How to apologize to your guy friend

How to apologize to your guy friend

An apology letter to a friend seeks to ask for forgiveness for wrong words or action that hurt the individual. An apology is a way of maintaining friendship; it can take years to build a vibrant relationship, but it will take a second to ruin the relationship. When you discover you have wronged your friend the best way is to write an apology letter to clear things out. Conflicts and arguments are part of healthy relationships. When things turn sour in your relationship, confront these issues with an apology.

Saying sorry is a foreign word to some individuals, but it’s essential to know it doesn’t depict your weakness but how strong you are. Finding the right words to express your apology daunt, but a sample or template will work wonders in such cases.

How to apologize to a friend

Be sincere

Once you have gathered enough strength to apologize to your friend, put it down in pen and paper. Let your heart speak; tell your friend how the incident had affected you. Don’t forge your apology. A sincere apology will heal the wounds and start a new chapter in your relationship.

Express a wish to avoid a repeat of the mistake

A true apology has the guts to prevent a recurrence of the mistake in the future. When apologizing to your friend, talk of ways you can use to avoid a repeat of the incident in days to come. After the apology, you need to talk and agree on how you will keep off from anything that can ruin your relationship.

Dwell on the issue at hand

Many individuals error when apologizing to their friends by seeking an apology for mistakes committed years or decades ago. To make the apology genuine and strong, handle one case at a time.

Recount the story

Some arguments and conflicts arise because of misunderstandings. As you seek an apology form a friend, recount the story to clarify the matter. Let your friend understand why you had to act the way you did. If it was because of anger or any other reason, let them know.

Honor their feelings

When a person is hurt, it affects their emotions, and they might not want to see you or receive any communication from you. As you write the letter, appreciate that your friend is angry. If they don’t respond instantly allow them to heal or sober up before responding to your message.

What to avoid when writing an apology letter to a friend

A prompt response

When you write a letter to a friend requesting for forgives, don’t expect them to respond immediately. You must understand your friend was hurt. Different individuals take different time to heal. Don’t prompt for a response, wait for the answer.

Fake apology

Do not apologize if you have the wrong motive. If you hope to forget the incident without a genuine apology, then there is no point in writing a letter to fake an apology.

Length stories

The apology letter to a friend should focus on the incident at hand. Choose the words to use. Avoid words that can make matters worse. Go straight to what you are apologizing about and leave the rest of the stories for another day.

Shifting blame

The best way to receive forgiveness is by owning a mistake you did. When writing a letter to a friend seeking forgiveness highlights your role on the issue.

Sample apology phrases for a friend

  • …..not honoring your invitation
  • …..not heeding to your advice
  • …..not visiting you when you were in the hospital
  • …..not footing your bill though I had the cash to do so.
  • …..not answering your calls and text messages
  • …..not being there for you when you want me most
  • ……not availing myself for the interview
  • ……not attending your wedding
  • ……avoiding you
  • ……missing your graduation party

Sample apology letter to a friend

I understand that you are hurting but allow me to apologize for the fight we had yesterday. Fighting should be the last act to end a conflict; I hate fighting. But I started it all.

Forgive me for not allowing you to explain what had happened to our electronics business. When angry I act in strange ways. Though I was angry, fighting shouldn’t have been the way to sort out our differences.

After reflecting on my actions, I realized that I was wrong. We have been friends for 7 years. I shall not allow a simple misunderstanding to break our relationship.

Kindly, forgive my unbecoming acts and let’s move forward with our relationship. I ask for a meeting to resolve this conflict soon.

I promise never to act in such a way in future no matter what. Besides, I will visit my counselor for advice on how to handle my anger.

Once more I am sorry for the fight. The moments we have shared for years will help us overcome any challenge as friends.

Types of apology letter to a friend

Apology letter to a friend for misunderstanding

An apology letter to a friend for a misunderstanding is written to ask for forgiveness when one party on the relationship misinterprets the other actions or gestures. The letter aims at resolving the conflict and establishing the truth. In the letter include;

  • A sincere apology
  • The facts of the matter
  • How you will avoid a recurrence of the same

Apology letter to a friend for not being in touch

If you travel to a distant place or get to engage that you forget to get in touch with your friend, you can write an apology letter to mend your ties. The letter should bear these details;

  • Why you have been quiet
  • What you will do to avoid the silence in coming days
  • You contact information

Apology letter to friend’s parents

An apology letter to a friend’s parents is written to apologize for a wrong done to the friend’s parents. The letter should embrace a respectful tone. Include the following details in the letter;

  • Your name and a brief introduction of who you are
  • An account of the incident
  • A genuine apology
  • Assurance not to repeat the mistake

Apology letter for a friend for not being there

Friends are for adversity if your friend doesn’t turn up when you need them most, the act can translate to a dead or a dying relationship. At times, one might have a genuine reason for not being there for their friend. I such a case one can write an apology letter and apologize for the act. Include the following information when writing the letter;

Me and an old friend got into an argument and we aren't cool anymore. But, he's my neighbor. I'm legit tired of the hostility in our attitudes towards each other over such a stupid fucking argument.

Anyways, I wanna end this with a basic apology over text that basically says that I'm sorry for the stupid arguments and want to kill the beef.

Now, I'd just text him that but I'm afraid it'll come off as low effort or too much effort, y'know? I don't want it to seem like I just want him to be my friend and come off as begging.

So, how do I word what I have to say? I suck with words.

First off you don't do it over text, you do it in person.

Go over there and apologize. Just a simple "I'm sorry about what happened and that it has messed up our friendship. I'd like to put this behind us and move on". No using the word but. Just apologize and he'll either accept it or he won't, either way you tried and that's really all one can do.

Hey man, you haven't given us enough to go off here to advise you honestly. What was the fight over? That greatly influences what level of an apology you need. How long ago did the argument happen? Etc. Maybe also your age and sexes would help, as I would personally address an argument with a woman differently than I would a man, same as I would come at it differently if it was a teenager than if it was an adult 40-year-old man. I'd love to try and help you out but can't if I don't even know what you'd be apologizing for.

We're both men. I'm 16 he's 18. We were playing Destiny 2 and he kept fucking up the raid so I called him a coon. He then told me to go shove a tooth brush up my ass. He then proceeded to hit me with a bunch of homophobic stuff as I hit him with a bunch of racist stuff.

See, it was soooooo fucking stupid. I'm not gay and we're both black, I don't even know why we were acting like your typical toxic gamer children. It was ridiculous. Anyways I got tired of arguing and just said "Ya know what?" and he interrupted me with "You're leaving aren't you, bitch?" That bothered me so much 'cause he's right, I was leaving lol.

I left. All that pent up anger from that argument ended up being taken out on our clan. I demoted him from admin, promoted a random person to Leader, and gave up my place as leader. I then, left the clan, closed the game, and deleted the entire game. Haven't talked to him since.

I don't think he'll be friends again, hell, I really don't want to be his friend anyway. But I just want this childish ass weight off my shoulders, I want to be done with it and walk away from it. I lost a good friend because he fucked up in a game and I know it's stupid. Just ignoring it and moving on isn't enough. I could throw my entire system out the window and that wouldn't change a thing 'cause I have that shame trapped in the back of my mind bugging me.

Making a mistake and hurting your boyfriend in the process sucks.

But if you’ve screwed up royally and you’ve broken your man’s heart, the grown-up thing to do is to suck it up and apologize.

Yes, no matter how petty you think your mistake may have been, you should own up to what you did.

I know that is easier said than done so if you don’t know how and where to start, read on.

I’ve got a handy guide to share with you on how to apologize to your boyfriend when you’re wrong.

Table of Contents

Why Apologies Are Difficult As Hell

Admitting that you’re in the wrong isn’t easy. You must first acknowledge you’ve made a mistake.

Such an acknowledgment should lead you to the next step: stepping up and apologize to your boyfriend.

Both stages require an enormous amount of courage. So I’m not surprised if you find apologies to be difficult.

But aside from this, here are three more reasons we don’t apologize even when we need to.

1. Embarrassment

When you really screw up, the embarrassment you feel can sometimes swallow you alive.

Especially if you’d rather forget the fact that you hurt your boyfriend instead of facing him and apologizing.

2. Anger

There are times when you refuse to apologize because you only hurt your boyfriend because he was the one who started it.

If this is the case, quit playing the blame game. Remember, revenge may be best served cold but what goes around comes around.

3. Pride

Finding the strength to admit you’ve messed up isn’t easy if you’re full of pride, in the biblical sense.

But once you’ve overcome the need to be right all the time, asking for forgiveness from your boyfriend will be much easier.

The antidote to these three things is simple: humility. By having a humble heart, you’ll be on your way to rebuilding your relationship with your boyfriend again.

Also, once you’ve gained the knowledge on how to understand men and how this understanding is crucial in getting him to forgive you, apologizing won’t be that much of a challenge moving forward.

Do’s And Don’ts: How To Apologize To Your Boyfriend When You’re Wrong

Before you apologize to your boyfriend, it’s crucial to be emotionally ready.

Being half-hearted about apologizing to him is not going to help.

So if you’re in doubt about your personal readiness, here are a few crucial questions to ask yourself before you apologize to him.

Are you truly sorry for having caused him pain?

Do you hold yourself accountable and responsible for what you’ve done and its consequences?

Are you ready to adjust and change things if necessary as part of smoothing out things with him?

Are you prepared to accept his rejection?

Are you willing to commit yourself to this process?

If you answer no to most of these questions, it means you’re not as ready to ask for forgiveness as you think.

On the flip side, if it’s a series of yes’s, then great! You’re ready to ask for forgiveness.

Now all you need are some tips on how to apologize to your boyfriend when you’re wrong. I’ve got nine of them for you:

1. DO show sincerity.

Faking your apology won’t cut it. It’s only going to make the situation worse.

So when apologizing, come from a place of humility. Show him how sorry you are for the mistakes you’ve committed.

Speak from the heart. Mean every word you say. Be genuine.

2. DO express your understanding of the weight of the situation.

Make your boyfriend see that you understand why you were wrong for what you did.

Show him that you have fully grasped the seriousness of the situation you created.

This is one of many ways to get him to realize you’re worthy of his forgiveness when he’s ready to grant it to you.

3. DO take full responsibility for the situation.

Acknowledge the mistakes you’ve committed. Empathize, if you think it will help.

Let him vent. If he does, listen patiently to understand and not to reply and argue.

This is how you take complete responsibility when you’ve committed a hurtful action towards him.

This is courage in its truest form and is also one of many traits that men find attractive in women.

