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How to ask a friend to hang out

This article was co-authored by Kelli Miller, LCSW, MSW. Kelli Miller is a Psychotherapist, Author, and TV/radio host based in Los Angeles, California. Kelli is currently in private practice and specializes in individual and couples’ relationships, depression, anxiety, sexuality, communication, parenting, and more. Kelli also facilitates groups for those struggling with alcohol and drug addiction as well as anger management groups. As an author, she received a Next Generation Indie Book Award for her book “Thriving with ADHD: A Workbook for Kids” and also wrote “Professor Kelli’s Guide to Finding a Husband”. Kelli was a host on LA Talk Radio, a relationship expert for The Examiner, and speaks globally. You can also see her work on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/user/kellibmiller, Instagram @kellimillertherapy, and her website: www.kellimillertherapy.com. She received her MSW (Masters of Social Work) from the University of Pennsylvania and a BA in Sociology/Health from the University of Florida.

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Asking a girl to hang out can be a nerve-wracking experience, especially if you think there’s relationship potential. Add on that you may not know her very well and asking to hang out could come off awkward. Regardless of what you know about a girl, you want to know her better if you’re contemplating hanging out with her. That means you have to get over any nervousness by keeping invites casual, finding ways to hang out in a group, and doing fun stuff.

This article was co-authored by Connell Barrett. Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation, his own relationship consulting business founded in 2017 and based out of New York City. Connell advises clients based on his A.C.E. Dating System: Authenticity, Clarity, and Expressiveness. He is also a dating coach with the dating app The League. His work has been featured in Cosmopolitan, The Oprah Magazine, and Today.

This article has been viewed 304,389 times.

Asking someone to hang out can feel like a big step at the start of a new friendship. It may be a classmate, a coworker, or someone you met at a party. Even though it feels scary at first, asking someone to hang out doesn’t have to be stressful. Let someone know that you’d like to hang out sometime in the future, or ask them to hang out at a specific event. Be bold by inviting someone to join you on a spontaneous outing.

How to ask a friend to hang out

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 24 October 2019.

  • You’ll sound too eager if you say, “You are so cool and I really want to spend more time with you.”
  • Be casual when you ask a classmate by saying, “Man, everytime we talk, this guy is droning on in the background. We should chill outside of class sometime.”
  • If you had fun with someone at a party, say, “It’s been a great meeting, do you want to catch up later on sometime?”

How to ask a friend to hang out

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach Expert Interview. 24 October 2019.

  • If you always talk to a coworker about the Walking Dead, ask them if they want to come over and watch it with you. You know you’re both free when it’s on, and the hangout has a set time frame so they can split when it’s over.
  • You might meet someone that works out at your gym. Since you are probably there around the same time, ask them if they’d want to work out together. Say, “We could both have a spotter and push each other to work harder.”
  • Say to someone, “I’ve noticed we always seem to be painting in this studio at the same time, would you want to meet up and actually paint together sometime?”

You’ve read the Social Shiners articles. You’ve practiced at work, school, with strangers at the supermarket, and maybe even with people you already know. You’re getting better and better and conversation and meeting people.

The next step is to create an opportunity to see them again.

What does “hang out” mean?

If you are not familiar with the term “hang out,” it is an informal term (verb) used in place of “socialize” or “rendezvous.” The reason “hang out” is so popular is because in America, no one will ask you to “socialize,” because it’s such a formal term, while socializing is really about having fun and relaxing. Whether it’s as friends, coworkers, or a possible romantic date, people ask each other to hang out all the time. Note that older generations may used different terms.

How to ask a friend to hang out

Two men “hanging out.” As you can see, there is no actual hanging involved — the term simply means to meet to socialize.

The importance of knowing how to ask people to hang out

When we were kids, we would have no problems seeing friends. If they were friends from school, we would see them everyday. And if they were good friends, our parents might have scheduled playdates or invited them over to play after school or on the weekend. As we grow older however, we will move, get busier, and meet new friends. To preserve those relationships, we need to learn how to continue socializing with those people, especially because we will no longer see them everyday.

If you did not have much socialization during childhood like me, the same principle still applies to you: as an adult, you will need to learn how to grow relationships by scheduling times and events to meet. Whether you have close friends or not, you will need to continually communicate or meet with them to maintain your relationship throughout your life. This sounds tedious, but remember, your ultimate goal should be to develop close relationships that last for the rest of your life.

When you meet a person that you really enjoy talking to, you might want to see them again and get to know them better. To do this, you will need to

Find people looking for new friends

The most important part of your search for meeting new people will be to find people who are looking for new friends. This is important, because you want to maximize your chances of success.

The best times to make new friends are when you lots of people doing something new or moving somewhere. Here are some great ideas:

  • School. High school is difficult because often, friends in middle school will become friends in high school. This means they aren’t as open to new friends. However, if you find a new student, you should try to make friends with them. If you are a freshmen in college, then make the most of it. Many students will be attending college away from home and very open to meeting new people. In fact, there may never be a better opportunity to meet new friends than freshmen year in college.
  • Hobby clubs and interest groups. These are usually great for 2 reasons. One is that “birds of a similar feather flock together” — it will be easier to socialize with people who have similar views or interests. The second reason is that many people who join these clubs are joining because they want to meet new people. These can be anything from dance, crotchet, martial arts, car modifying, cooking, Magic the Gathering, political views, Japanese anime, foreign culture clubs.
  • Working abroad as an expat. I personally spent several years working abroad as an English teacher. While there, I met many expats from America and Canada. Although being from the same country and speaking the same language is not a good foundation for a relationship, being sudden minorities do cause people to be more open to meeting people.
  • Friends of friends. You will notice that a great way of meeting new people is through other friends. The reason behind this is that you will always have more trust in a friend of a friend than in a complete stranger. When your friends introduce you to their friends, they are vouching for them and letting you know that they are an interesting person and vice versa.

Remember this: not everyone is looking for new friends.

How to ask someone to hang out

To do this, there are 3 steps:

  1. Recognize that you want to hang out with this person
  2. Arrange a meeting
  3. Get their contact details

There will be many people you meet. If you do not have friends, you will feel as though you want to be friends with all of them. That is not a good strategy. You want to make sure that you like this person first or you believe you are compatible as friends.

Next, you will arrange a meeting. You can do this by suggesting a meeting “hey, we should talk more about this over lunch sometime” or “you’re pretty funny. we should hang out sometime.” If the feeling is mutual, you’ll receive similar enthusiasm. If not, most people will not be cold enough to say “no, I don’t want to hang out with you,” but rather, they’ll give an excuse or give you their phone number and never answer. You’ll be disappointed, but this is part of the path to being a Social Shiner.

Finally, get their contact details. In this day and age, most people will ask for a mobile phone number or email. You could use many other ways too, but email and mobile phones are great because it gives them time to answer. With a phone call, a person will probably be too busy to answer. With an email or a text message however, you can easily send a message. If they are truly interested in hanging out with you, you should see a reply.

Most Helpful Guys

Man, I have the same freaking problem with almost all of my friends.

I’ve found that I am quite a bore though, if you suspect this to be an issue, do something interesting, what do you both like to do that you can both do? Play video games, play a sport (Throw a ball back and forth while conversing, I don’t do sports so I’m at a loss here), do a project together.

Now I’m comfortable with my being boring (mostly because all of my friends aren’t interested in how many volts and amps it takes to power a coilgun, or how many isotopes Helium has), and I’m fine with that, I can curb and adapt myself to fit in their little circles for as long as it takes, it’s mostly about compatibility. I’ve got several friends that I only keep around because they would think badly of me if I didn’t visit and I can’t have people thinking that, but they almost never just ask me to come up, so I have to invite myself, I’ve read and heard from people (going full nerd here) that spontaneity, just to shake things up, can make you more interesting, if you’re an interesting person, people will want to hang out with you more, why do you want to hang out with this girl? Is she pretty, is she smart, is she good at Halo? What qualities does she possess that makes you want to hang out with her?

Spending time with friends When inviting him to hang out, use casual, non-flirty wording. Don’t try to persuade him to hang out in a nice way; this might give the wrong impression. Be upfront about what you want to do when you’re hanging out, and avoid becoming desperate or needy, since this might be misinterpreted. If you need help putting together an invitation list, check out our article on how to get people to hang out with you.

Getting to know each other Better than just friends As the conversations progress, see where things lead. If you both like the same music, go listen to some together!

Making plans for future hangs Out at a movie theater? Go for it! Is he interested in your hobbies? Show him around your neighborhood! Invite him over for dinner once a week for a few months in a row; this would be considered normal friendly behavior.

Doing something active Together activities are more fun when they’re new ideas; don’t expect him to come up with the idea every time. If you feel like taking it further, then by all means, do!

Hanging out isn’t just about what you do; it’s also about showing interest in someone else’s life. Do something special every now and then (a concert, a game), but avoid doing the same thing all the time so he doesn’t get bored. You should never have to force a friendship; it should naturally evolve over time.

Table of Contents

  1. How do you ask a guy to hang out as just a friend?
  2. How do you know if a guy wants to hang out with you?
  3. Why do guys just want to hang out?
  4. How do you ask a girl to hang out without sounding desperate?
  5. How do I get my boyfriend to hang out with me?

How do you know if a guy wants to hang out with you?

You’re putting him on notice by offering a group hangout. Either he must get the bravery to ask you out on a formal date, or he must get to know you better among your circle of friends without the pressure of a first date. Either way, this gesture shows that you’re interested and it gives him time to decide if he wants to keep seeing you outside of the friend zone.

The most common signs that a guy is into you are: if he asks you out then goes the distance by taking you out for ice cream or movies; if he starts showing up at your house when you’re having friends over; if he tries to start up conversations with other girls but keeps coming back to you. If he’s doing these things then he probably likes you too!

Don’t forget to send him signals through your behavior instead of just using words. If you both like each other, then there will be no problem talking about what you want from the relationship. If he doesn’t feel comfortable bringing it up first, then he may not be ready for a commitment yet.

In short, if he’s still hanging around after you’ve been friends for a long time then he’s probably falling in love with you. It’s okay to take it slow though. Love takes time to grow and look beneath the surface of any given situation to see how it might affect your relationship down the road.

Why do guys just want to hang out?

If he wants to hang out, it’s almost certainly because he wants to get to know you better. Whether or if you create a friendship or something more will depend on how much time you spend together. The fact that you are inquiring demonstrates that you are interested. He’s also intrigued.

The purpose of hanging out is so you can get to know each other, which will help in decisions about what kind of relationship to have. If there’s no romance involved, then it’s called “just friends.” That means you get to share information about your lives and listen to each other’s stories, but you aren’t expected to give up any privacy and you don’t have to deal with the complications that come with love. It’s good to have some goals in life, even if one of them isn’t necessarily finding true love!

