A little backstory I’m a senior in high school and so is my girlfriend. We’ve been dating since our freshman year and I’ve gotten pretty close to her family, as well as her obviously.
Early in our relationship she used to sneak out all of the time to come spend the night with me. However I never really felt comfortable doing that because we ran the risk of getting caught so we stopped. On top of that her parents really did give us a lot of freedom anytime we ever wanted to go out on a date together.
Yesterday evening I came home from a week long vacation and we really wanted to see each other. So last night she snuck out for the first time in a very long time. But this morning when I dropped her off, her neighbors saw us and ended up telling her parents. Apparently they’ve also seen us doing it in the past and ended up telling her parents about all of those times too.
So now my girlfriend and I can’t contact each other for a month, other than being together at school. But that’s not even the worst part, I feel like I’ve completely destroyed the relationship I had with her parents. Her dad went as far as to say he would beat my ass if he sees me again. I want to go and apologize but I’m afraid of the reaction I’m going to receive. I feel awful and don’t know how to fix this. Should I give it a few days before I go and apologize? Should I just not run the risk of going over there and apologizing at all?
TLDR; Got caught sneaking my girlfriend out and now her parents literally hate me
Do yourself a favor and stay away from them. In most states the legal age is 18+.. If you are of legal age, that still doesn't guarantee that her dad isn't waiting at the front door waiting to tazer you.
If you have an undying desire to go through hell to win their respect; the best way is to knock on their door at a reasonable time, then ask to speak with the father. Explain nothing of what happened but do appologize to him. After appologizing, walk away. Don't sit around to have a conversation.
Hypothetically – if I had a daughter who is close to being legal – and she got sexually active with a boy.. I'd start with feeling protective over my daughter and I'd assume the boy had no interest to keep her around, that he was using her. If the kid was to win my respect, he'd have to show to me that his actions weren't matching up to my assumptions.. Which means he doesn't even have to talk to me, he just needs to prove that he's truly interested in my daughter. I would appreciate it more if he left me out of the situation but was merely respectful of my "governing authority" over the household.. Aka, he's not just knocking on the door to talk to my daughter.. He's asking if he can speak with her to appologize for the problems he's made; then I'd stand there for his appology and see if he left by himself.. If he did, brownie points.
Building a relationship with your girlfriend’s dad can be one of the most intimidating experiences a man can face. This is the man who raised her, and all of her expectations about men stem from this all-important bond. Meanwhile, he wants reassurance that his little girl will be treated with respect. It may be choppy waters to navigate at first, but, with time, things can get easier.
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1 It’s Not a Test
While it is true that you may have to earn your girlfriend’s parents’ trust, thinking of this as a pass or fail situation will only make things worse. Do your best to act naturally even though it’s completely normal to feel nervous around your girlfriend’s father. Rather than put pressure on yourself to succeed at some arbitrary test, view it as a journey. That way, if you do commit a faux pas, you won’t think it’s the end of the world. Simply acknowledge the bumps in the road and move forward.
2 Find Common Interests
It’s not always easy, but even the most different personality types can share some of the same interests. It might be a good idea to ask your girlfriend ahead of time about what her father likes to do or talk about. You could also check out his social media profiles for ideas, but be discreet. You won’t want to come across like a stalker! Keep things casual, don’t try too hard and let your commonalities speak for themselves.
3 Don’t Compete
Whether it’s fishing, hitting the golf course or remembering birthdays, do your best to avoid competing with your girlfriend’s father and allow yourself to focus on the positive. While you are both vying for the love of the same woman, albeit in two very different ways, it can be a blow to the ego to be defeated by a newcomer. Instead of trying to impress at his expense, find ways to play on the same team in order to encourage a feeling of cooperativeness.
4 Be Respectful
Remember that romances may come and go, but that this man will always be her father. Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright advocates seeing things from a parent’s perspective in situations such as this. Your girlfriend’s father has cared for her all of her life and has been there for her many ups and downs. If he gives you a hard time, it’s probably because he wants the best for his little girl. Show him respect and you may very well win him over.
I’m not really on great terms with her parents at the moment. When my girlfriend was moving out, they were telling her that I’m a bad influence on her and because of me, her life is going downhill and they banned me from their house. This had been going on for a while, so after I was "banned" from her house I just said fsck it. I don’t need to put up with their garbage. If they come to their senses, they can apologize and I’ll think about hanging around again.
Anyway, I am going to visit my girlfriend in India and I am not going to be telling them in person. I have no desire to see them, so I’m just writing a letter.