4. DO pledge to be better one day at a time.

If you noticed, I used “pledge” instead of “promise”. The reason for this is because you’re a normal human being, prone to committing mistakes.

Yes, you don’t want to hurt him for the same reasons but, sometimes, you commit the same mistake twice.

So commit to pledging better behavior rather than promising something you may well fall short on down the line.

5. DO offer to make it up to him.

Making amends means acting to rectify and improve the circumstances, if possible.

It’s one of the key parts of the apology process. Let your boyfriend know you want to make it up to him to the best of your ability.

6. DON’T make assumptions.

Don’t assume that you fully understand how he may have felt and still feel about the situation.

Don’t assume that he’s ready to listen. Always ask questions before you make any move to avoid adding insult to injury.

7. DON’T justify your actions.

Your boyfriend won’t be interested in hearing that you didn’t mean to hurt him, that you had a reason for doing this, or that you didn’t realize such an action would hurt him.

Focus your efforts on taking full responsibility for your mistakes and making amends instead.

8. DON’T offer excuses.

You may be tempted to explain why you did this and if you are, it’s okay.

Just remember that there’s a right time for everything and offering such explanations may not work out in your favor, especially if your boyfriend’s wounds are still fresh.

9. DON’T expect to be forgiven right there and then.

Yes, you’re truly sorry. You’ve done your part. You’ll do everything to smooth things out with him.

But, still, he doesn’t owe you anything, especially forgiveness, no matter how sorry you are.

So leave the decision to him. Give him the space he needs. Allow him to forgive you in his own time.

Disagreements in relationships are inevitable. But remember, they don’t always have to lead to conflict.

And have you considered that a bit of boredom in the relationship could be making things tense?

Always keeps things moving and work together towards your relationship goals!

Everyone does something that requires an apology to acknowledge a wrong and move forward. Make every effort to extend an apology with integrity, no matter what extenuating circumstances contributed to the situation, affirms executive and relationship coach Dave Kaiser, Ph.D., writing for The Good Men Project. Your acceptance of responsibility and desire to fix the problem will identify you as a person of integrity.

Explore this article

1 Your Mess, Your Responsibility

You made a promise and didn’t keep it, or you said something that damaged feelings. Whatever the problem is between you and your friend, a well-crafted apology might repair the relationship. Take full responsibility for what you did or didn’t do and do so as soon as you realize that you were in the wrong, advises life coach Martha Beck, Ph.D., on You can explain your actions, but that doesn’t excuse your actions.

2 No “Ifs” or “Buts”

Avoid using “if” or “but” in your apology, advises clinical psychologist Joseph Burgo, Ph.D., on the Psychology Today website. Using “if” or “but” diminishes your apology, making it sound half-hearted. Keep your apology simple and succinct — just the facts. Acknowledge that your actions affected your friend and could have created negative emotions such as anger, frustration and anxiety. Do not discuss your friend’s behavior in relation to your actions with comments such as, “Your attitude made me angry” or “I wouldn’t have done what I did if you hadn’t done that.” Those words only serve to shift the blame.

3 Remorse and Repair

Express remorse and detail how you will prevent a recurrence, suggests Beck. Find some way to fix or reduce the consequences of your actions as quickly as possible. Ask how you might make amends if you aren’t sure what to do, such as paying for your friend’s meal if you didn’t show up at the restaurant or letting a teacher know that you were responsible when a class project wasn’t completed on time. Tell your friend that you will avoid making promises you can’t keep so she feels that she can rely on your word.

4 Forgiveness is Optional

Never make your friend feel guilty or insinuate that your friend must forgive you because you apologized, explains Burgo. It might take a while for your friend to settle down and feel forgiving. Acknowledge that some hurts are easier to forgive and you are willing to accept that he might not ever forgive you. Thank him for listening to you and leave the outcome of your friendship in his hands. It’s possible that he will quickly accept and forgive, but that shouldn’t motivate your apology. Your motivation should be to acknowledge and repair the wrong.

Get tips and guidelines, then get inspired by the sample letters below and learn how to apologize to your boyfriend. They’re all written by others who brought pen to paper in order show their boyfriends how sorry they are.

How to apologize to your guy friend

Saying sorry to your boyfriend can be hard because there’s so much on the line.

It doesn’t matter how you hurt him, if you were caught lying or cheating, were mean, feeling insecure or were rude, you need to acknowledge the hurt and take full responsibility.

When intimate relationships are involved, feelings of regret can sometimes be overwhelming.

So while some choose to add a romantic gesture or an apology gift, you still need to include an apology message if you’re asking for forgiveness and want to show him how truly sorry you are.

How to write an apology letter to a boyfriend

1. Start your letter by validating his feelings and acknowledging his hurt.

2. Tell him how sorry you are and how important it is for you to fix things.

3. Be honest. Tell him how important he is in your life.

4. Take full responsibility and ask him for forgiveness.

5. Promise that it won’t happen again and find a way to prove it.

Apology Letters to Boyfriends Written By Others

Get inspired by how these writers said sorry to their boyfriends. Or, post your own online apology.

A Love That I Ruined
Hi Michaelangelo. I know I messed up a lot, and I know I ruined any chances of us being together. I know that I hurt you and really betrayed your trust, …

An Apology Letter to Adam
Truthfully putting this into words. I’m sorry. I really am. from the bottom of my heart. I’m extremely sorry. I did something that hurt you and I shouldn’t …

I Am Sorry My Love
Dear Sweetheart. I have so many things I want to say and saying sorry is not enough. I want the world to know how much I love you and how sorry I am …

Sorry Letter to My Boyfriend
Truthfully, putting into words how sorry I am will be really difficult but here it goes. I am, from the bottom of my heart, extremely sorry. I said hurtful …

Forgiveness in a Little While
Dear S. I wrestled for a long time in deciding whether to send this to you at all. How long has it been since we last spoke or met? 7 months? I think …

I’m Sorry for Monday my Love
Dennis, I am so so sorry for Monday. It was never supposed to go that way. You were never supposed to get hurt. I would take back that night in an instant. …

Broken Pieces
Dear Anthony, before I go on I hope that one day you will read this apology letter. When I first met you I was only 19 and you were 21. I am now 28 and …

I’m Sorry, An Apology Letter From Your Girlfriend
I’m sorry I am constantly fighting everything. Right now, it feels like I am in a never-ending battle with myself. All I want is to be the perfect girlfriend …

A Letter To My Ex-Boyfriend
Dear A. It’s been over a year now. I should be over you. I shouldn’t still love you. I should hate you. I should want nothing to do with you. But, I …

A Love That I Ruined ..
To ‘N’ (my love) . I can’t begin to tell you how sorry I am for what happened between us. I miss you and I miss what we had so much and it hurts me to …

Regret, Guilt and I’m Sorry
I will never let you go and find it difficult to even know where to begin. So I’ll just list it all. I’m sorry for taking so much and never giving. I’m …

I Will Never Give Up On Us, I’m Sorry
Where do I even begin. I met you online a year ago around this time. So much has changed in the last year; especially me moving all the way to NC from …

You and I – A Love Letter For Forgiveness
We have shared four great years together. We have had our issues but always manage to stay strong for each other. I don’t want for any disagreement, anger, …

My Deepest Regret
Time and time again, being in love could seem so simple and come so smoothly. But to lose someone who you looked on to as your other half is the most painful …

Letter to Kyvone, I’m sorry
To the guy I hurt foolishly with painful regret. Dear Kyvone, since our split-up I have realized what I had done, what I had said, and what I didn’t …

Apology Letter to Dylan
Dear Dylan. Before I pour out my entire heart and soul out into this letter, I want to let you know that you are the love of my life. Without you, life …

Not Another Throw Around Apology
Kelvin. Where to start? I honestly have no clue. This is the hardest and toughest apology I’ve ever had to think of because I was just so awful too you. …

I’m sorry for the way I handled my hurt feelings
Dear Tommy. Not a day goes by that I don’t regret waiting too long to tell you that my feelings were hurt, only for them to come out in an awkward mess …

From Thumper, Please Forgive Me.
Babe, if I never wronged you I would still find a reason to apologize. But this time I can’t even believe myself. You have been nothing but wonderful to …

Apologizing to my Love
I upset my boyfriend a few weeks ago by getting very very drunk and not acting like myself. I said some nasty things and completely embarrassed myself …

A Sorry Letter To You Boyfriend & Your Emotions

In the sample letters above, we can see some of the passion and devotion found in traditional love letters. That’s because when it comes to boyfriends, relationships and saying sorry, emotions come into play.

The key is in not allowing your emotions to overrun your apology and make it less effective. If you’re apologizing to your boyfriend with a letter, saying sorry and apologizing has to be the main focus.

How to apologize to your guy friend

While some choose to add apology gifts and other ideas found on our romantic apologies page to their mea culpas, others choose to simply write a sincere apology letter to their boyfriends.

Need more help? Learn what needs to be included in a heartfelt apology and other creative ways to say sorry and apologize.

“It’s payback,” says the guy who squeezes my ass in the middle of a crowded bar. Moments before, I’d accidentally grazed his butt as I was reaching for my drink. At first I’m stunned, but as he’s on his way out, I snap out of my frozen state and call him an asshole, which he doesn’t seem to hear. Not long afterward, one of his friends comes back to apologize. His demeanor and tone feel both secretive and customary — as if this sort of thing happens often, and he is the designated apologizer.

Over the years, I’ve cultivated a number of male friends who understand that sexism is real and prevalent. But one thing I’ve noticed is how overwhelmingly difficult it is for a lot of them to extend their knowledge to the other men in their lives. They comprehend and agree with the issues, but they still refrain from having important conversations about them with male friends who engage in behavior that’s offensive — e.g., grabbing a woman’s butt in a bar.

The designated apologizer who wanted to save face for his friend is the perfect example. Though I appreciated the apology, it was ultimately fruitless: What’s the point of awareness if you’re not willing to call out the people you know who are participating in sexism and misogyny? Isn’t that pretty much the most important thing you can do to help?

I know what you’re probably asking: How exactly can this be done? Well, with the help of three close male friends, I tried my hardest to step my dainty little feet into your big heavy man-boots and figure it out.

No Matter What, Just Say What You’re Thinking

“When you call out something, you can become an ‘outsider,’” says Derrick. “So it’s easier to be passive. I’m able to call out things more easily now because I’m not afraid of the repercussions, but I didn’t used to be. Friends can be hard to come by, and I’ve lost friendships, been called names and been threatened [for pointing out certain behaviors].”