Hanging out helps people understand each other better by giving them opportunities to practice their communication skills. You will be able to talk about your interests and get to know his without feeling pressured to do anything else. This is good for building trust between you. Also, hanging out allows men to see if they like someone else too, since she won’t always be around. This is important so that nothing bad happens due to rejection. Finally, it gives both parties an opportunity to relax and have a good time without worrying about chores or work. Life is too short to spend it working hard all the time.

How do you ask a girl to hang out without sounding desperate?

How can you invite someone without coming across as desperate?

  1. Keep it casual. Avoid using all your flirting techniques in the beginning.
  2. Make it about you. Remember the trick is not to come across too strong and risk scaring him off.
  3. Involve your friends.
  4. Flirt your way up.

How do I get my boyfriend to hang out with me?

Be open and kind. Engage with his feelings and opinions while being loyal to your own. Be considerate, and don’t make him do things that irritate him. Make him envious or worried out only to get him to hang out with you.

If he doesn’t then it’s time to find someone who will. Don’t force him to spend time with you if he doesn’t want to. Maybe he has other plans and wants you to be able to spend time together without arguing all the time. If this is the case then let him help you work through any issues you have before deciding what role you should play in each other’s lives.

Try not to take his lack of interest personally. Some people just don’t like others outside of their group of friends, and trying to change this would be a huge task for most people.

Remember that relationships are about compromise, so if he doesn’t want to spend every single day with you then understand this and move on. Look for guys who want to be around you too and you’ll soon find one!

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How to ask a friend to hang out

Even if it’s intended platonically, asking a girl to spend time together can be intimidating. When you don’t know what her reaction might be, such a simple proposition can seem nearly impossible, so it often takes some mental preparation to request the pleasure of a girl’s company.

Step 1

How to ask a friend to hang out

Make plans before you ask. Be sure to have something in mind when asking for her time. It can alleviate pressure for both of you if you already have plans with friends and you invite her to come along. Public places, like bowling alleys and the beach, are the best ideas, especially if it will be your first time hanging out.

Step 2

How to ask a friend to hang out

Be confident. You believe that she is an interesting person to hang out with, but don’t forget that you are, too. Most people are drawn to confidence, so try to avoid sounding desperate (“Would you please come with me. ” or “Maybe we could go there if you want to and you’re not busy. ”). Don’t come across as demanding, but remind yourself that your company is valuable, just as hers is.

Step 3

How to ask a friend to hang out

Make your intentions come across as light and friendly. Even if you have hopes of dating this girl in the future, asking for a date right away can be nerve-racking, especially for her. It’s also a good idea to hang out as friends before trying for a relationship right away. Keep things on a friendly level, and she is bound to respond more positively.

Step 4

Don’t feel rejected if she turns you down. If she says she’s busy on the day you suggest hanging out, offer to get together some other time, and exchange contact information. If you invite her to a skating rink and she says she can’t skate, it doesn’t necessarily mean she doesn’t want to do something else. Pay attention to her body language to know when to suggest other ideas or when to give up.

Most Helpful Girl

What the hell we aren’t gonna have sex I’m asking him as a friend to hang out like normal people do what’s the harm

It will lead to something like that. 20 year old men cannot control themselves. Trust me you may think you won’t be having sex etc. but 15 year old girls and 20 year old guys cannot JUST BE FRIENDS.

I agree with you but it’s not like he’s gonna make a move on me in public 🙄

You don’t know that. He could be very creepy. Please re-think this hun. just trying to watch out for you. It’s extremely dangerous

Yes but he’s a family friend I have known him for over 4 years

Although I don’t agree with @xiaowen about these great dangers of which she is speaking about, most rapes happen between people who already know each other, and it’s not like he will hit you, gag you and rape you, but you’re 15 years old. Maybe you two drink together, and both of you are drunk and you end up doing something sexual. Well, at that point he could go to prison for a very long time, be a registered sex offender and have his whole life destroyed, and so could you. When you’re 15 your brain isn’t fully developed, and even though you think you know what you’re doing your mind isn’t very critical, so it may seem innocent and cool, but be really dumb move.

Find friends your own age. If people see you’re hanging out they may get concerned and damaging rumors starts to flow about him, so even if you don’t do anything there will always be this stigma against him. The best play is to leave it and find friends your own age.

How do you ask a girl to hang out over text?

How to Ask A Girl to Hangout Over Text (STEAL THIS!) –

Is it OK to ask a girl out over text?

That is okay to do over text. However, if you really do want to ask her to be your girlfriend, it is heavily recommended you do it in person. If you must, you can text to ask her when might be a good time to call. But if you got her number some other way, do not use it.

How do you casually ask someone to hang out?

Ask in a casual way.
Keep yourself calm so that when you ask them to hang out it doesn’t come across as desperate. Take a breath and use your regular conversational tone. You’ll sound too eager if you say, “You are so cool and I really want to spend more time with you.”

Does hanging out mean dating?

Hanging out is a nebulous term covering a casual relationship that has risen to popularity recently and is often used as a catch-all tag phrase. Whereas dating implies a deeper level of commitment by both parties, the implication that the goal is actually a relationship.

How do you tell if a girl likes you?

Signs a Girl Is Attracted to You

  • Smiling at you.
  • Shooting short glances your way.
  • Darting her eyes away when you look at her.
  • Making prolonged eye contact with you.
  • Running fingers through her hair.
  • Licking her lips.
  • Exposing her neck.
  • Tilting her heads towards you.

How should I ask a girl to make out?

Let her know that you’re interested.
Flirt with her, and make playful banter. Make plenty of eye contact, and casually touch her to loosen the physical boundaries. Smile at her, and make her feel comfortable. Even if you already know that you like each other: a bit of flirtation can set the mood up for a kiss.

How can I win a girl?

10 Ways to Win a Girl’s Heart

  1. Be Confident and Pursue Her. When you like a girl, make an effort and pursue her.
  2. Compliment Her. Little things that you notice about us makes us really happy.
  3. Show Your Interest. Show your interest and be honest.
  4. Show That You Care.
  5. Make an Effort.
  6. Be Her Friend.
  7. Give Her Something.
  8. Serenade Her.

Is it rude to ask someone out by text?

The way I see it, as long as the object of your affection texts and texts often, I think it’s a fine way to go. Just make sure you’re creative, adorable or flirtatious about asking someone on a date. If you’re too nervous to call and ask them out, say so in the text—that could be flattering and endearing.

When girls say we should hang out?

Answer: Whether she suggests that you “hang out,” “get together,” or “do something,” it almost always means going out on a date, so I wouldn’t worry about telling the difference. You may think it’s vague, but a lot of women consider asking a man to “hang out” to be a pretty bold come-on.

How do you ask someone to hang out without sounding desperate?

Ask in a casual way.
Keep yourself calm so that when you ask them to hang out it doesn’t come across as desperate. Take a breath and use your regular conversational tone. You’ll sound too eager if you say, “You are so cool and I really want to spend more time with you.”

How do you ask a girl to hang out without sounding creepy?

‘ Here’s the best suggestions.

  • Don’t trap her. freakscene:
  • Avoid touching. GracefulAurora:
  • Be careful when hitting on someone who is getting paid to be nice to you.
  • Don’t be a player.
  • Depressing reality: try to look cute.
  • Try just being nice.
  • Laughter is the best icebreaker.
  • Talk to a woman like she’s a regular person.

Are you dating or just hanging out?

It would seem that “hanging out” is just a euphemism for “hooking up,” and “dating” is just what we call “going on actual dates, whether seriously or not,” but it can be hard to tell.

Is it a date or hanging out?

“A date is someone personally asking you out — that sometimes can get confused with a one-on-one hangout, depending on the way they mention it or which medium they use to ask you or if it happens to be a group hangout,” she says.

Is it a date or friends hanging out?

If it felt like they were nervous to ask you, or you felt nervous asking them, chances are that it’s a date. Also, if there was a formality to how it came about — rather than a spontaneous hang out — that can be a sign that it’s more than just friendship.

How do you know if a girl likes you secretly?

30 Signs She Secretly Loves You But Is Too Scared To Tell You

  1. Telltale signs of a girl being secretly in love with you.
  2. She makes long eye contact with you.
  3. Among the signs are when she smiles at you often.
  4. Her smile reaches her eyes.
  5. She always seems close to you.
  6. She touches you often while talking to you.
  7. She comments to and likes all your posts on Facebook.

How can u make a girl fall in love with u?

How to Make ANY Girl Fall in Love with You FAST! –

How do I ask my ex to meet up?

The 5 Best Ways to Reconnect With Your Ex

  • Apologize. It’s never too late to say sorry, and if you totally screwed up your relationship, then your ex will probably feel gratitude and closure hearing a whole-hearted apology.
  • Send a friendly text.
  • Meet for coffee.
  • Get help from your mutual friends.
  • Find a jumping off point.

What does it mean when your ex asks you to hang out?

If your ex is in a rebound relationship and wants to hang out with you, it may mean that he or she misses you. They might have realized that the grass isn’t greener on the other side and they were happier with you. Asking you to hang out could be their way to getting close to you again.

Should you ask your ex if they are seeing anyone?

Here you should stop. But if the dose of ‘ex stalking’ is very strong you can follow one of the steps to know if she is seeing someone: (Assuming you are not blocked everywhere, you have See also: How To Ask Who Is Texting?

Why would an ex still want to be friends?

Other possible reasons why an ex would want to stay friends could be: They still have feelings for you. They don’t want you to think you’re both enemies and go badmouthing him or her to his or her friends or family etc. They hope that one day you may reconcile.

What do you do when your ex wants to meet up?

When Your Ex Wants You Back –

Is hanging out with an ex a good idea?

It’s perfectly ok. If you are in a new relationship, ask yourself if you feel comfortable bringing your current partner to hang out with you and your ex. If the answer to all three of those questions is “yes,” then, yep, it’s ok to hang out with your ex as a friend. If any of them is “no,” then it’s not a great idea.

Why would an ex want to meet up?

If your ex wants to meet up to “catch up” it’s likely that he has felt an emptiness in his life since you exited it, and simply wants to meet up to see you, talk with you, be with you. You are in a prime position if this is the case. Missing you is the first step to getting him back.

Is being friends with an ex a good idea?

According to the experts, friendship with an ex is possible, but there’s a catch. You must both be willing to admit that you don’t work together as a couple. Maintaining a healthy relationship post-breakup requires both people “to recognize what worked about the relationship and what did not,” says Dr.

The older we get, the harder making friends can be, especially at work. We’re all so set in our ways, have our friendships solidified with history, and our routines firmly planted. But sometimes we meet someone who we just know we’d get along with smashingly, like Vicky in the cubicle across the way who seems so funny and cool, or Carlos the graphic design guy whose style we dig.

So, how do you ask your co-worker to hang with you outside of work without coming across like a total creepo?