The first thing that will happen is they will disown their daughter and accuse her of using her uncle (who offered to pay for the trip – after she had already decided to go) to pay for a free vacation for me and her. It’s stupid, but that’s what will happen. Next, they will reject me, saying I’m some awful sinning person and I’m not good enough their daughter (because I’m not catholic), etc.
So anyway, I need to write a letter telling them the situation, but it has to be more than just "I’m going to India".
What do I say? I have not been able to think of anything in the last 2 weeks and I leave in 8 days!
Letter: 1st draft.
Dear Mr. And Mrs. X,
I know that things between us have not been great lately and I cannot say that I fully understand how or why things have progressed to the point that it has. It is very disappointing to me because I very much want to get to know, be friends with, and be part of your family. I feel that during the year and a half that I have known Jessica I have tried to be kind and respectful of your family. If there is anything that I have done in the past that has offended you, I apologize. It has never been my intention to offend or be disrespectful to anyone.
I have some news that may (or may not) come as a surprise to you, but I felt that it would be best if I were the person you heard this information from. Long before Jessica?s trip was booked and up to the day she left for India, she told me that she wished I could come with her. At the time my answer was always ?No. It?s too expensive and I can?t miss school?. After Jessica left, I did some looking around and discovered that I could add a flight to India to my existing ticket to Singapore in December for an extra $100.06. When I learned this, I jumped at the opportunity and made the addition to my ticket. I will be leaving Winnipeg on September 9 and arriving in Calcutta on Sept. 11. I would like you to be fully aware that Jessica had no knowledge of my plans until they had already been finalized.
I?m sure you want to know why I?m going and what my intentions are? When I look at Jessica I see the most amazing person I have ever known. She is intelligent, hard working, honest, caring and very beautiful. I can talk to Jessica for hours on any political, moral, scientific or religious topic. I can seek her advice and even when I don?t come to her, she always finds a way to positively affect just about every aspect of my life. I have learned so much from Jessica and I know that I will learn so much more. Jessica is my best friend and being apart from her breaks my heart. Knowing that she is alone in such an awful part of the world worries me every day. I think one very positive thing in my going is that I can help keep Jessica safe. If anything ever happened to her when I wasn?t around, I don?t know if I could forgive myself because I should have been there to protect her. While my main reason for making this trip is so that Jessica and I can be together, I also understand the purpose of Jessica?s trip. I do not intend to interfere or interrupt any part of her reason for being there. I will be helping Jessica and I?ve also been told that I will have an opportunity to teach children English and Math (they are not allowed into school without a basic understanding of these things).
I have always tried to look out for the best interests of Jessica. I encourage her to do the things she seeks to do and try to help her find answers to any problems or questions she may have. I have always been respectful of her and her beliefs and morals just as I know she is respectful of your beliefs and morals. I hope that you can trust me when I say that this trip is not meant to show any disrespect to you or your family, but rather an opportunity for me to experience something that I know few people get to experience. I am ecstatic that I have an opportunity to experience this with my best friend.
I understand that this trip is something that you will not approve of and even though I wish you would be supportive of it, I hope that you can at the very least understand why I am making this trip.
I feel like a few people don't know how to apologize properly. As someone who messes up frequently and issues a lot of apologies, here's how to! (The best thing I ever learned from high school was a teacher who taught us this.) Also, remember, an apology is a genuine effort at contrition. Don't offer excuses or push it back at them. You're attempting to show them that you deserve their forgiveness.
First, say what you did. Explicitly. And clearly. For example, "I was careless and accidentally broke your television."
Second, apologize. This part's easy. "I wanted to properly apologize for doing so. I'm incredibly sorry."
Third, explain why what you did was wrong. "I should've taken more care and not been drunk."
Fourth, explain what you're going to do to stop it from happening again, or make it right. "I'm going to make sure I'm not drinking again at your place – there's a lot of expensive stuff – and take more care in the future. I'm going to pay to replace it, as well."
Finally: Ask if they'll forgive you. "I hope you can forgive me, and again, I'm really sorry."
This is an amazing life skill. Being able to properly apologize has saved relationships and jobs for me – a good one can salvage so many things!
Just as disagreements are bound to arise in a relationship with your partner, words and comments can also be lost in translation when dealing with your boyfriend’s parents. Though you can ask for forgiveness, you cannot control whether or not your boyfriend’s parents forgive a transgression. However, there are plenty things you can do to smooth things over with your partner’s parents.
When to Make an Apology
While making an apology can smooth over some situations, apologizing on someone else’s behalf or for circumstances over which you have no control should be avoided, according to Debrett’s. Such apologies can cheapen the words “I’m sorry” when a later wrongdoing actually occurs — or may make you seem insincere. If you do not feel you did anything wrong, you might instead keep your focus on his parents’ feelings. You might say to your partner’s parents, “I understand that you felt hurt and angry about dinner last week. I want to work things out with you, and I want us to have a good relationship,” according to Psychology Today psychologist Tamar Chansky.