It’s not an easy task, carrying the burden of being the Debbie Downer (Danny Downer?) who has to say things like, “Just so you know, that’s incredibly offensive.” It’s true, there are stigmas as well as consequences that come with being the guy who “can’t take a joke,” is “totally whipped,” or whatever else guys say to one another.

“Social isolation or exclusion is a powerful force and can scare you into keeping your mouth shut,” Jason says. “I [often] feel caught between wanting to be liked and wanting to make sure I do what I think is right. But I stand by my guns, even though it can halt the flow of ‘banter’ and make things ‘serious’ for a moment.”

That isn’t necessarily a bad thing either — despite the fact that there are obviously stigmas and consequences that come with being the guy who seemingly “can’t take a joke” or who is “totally whipped”: “[In that serious moment], whomever did something sexist is forced to evaluate their own behavior,” Jason adds.

Furthermore, understand that, as a man, the consequences you’ll face are ultimately less damaging than what women and other marginalized voices experience in the same position. And as Derrick points out, “You will get some pushback by other men, but you’ll experience far less backlash than a woman would for saying the same thing.”

Keep Your Chill

“I was sharing a car with a new coworker I was assigned to manage,” Jason says. “At a stoplight, an obese woman was crossing the road in front of us when the new hire started laughing to himself. I asked what was so funny, and while I don’t remember the exact wording, the woman crossing the road was somehow likened to a cow. I was in complete shock, but I let him complete the car ride tension-free (though I was very much feeling it) and decided to wait until after lunch to bring it up.

“We got through the morning unscathed, and as we were walking back from lunch, I tried to get his attention to talk to him about the earlier incident. Before I could, however, a young woman walked past, and he distractedly turned his head. ‘Sorry, I was just looking at that ass,’ he told me. Again, I was in complete shock. But in the middle of the street, I calmly explained that our workplace has a zero-tolerance policy for that attitude and language, and that if I heard anything like that coming out of his mouth again he’d be out.”

In other situations, Jason continues, he tries to lightly poke fun at the guy in question by mimicking his douchey behavior in a way that will hopefully make him realize what he’s doing is wrong. Because the subject matter is serious doesn’t necessarily mean you have to approach in “attack” mode. In most situations you can try to keep the conversation informative versus accusatory.

One thing you can do is make some jokes, and reiterate that you’re on your friends side. Derrick adds: “Ask questions that make men think about their actions.” Approaching the conversation in a way that encourages introspection as opposed to full-blown reprimanding will have better, more lasting results in the long run.

If All Else Fails, Get New Friends

At the end of the day, do you really want to stay friends with someone who refuses to change their ways? My friend Kash says he’s had to end friendships with men who have done hurtful things to women and have been unapologetic about it. “Don’t defend your homies because they’re your homies. If they did fucked-up shit, you [have to] cut them off.”

Better still, says Derrick, “You will eventually meet other dudes who understand what being a good ally looks like, and help call out bad behavior — and they’ll become your new friends.”

I wanted to say sorry for what I did because I know what I did to you was horrible and I can’t just let you go without an apology. While I thought I would never write this note to you of all people, I still can’t stop crying about it. I’m such a bad person and I shouldn’t have done that to you and I’m so sorry.

I really want things to go back to normal but that’s not going to happen. I want us to laugh and play around like we used to and I want us to relate again. I want to be able to say that you will be with me and I will be with you forever and that I’ll never leave you. I want to be able to say that again.

I can’t because of what I did. I lost one of the most important people in my life. I miss how we used to wait for each other on the bus and how we used to sit with each other and enjoy it.

But now that I lost you, I realize how mean I was. And, how I was a jerk and how I was so self indulgent and how I was a bad friend.

I’m trying my hardest not to cry right now and when I see you as happy as can be without me I try to stop the tears. And, when Aubree told me at Kroger that you and Gracie were talking about me and how mean I am, I broke, it hurt. But it was true.

I couldn’t believe how bad I was to you and I’m sorry for everything. I can’t believe that after two years I lost my best friend, the one that was there when no one was.

You stood up for me and you were my best friend and when people say who is your best friend I will always say under any circumstances that it’s Alyssa. And what hurts the most, it that you will no longer say the same because I want to be friends again.

I want to be by your side and I want to go to camp and I want to forget this whole thing like it never happened. Except that won’t happen.

I don’t know when I’m moving but I know it’s going to be somewhere in the next three months and I just wanted to say I’m sorry for everything and I hope you can forgive me because I don’t know how much longer I can make it knowing I was a jerk to you so much that you can’t forgive me.

Can we please put this all behind us?

Comments for An Apology To My Best Friend, I’m Sorry

Well I read this and it fit really good in the situation I’m in with one of my amazing friends, I sent it to her and adjusted it to fit better and I’m not waiting for a response.

She’s been ignoring me these past few months so I hope she answers to this cause I did mess up and didn’t even realize it until my best friend told me what she said (the friend that’s MAD) and I was so angry at myself but I acted like I didn’t care because I was trying to act tough and like she didn’t matter.

I used this letter for my best friend plus some other things that came out of my heart. When i gave it to my best friend that day he didn’t say anything but the very next day he came up to me at school and hugged me and started crying on my shoulder.

When i asked him what’s wrong he said that the letter i wrote him brought him to tears because of how sweet it was of me to take time out of day to write it for him.

How to apologize to your guy friend

Fighting is no fun. But, all couples have fights, especially people in long term relationships. Sometimes these are just misunderstandings. Other times, you might have done something wrong and sincerely want to tell your boyfriend that you’re sorry.

It might seem simple on the surface, but apologizing isn’t always easy. Sometimes “sorry” won’t cut it due to the damage your action might have done to the relationship. Maybe you just don’t know what to say. Many people simply aren’t good at giving an apology.

If you’ve messed up in a relationship and are wondering how to apologize to your boyfriend, this article is for you! As a relationship coach, I’ll walk you through the process to get the best chance of hearing “I forgive you.”

However, keep in mind that you might not be forgiven. Perhaps your boyfriend simply can’t forgive what you’ve done. Or, maybe the relationship can’t be repaired. However, these tips will at least help you get the answer you want. And, whatever happens, you can know you at least tried.

Only Apologize If You’re Guilty

I’ve known many women who were raised to value “keeping the peace” above all else. So, they hated conflict and tried to diffuse conflicts with their parents, friends, and others by taking the blame in all situations. But, constantly avoiding conflict isn’t healthy in relationships.

So, you might be doing the same with your current boyfriend. He does something wrong, you get upset, he gets upset, and you apologize. Or, maybe you just get into a fight and, in order to end it, you say “sorry” just to get back to normal.

However, this is a bad pattern. Ultimately, you should only apologize if you’ve done something wrong. A healthy relationship involves each partner taking responsibility for his or her actions…not one person taking the “blame” for the other’s actions.

Own Up To Your Actions

While many people apologize when they shouldn’t, the opposite can be true too: being stubborn and refusing to admit when you’re in the wrong. If your boyfriend is mad, make sure you figure out why. It’s possible you did something accidentally or maybe you truly were a jerk and are being stubborn about it.

If you value the relationship, then it’s important to figure out what you did and be upfront about that. As a guy, I can tell you it’s frustrating when a woman apologizes and doesn’t own up to her actual behavior. If you did something wrong, just own it. We will respect you and forgive you are more quickly.

Avoid Excuses

We all have reasons why we make the decisions we make. You might be tempted to explain yourself when you’re apologizing to your boyfriend. And, there’s nothing wrong with explaining yourself and your motivations. He might find it helpful to see your reasoning.

However, avoid turning your apology into a long, drawn out affair filled with excuses and justifications for your behavior. No man wants to hear an apology to him turn into a big event about you. So, do your best to keep your words focused on what you did and why you’re sorry.

Give Him Time And Space

How to apologize to your guy friendWhen someone is emotionally or mentally hurt, you can’t expect your apology to immediately solve the problem. In some cases, the issue requiring an apology might be a major wrong or something that’s been happening for a long time. Realistically, view the apology as the start of solving the issue. Most of the hard work comes after the apology.

Also, an apology might make you feel relieved, but it doesn’t make his hurt feelings instantly go away, especially if you’re apologizing for something big. Human emotions are complicated and driven by hormones. He might want to accept your apology instantly, but the adrenaline and cortisol, both stress hormones, are overwhelming his thinking.

If he accepts your apology sincerely, view it as a positive first step. But, realize he might need space and time to fully forgive you and go back to his previous self. Don’t get angry if he doesn’t immediately pronounce you fully forgiven and act like nothing happened.

In terms of space, he might just need to spend a little time apart. Maybe it’s hanging out with his guy friends a couple nights or playing video games by himself. It could be that he pulls away emotionally a little bit. Just realize that this is normal.

When looking at the time factor, everyone is different. It might take him a couple of hours to calm down. For some guys, it might be a couple of days. If the situation is getting better, you should notice him becoming more emotionally available and happier.

Change Your Behavior

The most important part of an authentic apology? Making sure you don’t have to apologize for that issue again. So, whatever it is you did to warrant your apology, resolve to stop doing that behavior.

It’s easier said than done for sure! After all, everyone is imperfect and makes mistakes. But, you’ll want to sincerely work to not make the same mistake again and convey that to your boyfriend.

For example, if you spent too much money on clothes and can’t pay the water bill, you promise him that you’re going to not let it happen again. Then, maybe you hand him your store credit card to keep for a month. If you were messaging an ex, you show your boyfriend that you’ve stopped texting and blocked the ex on Snapchat.

These and similar actions show that you’re not only truly contrite, but also resolving to make the situation right.

An Apology Template

How to apologize to your guy friend

While these steps are helpful, some people visiting this article might want a template for how to apologize to your boyfriend. If so, this phrase will be useful. It includes all of the previous advice rolled into one phrase:

“I’m sorry for doing [list specific action]. I know I was wrong and I promise it’s not going to happen again. I hope you can forgive me.”

While that’s not a magical phrase, it is an honest, authentic apology that is focused on your wrongdoing, his forgiveness, and the promise of change. If you use this line, your chances of success will be much greater.

Best of luck apologizing to your boyfriend! Communication is key to having a loving, lasting long term relationship. By taking the initiative to apologize, you’re at least showing that you care enough about the relationship to humbly say you’re sorry. Let’s hope he can honestly forgive you and move on.

For more tips from the perspective of a man and a dating coach, we invite you to visit our For Women Page

When your guy gets upset or has hurt feelings and you’re at fault, a swift apology is a must. While a verbal sorry is a first step, using a cute, creative way to apologize may boost the chances that his mood will soften and he’ll forgive you. Even though texting may seem impersonal, you can use this type of technology to turn his grimaced frown into a sweet smile.