Here are some ideas. With each, make sure to be way casual, like #NBD, but also not too-cool-for-school. Keep it real, be engaging, but not desperate, but know that it’s okay to cry if they say no.

1. Start with a sleepover lunch.

Everyone knows that “what are you doing for lunch? Want to grab a sandwich?” is really code for, “Hey, you want to do each other’s nails and hair tonight?” But, social etiquette dictates starting slow. So learn the code and stick to it. Lunch is casual and easy because you can just talk about work, and then get to know each other a little better before ramping up to the epic sleepover.

2. Ask your co-worker if you can sob on her shoulder about your breakup he’d like to see La La Land or whatever big movie is out at the time.

Everybody likes movies, and they’re great activities for getting to know someone because the movie gives you a topic to talk about.

3. Invite her or him to cuddle with you during your thousandth watching of The Shining a cool/interesting but low-key event.

“Have you heard about that holiday stage musical version of Die Hard? I’m thinking of going this weekend. Would you like to come with me?”

4. Plan a nude spa day group outing and invite your co-worker along.

“My friends and I are going to that wine tasting picnic after work tonight. Would love for you to join, if you’re free.” Takes the pressure off of having to do the one-on-one conversation thing, as your other friends will take part in the getting-to-know-you game.

5. Go to shots! shots! shots! happy hour.

If you don’t already know where the nearest happy hour is, find out. And then casually ask your cubicle neighbor if they’d like to grab a drink with you. “I’m grabbing happy hour at Culver Hotel tonight. Wanna join?”

Phrase it casually enough, and…

…you’ll soon have your designated holding-your-hair-back bestie on lockdown.

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How to ask a friend to hang out

In this podcast, Asuka and Alex teach you how to ask your friends to hang out using natural and fluent Japanese. We’ve included various dialogues to help you learn a few different situations in which you would ask your friends to spend time with you.

Simply listen to the main podcast to hear the main conversations in Japanese as well as full grammar explanations in English. You can also listen to the “Just the dialogues” audio file to practice your Japanese listening and speaking skills. Finally, you can download the PDF show notes to read about the grammar in more detail. Check out the audio podcast below!

Main Podcast

Japanese Dialogues

Podcast Lesson Notes

In this lesson we cover some essential useful phrases for asking people to hang out with you in Japanese. Today’s key phrase is:

一緒にお寿司食べに行かない?

issho ni osushi tabe ni ikanai

Why don’t we get some sushi?

Check out the PDF show notes and listen to the podcast to get a full grammar and vocabulary breakdown.

Get the App, Download, tell a friend

Please show your support

If you enjoy this podcast and learned something new, please consider donating to the podcast to help with the production costs!

Even though we know social distancing is one of the most important parts of reducing the spread of coronavirus (COVID-19), it’s also one of the hardest. But now that some cities and states are lifting social distancing restrictions, reuniting with our friends is finally coming to fruition. However, while this is exciting news, meeting up with loved ones can also be nerve-wracking. For example, even though we would love nothing more than to give our BFFs a big ole bear hug during Sunday brunches, we might resist in fear of spreading or catching the virus.

“The majority of the country has engaged in some form of social distancing for a prolonged period of time. As we relax restrictions against physical distancing and begin to socialize with each other again, we need to find new ways to relate,” Dr. Diana Concannon, PsyD, associate provost at Alliant International University and licensed psychologist and crisis response expert, tells HelloGiggles. “The joy of reconnecting will be coupled with the necessity of changing habits to support health and safety.”

Below, we connected with a few experts to find out how to safely reconnect with your friends now that some states have lifted their social distancing mandates.

Remember: It’s normal to feel nervous about meeting up with your friends

While you ease back into your new normal, it’s important to know that you can still love your friends and feel nervous about reuniting with them.

“As we move forward, it will be normal for fear and anxiety to arise as we figure out what is healthy and appropriate—and what is not,” Dr. Carla Marie Manly tells HelloGiggles. “Not only will we be struggling to determine what is ‘right’ for ourselves, but we also will be facing the needs, strictures, and judgments of others. This double-edged sword will make the journey more difficult. We will want to follow our own course, but we will also be faced with constantly factoring in the needs and worries of others.”

When it comes to handling your nerves and anxiety, Dr. Elena Touroni, PsyD, cofounder of My Online Therapy, tells HelloGiggles that it might be helpful to see your anxiety about seeing your friends through the framework of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), a technique in which clients work towards living a life based on their values and goals.

“I would encourage someone to consider what they value about their friendships and weigh up the psychological benefits of experiencing the company of that person versus the anxiety it may cause them,” she says. “Ask yourself what you need to feel safe. You don’t want to push yourself prematurely, but you also don’t want an amplified sense of fear to hold you back from living your life. Consider what kind of person you want to be and then choose whether you want to follow that path, regardless of what your emotions or thoughts might be telling you.”

Keep a physical distance and wear protective gear

When it comes to reuniting with friends, it’s key to keep yourself as safe as possible, says family and emergency doctor Dr. Janette Nesheiwat. This means keeping a distance and safeguarding yourself with the proper gear, like a mask.

“You must wear a mask, keep your hands washed and clean, avoid hugging and kissing, and you should not be meeting in crowds containing more people than what your state advises,” she says.

No hugging and kissing friends? While we all crave physical comfort from our loved ones, Dr. Nesheiwat says it’s better to be safe than sorry. “There is a small chance of the virus spreading when you hug. Although it’s low, as the CDC states, you need to be in the presence of someone for about 10 minutes to pick up the virus.” Think a quick two-second hug is okay? Maybe, maybe not. “Keep in mind if the person you hug is an asymptomatic carrier and breathes right into your face or talks as you hug, you may pick up the virus,” she says.

When it comes to picking the location to meet up with your friends, Dr. Nesheiwat says it’s best to ideally stay outdoors or stick to using FaceTime. But if you do want to spend time indoors, she suggests that you must wear a mask. “If you’re going to be within six feet of someone and are unable to social distance, wear a mask, especially if it’s a friend you haven’t seen in a while. Your friend may be asymptomatic but could have gone out to the grocery store, [forgotten] their mask, and picked up the virus, which can then spread to you.”

Being cautious of the spread of COVID-19 goes for food, too. Dr. Nesheiwat advises against sharing snacks with people because it’s unclear whether there’s a risk of the spread of infection by doing so.

Set boundaries

Before you plan meetups with your friends, you’ll want to state your needs and boundaries in terms of what feels safe and comfortable for you.

“Know your own needs and boundaries. For example, if you feel that physical contact is not safe or appropriate, set that as your initial boundary,” says Dr. Manly. “As you meet others, let them know in a straightforward way what your boundaries are with contact.” For example, if you see your friend go in for a hug but you don’t feel comfortable with that physical contact yet, you might say, “I would absolutely love to hug you, but I’ve decided to forgo physical contact for the foreseeable future.”

On the flip side, if you’re someone who has no problem with arranging real-life meetups and doling out physical TLC, understand that some of your friends might not feel the same.

“Be mindful that your friend might feel differently than you. Perhaps they’re more (or less) anxious than you are about meeting up in person,” says Dr. Touroni. “Have a very open, transparent conversation about how you’re both feeling in advance to avoid feeling awkward or overstepping any boundaries.”

To help diffuse the awkward vibes, Dr. Touroni also recommends acknowledging that the meetup might feel slightly different from what you’re used to. “By acknowledging these things in advance, you’re going to feel more comfortable to relax when you’re together,” she says.

Don’t be afraid to make adjustments based on your comfort level

While our choices might be limited in terms of where we can hang out with our friends, Dr. Manly says it’s key to control what you can, and let go of the rest. “For example, if you’re worried about contracting the virus, you may choose to get takeout with friends rather than eating out at a restaurant,” she says. “As you make personal choices that feel wise and comforting, your level of fear and anxiety will slowly subside.”

That might also include arranging meetups outdoors and participating in outdoor activities, or holding dinner parties outside rather than indoors. Your choices might also include reverting back to having virtual meetups if that’s what makes you feel most at ease.

“The COVID-19 pandemic has presented novel and unprecedented challenges. Our reactions to it are varied, unique, and, at times, as unpredictable as the virus itself. As we begin to reconnect in physical spaces, it is vitally important that we recognize that we are traveling without a roadmap; none of us have been in a situation such as this before,” says Dr. Concannon. “We must move forward tentatively, respectfully, and not be afraid to pause or take a step back when we feel uncertain.”

How to ask a friend to hang out

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In many articles on GC, we’ve talked about how important it is to avoid ending up being a girl’s platonic guy pal whom she taps for personal and emotional support, and never lets things proceed any further:

Yet, while it is imperative for newer guys who have not yet become the compelling, demanding, sexual studs of men that women are wont to sleep with to avoid the “friend” role, the more advanced you get, the more easily you can “bend the rules.”

In fact, it’s completely possible for you to learn how to hang out with a girl calmly, casually, and like nothing more than a friend. and still sleep with her .

Believe it or not, there are even advantages to this style. such as simplicity .

How to ask a friend to hang out

This is the “friend approach” to seduction, and it’s a bit different from what I and the other guys usually talk about on here; however, if you have friends who are naturals with women, you’ve almost certainly seen it before.

You know: that buddy of yours who just has the most laid back “dates” ever – all he ever does is hang out with girls super casually, and then they just somehow always stumble into his bed?

Wouldn’t it be cool if you could consistently do that?

Technically, you have forever

Your phone buzzes and it’s a text request from a friend, enemy or random to hang out and grab a drink tonight, or to catch dinner, a show or movie in a few days. How long do you have to get back to them before they have the right to be mad or write you off as rude? Simple. Forever. The burden is on them, and the asker should absorb all of this headache.

Text behavior is highly individual, and when you’re staring down your phone waiting for those three magic bubbles to appear or some kind of acknowledgement that you exist and are worth responding to, it’s confusing and you’re left doing a lot of guesswork. Is this person busy? Do they actually hate me? Why are they taking so long? Are they ghosting? Are they with someone else? Have they driven themselves off a cliff (probably because I asked them to hang out) and I’m the last person to know?

If you read text etiquette online, there’s a lot of tedious parsing about what a non-response means. The site Adult Social Skills lays out a spate of theories about what’s going on here when you hear nothing back. You’ve been socially rejected, they are playing hard to get, and so on. On another site, a post from the point of view of the person who is not responding explains that if they haven’t gotten back to you, it’s because of driving, work or the rest of life.

Some or all of this is likely true, but you can boil this down to something even simpler: When someone doesn’t respond to your text, they don’t care that much, or have died. Everything that involves the non-responder being alive and well but not getting back to you revolves around that first truth, though. If they are too busy, you are not important enough to let know right away, so they don’t care.