What to Avoid
Some apologies can add more fuel to hurt feelings. You should avoid blaming your behavior or actions on someone else when making an apology. It is also unwise to excuse your behavior by pointing at something else that your boyfriend’s parents did in the past, according to Debrett’s article, “Apologising.” Other comments, like saying, “I’m sorry you thought that I was rude,” can appear insincere and unapologetic. When making an apology, the apology should focus on what you did wrong.
You have a few different ways to apologize, depending on the situation. You might say, “I’m sorry about what I said to you. It was thoughtless and hurtful, and I did not mean it. I hope we can get our relationship back on track,” according to the Hallmark article, “How to Say Sorry.” You might also say, “I love your son a great deal and I want to have a good relationship with his family. How can I help us move in that direction?” Alternatively, “I’m sorry about what happened last week,” though simple, can also work.
Preparation and Aftermath
Before making an apology, finding out the reason that your boyfriend’s parents are upset is important when crafting your apology. You may also want to practice what you plan to say ahead of time. While it can be tempting to leave your boyfriend to pass on your message, apologies should be made personally — whether by phone, letter or in person. If the disagreement is serious, softening it may mean apologizing in person first before following up with a handwritten note or card, according to Debretts. Remember that any outcome to your apology is possible: his parents may accept it graciously, or they may be unwilling or not ready to do so. If forgiveness is not forthcoming, you can say, “I hope we can work this out in the future and move forward.”
So, you’ve landed a table at the number one restaurant in town, that bouquet of Peruvian Lilies has just been delivered to her workplace and there’s a rare Sangiovese vintage that’s waiting in your kitchen. And if tonight’s Valentine’s plans prove a success, you may well be treated to a quick succession of dates in the near future. But what happens after that?
Eventually, as your relationship starts to develop, you’ll slowly be introduced to family and friends, and for men, few occasions will be as unnerving as meeting her dad, the number one man in her life. To get you started on perfecting your parental charm, here are ten pointers that are guaranteed to impress him…
1. Set the tone
The initial seconds of meeting her father will either put you on a good footing or have him instantly question your competence. So, start with the correct handshake (firm, but not tight) and make full eye contact. You only get one first impression, so make it count.
2. Reassess your wardrobe
That Balenciaga outfit may well turn heads on the streets of Soho, and the lumberjack facial fuzz will certainly go down a treat in Shoreditch, but will they do a sufficient job of winning over your potential in-laws? Ditch the trends and make sure you shave (or at least trim), groom and dress appropriately – a pair of slim chinos, a button-down shirt, a deconstructed blazer and some polished shoes may not make a statement, but they’ll definitely give you an understated hit of finesse.
3. Come bearing gifts
If you’re visiting her parents’ house, and if you really want to make an impression, then try not to dish out generic presents. Instead, get personal and find out what his favourite wine, whisky or dessert is (basically, anything that goes well with dinner is a good area to stick to) and buy accordingly. A gift with thought will make a bigger impact than, say, the customary Jo Malone candle.
4. Do your revision
Find out what he likes and dislikes, what sport he follows, what team he supports or other hobbies he may enjoy. Even if you don’t have an interest in his pastimes, with this knowledge in the bank, you’ll be able to sail smoothly through any conversation that arises, fill any awkward silences and hopefully start to paint an amicable picture of yourself.
5. Know your boundaries
No matter how long you’ve been with your other half, do not – under any circumstances – overstep the mark when it comes to what they think is best for their daughter. Once you’re married? Fine. Before then? Bite your lip and stay out of it. In the same vein, steer well away from other sensitive topics such as politics – after all, what will dampen the mood more than a tense exchange about the pros and cons of Brexit?
6. Go on the charm offensive
Charm will get you most places in life, so compliment his home, his choice of wine and, most importantly, his daughter.
7. But don’t be a try-hard
Keep it genuine gents – there’s nothing less subtle or off-putting than contrived charm or an unsavoury remark.
8. Have a digital detox
Well, at least during gatherings. Browsing through your iPhone or Pixel is rude in any normal social situation, so why wouldn’t the same apply here? Ultimately, her father will be from the pre-smartphone era, so he’ll most likely see compulsive scrolling as both insolent and immature.
9. Learn to lie. sort of
Remember, that much like a job interview, you’re trying to show the very best version of yourself, so play to your strengths and learn to put a positive spin on certain truths. Want to talk about your trip to Guyana when you spent a year on narcotics and learned to live like a rainforest hermit? Why not try: “After several years in the city, I felt I needed to gain some perspective on life, so I took some time away to see how other cultures lived”.