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1 Apology Basics

Before you let your fingers do the talking, make sure that you understand the basics of a sincere apology. Since you aren’t face to face with your guy, getting the message across in a written form is key. A sincere apology includes an acknowledgement of wrong-doing, an acceptance of responsibility, an attempt to make up for the offense and an assurance that it won’t happen again, according to psychologist John Grohol’s “Psych Central” article “How to Make an Adept, Sincere Apology.” Consider these parts of an apology when you are crafting your texts. While you don’t have to include all of the parts — some offenses won’t require it — you should have at least one in the mix.

2 Quote It

Since you are already sending a written apology message, why not make the most out of it and use a masterful quote. Pick a cute quote that fits your apology. Go with a line from a favorite poem, pick a piece of prose from William Shakespeare, or visit a quote website such as “BrainyQuote” or “Quote Garden” for a friendly phrase. Keep the quote short, choosing a one-liner instead of a poetic paragraph. Set the context for the quote and preface it with a line such as “I’m sorry for . ” and include the offense.

3 In Your Eyes

A truly heartfelt apology involves looking into your partner’s eyes and showing remorse for the pain that you’ve caused, according to psychiatrist Mark Goulston’s article “I’m Sorry: Apologies . The Good, the Bad and the Heartfelt” for “Psychology Today.” Even though texting doesn’t allow you to look into your guy’s eyes, you can create a cute message that has a similar effect. Snap a selfie of your eyes — without the blinding flash — or download a picture of your eyes to your smartphone. Add a message such as, “Can you see how sorry I am?” to the photo text.

4 Picture an Apology

If you’re at a loss for the right words to apologize to your guy, say it with pictures instead. Use emoticons or a picture app to insert small-sized images into your texts. For example, if your boyfriend needs time to feel better about what you did, send a picture of a clock and the Earth along with a line such as “I’ll give you all the time in the world.” Another option is to send him “flowers” over the phone. Instead of the real deal, text him a rose emoticon pic as part of your apology.

How to apologize to your guy friend

All couples fight—it is a natural part of life and relationships. Even if we don’t want to admit it, most of us get into relationship spats at one time or another. There is nothing wrong with the occasional disagreement between couples, but it is important to mend what you can while it is still fresh.

10 tips to help you apologize to your boyfriend

If you have upset your boyfriend, here are a few steps to apologize to your boyfriend and mend the relationship.

1. Speak clearly

Being clear and direct in whatever the issue was (and whatever your excuse or apology is for that particular issue) is the best route to take take if you want to apologize to your boyfriend. Making amends with your partner only strengthens the bond. Yes, apologies can be hard, but they are almost always necessary. If you speak clearly and let your partner know what and why you felt the way you did (or what and why you acted the way you did), chances are the problem will be solved in a quicker way.

2. Apologize

It seems simple, but apologizing is the best way to, well, apologize. Oftentimes, we forget to actually say the words, “I’m sorry” when we are apologizing. It is human nature to be relatively stubborn, but perhaps that is why the words “I am sorry” go so far. When you apologize to your boyfriend, try actually telling your boyfriend that you are sorry and go from there.

3. Explain yourself

Again, it is human nature to be stubborn. If you did something to upset your boyfriend, it might be hard to remember that an explanation might be helpful. If you explain yourself and your actions, you might have a better chance of forging a stronger union.

Explanations can go a very long way. Let your boyfriend know that you are sorry and things will smooth themselves out quickly.

4. Listen

A huge part of how to apologize to your boyfriend is listening to the other side. Sure, you are sorry, but what about what he has to say? Listening is the next step toward clarity. Are you sure you are aware of why he was upset in the first place? Listening to what your partner has to say can be as healing and helpful as speaking your own part.

5. Let time pass

Apologies are important—as is communication—however, some people work best with time. Though some of us, as human beings, can accept apologies and move on, some of us cannot. Letting time pass (and letting time heal us) can be the most important and effective way for certain people to move on.

6. Make amends

Maybe your boyfriend isn’t the kind of person who appreciates a gift, or maybe he is. Either way, making amends in a more physical form is a great way to apologize. Does your boyfriend love your local sports team? Pick up tickets to the next game, or treat him to his favorite player’s jersey.

Does your boyfriend love gardening, or going to the movies? Buy him a new gardening book, or some new bulbs, or movie tickets. Whatever your partner is into, buying him a gift or making a gesture to acknowledge that those things are important to him is a great way to apologize to your boyfriend (or to continue to apologize).

7. Express yourself on social media

Social media is not for everyone, but believe it or not, it is here to stay. Whatever the situation is between you and your partner, expressing yourself on social media is a great way to remind him that you love him and are there for him. There is no need to include the apology in your social media post, but just expressing the fact that you are happy to be with him is enough.

8. Send a text message

Another simple gesture, but another powerful one. We all love to receive a simple “I love you” or “good night” or “good morning” text message, right? If you and your boyfriend are going through a hard time, why not send him a text message to remind him that you love him and why you love him and how much you appreciate him.

Let the angry word be answered only with a kiss.

9. Own up to your mistakes

One of the most effective ways to apologize to your boyfriend is to own up to your mistakes. Whatever occurred for you to need to apologize, owning up to it is super important. If you clearly state that you are sorry for whatever you did, and explain why you did it, and apologize for it, and completely admit your part in the situation, your boyfriend will be able to move past it.

10. Mean your apology

No one wants an apology that doesn’t really mean anything. Your boyfriend will appreciate an apology if it is genuine, and not if it is just because you feel obligated to say that you are sorry. Apologizing is one thing—being genuinely sorry is another.

Final thoughts

Apologizing can be hard for all of us, especially the people who tend to be more on the stubborn side. If you follow the above steps, you can apologize to your boyfriend and it will be effortless and effective. Read our other article if you are looking for tips to apologize to your girlfriend. Good luck!

Apology Message to a Friend: Sending an apology message to your friend could be one of the ways in which you could revive your friendship in a case where things have not been right. Sometimes knowingly or unknowingly you can wrong a friend. The best thing to do is send your apologies as soon as possible.

Finding a true friend can sometimes be a difficult task especially in the current world where people have chosen to keep to their space. Most people only meet on social media, a place where individuals only show the positive side of their life. If you have that special friend whom you have known for the longest time and things are not right between the two of you, then take the initiative of sending your apology message as soon you can. Good friends are rare to find just like diamonds.

Good words and apologetic words can salvage your friendship. Below we have looked at some of the best apology messages you can send to your friend. Hope they will help you build again the bridge of your friendship

Apology message to a friend

1. I know I broke your heart, I have no excuse for doing so and I am sorry. Hope you will find a place in your heart to pardon me.

2. Our friendship has grown over time and it’s the only one that I value. Apologies for saying things I should not have.

3. I cannot have the confidence to look into your eyes after what I did to you. I admit I was wrong and I apologize

4. Accept my apologies to you. I value you and now I know what you mean to me. Have a place in your heart to forgive and forget what I did to you.

5. I feel miserable in my heart and I don’t know what to say to you, but I am very sorry. My friend I send this apology from deep down my heart.

6. Good friendship is what I have experienced with you. I am ashamed that I blew that away. I regret my action and I ask you to forgive me.

7. I have been through lots of mistakes in my life, I am not perfect but that is not a good reason to have hurt you. I thought what I was doing was the right thing for us but I was wrong. I am optimistic that you will one day forgive me.

8. It saddens me that my action has killed our friendship. Please forgive me, I never anticipated that I would hurt you.

Apology Quotes for friend

1. I apologize to you, my friend. Please do not forget that even though I did something wrong at least there are days when I did something right.

2. I know you are very mad at me, but let not your heart be troubled so much. Please forgive me; forgiveness is good for your heart and mind.

3. Please forgive me. It was not my intention to hurt you. Let no bitterness engrave your heart.

How to apologize to your guy friend

4. Forgiveness comes from the heart, I must say I don’t deserve your love anymore but please give me another chance and you will never regret doing so.

5. They say a good friendship has to be tested; our test is bringing the worst in both of us. I take this opportunity to first ask for forgiveness for the pain I have caused you. Take time and see the things we have to lose if we let this test take away our friendship.

6. A good friendship is like a ray of morning sunshine that is good for our bones. We both need each other, so please forgive me, my friend

Sorry Quotes for Friend

1. To error is human but when we choose to forgive it becomes a divine action. Hope you will forgive me, my friend

2. No friendship is perfect. Each has its up and down, I ask you to give our friendship another chance. I am sorry for what I did.

3. The love of friendship cannot be undone, I am sorry for letting you down. My love for you has never changed.

4. No apology should be ruined by an excuse that is why I take this time to let you how sorry I am. I value your friendship and please forgive me.

5. Friends who value each other at times cross each other’s paths knowing or unknowingly. That is why I often have to say sorry, not because I have wronged you but to just keep things right and keep the friendship going.

Sorry Messages for Friends

1. I know I might have taken our friendship for granted, but not once in my life did I see you as anything less than a good friend. You are very important to me, please let go of the hurt I brought to your heart. I am sorry my friend.

2. Not a bit of me can imagine a future without you in my life. I ask for your forgiveness. I don’t know what I can do to have you consider my apology. I am so sorry my friend.

3. Something in life can never be undone. The only second chance we have is to apologize. I ask you to forgive me.

4. Better late than never, for the longest time I have not been keen to apologize for what I did. I now take the chance and hope we will mend our friendship.

5. I hope you will forgive me, whether I get your forgiveness or not I will never let go of all the memories we have ever shared. You will always be that special friend.

6. My friend, please let me know what can I do to make things right? I have apologized but you have still given me a cold shoulder, I have learned my lesson and from deep down my heart I am so sorry.

7. If I was able to cool every storm that is rocking the boat of our friendship I would do it instantly. I will keep apologizing till you forgive me; I am not giving up on our friendship.

8. I admire you so much; you have brought a good influence on my life. I have constantly let you down, I regret it so much and I hope you will forgive me.

9. It hurts me and my world is all shadowy & cloudy when you don’t have a beautiful smile on your face. It even hurts more when back in my mind I know that I am the cause of your pain. Please accept my apologies.

The best thing you can do is to ask for forgiveness when you have wronged your friend. Pick one of the apology message to a friend and send it to your friend. The Sorry Messages for Friends, Sorry Quotes for Friend, and Apology Quotes for a friend will also inspire you to find the right wording to send.

If you find these Messages, Wishes & Quotes useful and lovely, kindly share them with your friends on Facebook, Twitter, and other social media. Thank You for Doing so.