How to ask a friend to hang out

If they would say yes but feel guilty because it’s complicated so they are not responding right away because they aren’t sure what to do, they don’t care. If they are into you on Tuesdays at 8 p.m. but not on Wednesdays at 4 p.m. because who the fuck knows why, they don’t care. If they really are busy right now but might not be some other time, they don’t care. It doesn’t mean they don’t care at all (though it might!) or never will care again; it’s just means they don’t care enough right now to solve your social calendar scheduling issue for you. This is what a therapist would call “good information” with regard to your VIP status with them (hint: it’s zero, this time) and you should live by it.

Sure, it’s possible they didn’t get the text, but this is only an excuse used by people who also do not care that much. They care so little their phone also doesn’t care, and therefore rejects your attempt at invading it. And obviously, if the person has died, they really don’t care, just not in a way you can be mad about.

In the absence of good information, most of us will wildly speculate what’s going on in this vacuum. I thought we were friends! The last time we hung out it was pretty chill! He said he loved me! She said I was the coolest friend she’d made in so long omg!

But we should reframe what we call good information, because it’s the action taken that matters. In this case, no action. No care.

That’s why there is only one simple rule needed to address this endlessly frustrating etiquette conundrum: Assume when you ask anyone to attend anything with you that the default is no. When you ask someone to hang out, think to yourself, I’m just giving this a shot, the answer is probably no. Really hope they let me know! I bought this expensive ticket! Keeping Friday night open! But people lead complicated lives and they are probably busy.

Just assume the answer is no. Go about your day. Set a limit in your own mind of when you will cut off a possible response and make other plans. For drinks tonight, if you don’t hear back by 4 p.m., go make other plans. Do not, under any circumstances, leave your night free for this person to respond. For a show later or an event which occurs at a designated time, you may only include in the request a deadline by which you will assume the answer is no and go ask other people. Hey, would you like to go to this show with me? If you can’t, could you let me know by 5 p.m. so I can offer the ticket to someone else/ go alone/ drive myself off a cliff / sniff some arsenic? This is actually you doing them a favor, but if they don’t care, your favors are as good as a pile of dog shit on a sidewalk they will step over while making an unpleasant face.

How to ask a friend to hang out

Quiz: Then, if you hear nothing by 5 p.m. what is their answer? Let’s say it together: The answer is no. No need to follow up. The answer is no. Got it?

Don’t do this. Don’t text, hey are you going to let me know? Why aren’t you responding? I’m doing you a favor! Don’t say, Hey it sure is rude you didn’t respond to my request! You’re right, and it probably IS rude (unless perhaps you’re the dick and you know they weren’t going to respond, but hey), but only if you’re really friends and this person is actually participating in a voluntary relationship of actual equals. But if you had that good a relationship, one, they’d be answering, and two, you wouldn’t be reading this.

Living by the rule Assume the Answer Is No and Live Your Life solves this issue for every single last one of us. Another good thing to remember is by the time you have to turn to the internet to solve a basic question about being treated badly by someone you thought cared, you have definitely been treated badly. This bears out 99 percent of the time.

One caveat: Good friends, actual friends and people with human heads reply quickly to requests to hang out, even when the answer is no. They don’t want to leave a friend hanging. People act like they are honest-to-god away from their phones all the time but in reality are literally holding it while even taking a shit.

Good people in good standing with you don’t want you to twist. Everyone else is not your good friend, and even if they are not that bad to other people, they are this bad to you. While this may or not be your fault, that is a tough pill to swallow, so just save your dignity, time and data plan by assuming that up front. Now go get drinks with someone you know will say yes, or will give you the next best thing: a fast no.

How to ask a friend to hang out

Tracy Moore

Tracy Moore is a staff writer at MEL. She covers all the soft sciences like psychology, sex, relationships and parenting, but since this is a men’s magazine, occasionally the hard ones. Formerly at Jezebel.

ZORA HUGHES

COLLEGE

It can be a bit nerve-wracking to invite a guy to hang out, especially if you really like him. Considering him as just another friend might make it easier and less intimidating. Giving him at least an idea of what you guys might do together could persuade him to come over. Keep in mind that a casual hang out at your house could lead to a deeper friendship or a budding relationship.

Ask your parents first. If you live at home with your parents or other adult whose care you are under, you need to ask permission. Do not assume that your “cool” mom will be OK with you having a guy over. Your parents might want to talk to his parents first to make sure that they’re OK with it as well. Talk to your parents about any concerns they may have. Asking permission also strengthens the trust your parents have in you. If you live with a roommate in a dorm, you should let your roommate know that you may have some company. You might want to work out an agreement with your roommate so that you can each have some privacy in the room when you want it.

Call or ask the guy in person. Asking someone over to hang out at your house is much more personal if you ask him in person — when that’s possible and practical. If it isn’t, call him rather than send a text to invite him over. If you have a crush on him, a phone call could stand out among the many text messages he gets from friends throughout the day.

Let the guy know what you have in mind for the two of you to do while you’re hanging out, whether it’s playing video games or watching a funny or scary movie. If you have a crush on this guy, let him know that you really want to spend time with him. Try to come up with something that you know he’ll enjoy. For example, if you have the DVD set of an old TV show that you both loved when you were younger, you could invite him over to watch a few episodes. If he brags about his chess playing skills, challenge him to a game at your house if you’re a decent chess player yourself. Anything that’s lighthearted and fun is a good option.

Respect the rules of the house if you live with your parents, or the arrangement you made with your roommate if you’re living in a dorm room. Your parents will likely have ground rules when it comes to entertaining friends of the opposite gender. No matter how annoying they may be, the best thing you can do to maintain their trust and continue to have the privilege of inviting friends over is to accept and abide by their rules. If they only want you in the common rooms of the house, or if you must keep your bedroom door open at all times, then so be it. If you live in a dorm room and your roommate agrees to make herself scarce for a few hours, limit your hang-out time to those hours.

Consider a group hangout. A group atmosphere can take away the pressure you and the guy might feel in a one-on-one hang out at your house. With a group of friends, you’ll feel more relaxed and able to be yourself while also getting to know the guy better. It also avoids you winding up in an intimate situation with which you might not be comfortable.

If a guy recently asked to hang out with you, this post will show you likely reasons why and what would make them more likely.

So, what does it mean when a guy asks to hang out? Likely reasons why a guy will ask to hang out are that he is attracted to you, he considers you a friend or there is something he wants to talk to you about.

There are actually a number of possible reasons why a guy might ask to hang out but there are some things you can consider to help figure out the main cause.

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What does it mean when a guy asks you to hang out?

Below are likely reasons why a guy will ask to hang out and what would make them more likely.

He likes you

The reason why he wants to hang out is likely to be that he is attracted to you.

If he is attracted to you he would likely show a number of body language signals of attraction which could include:

  • Holding prolonged eye contact with you
  • His pupils become dilated when he is around you
  • Standing close to you when talking to you
  • Mirroring your body language
  • Talking to you with a deeper voice than he does with other people
  • Uncrossing his arms and legs when he sees you
  • Sitting up straight when he sees you
  • Making his hair or clothing look good when he sees you
  • Becoming agitated while you are talking to other men your age
  • Getting defensive while other men are around
  • Making plans based on your schedule
  • Keeping his focus on you when you’re in a group together
  • Asking you lots of questions even when you’re both in a group together

It’s particularly important to consider whether or not he shows some of these signals as soon as he sees you. This is because it would be a strong sign of attraction if he naturally changes his body language as soon as he sees you in a way that suggests attraction.

He considers you a friend

Another possible cause is that he considers you a friend and he wants to hang out because he just enjoys being around you. This would be more likely if he does not show many signs of attraction around you and if he shows similar body language around you as he does around other people.

He is annoyed with you

Another possible cause is that he is annoyed with you. This would be more likely if he said that he needs to see you after something happened that could have caused him to be annoyed with you.

If he is annoyed with you then he might have shown it in her body language the last time you saw him by doing things such as:

  • Crossing his arms when talking to you and when he saw you
  • Having tight lips when you’re talking
  • Squinting when looking at you
  • Tensing his jaw when looking at you
  • Distancing himself from you
  • Giving you short answers

He does not want to miss out on something

The reason that he wants to hang out could be that he doesn’t want to miss out on socializing.

This would be more likely if he asked to see you after he found out that you would be doing something especially if it is with his other friends as well.

Consider the type of relationship that you have with him

It would help to consider the type of relationship you have with him.

If he has been your friend for a while, it would make it more likely that he wants to hang out because he considers you a friend or because he is annoyed with you. However, it could still be because he likes you especially if he only wants to see you and he shows signs of attraction, in her body language, when he is around you.

If you haven’t known him for very long then it would make it more likely that he wants to see you because he likes you.

Think about when and where she wants to see you

The timing and location of when and where he wants to hang out with you would also likely be a useful thing to consider.

If he wants to hang out with you alone later on in the evening, it would be a lot more likely that he wants to see you because he likes you.

Whereas, if he wants to hang out with you with his friends during the day, it would be more likely that he wants to see you as a friend.

Think about how she reacts to seeing you

Thinking about the way that he reacts to seeing you would likely help you in understanding why he wants to hang out with you you.

If he reacts to seeing you by showing a number of body language signs of attraction, it would be more likely that he wants to see you because he likes you.

So, if he reacts to seeing you by doing things such as:

  • Pointing his feet at you
  • Sitting or standing more upright and uncrossing his arms
  • Adjusting his appearance
  • Positioning himself to be near to you

Then it would be more likely that he wants to hang out with you due to being attracted to you.

Consider how she interacts with her other friends

Thinking about how his interactions with his other friends are different to his interactions with you might also help in understanding why he wants to hang out with you.

If he also asks to see his other friends a lot in a similar way and he shows similar body language with them as with you, it would be more likely that he wants to see you as a friend.

Whereas, if he only asks to see you and he shows signs of attraction when he is around you then it would be more likely that he wants to see you because he likes you.

Look for a cluster of signs

When considering his body language it’s important to consider multiple body language signs at a time.

This is because he could be showing a single body language sign for multiple different reasons making it unreliable.

Whereas, if he shows multiple body language signs of something such as attraction, it would be more likely that she is showing them for that reason.

If you want to learn more about body language, a book I would recommend would be The Definitive Book of Body Language (on Amazon). It shows you how to interpret body language and understand people’s true intentions.

I created and currently manage Body Language Central, one of the premier sources for body language-related knowledge. Body language plays a key role in our daily lives. I hope that my website can help condense the wide amount of body language information available and allow you to make full use of it in your daily life. You can read more about me and my website here.

By Kate Spring

So you’ve been friend zoned by a girl you have a crush on.

You want to be more than friends but she treats you like a little brother.

Is there any way out of the friend zone?

Most guys have been stuck here at some point in their lives… and yes, it definitely sucks.

But even though she only sees you as “just a friend,” there are ways you can change your image and make her sexually attracted to you.

If you properly apply what I tell you, she’ll be wanting to hook up with you (and she’ll think that it was her idea).

How To Escape The Friend Zone

Yes, the distance between her seeing you as “just a friend” and a guy she wants to have sex with is divided by a very fine line.