10. Keep the PDA at bay
Finally, even if you’re lucky enough to be in the “we just can’t keep our hands off each other” stage, try to curb your primal urges. No one likes to see explicit osculation at the dining room table – least of all the man that raised your girlfriend.
Not at this stage yet? Here’s our advice on when to call after your first date
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Holly Macnaghten is the Fashion Director at The Gentleman’s Journal
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Get tips and guidelines, and get inspired by the letters below and learn how to apologize to your girlfriend. They’re all written by others who found themselves needing to make amends to the girlfriends in their lives.
Saying sorry to someone you love is never easy because there’s so much at stake. You’re in crisis mode, panicked, and not necessarily thinking straight.
That’s what makes writing a sincere apology letter to your girlfriend that much more difficult.
Whether you’ve been a jerk, guilty of hurting her, got caught lying to her, cheating on her, had a fight or have trust issues, you need to acknowledge what you’ve done and take full responsibility.
When passion is involved, feelings of regret and remorse reach a whole new level.
How To Apologize To Your Girlfriend
1. Start your letter by acknowledging her hurt and validating her feelings.
2. Tell her how sorry you are and how much you want to fix everything.
3. Be completely honest. Let her know how important she is to you.
4. Take full responsibility and ask her for forgiveness.
5. Promise and prove to her that it won’t happen again.
Read how sorry the authors are for hurting their girlfriends. Or, post your own online apology letter.
Apology About Forgiveness for Forgiveness
Hey sweets, I have needed to hear those words from your mouth. I’ve needed this moment with you. I know you feel crippled at heart learning about all this …
My dearest Heidi (Hau Yau). I’ve apologized in pages and utter sincerity for all the pain that I have caused you. But I will do it a thousand times more …
I Quite Miss Home
Where to start and what to say has always been the hardest part of things like this. Do I start from the part where I regret everything or the part where …
I love you Nina and I apologize. 💔
My dear cute looking bebe fofinha Nina. I’m not proud of myself and I’m aware of it. I would like to truly apologize to you, deep from my heart. That …
Sorry To The Most Precious & Amazing Girl
To Salena—the most precious and amazing girl in the world. I want to say sorry for everything. I’ve been a horrible friend and an even worse boyfriend. …
I’m Sorry Jane
Hi Jane. I know it’s been a while since we last talked, much less seen each other. I also realize that I am years too late in telling you this, but I …
Emotions: A Play Off of M.J.
Let me start by saying how beautiful and important to me you are. Next I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you. It’s the last thing I would ever …
I Never Deserved You, I’m Sorry
Years ago, when I was attending college in Oregon I met the love of my life. It was freshman year and you and I met in chemistry lab. I was instantly taken …
My apology Letter to my ex Girlfriend Chaang
Hello dear Chaang . I can see you are happy now. When I think back of the day I left you alone and went out from your life, I can’t imagine I did that …
My Last Apology to You
Where to begin first of all I don’t even know if you’re going to get or want to even read this letter.. I wanted to hand this to you in person but I don’t …
I’m Sorry: Our Online Relationship
My Sweetheart Daraksha. I know I caused you a lot of grief and sadness last night. I hurt you in ways which I can’t probably imagine. You are right when …
In Honor of Letting You Go My Love
Dear Love. I’m writing this because I have no other way to communicate with you about the topic I’m about to dwell over. I’ve loved you for the longest …
A Letter of Love, I’m Sorry
I just want to hold you in my arms and never let you go. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, you are my life. I am so sorry, so embarrassed, …
I’m Deeply Sorry For Lying My Love
To the most important person in my life and my one true love. Sheila, I’m such a mess, but you know that–a real big mess. It was the look of hurt in …
My Apology for Lying
I’ve lied to people all my life. I have done it multiple times for no reason. I have also lied to the one true love in my life and I can’t say enough about …
Apology Letter to My Ex-Girlfriend
Peyton. I don’t know what to say other than that I am so sorry, I truly am sorry. I cannot stop thinking about all of the pain that I have caused you …
A letter To My First Love
We were 16 when we first laid eyes, I never met someone like you before and afterwards. I was in love right then and there; I knew I could never escape …
An Apology Love Letter to Tala
To My Dearest. It’s been a while, months have gone by and still.. it all seems like it was yesterday. I remember the days we spent in the mountains, …
Apology Letter To the One I Love
To The One I Love. I hope that you have been doing well. I write this not to beg for you. I am not trying to win you back or even change your heart. I …
Brook’s Apology Letter to Christy
My Dearest Love, My Christy. I feel that an apology is simply not enough to make up for what I put you through during the last year of what is now our …
An Apology Letter to My Love, Samantha
Samantha, I’m really sorry. I’ve made you feel like you weren’t good enough and that what you did wasn’t good enough–and I didn’t show appreciation. I …
I’m sorry, I love you, I’m stupid
Sorry. I really don’t want to leave, I don’t really want to go without talking to you, hugging you, kissing you. I don’t really want to leave beside …
Sorry To The Sweetest Girl
I don’t often write letters like this but something inside me felt like it was the right thing to do. I hope this letter is not too late. I wanted more …
Sorry Letter to My Girlfriend
Words can’t describe how sad I am right now knowing that you have given up on me. The worst part is knowing it is my own fault because I didn’t listen …
Nicole I know you will probably never read this, but I am so sorry for the way I was. When you left it left me broken beyond belief, and here, three months …
My Apology –Always and Forever
Dear Michele. I hope you read this. I hope everyone reads this. Because the whole world should know how much pain, hurt, how much I love you and how …
I’m Sorry. So Sorry Baby for the Way I Made you Feel!