Michael Andrew is a content writer for Weds Kenya. He is a loving husband proud father of two. If you have any questions or would like to add to this content, please send us an email. You can follow us on Twitter or facebook.

Exactly how do you go about apologizing to your boyfriend once you realize it’s necessary? Saying they’re sorry and admitting fault are among the hardest things for many people to do. Your boyfriend probably wants to forgive and forget, but people who are aggrieved also have issues to overcome. Here are a few ways you can help him overcome:

How to Apologize to Your Boyfriend Step 1

The first essential component of an apology is timing. Trying to offer an apology while he’s upset, for example, or while he’s deeply involved in some other issue, may cause more problems. Ensure that he’s in a good mood and able to pay attention to you and your apology. If he’s not, set up such a circumstance – arrange a situation where you’re alone together and able to talk quietly. If you want your boyfriend to accept your apology to accept it and forgive you, you must pay careful attention to the timing.

How to Apologize to Your Boyfriend Step 2

Your apology must be sincere, and must really express the remorse you feel for what happened. Serious apologies over significant issues should never be done over the phone. Look him directly in the eye and express yourself with sincerity. It cannot be too strongly emphasized that you must be absolutely sincere – if you are not, he’ll see it in your eyes and body language.

How to Apologize to Your Boyfriend Step 3

Your apology needs to be short, and don’t over-explain. Nothing beyond “I’m sorry” and a brief explanation of what you did wrong is necessary. Long explanations sound like excuses and justification of your behavior, and will persuade your boyfriend that you’re being insincere.

How to Apologize to Your Boyfriend Step 4

Give him something or do something for him – something nice, from the heart. Your gift should show some thought and be oriented to him – give him something he’ll really appreciate, not something you think he needs or something you want to try to get him interested in. Think about a home-made apology card, for example, or prepare his favorite meal. Alternately, take him to an event he wants to go to, or to his favorite restaurant.

How to Apologize to Your Boyfriend Step 5

When apologizing, be ready for a negative reaction. Not all apologies are well-taken. There may still be anger in your boyfriend’s heart, even if he tells you he’s accepted your apology. Therefore, don’t be surprised by any negative response he makes. Don’t take a negative response to heart and keep in mind that it happens frequently. Most wounds, they say, heal with time, and the more he’s aware of your sincerity, the sooner that time will come.

How to Apologize to Your Boyfriend Step 6

Whatever the consequences are of the mistake you made, you must accept them. You can’t avoid taking responsibility for your mistakes just by apologizing for them. Did you do something like damage or lose something of his, and now it’s going to cost money? Go right ahead, pay for whatever has to be paid for, and be grateful, because it’s only money. It’s one of the ways you can demonstrate your sincerity, especially if it causes a bit of financial stress. Keep in mind that just because you apologize to your boyfriend, it doesn’t mean he will forgive you, just be prepared for whatever may happen (even if you already made amends).

It’s a mistake to think that an apology will automatically be accepted, or that forgiveness will come naturally. Be prepared for anything.

Any apology is difficult, especially to a boyfriend. One of the most important things to consider is that it must be from your heart. Admitting fault is an essential part of an apology, and it’s never easy to admit that you did something wrong. There’s nothing to be gained by re-opening old wounds – once you’ve made your apology, consider the episode closed and move on! How you overcome these difficult times – together – will strengthen your relationship.

So you just want to pull a prank to your best friends but it turn out really, really bad. Or maybe it’s just a simple thing you never meant to do but your best friends got hurt by that. Perhaps you have step beyond their limits and got them really, really furious. You have no other choice but ask for their forgiveness. As you’re the one on the wrong side and you have to save your friendship.

Asking for a forgiveness form best friends is gambling. You never know they will forgive you or not. Regarding the result, you have to try it first and show them your sincerity. If everything goes well, the will forgive you and you’ll be as good as ever.

Here are some useful ways to get your best friends to forgive you:

1. Apologize To Them

First thing first, you have to acknowledge your mistakes by apologize to them. Ask to meet in private and tell them that you are sincerely sorry. Choose your favorite café or the park bench you usually sit to make the situation less awkward. Don’t let your friendship showing the Signs a Friendship is Coming to an End.

2. Show Them That You Are Regretting

Tell them that you regret the action you have done which resulted in their anger. Be humble and vulnerable, do not insist that you’re right. If your mistake is lying to them, you can say, “I know I was wrong lying to you. I’ll make no excuses. I regret it.” You may see a lot of Signs that Your Best Friend Hates You because of your mistake.

3. Emphasizing The “I”

Place yourself as a subject in your apology. Focus on your perspective and what you did. Say “I was wrong”, “I’m sorry”, “I regret it”. Never say “you” or “we” to them. Take that ways to get your best friends to forgive you.

4. Ask For Their Forgiveness

How to apologize to your guy friend

After explaining the situation and apologize, ask for their forgiveness. Be low, humble, and vulnerable. Do not put any pressure on them. You better say, “After all that I did, could you still forgive me?”

5. Promise You Won’t Do The Same Mistake

In order to make them forgive you, of course you have to promise them that you’ll never do that thing again. Name it pulling a prank or lying to them. By promising this your friends would know that you sincerely regret and it’ll help you to gain their forgiveness. Be honest because surely they know How to Tell If Your Friend is Lying.

6. Give Them Some Time

Even when they have forgive you, or if they have not, it will take some time for your friendship to recover. Give them some time alone when they’re still angry. If the situation has calm down a bit, talk from heart to heart and ask for their forgiveness sincerely. It is not the same with the Signs That Your Best Friend is a Frenemy, because they simply need some time to calm down.

7. Give Their Own Space

Giving them time to think is not the same with giving the their own space. They may need some time alone without you. Let them be, because both of you will find the real meaning of your friendship through this process.

8. Talk To Them First

After the mistake you make and their apology, things will not get back as good as before in a short time. There will be time where your relationship is still awkward. Take the initiative and talk to them first. Things would get really awkward but since you are best friends, the awkwardness disappear when laughter come in.

9. Give Them Surprise

Regrets has to be shown through action, not words only. Give them surprise to show how much you regret. Bring them your home made lunch of their favorite foods. Then they can feel your sincerity, and that you still want to be friends with them.

10. Prepare A Gift To Them

Give them some “signs” of apology that they can keep forever. Make an album of your photos with them, along with apology letter in the end. This may be old and cheesy, but they will be touched by this. In the future, whenever both of you look at the album, you’ll be remembered of what you have been through to make it this far.

11. Improve Your friendship

How to apologize to your guy friend

Something has to be better after the storm. Act maturely from then on by improving yourself from your past mistakes. If you have ever lie to them, be honest from now on and don’t keep anything for yourself. Naked truth is better than best dressed lie, however.

12. Set The Boundaries

No matter how close you are and how long you have been in a friendship with them, there are some limits you should never pass. Set the clear boundaries and make sure you never cross each other’s. If they don’t like you gone through their phones, then never touch them except they let you to. This way, there will be no Signs That Your Friend is Fake, because you are sincerely love each other.

13. Spend Some Quality Time

Go enjoy yourself together! Hang out with them, eat delicious food, watch your favorite movies, enjoy the ride in the amusement park, or go on a holiday together. Have some quality time that only both of you can enjoy. This will add the pile of memories you have shared together.

So those are the useful ways to get you best friends to forgive you. Friendship is one of the greatest gift yo us, so keep them well and never let them slip out of your life. Having a true and reliable friends is enough to make you face the world everyday. Fix every broken branches in your friendship, and grow everyday.

Apologies require a certain degree of skill. In fact, there’s a science to making an effective apology, according to Guy Winch, who holds a doctorate in clinical psychology from New York University, in “The Science of Effective Apologies,” an article in “Psychology Today.” If you need to apologize to your boyfriend, invest time and effort into crafting your apology. A poorly constructed or incomplete apology can be worse than none at all, says University of Massachusetts Medical School professor of psychiatry Aaron Lazare, M.D., in “Making Peace Through Apology,” published by the Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley. A bad apology can even reignite conflict. Trying to apologize without admitting wrong-doing or while blaming your boyfriend or somebody else is not effective.

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1 Elements for Success

Successful apologies share certain basic components. Among these are, according to Winch, your statement of being sorry for the wrong, stating your regret for committing the wrong, and asking the person receiving the apology to forgive you. These components should be balanced appropriately with statements that show true understanding of the impact of the wrong, in both tangible and emotional terms, and that confirm a shared value system or relationship definition while offering restitution of some sort.

2 Correct Balance

The social relationship between the apologizing and wronged parties determines the balance between the various elements of an apology. In a romantic relationship, you will want to cover the fundamental three elements — a statement of being sorry, acknowledging impact, and expressing regret — while emphasizing the emotional elements of how the wronged party felt, according to Winch.

3 Make Your Apology

If you need to apologize to your boyfriend, wait until you’re prepared to make a full and honest apology. If you feel the urge to say that your wrong wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t done something or said something, you’re not quite ready to apologize. Your apology should include no justifications or anything of the sort. When you’re ready, tell him exactly what you are sorry for and why. Talk about how your wrong must have made him feel and other ways it impacted him, such as in terms of time or money. Express your regret and ask what you can do to make it right. Explain why it won’t happen again or what you’ll do differently in the future and ask him directly if he is willing to forgive you.

4 Forgiveness May Take Time

If you messed up badly, it is important to know that an apology doesn’t just evaporate pain or anger. It takes time to heal hurts and rebuild trust. Give your boyfriend the time he needs to forgive you. Let him know you care about him, but don’t pressure him. Use that time to demonstrate that you are making the changes you mentioned in your apology, such as controlling your temper better or being more considerate.

First big fight with your boyfriend and looking for cute ways to say sorry? Try to search for cool ideas to apologize to your boyfriend. Make something creative and unique which will spread warmth and love. Surprises and romantic gestures will soon melt his anger.

First big fight with your boyfriend and looking for cute ways to say sorry? Try to search for cool ideas to apologize to your boyfriend. Make something creative and unique which will spread warmth and love. Surprises and romantic gestures will soon melt his anger.

Erich Segal, in his book Love Story quoted, “Love means never having to say you are sorry.” However, there are times when things go wrong, when you screw up, and you must say sorry to your beloved. Along with what you say, what also makes a huge difference is how you say it.

Every relationship has its phases of highs and lows. So, did you have your first big fight and come storming back home with tears in your eyes? Do you feel like it is the end of everything and your boyfriend is at fault…or maybe not entirely? Are you regretting to have created a scene and of blaming your boyfriend for unnecessary things?Patching up and having to say you’re sorry is not really as difficult as it seems.