First, we have to analyze what you’re doing right now that’s making her see you as just a friend.

Mistake #1: You’re Just WAY Too Nice to Her

You take time out of your day to make her happy. You’re that typical “nice guy.” You’re bending over backwards to please her.

As nice as this seems, it doesn’t create sexual attraction. This doesn’t make her want to have sex with you.

By trying hard to please this girl, you’re essentially putting her up on a hypothetical pedestal, and while she might enjoy this sort of dynamic, she can’t see you as an equal from up there.

You might argue that women always say they want a “kind-hearted” man, and this is true, but it’s just not that one-dimensional.

How to ask a friend to hang out

Mistake #2: Your Level of Neediness is Off the Charts

You ask her to hang out way too much. You always want to talk to her. You always have this burning desire to text her, Facebook her, e-mail her, etc.

This is just not what an attractive guy does. At times, it might even make her think you’re “creepy.”

It may sound harsh but this is the kick in the butt you need.

Mistake #3: You Show Signs of Jealousy and Possessiveness

Is she hanging out with other friends? Maybe another guy? If you’re friend zoned, it’s probably because you’re showing signs of jealousy.

This is a massive turn off for her and solidifies her decision to keep you in the dreaded friend zone.

I’m not saying you have to control your emotions but you can’t let her know that you’re feeling this way. Don’t message her asking who she’s asking hanging out with.

In fact, it’s best to do whatever you can to act like you don’t care.

Mistake #4: You Respect Her TOO Much

You say “yes” to her way too often. You do whatever she wants to do. You respect her decisions way too much. In fact, chances are, you probably let her make all the decisions.

Guys who are attractive don’t let women do this for them.

Essentially, based on these four things, you need to stop treating this girl like gold. As weird and counterintuitive as it may sound, you need to start treating her worse.

What you’ve been taught in magazines, movies and TV shows is just a sham. The key to building romantic attraction (and not friendship) is to start acting like a man.

Attractive Traits That Make Women Want You Romantically

Now that you know what not to do, here are some things that will make you more attractive to her.

Tip #1: Start Hanging Out With Other People, Especially Women

Yes, you guys are “best friends,” sure, and you don’t want to lose that, but that doesn’t mean you can’t start hanging out with other people.

When you do this, you’ll send her a subtle (yet effective) message telling her, “I like you, but you don’t mean everything to me.”

Not only this, but women in general are attracted to men with a lot of friends. It’s true, so use this psychological tactic to your advantage.

Tip #2: Begin Making Her Ridiculously Jealous

Along the lines of tactic #1, make her jealous. The next time she asks you to hang out with her, say that you can’t and that you’re hanging out with that cute girl from work.

Don’t make this sound weird, just tell her about your plans casually and let her know that you’ll hang out at some point in the near future. Then, sit back and watch this make her really jealous.

Tip #3: Tell Her About All the Other Girls Who Are Chasing You

Okay, don’t BS too much here, but make it known that a couple of girls may be fighting over you. This is a trick that’s called “pre-selection.”

It means that if a girl knows that a lot of girls are after you, she will become naturally more attracted to you. This isn’t hogwash I’m feeding you, this is real science.

How to ask a friend to hang out

Tip #4: Start Flirting with Her

Touch her. Tease her. Playfully push her shoulder. Playfully hold her hand. “Accidentally” bump into her.

Don’t be afraid to get a little touchy-feely with her. This is how you seduce a girl, and it will sure as hell work.

Remember that the main difference between being friends with a girl and banging her is about attraction.

If she becomes attracted to you in a sexual manner, she’ll want you to be her boyfriend. It’s as simple as that. But first you have to shake that image of yourself.

Tip #5: Tell Her a Sex Story

Tell her about you having sex with some gorgeous girl in the past. Tell her all the details (but make sure you have a reason to tell her about all of this stuff, otherwise she’ll be creeped out).

You want her to think of you as a ‘sexual being’ and that she’s missing out on this side of you.

Tip #6: Use Reverse Psychology

Say things like this to her from time to time…

“You know what? I’m glad you’re just a friend. I don’t think I could ever date you.”

“This is why we’re just friends — I don’t think we’d ever work out.”

“You are just such a good friend and I just can’t see you in any other way.”

By saying things like this, she’ll start wondering why you can’t see her in any other way. This will make her want to prove you wrong.

Escaping The Friend Zone Is A Mind Game

Thanks to the tips I’ve explained above, you know how to escape from friend-zone hell… so now, it’s up to you to actually put these things into practice.

You can’t continue to bend over backwards for a girl, compliment her every chance you get, and display traits that cause women to mentally categorize you as “friend material”.

It’s time to use the power of simple psychology, channel your inner Alpha Male, and force her to see you as a potential romantic partner rather than a platonic friend.

A friend of mine, Tim, is often busy. I’ve been trying to make plans with him to go out for drinks, but he seems to be busy every time I make this offer. This happens fairly often so I have a slight suspicion that perhaps he’s using this as a way of saying “no” in order to avoid spending time with me.

I have no problem not spending time with Tim if he doesn’t want to, I’d just rather not spend the effort asking him (which is annoying for me if he’ll always say no and annoying for him if he’s uninterested) if he doesn’t have a genuine interest.

How can I ask him whether or not he has interest in spending time with me without potentially alienating him if he was actually busy every time I asked?

My focus is mostly on asking him in such a way that doesn’t imply that I think he’s making excuses. He works often and is genuinely busy often so in the case where my timing has been consistently bad I don’t want him to think I’m doubting him. I am open to indirect approaches as well.

How to ask a friend to hang out

7 Answers 7

If you want to know if he’s genuinely interested, just tell him to tell you when he’s available. Tell him you want to meet, but you acknowledge he’s a very busy person, so you leave up to him when to do so.

If he’s really up to it, he’ll eventually call. If he doesn’t, well you got your answer as well, although not so satisfying.

Most people would not admit directly they don’t have interest in meeting since they don’t want to seem rude, so let their acts speak for them.

The best way to determine if someone is interested in spending time with you is to leave them to their own devices and see if they try to initiate contact.

If you’re always the one making the first move, and he’s frequently rejecting your proposals, then maybe he doesn’t actually like you very much. However, it’s awkward to ask this, and there’s a very low chance of getting an honest answer. By allowing him to take charge you’re going to figure out exactly how valuable your friendship is to him.

If he calls you a month from now and apologizes for not staying in touch because he was busy, then he cares. Even if he doesn’t apologize you can bring up the topic of him not calling much, and see what he says (busy with work, etc.)

If, however, he never calls, you have your answer.

How to ask a friend to hang out

Following up on the excellent answers of AndreiROM and Alexander Aeos Tom letting them invite you, may not always be the right solution. While this may work with most people, in my experience there are people who are just too shy, lazy or forgetful to respond, even if they would have interest in spending time with you and enjoy it. This is especially true for people who are very busy or introverted.

My proposed approach to this problem is to make long-term plans with them on the spot. This means that whenever they say they are busy, you ask them when will they be free next time and arrange for a meeting then. It happened to me many times that these plans were 3 weeks or 2 months before the occasion. This can also let them change the subject of the meeting, they may not like drinking and say for example that you could join them when they go to the car expo next week instead.

This approach has drawbacks as well, by asking them for long-term plans you are forcing them to either tell you they aren’t interested in meeting you or giving a plan they wouldn’t enjoy. Because of this, you should let them get away with an “I don’t know”, or “I’ll let you know” which usually means they have no interest or they will call you when they have. Also keep in mind that long term plans can be canceled often and may need to be rescheduled. Be patient if this happens, since you are the one forcing a plan that may not be possible.

How to ask a friend to hang out

If a girl recently asked to hang out with you then you might be wondering why and what it might mean about the way that she feels about you.

This post will help you understand why she might have asked to hang out and why other girls might ask to hang out as well in the future.

So, what does it mean when a girl wants to hang out? It would likely mean that she likes you especially if she wants to hang out alone with you. It could also be that she considers you a friend which would be more likely if she wants to hang out with you and her other friends as well.

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There are actually a number of things to consider that will help you to understand why she wants to hang out with you. The body language that she shows around you and the way that she asks you out will likely give you a number of clues about why she did it.

Why a girl will ask you out

Each of the different reasons why a girl will ask you out will likely come with a number of clues in her body language and in the way that she asks.

In the following sections, I will mention a number of reasons why a girl will ask you out, the signs to look for and the things to consider.

She likes you

The reason that she wants to hang out with you is likely to be that she likes you.

This would be more likely if she just wants to hang out with you and not her other friends and if she wants to hang out with you where other people won’t be around to bother you both.

If she does like you then it would be likely that she would show signs of being attracted to you in her body language when around you by doing things such as:

  • Brushing her hair to the side when she sees you
  • Stroking her hair while talking to you
  • Holding prolonged eye contact with you
  • Having dilated pupils when looking at you
  • Laughing and looking to see if you are also laughing
  • Giggling a lot at the things that you say
  • Standing closer to you than she does with other people
  • Talking to you with a higher-pitched voice than she does with other people
  • Tilting her head while talking to you
  • Pointing her feet at you when she is around you
  • Adjusting her appearance when she sees you

She considers you a friend

The reason that she wants to hang out with you could be that she considers you a friend.

This would be more likely if she doesn’t just want to hang out with you and she wants to hang out with her other friends as well at the same time.

If she does just consider you a friend then it would also be likely that she would show similar body language around you as she does with her other friends.

She doesn’t want to miss out on something

The reason that she wants to hang out with you could be that she is doesn’t want to miss out on the chance of socializing with her friends.

This would be more likely if she asked you what your plans are and she wanted to go with you to an event such as a party.

However, it would still be likely that she likes you and it would help to consider if she shows signs of attraction when she is around you and if she asked what her other friends are doing as well.

Consider when and where she wants to hang out

The timing and location of when she wants to hang out would likely be a useful thing to consider when trying to understand why she wants to hang out.

If she wants to hang out alone with you later on in the evening then it would be much more likely that she wants to hang out because she likes you.

Whereas, if she wants to hang out during the day with friends then it would be more likely that she is asking because she considers you a friend.

Think about the way that she reacts to seeing you

Considering the way that she reacts to seeing you would also likely be useful in understanding why she wants to hang out with you.

If she reacts to seeing you by showing a number of signs of attraction then it would be more likely that she wants to hang out because she likes you.

This means that if she reacts to seeing you by doing things such as:

  • Brushing her hair to the side
  • Adjusting her appearance
  • Positioning herself to be nearer to you
  • Pointing her feet at you
  • Sitting or standing more upright

Then it would be more likely that she wants to hang out with you because she is attracted to you.

Think about the type of relationship that you have with her

It would also be helpful to consider the type of relationship that you have with her.

