexual to share some things they wish others knew about this lesser-known way of identifying. See what they had to say below.

    1. No, we’re not just bisexual or going through a phase.

    How to ask a person if theyre single

    “Some people think pansexuality is nothing more than a transitional phase ― or that pansexuals simply don’t know what they want. They assume pansexuals are testing the waters and finding out if they’re actually just gay or straight or bisexual. Some people look at our romantic histories and make assumptions; I’ve always found it quite odd because if someone were to say that they’re straight, not a single soul would ask, ‘Are you sure you’re not bisexual or even pansexual maybe? You’ve only dated people of the same sex as you at this point ― maybe you just haven’t found the right one yet.’ They’ll say things along the lines of, ‘Well aren’t you dating your first boyfriend? That counts as straight if you ask me,’ or ‘So you like boys and girls? Isn’t that pretty much bisexuality?’” ― Henson Popa

    2. Being pansexual doesn’t mean you’re attracted to everyone, all the time.

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    “When people ask if I’m attracted to everyone, I always turn this question back to the askee ― which, in my experience, are usually straight men: ‘Are you attracted to every woman you see?’ The misconception that pan people think everyone is attractive or that they want to sleep with everyone is just downright untrue. Gender or gender identity may not be factors that determine who we find attractive, but we’re human beings, too; we have preferences, types and kinks just as varied as the other sexual orientations. There’s just more fish in the sea for us.” ― Lee Monster

    3. Pansexuals are into monogamous relationships, too.

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    “Much like bisexuality, I feel like it’s a common misconception that pansexual folks are incapable of being faithful or participating in monogamous relationships. That’s totally false. We are just as capable of being monogamous as straight couples, gay couples and queer couples in general.” ―Hannah Smith

    4. Pansexuals and bisexuals can coexist.

    “I hear a lot of people talk about how pan and bi are somehow at odds or opposed to each other. It’s simply not true. When it comes down to it, I think pan and bi are essentially similar things: ‘Two sides of the same coin,’ to use a tired adage. I personally resonate more with ‘pan’ than ‘bi’ because gender is very low on the list of things I care about when building any kind of relationship with someone. I am much more interested in the person as a whole ― their own identity, their belief system, their hobbies and interests, and yes, at some point, their gender as well.” ― Derick Bailey

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    5. Stop assuming we’re interested in a threesome or orgy.

    “What I’m into is none of anyone’s business, really, except my partner and myself. If you know my sexual orientation, that doesn’t mean I will automatically jump at the chance to join you and your partner for a bang when you proposition me. Threesomes or orgies in whatever gender configuration aren’t exclusively liked by pan or bi people.” ― Lee Monster

    6. You’re never too old to come out as pan.

    “I’m 39 years old, and it wasn’t until January of 2018 that I came out to anyone. Sure, I’ve known for approximately three years. And yes, when I look back on my life I can see a few hints and some very direct evidence of my truth in being pan. But my identity did not truly start to take shape until six months ago when I first came out. The point is, you’re not too old. It’s not too late. Maybe you see younger people with such strong conviction of who they are and you wish you had been that brave (that’s certainly been me, looking at the LGBTQ+ community). But your story is not over. If you want your story to change and your truth to be known, then it’s not too late for you.” ― Derick Bailey

    7. Pansexuals are respectful toward gender identities.

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    “This is an insensitive stereotype. There’s a saying about pansexuality that goes ‘hearts not parts!’ that I find incredibly dismissive. While pansexuality is attraction to all genders, or in my case attraction regardless of gender, it doesn’t mean that a pansexual person doesn’t care about their partner’s gender. Gender is an important part of people’s lives, whether they’re cisgender or transgender or non-binary or agender. Gender is something I respect and acknowledge, not ignore and dismiss.” ― Coryl Reef

    8. Not acknowledging that pansexuality is an orientation makes it harder for people to live their most authentic lives.

    “I personally haven’t come out until recently partially because I’ve seen people disregarding pansexuality as an orientation, which is extremely harmful for pansexual people who are still struggling with coming to terms with their identity. Unfortunately, I feel like pansexuals are more inclined to remain in the dark about their sexuality for fear that their attraction to other people isn’t valid or that they simply won’t be accepted. Currently, it seems as if pansexuality is a great big gray area for people who aren’t involved in LGBTQ affairs.” ― Henson Popa

    9. We’re not rigid in our definition of pansexuality.

    “I feel like the definition of pansexuality sort of varies depending on how the person identifying self-describes, but for me, it’s simply attraction regardless of gender. If I like you, I like you.” ― Hannah Smith

    Responses have been edited for clarity and length.

    #TheFutureIsQueer is HuffPost’s monthlong celebration of queerness, not just as an identity but as action in the world. Find all of our Pride Month coverage here.