If you are truly in love and regret your act, there are many ways to say sorry to your boyfriend. An apology is an indication that you are embarrassed about the way you acted, and if he truly loves you, he is bound to let go of all the issues and embrace you with immense happiness.

Different Ways to Apologize

A bear hug should be the first thing on your agenda. A hug goes to show you care, and offers warmth and comfort in any relationship. A warm and tight hug would only help to melt away any feelings of anger towards you.

It will also go to show you really care and that you do not just say things without meaning them. Romantic gifts, or even better, personalized gifts will definitely help to ease the tense situation between the two of you. Put on your thinking cap to come up with some cool gift ideas that you know he will appreciate.


Make a cute book which is a compilation of all your fond memories together. You could stick pictures of the two of you and describe the events of each particular picture, telling him how much all those days spent together mean to you. To make the book more interesting, you can also draw or stick pictures of some of his favorite things.


When asked why do you love your guy, I’m sure you have a long list of answers. It’s time to put those answers down on paper. You can make a poster, with say 50 reasons describing why you love him. Even if your guy is not mushy, this one is bound to melt his heart immediately.


What is so special about a dinner you may ask! Well, I’m not talking about those usual dinners, instead something with a twist. If you are a good cook, you can invite him over and prepare his favorite dishes. Take this one step ahead on the romantic meter and light some candles and play his favorite songs. If cooking is not one of your strongest points, you can also take him out. This could be a place that holds a special meaning for you two.

This one is bound to be an absolute hit with any guy. You can look up the lyrics of your favorite song as a couple or a romantic song like Please forgive me, I Can’t Stop Loving You by Bryan Adams, and then sing this song for your beloved. Whether you think you can sing well or no, he will really appreciate your courage for trying. If singing is just not your thing, you can also write a poem or a love letter to him.

Look for a beautiful card or make one yourself with meaningful words, and give it to him personally. If you have a creative streak, you could also write the words yourself to say sorry. You can also look online for meaningful and sweet words to say sorry. Making a card will show that you have really made efforts and want to win back his love.

Tips to Remember While Saying Sorry

If even after trying these ideas, he still shows signs of aggression, you have to be patient and loving. Once he knows how you genuinely feel, he will forgive you for sure. Select a good time to apologize. Do not pick a time when he is busy with work or is loaded with personal problems. Make sure you select a time when he is alone and can listen to what you have to say or to go along with your plans.

Give him ample space. Let him express his anger, but avoid getting defensive. Any kind of argument would only worsen the situation. Try to understand what he is saying and his point of view. It is important that you hear him out first, and then genuinely apologize to him and say you are sorry. The moment he realizes you really mean it, his anger will surely reduce. Besides, you might even get a surprise when he apologizes to you for certain things he may have said!

Time is the best factor, and you only need to keep conveying the message that you care. With time, he will surely come back to you as he realizes how genuinely you feel about the same issue. With love and respect from your side, you are bound to make him realize the importance of the wonderful relationship you both share.

How to apologize to your guy friend

Ghosting someone isn’t just something that happens on Halloween.

Many singles complain about being “ghosted” by someone they were dating — the object of their affection mysteriously disappearing after a few dates, never to be heard from again.

If you’ve experienced a connection with someone who abruptly cut off all contact, you may have felt confused, upset, or even abandoned.

No one likes to be ghosted, but that doesn’t stop many people from being ghosters, themselves.

Ghosting someone is easy — but never OK.

Since you’re reading this article, chances are you’ve ghosted someone and you’re not feeling great about it.

Ghosting has become more common because people can easily get away with it when they’re meeting online — they feel anonymous.

In the past, we’d meet people to date through friends, school, or work, and we couldn’t as easily get away with disappearing out of someone’s life.

Now, the only one who will notice your rude behavior is the person you’re avoiding.

What are you really trying to avoid when you cut off all contact with someone you’re dating?

Maybe you’re avoiding the discomfort of telling someone you’re not interested. Maybe you’re afraid of conflict. Or you might even be scared that you will be rejected, so you leave first.

Whatever your reason, you can confront your fear and apologize with grace.

First, you need to acknowledge whatever fears you have. Most people ghost someone when they don’t want to deal with bad feelings and don’t want to hurt the other person.

It may seem like escaping will solve the problem, but it often leaves both people feeling unsettled.

You really can rise above your fears, speak up instead of hiding, and treat others with the respect that you would like from them.

If it’s at all possible, meet in person or call them on the telephone. Texts and emails don’t always get read. If you must text or email, follow up and ask if they got the first message.

So, if you’re ready for a kind and courageous next move, here are 4 steps to apologize after ghosting someone.

1. Take full responsibility.

Acknowledge and take full responsibility for what you did — or failed to do.

“Hi, I know that I disappeared on you and I want to take full responsibility for what I did. When you reached out to me, I should have answered you instead of stopping all communication.”

2. Explain why and how it happened.

“I was afraid you’d get upset if I didn’t want to date you anymore, so I avoided any contact with you. I was afraid of having a confrontation with you, so I left instead.”

3. Express remorse.

“I’m very sorry that I hurt you, and I sincerely apologize.”

4. Make reparations.

What will you do to make it better? You don’t need to get back together, but you can have a conversation and wish them well.

“I know that you didn’t deserve to be treated that way, and I’m determined not to disappear in the future. Although I’ve realized we’re not a match, I did enjoy the time we spent together and I’d be happy to hear from you in the future. I wish you well with everything and hope you find what you’re looking for.”

Part of dating is understanding and coping with feelings of rejection.

It’s important to be discerning and able to let go when it’s not a match.

Remember, the vast majority of people you meet won’t be your ideal soulmate. Most of your first dates won’t go any further, and that’s OK.

Related Stories From YourTango:

Sometimes you’ll be the one being rejected, and sometimes you’ll be the rejector — and that’s OK, too.

Next time you’re ready to say, “Next!,” don’t be a rude ghost.

You can say something like, “I enjoyed spending time with you, but I don’t think we’re right for each other/I don’t feel a connection/I’m not ready to date now. I wish you all the best.”

Give yourself a pat on the back for having the courage to be vulnerable and apologize for disappearing out of someone’s life.

When you communicate honestly and directly, both you and the other person will have clarity and closure.

Congratulations for showing up with empathy and bringing more kindness to dating!

How to apologize to your guy friend

Since I started writing the “Dear Guy” column, I’ve received many letters from readers asking why some people in their lives just seem unable to apologize — even when they’re clearly in the wrong.

Are they just stubborn? Or is there something in their psychology that stops them from being able to take responsibility for their actions and simply say they’re sorry?

To be clear, even the most conscientious among us occasionally fails to apologize. When this happens, it’s usually for one of two reasons: (1) We don’t care enough about the other person or the relationship to take on the emotional discomfort of owning our mistake and apologizing for it; or (2) We believe our apology won’t matter.

For example, let’s say you snapped at a colleague who interrupted you while you were racing to meet a tight deadline. If you think the coworker already holds a grudge against you for an earlier incident, you may skip apologizing since you feel it really won’t help your relationship with them.

People who can’t apologize appear to be tough individuals who refuse to back down. But they don’t do this because they’re strong — it’s because they’re weak.

But what about the people who can never admit they’ve misstepped, no matter the circumstance? What makes them incapable of apologizing even when they’re obviously in the wrong? For these people, admitting wrongdoing and offering an apology is too psychologically threatening . Offering an apology implies that they’ve harmed another person in some way, which can elicit feelings of shame .

People who cannot apologize often have such deep feelings of low self-worth that their fragile egos cannot absorb the blow of admitting they were wrong. So their defense mechanisms kick in — at times, unconsciously — and they may externalize any blame and even dispute basic facts to ward off the threat of having to lower themselves by offering an apology. When they double down on their wrongness by blaming circumstances, denying the facts, or attacking the other person or people involved, non-apologizers can make themselves feel empowered rather than diminished.

Unfortunately, many of us mistakenly interpret these people’s fragility-driven defensiveness as a sign of psychological strength. That’s because outwardly they appear to be tough individuals who refuse to back down. But they don’t do this because they’re strong — it’s because they’re weak.

Psychologically speaking, admitting that we’re wrong is emotionally uncomfortable and painful to our sense of self. In order to take responsibility and apologize, our self-esteem needs to be strong enough for us to absorb that discomfort. Indeed, if our self-esteem is higher and stable, we can tolerate the temporary ding that such an admission involves — without the walls around our ego crumbling.

But if our self-esteem is seemingly high but actually fragile, that ding can pierce through our defensive walls and score a direct hit to our ego. Indeed, as a rule of psychological thumb, the more rigid one’s defense mechanisms are, the more fragile the ego they’re protecting.

The mistake we often make when faced with someone incapable of apologizing is to become irate and try to win our argument with them. But the sad reality is: We’ll never win.

The mistake we often make when faced with someone who’s habitually incapable of apologizing is to become irate (for good reason, of course) and try to win our argument with them (because we’re right!). But the sad and frustrating reality is we can never win. Even if we demonstrated that they were wrong in stark, inarguable facts, they will either deny those inarguable facts or pivot to a personal attack by saying something like “Why do you always make things difficult and unpleasant. ”.

In these situations, the best we can do is to make our points as calmly and as convincingly as we can and then disengage from the argument when it becomes unproductive — like when they dispute the facts, come up with ridiculous excuses or pivot to petty remarks. Once they calm down and once they no longer feel attacked, we can then look for signs of contrition. Are they extra kind or solicitous to us? This is their way of unconsciously trying to mend the relationship with us in ways that aren’t threatening to their sense of self. By going that extra mile in the aftermath of their misdoing, they can feel good about themselves rather than bad.

If the non-apologizer is a close connection, tap into your empathy and compassion. Remind yourself that beneath their stubborn exterior, they are incredibly vulnerable.

OK, so what can you do about the non-apologizers in your own life? Especially if they’re your family members, coworkers or friends? Well, if they are not people you interact with regularly, you can consider minimizing contact with them. But if they are close connections, you can try to make your peace with them.

The best way to do this is to accept their behavior — annoying as it is — and realize they’re simply psychologically incapable of apologizing. What’s more, they’re not going to change. Practicing acceptance can help you disengage from arguments with them and help you limit your feelings of frustration, anger and hurt.

Then, if the non-apologizer is a close connection of yours, you can also tap into your empathy and compassion. Remind yourself that beneath their stubborn-as-a-bull exterior, they are incredibly vulnerable.