Baby, you mean the world to me, and having you upset is the very last place I ever want to be! Without the light you bring into my eyes, I think I’d …
Helping your girlfriend cope with the loss of her father can be taxing for everyone involved. You may also struggle with finding the right words to comfort her — and trying to avoid those that may bring your girlfriend pain. Though only time can help her process her grief, there are several comforting things you can say during this time.
Words to Avoid
Seeing your girlfriend in pain may be difficult, which can leave you feeling inclined to say things such as, “It will get better,” “Everything’s OK,” or “Life can get back to normal after the funeral.” These phrases can be hurtful to a grieving person, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services in the publication “Helping Others Cope With Grief.” In general, don’t dwell on how her father died, make assumptions about his or your girlfriend’s beliefs about the afterlife or put a positive “spin” on the death by saying, “At least the death was quick.”
Things to Say
First and foremost, let your girlfriend know you care about and love her, according to the Everplans.com article “How to Express Sympathy: What to Say and What Not to Say.” Offering to help her with things that need to be done, such as writing the eulogy for her dad, can also be beneficial. Talking about her father’s positive traits, such as emphasizing his kindness or sharing a humorous story about him, can also bring much-needed levity to the situation. If you find yourself stumped about what to say, you might try, “Is there anything I can do to help?” or “I’m here for you if you need me.”
After the Funeral
Once the memorial or funeral has ended, you may find yourself omitting her father from conversations. While this may seem like it would be the best thing to do, it actually can be hurtful to the grieving person who may feel that she too is now expected to remain silent about her pain, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. Acknowledge her father’s birthday and ask her how she would like to celebrate it, or let her know you are willing to adopt some of the traditions she shared with her father for the holidays. Grief can last for months or years — it is appropriate to periodically ask if she would like to talk about her dad.
While grief usually lifts with the passage of time, it may continue or grow worse in other cases. If you notice that your girlfriend’s eating or sleeping habits have changed for the worse, or if she discusses a desire to be with her father, encourage her to see a doctor. Giving advice gently by saying, “Would you like to get lunch?” instead of, “You need to eat something,” can also be a friendly reminder for your girlfriend to look after her well-being during this time.
Show us a couple who never had a fight, and we’ll show you a couple who are not in love. Where there is love, there are bound to be arguments and occasional fights. It’s how you handle the afterwards of the dispute with your woman that will define the longevity of your relationship. So if you desperately want to patch up with her, here’s how to make it up to your girlfriend in 3 steps.
Step 1: Reassess the Quarrel
The best thing to find a solution after a heated argument with your girl is to back off and take a break to calm down. Tell her you need some time to understand all that has happened and that you will discuss this in some time. She’ll appreciate it.
The best way to make yourself calm is to take a leisurely, gentle walk or meet an old friend you haven’t seen in some time. Get your mind off from the quarrel and do something that relaxes you.
Evaluate the reason for fighting
So why did you guys fight in the first place? It’s essential to review why you had that argument and if you could have said or done something differently. An honest analysis of that incident and its reason would help in this regard.
Recall what both of you said. Was there a tipping point or a trigger that was responsible for the whole fight? Are you disappointed with your choice of words used in your argument?
Also realize that after an intense fight like this, how you remember and interpret it could be quite different from how she does.
Embrace your emotions
Acknowledge and experience your emotions. Do not put a tight lid on your feelings; instead, you should accept them. It’s okay to be angry or sad sometimes. You’ll only do yourself harm if you choose to neglect these feelings.