If she has been your friend for a while then it would make it more likely that she wants to hang out with you because she considers you a friend. She could still want to hang out because she is attracted to you especially if she just wants to hang out with you and she shows signs of attraction when she is around you.

Whereas, if you haven’t known her for a long time then it would make it more likely that she wants to hang out because she likes you.

Look for multiple signs

When considering what her body language could be suggesting it would be helpful to consider multiple body language signs at the same time.

A single body language sign of attraction can also usually have multiple other possible meanings other than attraction. This can make single body language signs unreliable by themselves.

Whereas, if she were to show multiple body language signs of attraction around you then it would be more likely that she is showing them due to being attracted to you.

Related

What does it mean when a girl wants to hang out with you alone? It would likely mean that she likes you.

What does it mean when a girl wants to hang out with you all the time? It could mean that she likes you which would be more likely if she wants to hang out with you alone and she shows signs of attraction with you in her body language. She might also consider you a friend especially if she wants to hang out with them with you as well.

If you want to learn more about body language, a book I would recommend would be The Definitive Book of Body Language (on Amazon). It shows you how to interpret body language and understand people’s true intentions.

I created and currently manage Body Language Central, one of the premier sources for body language-related knowledge. Body language plays a key role in our daily lives. I hope that my website can help condense the wide amount of body language information available and allow you to make full use of it in your daily life. You can read more about me and my website here.

If you want help understanding men and what they mean when they ask you to hang out, this post will clear up a lot of mystery so dive in!

How to ask a friend to hang outHelp with Understanding Men – What They Say and Do

“Hi Ronnie – The Dating Coach for Women,

I read through the all the stories and answers on the post Don’t Pursue Men. Every single time you give fantastic advice.

I am 50 and had a recent experience myself. I met a man ( in his 50s divorced for 11 years) on Friday night at a local band, we danced, went back to my sister’s house and partied on and talked all night. We were the proverbial house on fire! We had some cuddles and kisses but nothing more. It was nice to have that contact I must say.

Call Me if You Want to Hang Out
Before we parted he offered me his number, but I gave him mine as well. He said, “Call me if you want to hang out” I said “OK and you can call me if you want.” He called me the next day and left a message to ask if he’d left his glasses there. I called back and left a message that he hadn’t and I didn’t notice that he had glasses with him.

He texted me at 11:30pm on Sunday night and asked if I wanted company. I was asleep. I replied about 11am the next day and said, “I saw your text this morning, I was asleep when you texted but I wouldn’t have answered to a booty call anyway. I am happy to catch up again, but not late at night in the form of a booty call. I hope you had a nice evening anyway.”

He Denied it
He texted me back about 5pm and said that it wasn’t a booty call. He couldn’t believe he was even saying that phrase, he just wanted to catch up and thought late was OK because we had been up late on Friday night and that he’s not into playing games. He’s too old for that.

I said: “I’m sorry I assumed wrongly. There are a lot of people out there that do play games and even if they are too old lol.” and left it at that. He texted and said he really enjoyed my company and would I like to catch up for a coffee the next day, “definitely not a booty call lol”.

Asked Her to Make Dinner
I was busy in the morning, he was busy in the afternoon. I suggested, “How about a rain check or dinner?” He said, “Dinner would be good at a restaurant or would I show him my culinary delights?” I said, “How about a restaurant this time and you can try my culinary delights another time.” I took that to mean we were having dinner that night instead of the coffee.

At 5pm there was no word from him on a time and place so I called and left a message, “Hi, it’s Kerry just wondering if we are still on for dinner tonight?” He called back (I was on another call) and left a message that he didn’t realize I thought dinner was tonight. He said two or three times, he’s very sorry, he’s already made dinner and he’ll call me later.

Well it’s a day later and no call Although I was disappointed about dinner and getting to know him, I am not taken by surprise and didn’t expect much and would rather know he’s “just not that into me!” I’m not in a hurry to be in a relationship, but I’m happy to go out and get to know someone.

I would love your thoughts on this situation Ronnie.
Thanks,
No Dinner in Delaware

I’m happy to say you have good instincts. But I would like to help you read the signs even faster.

ManSpeak Translation
Let me translate the ManSpeak for you. When a man gives you his number and asks you to “hang out”, this is what he is really saying. Hang out is a casual term meaning, “I’m not going to do any of the regular dating pursuit, but if you want to casually hangout and make it really easy for me, we can spend time together. I probably won’t take you on any real dates. We might get take out and watch movies at your house or mine and have sex.”

Next time a man says, “Wanna hang out?” walk away. Or you could smile at him and say something playful like, “You’d like that wouldn’t you?” Or, “That’s quite an invitation, thanks.” Then keep walking. You can play his game if you find it fun and want to practice your flirting skills on a man who isn’t in the running for the role of boyfriend. Just don’t fall for it.

11:30 PM is a Booty Call
When I read your question, I got a good laugh out his denial that he made a booty call to you at 11:30. He’s got a sense of humor. You were right on target with that girlfriend! I don’t care how old he is, he knows what a booty call is and he made one to you.

This man was interested in having sex with you. When you couldn’t have coffee, he then tried to get into your home by asking you to make him dinner. After you did the right thing redirecting him out of the home, he let the ball drop and acted like he was confused and sorry about it. Nonsense! He’s an active player and knows exactly what he is doing.

He’s not a quality man looking for love.

Dating Advice for Women
I do have some dating advice for you. You might want to rethink going home from a bar with a man you don’t really know no matter how cute he is. He thought you might go for his “hanging out” routine because you were comfortable cuddling on the first night you met him at your sister’s home.

I recommend staying out of the home for the first several dates for this very reason. I know it was fun and sweet, and no great loss that it didn’t work out. But if you are looking for lasting love, you might want to save the make out session for a few dates later.

I do advise my clients to stay in public places until ready for intimacy. Sometimes, when you get into that comfortable place, the kisses are flying and you are like a “house on fire” it’s really hard to stop the flames of passion.

How to Stay Objective about a Man
Holding off on intimacy gives you more time to see him with objective eyes and figure out if he has the potential to be “The One”. It’s not about what he thinks about you if you sleep with him quickly. It’s all about guarding your heart.

Many women feel very hurt if a guy doesn’t ask to see them again after sleeping together. If a man shows you consistent interest for 5, 6 or 7 dates, it’s more likely he’s into you and not just the conquest of getting you into bed.

You are on the right track with understanding men, so keep going – you will find him!

By denise ngo — Written on Aug 06, 2020

How to ask a friend to hang out

There are few phrases that are more easily misinterpreted than when men say, “We should hang out sometime.” For such a simple statement, it only seems to summon countless questions.

First of all, is it actually an invitation, or merely just a polite suggestion? And what exactly does he mean by “hang out”? Does he mean that we should hang out simply as pals or as something more?

What was with that tone of voice that he used? And what is it that he want us to do together?

While it’s definitely a little awkward to ask someone directly whether or not we were just asked out on a date, it’s even more embarrassing to misunderstand someone’s intentions when you’re actually out on the date (or non-date) itself.

Heck, we’d be lying if we said that we didn’t learn how to differentiate between a date and a hang out the hard way on a couple of occasions. But, fear not, we’ve got a few pointers that may save you from the dreaded hassle of miscommunication.

What it really means when he says ‘we should hang out:’

It’s a date if.

1. He asks you out using the phrase, “Have dinner with me.”

2. He brings you flowers.

3. He takes you somewhere fancy, dimly lit, quaint or with live piano music.

4. He offers to pay and refuses all of your attempts to go half-and-half.

5. He goes out of his way to walk or to drive you home. (And bonus points for if he texts you goodnight or even good morning to ask if you slept well.)

6. He’s planned out the whole evening.

7. He tries to feed you.

8. He tries to prolong the night for as long as he possibly can.

9. He makes at least one attempt at physical affection. We’re not even talking about a full-blown kiss here — it could be hair touching, arms across your shoulders, and elbow-guiding. These are all fair game.

Unfortunately, there are a few signs he’s just not that into you. Don’t let them confuse you.

It’s not a date if.

1. He asks if you want to “tag along” to some event that he would have attended regardless.

2. He asks you out by using the phrase “hang out” or “grab food,” and especially if he brings it up at the last second.

3. He doesn’t offer to pay.

4. He talks about another love interest.

5. During dinner, he asks you if you want to meet up with his friends afterward.

Texting someone that you like on a consistent basis is always such a wonderful feeling. Especially when the conversation is great, the replies come fast and neither of you have a blip in your flow with each other. But even with all of those cool things happening, there can sometimes be something that might still be bothering the crap out of you. Like, if the two of you are doing so well with your texting, why has he not made the move to make plans with you to hang out? What is stopping him from taking the next step? Doesn’t he want to get to know you more in person? These are all definitely valid questions to have in this situation. We can understand where your concern might arise from. But don’t panic. It does not always mean that he does not like you. There could be many other things behind it that are prompting him to say no to a hang out session with you. What are they? Well, we will walk you through them shortly here! Just take a look below to get started.

How to ask a friend to hang out

The Reasons

He Has Been Busy

Let’s face it- We all get busy. Some weeks are definitely busier than others. And some months just seem never endingly packed with stuff to do. Even if we don’t really want to be doing it and would be rather doing something else… Like hanging out with the person that we have been texting lately! You might have to come to understand that this guy that you have been texting on the regular is just a busy man, with a very busy life. He might have a lot of other things going on. So, it might not actually have anything to do with you, it might just be that he lives a very full life on a day to day basis. How can you figure out if this is the reason that he hasn’t made plans to hang out? Girl, just ask him! Ask him how he spends his weeks. It might be the answer you are looking for.

He Wants To See Where It’s Going

Yes, you two seem to have hit it off right off the bat… Or so it seems to you! He might still be a little skeptical about how things are going between the two of you. It could be that he just simply is not ready to hang out with you too much in person. He might want to continue talking for a little while longer, because he wants to see if you two are truly a match or not. Texting first for a long period of time gives you both a chance to get to know one another. He is probably weary at this point and would like a little bit longer before diving into a more physical relationship of any sort. This happens more often than we think. And no, it does not mean that there is anything wrong with you. He just wants to make sure you are right for him first!

He Has A Girlfriend Already

This is definitely our least favorite on the list, because it would mean that he is one shady man. However, it does happen. And you should be prepared for the possibility. Although you should not jump to any conclusions! Instead remember that this is only a small possibility. You might want to think about his behavior. Does he seem to disappear for long periods of time without explanation? Does he refuse to add you on social media platforms? These are signs that he might already be seeing someone. And since he, most likely, does not want you and her to collide, he is going to have you on different schedules. So there is going to be times where he is nowhere to be found.