The bottom line is this: We all have moments when we refuse to admit we’re wrong. But when someone never takes responsibility and is habitually incapable of apologizing, it’s a sign that they’re a person with a fragile ego and a weak sense of self.

Explain what happened. An explanation shows your boyfriend that he wasn’t the problem. If you hurt your boyfriend’s feelings, you probably didn’t do it on purpose maybe you were having a bad day, or there was a miscommunication between you two. Tell him what happened and why you accidentally hurt his feelings, but try not to make any excuses for yourself. “I had a super hard day at work, so I was a little on edge. I’m really sorry I let that affect the way that I talked to you.” “For some reason, I thought that you didn’t want to hang out with me today. I should have clarified before jumping to conclusions.”

Take responsibility for your actions. Owning what you did shows your boyfriend that you’re sincere. As you apologize to him, don’t try to make excuses or blame anyone else. The more you take responsibility for yourself, the more genuine your apology will sound. “I really messed up. I shouldn’t have said that to you. I reacted out of anger without thinking, and that was my fault.” “You didn’t do anything wrong it was all me.”

Listen to your boyfriend’s perspective. Let him talk so he feels heard. After you get your apology out, let your boyfriend take the stage. Hear him out, and try not to interrupt. He might have a few more things to add on or some explanation on why it hurt him so much. As you listen to him, make eye contact and nod along. This shows him that you’re paying attention and you aren’t distracted. If you’re apologizing over text, be sure to read his texts thoroughly and respond quickly. If you can, try to chat with him over the phone or via video chat instead.

Validate your boyfriend’s feelings. Empathize with your boyfriend to show him you care. As you listen to your boyfriend, show him that you understand why his feelings were hurt in the first place. You’ll make him feel understood, and you’ll also show him that you’re dedicated to not doing it again in the future. “It makes a lot of sense why you felt that way. Thank you for sharing that with me.” “I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’d probably feel the same way in your position.”

Explain how you’ll change in the future. Show your boyfriend that you’re serious about not hurting him again. When you apologize, make sure you include some concrete changes that you want to make in your relationship. That way, you can both move on, confident that this problem won’t happen again. “Next time, I’ll ask you to clarify what you mean before I snap at you. That way, we can avoid any miscommunication.” “I’ll be sure to tell you when I’ve had a bad day at work. But I’m also gonna work on calming down and not taking my anger out on you.”

Ask your boyfriend for forgiveness. Asking lets him know that you’re serious about your apology. As you wrap up your conversation, either in person or over text, end it by asking your boyfriend if he thinks he can forgive you. Keep in mind that he might need a little more time to process his emotions, which is okay. “Thanks for hearing me out. Can you forgive me?” “Are we okay now? Or do you need a little more time?” “Again, I’m really sorry. Is there any way you can forgive me?”

Work on changing your behavior. Follow through on your apology so your boyfriend knows you’re serious. The most important part of your apology isn’t your words, it’s your actions. As you move forward, try your hardest not to hurt his feelings again. If you can show that you’re working on things, your relationship will benefit from it. Feel free to check in with your boyfriend about it every now and then, too. “I’ve been working on controlling my anger lately. Have you noticed anything different?”

Everyone experiences situations where an apology is necessary — someone says or does something inappropriate and perhaps hurts your feelings. In ideal situations, the person who did something inappropriate offers you an apology and you feel certain that he is sincere and won’t repeat the situation again. How you respond to the apology could depend upon the severity of the incident.

Explore this article

1 Minor Mishaps

If you’re passing your partner and she accidentally bumps into you or she sneezes when sitting near you, you could receive a quick apology such as, “excuse me” or “sorry.” It’s fine to dismiss the apology with a similar quick response, such as “No problem, Honey” or something similar to denote the incident isn’t an issue, according to Miss Manners in “The 3 Degrees Of Responding To An Apology.” You might give her a quick hug or pat to let her know everything’s fine.

2 Unintentional Missteps

If you’ve ever said or done something inappropriate, you know it happens and is worthy of forgiveness, writes Billy Ready, Jr., a pastoral counselor and therapist with a Ph. D. in clinical counseling, on his Ready4Life Counseling website. What your partner thought would be a cute response falls flat, he forgets your birthday, shows up late for a date or leaves his clothes on the floor for you to pick up. These things are annoyances, but he probably did not commit the offense intentionally. Accept a sincere apology by letting him know that you are willing to let it go. You might say, “Thanks for the apology and I understand that you’re sorry. I’m sure you won’t do it again.” If you absolutely must correct the situation, respond with kindness. You might say, “Thanks for letting me know you’re sorry. The next time, would you please. ” and follow through with your preferred action.

3 Mutual Apologies

Sometimes both of you will have transgressed and you could feel the need to respond with an apology of your own, such as after a conflict, suggests the handbook from the Ombuds Office at the University of Colorado. You could say, “I forgive you. I hope you’ll forgive me, too.” When you take responsibility for your part it’s easier to let it go and move on. Commit to do a better job of working together next time.

4 Grievous Transgressions

Sometimes the offense is hard to forgive, such as when your partner cheats or does something very insensitive. You might not be ready to forgive yet, so an apology isn’t enough to let go. Let your partner honestly know how you feel and what you are willing to do about it, suggests Ready4Life. You might say, “I need more time before I can forgive you, but I appreciate the apology” or “I need more than a verbal apology.” Leave the door open for reconciliation with options for reconciling.


  • 1 Chicago Tribune: The 3 Degrees Of Responding To An Apology
  • 2 Ready4Life Counseling: How to Respond to an Apology
  • 3 The Ombuds Office, University of Colorado: The Power of Apologies

About the Author

Rev. Kathryn Rateliff Barr has taught birth, parenting, vaccinations and alternative medicine classes since 1994. She is a pastoral family counselor and has parented birth, step, adopted and foster children. She holds bachelor's degrees in English and history from Centenary College of Louisiana. Studies include midwifery, naturopathy and other alternative therapies.

A sincere apology is much more than simply saying you’re sorry. It is the ability to acknowledge your mistakes, truly understand your boyfriend’s hurt feelings and express your regret for causing them — with the promise that you will do better in the future. Learn how to apologize sincerely and meaningfully so that both of you can heal and move forward.

Reflect honestly on your behavior. Think about what you did that hurt your guy’s feelings, and try to figure out what led you to behave that way. If you gave your number to someone else, for example, consider the underlying reasons why you would want to get to know someone else. Maybe your actions stemmed from a desire to arouse your guy’s jealousy as a way of testing your worth to him, or maybe you miss the attention you used to receive when you were single. Whatever the case, you will need to understand your own motives in order to fix the mistake.

Begin your apology by acknowledging your mistakes and accepting responsibility for the hurtful effects of your actions or behavior. “I know I disrespected you, and I’m sorry I let my selfishness get in the way of our relationship,” for example, is more sincere, accountable, comforting and meaningful than a vague and dismissive “Sorry if you feel hurt.”

Problem-solve instead of making excuses. Don’t try to explain why you did what you did — simply acknowledge your mistake, take responsibility for it and move on. Begin to talk about how you can change the problem or make a different decision in the future.

Encourage your guy to talk about how he feels and tell you what he needs from you in order to make the situation right. Try to imagine how you would feel and empathize with him. Ask him how you can restore his confidence in you or make it up to him. Maybe he needs some time apart to think, or maybe he just needs a firm promise of resolution from you.

End the conversation by asking your guy to forgive you. Reiterate your regret and acknowledge your plan to fix the mistake or be better in the future. Be patient while your partner heals, and understand that it might take some time for you to earn back his trust.

I was extremely moody, tired, and emotional yesterday (pms probably) after I got home from work. My boyfriend must have noticed because he asked me what was wrong. I told him to leave me alone. He told me that he can't help me if he doesn't know what's wrong and then tried to give me a hug. I told him to leave the fuck alone and slapped him. I then screamed at him and told him the only reason he is probably with me is so that he can have a warm place to stuff his penis and that I can't stand him.

He looked really hurt, grabbed his keys, and left for like an hour. Then he came back when I was in bed and slept on the couch. I can't stop crying I feel so bad. I don't know what's wrong with me.

He is at work right now. Should I have sex with him when he gets home as an apology? We are both 26.

After accusing him of using you like a whore, your solution is to offer to allow him to use you like a whore?

What strange screwy logic is that? Do you really don't see how that would insult him mightily?

And you already state that sex is painful to you.

You need to stop.

You need to just straight up apologize for hitting him, you need to apologize for screaming at him instead of talking like a functioning ADULT woman, and you need to say: This is what I am going to do to fix this and not act like an uncivilized harpy. When I am upset, I need to have time by myself to decompress. I will inform you that I am upset and I need you to understand that I need to be alone for a while. And when I have it under control, I'll tell you what was bothering me, even if it's some emotional thing that you can't fix. And we'll hug it out. Okay?

If he breaks up with you because he doesn't want to be living with a human version of a rabid dog, do not be surprised.

You need to get control of yourself. And stop thinking that you can use sex to make a man forget your transgressions. That's low and unworthy of anybody.

How to apologize to your guy friend

Any relationship has its share of ups and downs. The more interesting and intimate the relationship, the more of a roller-coaster ride it is.

There is no such thing as a “smooth” relationship, because there are two humans involved with different personalities and varying moods.

There are bound to be a few tussles, misunderstandings and “ego clashes” in a relationship. What’s important is how you deal with it.

Love and trust, make for the foundation of a solid relationship. Once you have them in place, you can face any issues or problems that creep in on a day to day basis. In the absence of true love, you will find yourself completely “de-motivated” and frustrated with the every small niggle that arises in your relationship.

So don’t worry about the “fights” and misunderstandings, they are a part and parcel of any healthy relationship; the more important aspect is to put in the effort to build love and trust.

Coming to the point, there was a misunderstanding, you had a fight with your boyfriend, and now you are feeling guilty because you realize that you were at fault.

So how do you go about saying sorry to your boyfriend, in a really sweet way?

How do I apologize to him?

Here are a few important tips to bear in mind:

1.) Apologize in person

It’s always best to apologize face to face. Of course, if there is no option, you can always call him up or send him an email, but it won’t be the same as a “in person” apology.

If he stays alone, you can plan on going over to his house “as a surprise”. Don’t call him and intimate him about you coming over.

Let it be a surprise element. This way he will be caught off guard, or else he will have enough time to prepare himself for a confrontation.

2.) Tears can melt any hurt away

If you are genuinely feeling bad about hurting him, and if you’ve missed him a lot during the period of separation, you are bound to go teary eyed when you see him.