Understand that just as your response during that huge fight may not have been completely logical, in the same way she too may have said something irrational. So don’t take it to heart.
Step 2: Apologize to Her
Accept your mistake
Make a sincere, unconditional apology. Say “I am sorry” and mean it. Only you are responsible for how you act and what you say, so do not give justifications for what you did or said. And definitely, do not subtly blame her for your emotional response. It will only backfire on you and anything else you do to patch up may not help.
Promise her you won’t do it again
Make an honest promise to her (and yourself) you’ll try to improve and do your best not to create such situations and talk irresponsibly in the future. Make it an effort to not get too stressed out, give each other space and understand each other’s point of view. This will really go a long way in helping you keep your promise of not starting a fight or diffusing a huge argument.
Show empathy with her
Simply saying sorry may not be enough; you need to show you understand how this huge argument has affected her. Perhaps she is deeply anguished by all of it and may be reevaluating this relationship. If you let her know you understand her feelings at this point, you can still save your relationship.
Listen to her
Once you’re done apologizing and showing you understand her feelings, just keep quiet. Do not just go on and on. Allow her to vent out now. Patiently listen to what she has to say, and you will not only score some redeeming points, you may even get some valuable insights on her perspective that will help you control the situation should it ever occur in future.
“Can I do something to make you happy?”
Show enough sincerity in your eyes and voice and that this by itself will probably make her smile. A dinner at her favorite restaurant, a bunch of flowers or a date at the hangout where you first met would bring fond memories to her, reminding how happy you’ve been together. And what happened recently was just a minor bump in your otherwise happy and long journey.
Step 3: Do Something Extra Sweet for Her
Choose simple, inexpensive gifts
Instead of buying something grand that can make her cautious, select something simple that shows your thoughtfulness and sensitivity.
Cook for her
You may not be a maestro, but hey it’s the thought that counts. Look up a recipe on Youtube and whip up a small meal just for you two. Make it a candlelit dinner to add romance to the food!
Send flowers to her workplace
Put a “Missing you already” label with it, and it will make her blush and brighten her entire day. When she comes back home, she may have a reward for you!
Record and play her favorite TV shows
You may have different choices when it comes to TV shows, but she’ll absolutely love you if you do this for her. You already know her best shows on TV, so record them before she comes home and watch together.
Go on nostalgic trips
Remember where you first met? Or where you proposed to her? Perhaps it was at a cafe down the road, or in an art gallery. Now it is a good time to revisit those places and cherish those fond memories of your time together.
Get liked by her family and friends
Her family may hold the key to your future with your girlfriend. Get close with her dad, probably watch a game or two with him or play a round of golf. If he’s happy with you, your girl will be happy with you. And as for her friends, try to know her best pals by name and don’t shy away from meeting them if she insists.
Arguments are hard. Fighting is not something that any couple likes to partake in, though inevitably, it affects every couple at one point or another. If you are the one who has upset your girlfriend instead of vice versa, there are some key ways to apologize to your love.
10 ways to apologize to your girlfriend
Apologies can be tricky—humans are stubborn and sometimes an apology comes too late to make a difference. That is what you would like to avoid. So without further delay, we bring you 10 ways to apologize to your girlfriend.
1. Say the words
The first and arguably most important step is to actually tell your girlfriend that you are sorry. Though it may seem simple, actually saying the words “I’m sorry” can make a huge difference—especially if you apologize in a timely fashion.
As a society, we build up arguments and apologies to be a huge deal, but in reality, the words “I’m sorry” can go a long way. If you have yet to say “I’m sorry,” say it as soon as possible.
2. Tell her you intend to apologize
If you cannot get your girlfriend’s attention enough to apologize, make sure she is aware of your intentions. Saying “I’m sorry” is easier when you have your girlfriend’s ear. Saying “I’m sorry” is huge, even though it seems simple, but it is more effective when you have someone’s full attention. If your girlfriend will not give you the time of day, make sure she knows you wish to apologize and not argue further.
3. Explain your actions
Though a simple “I’m sorry” can go a long way, it will be helpful if you can explain your actions to your girlfriend. Do you have a good reason for doing whatever you did to upset her? Do you have a solid explanation to share with your partner?
If you have a reason, whatever the reason is, sharing it will help in the long run. Apologies are important, but so are reasons. Explain your actions and your feelings to your partner and it will be easier for her to accept.
4. Let her talk
A major part of an apology is to listen. Though it is important for you to express your feelings, decisions, and explanations, it is equally as important to let your girlfriend express hers. Talking over a person, or prioritizing your emotions and feelings, will not get you anywhere. Once you have said your words, let your girlfriend talk back with you. Her feelings are as important (or maybe more important) than yours.