How to ask a friend to hang out

He Is Too Shy

Or your poor, cute, crush might actually just be a shy guy. This means that he just hasn’t yet mustered up the courage to come out with you just yet. He might feel overwhelmed or even intimidated by the idea! Thinking about meeting you could even go as far as to give him anxiety. So it might take him some time to warm up to the idea. He certainly enjoys talking with you if he talks to you every day and keeps the conversation up well. But he does not yet know how to act on those feelings. He will eventually! You just need to have patience with him. Or you can make the first move and try to plan something with him! Take the risk and see what he says!

He’s Just Bored

Lastly, we want to mention this reason because, even though it’s an awful one, it definitely is one to be aware of. Guys (and girls) sometimes only text people consistently because they are simply bored. This means that they never truly had any intention of hanging out with you in the first place. This is most likely the reason if you are always trying to get him to hang out, but he always rejects the idea.

I know you’re scared of being rejected by girls (or guys). It’s intimidating. And what happens if she says no? What are you going to do in that extremely awkward five second walk away from her? You will most likely trip and fall into a giant water puddle nearby and all of her friends will laugh and throw their hair back like a scene out of Mean Girls. As this plays out in your mind, you slowly convince yourself of all of the reasons why you should play it safe and not talk to her.

I’m going to give you three solid reasons why you should get up, be a man (or a woman), go say the words that need to be said, and be a hero by winning her heart.

Reason One: A simple rejection isn’t a well informed decision about your character.

You’re scared of her saying no to you, or how hard the rejection will be on your self-esteem. If you’re a normal human being, you might even feel a tinge of self doubt. Am I even an attractive person? These are all normal thoughts, but they aren’t rational.

Here’s why: She doesn’t know who you are. She doesn’t know that you volunteer on weekends at the humane society. She doesn’t know that you’re a gentleman and a scholar. She doesn’t know that you were really nervous when you introduced yourself and that normally your palms don’t sweat like you just finished running a marathon in the Sahara Desert.

She is giving you an answer based on an infinitely small judgment of who you are as a person. A large majority of her opinion on how attractive she thinks you are depends on your charisma when you present yourself.

Key: Untie rejection and your self worth.

Reason Two: Her opinion doesn’t define your worth.

I had a wise friend once tell me that even if you’re the best looking guy in the world, there are going to be girls who think you’re ugly. It’s a fact of life. I’ve even met women who think Brad Pitt is ugly. I mean, c’mon.

The point is, one person’s opinion is just that- an opinion. I’ve found through my own rejection journey that opinions are the most abundant item on the entire Earth.

Key: Acknowledge that the opinion of one person, cannot and shouldn’t dictate the way you see yourself. For every person who thinks you’re ugly, there will be one who thinks you’re beautiful, smart, and extremely hilarious. Don’t quit looking.

Reason Three: The only way to develop confidence is through extensive practice.

So maybe she really is way out of your league and you’re going to try and pull off a homerun. In this kind of situation, don’t worry about the outcome of the answer. Simply tell yourself this, “There is a very likely chance this girl will say no to me.” Then accept that answer, and go for it anyway, embracing the craziness.

“Hi, I know you’re way too beautiful for me. But I knew I couldn’t leave here without saying hello. So hello, and if you don’t think I’m the worst looking guy in the world would it be okay if I bought you dinner sometime?”

(Heyo! You killed it, nice job.)

Well, you tried. The best part about this experience was now you are one step closer to developing the confidence you need to calmly talk to women and ask them out on dates. Think of it like constantly going to the gym. If you don’t work out for six months and then try to bust out an hour on the cardio machines, you’re likely going to throw up or fall over from exhaustion.

It’s the same for talking to women, if you never practice talking to them, introducing yourself, and figuring out which talking points work or don’t work, then you’ll never quite build that mental dating muscle.

Key: The more you ask women out, the better you’ll be.

If you’re trying to figure out a practical way to get over your fear of asking someone out, I have a challenge to nudge you in the right direction. Go out and get five women to reject you in a public place. Don’t be a creepy weirdo, just ask them if they would like to have dinner with you. The rules for this challenge are you can’t lie nor break the law. Outside of that, be creative and enjoy learning how to get over your fear. While you’re warming up for your challenge, watch this video of me getting rejected by five women in the Whole Foods parking lot.

This is part 3 of a series I’m doing called Rejection Remedy– the idea that we can conquer all the fears in our life by using rejection as the remedy.

So this week I just got fired on the first day of a new job (but I got a new one shortly after), and I made a buddy while I was there. We talked to each other while we were on break and then we exchanged contact info, with him taking the lead on that. So I’m gonna call him later this week and I’m not sure what to say to him. Do I ask him what his plans are this weekend and that if I could join in, or if not and if it’ll just be the 2 of us, maybe I should just ask him if we could go get a drink somewhere.

Sorry if this seem weird (or gay but I never made plans to go out with friends before.

So this week I just got fired on the first day of a new job (but I got a new one shortly after), and I made a buddy while I was there. We talked to each other while we were on break and then we exchanged contact info, with him taking the lead on that. So I’m gonna call him later this week and I’m not sure what to say to him. Do I ask him what his plans are this weekend and that if I could join in, or if not and if it’ll just be the 2 of us, maybe I should just ask him if we could go get a drink somewhere.

Sorry if this seem weird (or gay but I never made plans to go out with friends before.

Sorry about the job, hope the next one works out better!

Don’t ever ask a person you hardly know what their plans are – it puts then on the spot and makes them feel backed into a corner.

Instead, call and say, hey, I was thinking of catching that new Johnny Depp movie next Thursday and wanted to see if you’d like to come along?”

How to ask a friend to hang out

The holiday season is fast approaching. And along with the cheer, gifts and food comes a variety of soirees with friends and family. In some cases, you may find yourself in a room with a few gals that you once would’ve considered your BFFs but now feel like more distant acquantainces.

You’ve grown apart, and there’s nothing wrong with that. That said, that doesn’t mean that you can’t be friendly and make convo with them. Who knows, maybe by the end of the night you’ll have dusted off some great memories and rediscovered the magic that made up your friendship. Worst case scenario, you can raise your head high knowing you took the high road and made a solid effort to reconnect.

Reach out via social media before the get-together.
It’s never a bad idea to reach out to the host or hostess if you haven’t talked to them in awhile. Breaking the ice via social media a few days before the actual party will be easier than doing so in person. Also, it’ll allow you to gauge where the two of you stand and to get a sense of how they may have changed since the last time you saw them.

Come up with a few topics of conversation.
After you’ve done some light FB-stalking and reached out to them, it’s time to put pen to paper. Brainstorm a list of a few go-to conversation starters you can pull out should the convo come to an awkward halt. Are they a T-Swift afficiando? Ask them what they think of reputation. Do they love to cook? Reference that Pinterest recipe you saved recently. It’ll be way easier if you have a game plan.

Don’t set your expectations too high.
You can’t expect inside jokes and endless laughs right off of the bat, especially if you haven’t talked with this crowd for a bit. Keep your expectations in check, or else you could find yourself putting way too much pressure on yourself and on the other parties involved. If you aren’t careful, then suddenly, every little exchange could become stressful, when in reality it’s nothing to sweat about.

Be prepared to let things slide.
Did you forget they swapped out running track for playing the piano? Did they bring up that photo of you an bae without realizing the two of you broke up a couple of weeks ago? You have to be willing to let your compassionate side through and let any little faux-paus slide. Be forgiving with yourself and others.

If you don’t click, accept it.
Even Beyoncé knows that, regardless of how hard you try, sometimes things just don’t work out as you may have envisioned them. If you make it to the end of the night, be proud of yourself for trying and surviving whatever small talk or awkwardness you had to, especially if you’re on the more introverted side. That alone can be your little victory; the two of you don’t to have brunch plans for next week.

Have you ever reconnected with an old friend? How did it go? Tell us below!

There are times in our lives when we find ourselves in friendships that feel one-sided, where it seems that we are giving more than we are receiving in the relationship. While all of us at Darling believe in giving selflessly of our time, emotions and advice, there may come a point when we need to establish healthy boundaries with a friend who appears to be emotionally dependent on us, using the bond we share as a means of validating her identity and self-worth.

So how do we handle a situation like this with love, clarity and grace? Read on to hear our thoughts and chime in with your own advice in the comments section.

Be Patient

Before jumping to any conclusions about a situation or season your friend might be in, take the time to identify signs that may indicate that a friend is depending on you too much. Does she want to spend large chunks of time together every day? Does she express frustration or jealousy when you have other plans with different friends? Does she seem emotional when you aren’t able to discuss a problem or an issue with her?

While these answers alone don’t necessarily mean that your friend is counting on you more than she should, they are indicative that something difficult may be going on her life. Maybe she’s struggling at work or in her relationship; perhaps she’s having a family dispute or trouble with a roommate. It’s possible that your friend isn’t able to communicate clearly and instead of being forthcoming with her problems, she may prefer to work things out on her own. This mindset can have the unintended effect of social dependency; your friend will pack her schedule to the brim and cling on to loved ones in an effort to distract herself from the problems she’s facing.

Resist the temptation to confront your loved one immediately; sometimes these things have a way of working themselves out without our intervention. Practice patience and continue being there for your friend while setting up healthy boundaries to protect yourself. (More on that in a minute.)

Be Direct

If you feel that your friend is indeed depending on you too much and she isn’t making strides towards resolving her personal issues on her own, it might be time to have a direct conversation about the situation. Approach your loved one in a time and place that is comfortable for her; don’t create an environment that feels aggressive or hostile. Speak gently and kindly, but directly. Make your point clear and concise, and don’t expound upon examples of her clinginess.

The bottom line is that your friend is likely struggling with something and this difficult season of her life is resulting in an unhealthy dependence on you, perhaps as a way to affirm her identity and validate her self-worth. Don’t beat around the proverbial bush in an attempt to address the issue indirectly. Simply treat your friend with love and confront her with kindness to determine if your frank conversation can result in healing, giving your friend the power and confidence to move forward — on her own.

Set Up Healthy Boundaries

While being supportive of your friend in need, make sure to set up healthy boundaries to protect your time — and your heart. It can be emotionally draining to give — and give and give — of yourself to someone who needs to lean on you and you can find yourself resenting your loved one if you don’t carve out time for you. Strive to protect your alone time by putting your phone on the Do Not Disturb mode after a certain hour or make it known that you schedule solo appointments, exercise classes or therapeutic activities to help keep yourself energized and rejuvenated.

Prioritizing alone time does not make you a bad friend; in fact, it likely makes you a better friend in the long run, as you end up feeling refreshed and ready to help friends tackle problems or obstacles as they arise.

Prioritizing alone time does not make you a bad friend; in fact, it likely makes you a better friend in the long run …

Know When to Seek Professional Help

If you notice that your friend’s clinginess causes her to act out emotionally or even violently, you may need to seek help from a professional. If you no longer feel safe with your friend or if you think she is a danger to herself, identify professional means of support and consider staging an intervention with friends, family members and counselors. Your friend’s safety and mental health are more important than the repercussions you might face from initiating an intervention.