Guys have a serious weakness for a girl’s tears; they can forgive almost anything when they see their girl cry.

3.) Say the magic words

A plain and simple “I am really sorry for what I did” is enough to convey your apology. Don’t make it poetic or verbose, as it will come off as “practiced” and artificial.

Say it slow and say it soft. The tone of your voice should convey how bad you are feeling about hurting him.

Let your emotions come through freely, and don’t try to hold back. Always be genuine in your expression. If you don’t really feel apologetic, your boyfriend will know it subconsciously.

Let him know that it was unintentional on your part. “I did not mean to do this” or “I did not mean to hurt you”, will convey to him that what you did was out of anger and that you did not mean it intentionally.

4.) Hug him tight

Physical contact is a great way to convey emotions. So be sure to hug him soon after you spell out your apology.

Hugging is a great way to end a fight.

In many cases, a hug will be followed by a kiss on his part. If he has missed you, he is bound to respond to your physical contact.

5.) Send him a handwritten note

As mentioned earlier an ‘in person’ apology is always the best but in case this is not possible the second best option is a hand written note. Emails are good too, but there is something special about handwritten notes. You can hand over the letter to him through a mutual friend.

Feel free to express your love for him in the note, but make sure to not come across as too needy.

So to conclude

Love is all about vulnerability, so there is no place for “ego” in true relationships.

When you are in the wrong, be willing to apologize and make it count. Don’t say sorry for the heck of it.

Misunderstandings are bound to happen in a relationship, but they also afford an opportunity to get closer and more intimate.

How to apologize to your guy friend

Fake apologies are short-lived. They disappear into thin air.

There’s a certain kind of person who uses “I’m sorry” as a quick fix to get back into your good graces, only to repeat the behavior again and again.

He or she says, “I’m sorry,” to shortcut the consequences of whatever it is they did. They are willing to eat humble pie, briefly, so life will get back to normal.

Do you have a person like this in your life? … Could it be you?

We all make mistakes, and we all take turns apologizing, so how about getting good at it? “I’m sorry” should not be a brush-off in order to move on without resolving the issue. A person who is truly sorry makes amends. Amends are where the rubber meets the road. To mend means to repair. A sincere apology mends what was torn.

Real apologizing comes from the heart — it is not mumbled through clenched teeth. Here’s what it takes:

  • Vulnerability to drop your defenses
  • Genuine regret for what you said or did
  • Humility to face the music
  • Willingness to change
  • Dedication to make amends

You (or your friend) can learn how to apologize well.

Doing so will help you increase your emotional intelligence skills, which will reward you with more personal integrity, kind-heartedness and powerful maturity (the sexy kind that can say after a slap across the face, “I had that coming.”). Here’s how to apologize:

  • State specifically what you did that you feel badly about. It takes courage to review in detail what you would rather vaguely refer to while quickly walking away. Rather than, “Sorry about yesterday,” go deeper with,
    “Last night after dinner when I said [fill in the blank] that was way too harsh. You don’t deserve to be spoken to that way.”
  • Express regret. Such as, “I wish I hadn’t said that. If I could take it back I would. The look on your face when I said that broke my heart. I’m so sorry.” Tip: Don’t say, “I feel terrible!” It’s not about you, and your feelings could manipulate the apology-receiver to forgive before she’s ready.
  • Name the trait in you that you’re going to work on, e.g., “I have a temper and lash out when I get angry. I don’t like that quality in myself and I’m committed to working on it. My first step is reading a book I bought on anger management.” Tip: Don’t say, “I’ll never do that again.” That’s an over-promise which you probably won’t be able to keep until you put some work in.
  • Pay attention to the other person as you apologize. Watch her face, notice his body language. You will see whether they are open or shut down. This should influence what you say and how you communicate. Some people won’t want you to touch them. Others are craving a hug. Some need to push you away to punish you and test whether you can tolerate their hurt, so …
  • Have patience. Probably your lack of patience led to an outburst in the first place. Your words or actions were painful to another person. If you want to heal the emotional rift, this is your second chance to be patient. And if you pay attention to their reactions to your heartfelt apology, you will slow down, take a risk and reach out to hold a hand or say you care, in a way that communicate that you really mean it.
  • Ask what you could have done differently. Go ahead and ask the other person what they would have you do differently: your tone, the timing, body language, there are so many elements and nuances to communication. You don’t have to change, but it will help you understand what went wrong and empathize more.

Two important points not to be overlooked:

  • There is usually a grain of truth in every outburst. Even if the person who lashed out at you is apologizing, consider whether there was something difficult for you to hear that needed to be said. Your job, after receiving an apology, is to invite the other person into a calm, compassionate conversation about the subject that produced the blowup and probably still needs exploration and resolution.
  • Nobody owes anybody an apology. But we all deserve to receive an apology. The difference is, feeling that someone owes you keeps you helpless and angry. Knowing inside that you deserve an apology, even if you don’t get it, means you have good self-esteem, which is empowering. Life isn’t fair and we don’t receive all the apologies we deserve … but feeling deserving means you will heal and move on.

If you’re the one apologizing with your newfound emotional intelligence skills, hopefully the other person will open up and receive your amends.

If you’re the one receiving a genuine apology, don’t dig your heels in and milk it for all it’s worth. Be generous and let him or her know it means a lot to you.

When we meet each other halfway, relationships grow stronger.

Which enables us to meet the greater challenge of digging in and addressing the issues which still need understanding on both sides.

Learning to truly apologize is a HUGE step because true apologies are given unconditionally. You have to suck it up, name your regrets, and make amends by committing to learn how to be different so you don’t repeat the mistake. Best case scenario, the other person melts and a conversation blossoms around what you could both do better going forward. Worst case scenario, the other person is cautious, silent, unresponsive.

When you apologize, don’t expect “tit for tat.”

True apologies are unconditional. They do not demand an even exchange — an assumption that the other person will apologize as well. He may need time to take in what you said. She may be holding her breath waiting for the other shoe to drop. History may have shown that on the heels of an apology comes a slew of accusations.

This is your opportunity to prove yourself different. Tolerate the discomfort. Give the person space. And pat yourself on the back for giving this apology your best shot. Don’t worry. Life will give you plenty more chances to practice.

Since I was young, people have confided in me. They say they feel safe because I listen with love and without judgment. It is my calling to understand, empathize, nurture and guide. That’s why I became a Gestalt psychotherapist and relationship coach. Scroll down if you’d like to talk …

It’s not just about saying you’re sorry. You should also explain how you’ll do better next time.

How to apologize to your guy friend

How to apologize to your guy friend

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Welcome to Tough Love. We’re answering your questions about dating, breakups, and everything in between. Our advice giver is Blair Braverman, dogsled racer and author of Welcome to the Goddamn Ice Cube. Have a question of your own? Write to us at [email protected]

My coworker lives in a cabin that’s been mostly empty this year, as she’s been working from her parents’ house during COVID. She offered it to me and my boyfriend so we could get away for a weekend. We have not been on vacation in a long time and were happy to take her up on the offer. She did give us some instructions, like how to use the wood stove, but she didn’t charge us. The only thing she asked was that we not have anyone there except for us. She didn’t say why, but we agreed.

The thing is that my boyfriend’s friend is going through a hard time. It seemed like he could use a distraction, so we ended up bringing him along. It was a last-minute decision and I didn’t think much about it at the time. He’s a good guy and I know that my coworker would like him if she met him. But now that we’re home again, and I am talking with my coworker every day, I’ve started to feel guilty. We left the cabin clean and I know that my boyfriend’s friend didn’t break anything, and that telling her he was there would make the situation worse, but I’m not sure what to do.

Would telling your coworker make the situation worse? It would make things worse for you in particular—at the very least, it would require an awkward conversation—but you can’t guarantee that no damage was done just because nobody broke a lamp. Besides, it’s not really on you to determine what constitutes damage in this case.

It would be easy to speculate about why your coworker didn’t want guests at her cabin (maybe she just didn’t want you throwing parties; maybe she has a stalker, and maintaining privacy is a matter of mental and physical safety), and just as easy to speculate as to how you might get caught (for all you know, she has a camera on the driveway that records everyone who comes and leaves). But she doesn’t need justification for her boundaries, and it’s not your role to dismiss those boundaries, especially once you’ve already broken them. You should apologize, but even more than that, you should come clean. Your coworker has a right to know who’s stayed in her home.

As you plan your conversation, it may be helpful to remember the elements of a true apology: it’s not just about saying you’re sorry, but also acknowledging the hurt, remedying it if you can, and explaining how you’ll make changes to keep it from happening again. For instance: “I’m so sorry that we brought a third person to your cabin after you asked us not to. There’s no excuse; we just got caught up in excitement, and it was thoughtless. I know I can’t undo it, but is there anything I can do, like changing the combination on your door, or checking with our friend to make sure he doesn’t post pictures on Instagram? I feel terrible for breaking your trust, and I want you to know that I’m doing some self-examination about why I didn’t really think about this until it was over, so I can make sure I don’t put people in this position again.”

Obviously, you can tailor the gist to your own circumstance. But the most important element of the apology is the last part, the self-examination, which is something you (and possibly your boyfriend) can do on your own. What did you tell yourself that made it so easy to dismiss your coworker’s request? If it was your boyfriend’s idea to bring his friend, and he pressured you, then that might reveal issues in your relationship that are worth looking into. The point of this step isn’t to feel bad—in fact, it may be easier if you try not to judge yourself too much while you figure it out, because getting into a cycle of self-judgment/self-pity is more likely to cause anxiety than lead to insight or change—but to learn from your mistake. You may not be invited to your coworker’s cabin again, but you’ll be a better guest—and a more reliable friend—in the future.

I spend a lot of time researching gear before I buy it, and I like finding unique and interesting pieces, often from indie brands. The problem is that often when I buy something, my friend sees it and buys it too. The first few times I thought it was a coincidence, but now it’s happened enough that it seems like there’s no way. When we go hiking together we practically match. How do I ask her politely to please pick her own gear in the future?

As tempting as it might be, try not to say anything negative about your friend's gear choices. She clearly admires you, and might be lacking confidence in her own skills or style. If you want to subtly encourage her to find her own gear, you should pay attention to things she does pick on her own, then take the time to compliment her and ask questions about those items, showing that you respect her taste and take her opinions seriously. (If you like gear as much as it sounds like you do, then it should be no problem to have fun, positive conversations about it.) But if that doesn’t work, or doesn’t work immediately, try to let it go. Better yet, try to focus less on how your gear looks to those around you, and focus more on everything it allows you to do—whether you're alone or together.

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