5. Take time
Not everyone is able to process an apology quickly. If your girlfriend needs time to think about the situation—including your speech—you should let her have that time. If your girlfriend requests time away from you, or time to process her feelings or your apology, respect that. Time is a major key in acceptance.
6. Bring a gift
Gifts can be hokey, so be careful. If you and your girlfriend are in the middle of a small and unimportant bickering battle, a gift might be nice. If you are relying on a gift to say “I’m sorry” for you, better rethink your decision. Flowers are always nice, though.
7. Write a letter
Some people process better via the written word. If you are a writer rather than a speaker, write an apology letter to your girlfriend rather than attempt to stumble over your words. If your girlfriend is a reader rather than a conversationalist, do her a favor and write her an apology letter instead. Giving someone the right way to process is one of the nicest things you can do. It might end up being more effective as well.
8. Send a text message
Because of these modern times, a text message can work as well as a handwritten letter. Text messages are nice because they are convenient and quick. Instead of waiting until the next time you see your girlfriend, you can apologize immediately instead. Why wait and let an argument fester when you can shoot off a quick text message and help ease the pain?
9. Take responsibility
Avoiding responsibility is not going to help your girlfriend process the situation. Before you apologize, or while you apologize, make sure you are accepting responsibility for whatever part you played in the argument. Saying “I know I upset you when…” is a great way to begin a true apology.
10. Be genuine
No one appreciates a fake “sorry.” If you genuinely mean that you are sorry—if you truly wish to apologize—make sure you let it be known. Being genuine is one of the best, most effective ways to apologize. You cannot truly apologize without being genuine, so this lesson is not as much of a command as a guideline. Being genuine is important, in all aspects of your life.
Couples fight, and that is okay. If it comes to a place where you need to apologize to your girlfriend, make sure you are genuine, kind, and direct. Saying “I’m sorry” can be difficult for some people—try not to be one of them.
You have betrayed a partner or a friend’s trust. It wasn’t your intention to do and you wish that you could undo it. Of course this isn’t possible but there is still something you can do. Apologize. In the book “The Power of Apology,” psychotherapist and relationship expert Beverly Engel states that an apology is the most healing gift that you can give to someone that you have wronged. A sincere apology lets the other person know you are aware you have hurt them and you are sorry for doing so.
Offer a sincere apology. You should never apologize to someone just because you should. If you are not really aware of and sorry for the harm you may have caused the individual, any apology you offer will be insincere. According to “The Power of Apology,” a sincere apology has the potential to build love and trust, so this should be your intent for apologizing — to begin building trust again.
Don’t make excuses for betraying your friend or your partner’s trust. You need to take full responsibility for what you have done. Making excuses is an attempt to minimize the consequences of your behavior. Doing so will negate your apology.
Understand that the individual may still need some time to heal. Remember an apology can be very healing. But healing is a process that happens over time. Honor the person’s need for time to work through his or her feelings about your betrayal.
Because trust is the foundation of any intimate relationship, be ready to recognize that the betrayal may mean the end of the relationship. Individuals tend to be more aware of this in romantic relationships than in friendships, but according to the book “Hurt Feelings in an Adult Relationship,” betrayal can be a “cataclysmic event” and have a more damaging impact on a friendship than a romantic relationship.
Forgive yourself even if the person you have betrayed does not. According to blogger and interpersonal researcher Juliana Breines, self-forgiveness is essential to one’s psychological well being. After you have taken full responsibility for the betrayal and offered a sincere apology it is up to the individual to decide if she wants to continue the relationship. Even if she forgives you, you still need to forgive yourself. Holding on to guilt and shame for what you have done and tried your best to repair can be damaging to your psyche. Forgive yourself, let go, and try to learn from the experience.
Jeanne told her husband Paul a huge, gigantic lie. She didn’t intend to, but she did. Things have been tense in their marriage since Paul was laid off from his job 6 months ago. Well, things were already tense between the two of them and this added stress didn’t help.
While backing out of their garage one day last month, Jeanne accidentally scraped the side of the car. She didn’t want to hear Paul yell at her and remind her that they don’t have the money to fix the car so she took out a credit card– in her name only– and had the damage repaired.
The trouble is, Paul discovered the statement for Jeanne’s secret credit card and is angrier than ever. He’s started to question and doubt everything Jeanne says. Their marriage is worse than before.
As well as you know that lying is bad for your love relationship or marriage and as many times as you were taught that lying is unethical…you still do it.
The lies you told your partner may seem like no big deal or maybe you don’t even consider them to be lies. Even if you were aware that lying would be a huge betrayal and risk to your relationship, you did it anyway.