Have you been in a similar situation with a friend? How did you handle it?

Image via Jason Barbagelott for Darling Issue No. 13

How to ask a friend to hang out

How to ask a friend to hang out

How to ask a friend to hang out

How to ask a friend to hang out

Also included in

Description

Using UCLA PEERS® (Program for the Education and Enrichment of Relational Skills) evidenced based strategies, these task cards include step by step instructions to have a conversation with an acquaintance and invite them to hang out.

There are 12 double sided task cards that include the directions of the social skill on one side and brief examples of the social skill on the other side. For diverse populations, 12 cards include brick guys, and 12 cards include Melonheadz.

Also included are handouts to help prepare the conversation, potential rejection, an extra set of cards minus the numbers for sorting, role plays, and prompting examples, as well as 30 invitation starter questions for additional role plays once the skills is learned.

A great activity for both individual social skills training and role plays in friendship groups. Excellent resource for children on the Autism spectrum.

See product for credits.
http://www.semel.ucla.edu/peers/

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When someone asks you to hang out in person during a pandemic, it’s not it’s an easy “yes” — but, it’s also not an easy “no.”

On the one hand, you probably have at least one family member, friend or a friend-of-a-friend who’s had COVID-19. And, depending on where you live, COVID-19 cases may actually be back on the rise. So, logistically speaking, you know that attending a social gathering isn’t the best idea.

On the other hand, we’re all eager to see out family and friends again. Plus, it’s not like your reason for saying no is as simple as it was back in the old days.

Here’s what to consider when a friend or loved one asks you to hang out in person, why it’s okay to say “no” and tips for doing so confidently and politely.

Do you know the risks — as well as your comfort level with them?

Adjusting to life during COVID-19 can take a toll on your mental health — there are so many things out of your control. It may be a tough pill to swallow, but one thing you can control is how many risks you’re taking during this pandemic — even if those risks may be beneficial to your emotional well being.

While it’s possible to plan an in-person hangout that’s somewhat safe, it’s inconvenient. Spending more than 15 minutes within 6 feet of another person increases your risk of catching and spreading COVID-19 — especially if that person is being less cautious than you are.

The decision to attend a social gathering is a highly personalized one and depends on whether or not you:

  • Are high risk for a more serious case of COVID-19
  • Live with or care for someone who’s high risk
  • Interact with people as part of your job, such as in a clinic, grocery store or restaurant
  • Are generally comfortable with taking the risk
  • Live with someone who is also comfortable with you taking the risk

Considering and determining your comfort level ahead of time, as well as your household’s comfort level, can help you confidently decline or accept an invitation to hang out. It can also help limit the anxiety and stress you may feel if your answer is ‘”no.”

Are you only saying “yes” to please the other person?

You’ve spent your whole life perfecting your, “No, but thank you for the invite,” response — in which you politely explain how you already have plans but would love to set something up in the near future. Even then, you may still feel a little guilty for declining the invite.

When it’s a pandemic and you don’t have other plans or know when that near future may be, saying “no” can come with an added layer of stress and guilt.

Will the person question your dedication to the friendship? Will the person’s feelings be hurt? Will the person think you’re being judgemental? Do you even need to mention that COVID-19 is the reason you’re declining the invite?

No matter how someone may — or may not — react to your response, what you shouldn’t do is agree to something you’re uncomfortable with just to make the other person happy. The right decision is the one that’s best for both your physical and mental health.

Plus, any stress that may come along after that uncomfortable “no” is still way less stress than what you’d feel before, during and after attending a gathering that you didn’t feel was actually safe.

How to politely say “no” to a social gathering during a pandemic

No one likes to say “no” — and some of us dislike it way more than others. To take some of the stress out of declining a social gathering you don’t feel is safe during COVID-19, follow these 4 steps:

1. Be positive. Declining an invite doesn’t have to be negative. Start your response off on a positive note: “It’s great to hear from you!” And end on one, too: “I definitely miss hanging out with you!” Not an exclamation mark guy or gal? There are always emojis 🙂

2. Make your response short and sweet. Since you already know what you’re comfortable with and why, crafting a concise and polite response should be as easy as: “While I’d love to see you, I’m avoiding in-person gatherings due to COVID-19 right now.” You may feel like you need to give the person your detailed reasoning as to why you’re saying no, but people know the drill with COVID-19 by now — we all know some people are high risk, and we also all know others are just generally more risk-averse.

3. Keep your response honest. While it may be tempting to limit the awkwardness by making up fake plans, it could just land you in a “fake plan spiral” — in which the person offers an alternative date or time and you have to think of more and more excuses. In fact, it may even make you feel like you eventually have to say “yes” to something you’re uncomfortable with simply to cover your dishonesty. Plus, at the risk of sounding like a Pinterest quote board, the foundation of a healthy friendship is honesty.

4. Suggest an alternative way to hang out. If you do want to reconnect with the person, declining the invitation doesn’t have to mean declining to hang out completely. Phone calls, video chats and playing video games online together will never make up for reconnecting in person, but it’s certainly better than nothing.

When you put these tips together, politely and confidently declining a social invitation may look like this:

“It’s great to hear from you! I miss seeing you, but I’m avoiding in-person gatherings due to COVID-19 right now. How about we plan a virtual hangout soon? I definitely miss hanging out with you!”

The case for real dates in a Netflix and chill world

We all know that dating today looks a lot less like dating and a lot more like hanging out. Rather than planning a time and place to have quality time and get to know one another, we settle in on the couch for some ambiguous romantic tension and the possibility of one thing leading to the next.

As a man, there is something admittedly appealing about the hangout session. An informal poll of my male friends and acquaintances revealed that the hangout has it’s perks. Take Patrick, for instance: “I am totally for the pre-date hangout,” he said. “I wouldn’t ask a girl on a date until I had had a couple of less romantically pressurized interactions with her.” Ian concurs: “I totally hang out a few times before going on the date,” he said. “Mostly in group settings, but once or twice in a non-romantic one-on-one setting. I think you can find out whether or not you would be interested in a relationship relatively quickly without the weird pressures that official dates tend to come with.”

Both talk about dates as having extra “pressure,” and I can relate to that. It can be a rather daunting task to keep up a conversation over the course of a date that might last up to two hours or more. Then there’s the psychological weight that comes with the fact that you’re on a *date* with someone. Not to mention that other people might find out that you went out together and start asking loads of questions. As Ian says: “It’s not that I’m afraid of rejection, I just think the relationship dynamic transforms dramatically when the word ‘date’ gets dropped.”

The truth is, I’m interested in a real relationship, and my sense is that casual hangout sessions aren’t always the best way to start such a relationship. In fact, I’m inclined to believe that casual hangouts are more likely to lead to… nothing.

Does that mean I might scare off a woman every once in awhile by coming on too strong? Sure it does. But it’s a small price to pay in exchange for intentionality, which I’m convinced is necessary for a good, healthy, and long-lasting relationship.

In my same casual male friend poll, I learned that, for the most part, there are plenty of guys who agree with me. Despite the relatable discomfort about the pressure of a date, most of the men I talked to agreed that asking a woman on a date is typically the surest way to a real, healthy relationship.

There are a lot of reasons men and women should ditch the comfortable hangout sesh and opt for a date, but for those women who would rather slide into things, here are three reasons you should quit the “hanging out” zone and expect dates from men instead.

01. It keeps the relationship intentional.

So a man wants to hang out. It could mean he likes you and he wants a non-threatening way to start the real romantic relationship. It could also mean that what he really wants is a long-term FWB, or even a one-night stand. Of course hanging out doesn’t necessarily mean romance, either. It could mean he doesn’t bond well with males and just needs a female friend. It could mean he’s not attracted to you yet likes your company. It could mean he’s just really lonely.

It could also mean he’s not even sure what he wants, which might actually be the most likely scenario. Suffice it to say, if you’re confused by what a guy means when he wants to hang out, you’re not alone. But a woman needn’t be left hanging, nor should she be.

A date means you never have to wonder if he is looking for an emotional girlfriend or a real girlfriend. On a date you have to plan ahead, even to the point you have to put something on the calendar. There’s something about looking forward to a date that really does make it more special, and serves to help bond you with your date even before you arrive. Not that you can’t look forward to hanging out, but it doesn’t inspire the same buzz of excitement. Often times there’s a purchase involved, which means there’s the double-investment of time and money. There’s something about being on a public date which is an investment as well, a risk even. People will see you together on what looks like a date! It’s in the little things that a date is romantic where a hangout just can’t match.

02. Dates establish healthy boundaries.

We all know what sort of connotation comes with “Netflix and chill.” And even if you aren’t explicitly planning to hook up, showing up at someone’s home without any clear boundaries about what you’re going to do, how long you’re going to stay, etc. is a recipe for sexual intimacy, whether you like it or not. And I’m not sure anything else can compare to unintended physical intimacy when it comes to complicating a relationship.

A date, on the other hand, especially a first date, typically happens outside of the home at a particular time that has a natural end to it. Happy hour ends when it’s time to eat dinner. Dinner ends after dessert. And that’s not to say dates need to be devoid of physical intimacy, either. But if and when it happens tends to be more intentional on the part of both parties involved, and if you are not looking for a one night stand, intentional is good.

03. It sets up clear expectations.

I know that many women also seem freaked out by the idea of a date, especially when it’s with someone they haven’t already fallen in love with.

I once asked a woman out on a date, and she responded with, “Oh jeez, that is so flattering and I would love to go out but can we not call it a date? I am so awkward on dates.” This was hilarious to me. Let’s totally “go out” but not call it a date? So I said, “We can call it whatever you want,” and I meant it. There’s nothing magical about the word date. But I do think there is something about what the word represents, which is an intentional one-on-one time together with romance in mind. But if a date is exactly what you want, don’t be afraid to ask for it.

If a man asks you to hang out, don’t feel as if you have to agree to the terms as-is. You can always politely decline (a “no, thank you” is just fine), propose a different setting or context to the arrangement (“I was actually really wanting to go to the art show, how about we go there instead?”), or even say something like, “I’d love to spend time with you, and that sounds nice enough. But I’d prefer a date.” There’s never anything wrong with asking for what you want, and any man I know would be impressed by—and even more attracted to—your straightforwardness and verbalized level of interest.

Of course, it’s very possible he had no romantic intentions in the first place, and therefore won’t be interested in a date. But then you can decide more clearly whether you want another friend to hang out with, or whether you’d rather spend your time with men with whom you might have a future. At the very least, you both have clearer expectations about what your relationship is and what your time together will look like. Word will get around that you don’t bother with lame hang out sessions, and if a man wants time with you, he’s going to have to man up and be clear about his intentions.

Who doesn’t like the idea of watching South Park on a comfy couch with somebody new and attractive? I know I do. But I’m also interested in a real relationship, and hangouts are relationship purgatory. So why not try skipping the hangout thing and opt for the good old-fashioned first date?