And then you got caught.
Your partner opened a letter addressed to you, answered your phone, looked at your messages or email or simply put clues together and figured out that you hid or altered the truth. Understandably, when your lie was discovered, trust was damaged and possibly broken.
A sincere apology from you is required. In order to begin to rebuild trust and re-connect with your partner, you’re going to need to show that you are genuinely sorry about lying and then make a commitment to change.
There are many ways an apology can go wrong and cause even more damage. Avoid mistakes like: Saying “I’m sorry” in an angry or sarcastic tone of voice; Negating your apology with excuses; Turning the blame around on your partner; Apologizing but then continuing to lie.
Instead, make your apology really count.
Watch our free video “Conflict into Connection” here…
Take some time to get clear within yourself about why you lied. Try to look beyond the shame or guilt you might be feeling and uncover what you were trying to get or avoid by altering the truth.
You may have lied because you were….
- worried about disappointing your partner
- afraid of what his reaction will be to the truth
- wanting to continue a behavior that is not okay with your partner
- trying to avoid an uncomfortable conversation or an argument
- attempting to pretend to be something you’re not
- getting back at your partner for her lying
- enjoying being mysterious and having some secrets
If you want to stop the destruction of your relationship, you’ve got to understand what motivates you to lie and then make a change that will help you be more honest– even when it’s difficult.
When you sit down with your partner, be specific and take full responsibility for your choice to lie. Maybe you thought you had a compelling reason to lie. Maybe you didn’t feel like you had another choice but to lie. Nevertheless, you did lie and your lying hurt your partner and compromised trust and connection.
Owning the fact that you lied is an essential part of repairing the damage and healing trust.
Use words like, “I’m sorry that I lied about_____.” or “I apologize for hiding _____ from you.” or “I feel so sad and I regret that I lied.”
Make time later on in the conversation to offer more information to your partner about why you lied. Continue to take responsibility for lying and say, “I’d like you to know why I lied. Are you willing to listen?”
Prove that you’re changing.
Without a doubt, the time following your apology can make or break your relationship. Show with consistent actions that you are making significant changes. Be transparent to provide your partner with proof that you no longer have anything to hide– especially if you cheated.
Create agreements that will support you in being more honest and open in the future. Address the reasons why you lied, such as your partner’s jealous or angry reactions.
Depending on your situation, you could say, “Will you agree to just listen to me and not yell when I tell you something you don’t like?” or “Will you create some agreements with me to help me feel safe to be completely honest with you?” (Then suggest an example that is specific).
When you’re caught in a lie, it doesn’t have to mean the end of your relationship. With a willingness to learn from your own behavior and persistence in making real changes, this could be a positive turning point for you and your partner.
Although this blog is essentially devoted to the subject of divorce, every now and then I will discuss some aspect of marriage that leads to divorce, and suggest ways to reduce the damage.
Having mediated domestic disputes for 30 years, it has occurred to me that men and women regard apologies very differently. And simple as it may seem, these different views of apology have extensively damaged many marriages.
In short, most men don’t know how to apologize. In intimate relationships, an effective apology can quickly heal an inadvertent injury. Similarly, an ineffective apology — or the complete failure of an apology — can cause an inadvertent injury to be experienced as a major wound in the relationship.
For women, apologizing is a way of reconnecting with someone whose feelings you have hurt, however inadvertently. When a woman gets feedback that something she has done or failed to do has left another feeling offended or injured, she is usually quick to apologize. A breach in the relationship is avoided and the relationship continues undisturbed. Neither the woman offering nor the woman receiving the apology regard it as unusual but rather see it as a routine aspect of relationships.
For men, apologies are very different. Men tend to view apologies as humiliating and a loss of face. Scholars of gender communication have observed that for men, verbal communication is tied up with their concern for the way their status is perceived by others. Men are more conscious of the impact of what they say on how others perceive their power position or lack of power. So, for a man to acknowledge that he has done something wrong, it often means that he feels diminished in the eyes of those who hear the apology.
Thus, a woman apologizes to maintain healthy relationships and feels no sense of loss. But when a man apologizes, he does feel a sense of loss, if not humiliation. The result of this difference is that men are reluctant to apologize, and in many cases, do not know how to craft a sincere apology.
It is this lack of knowledge I seek to address here. Most of the women in the couples I see for divorce mediation complain that their marriages suffer from a terminal lack of intimacy. The wives report that their husbands are unable or unwilling to respond to their feelings. They say their husband’s tendency to stonewall when presented with a complaint leaves them feeling disconnected and alienated from him.
It appears that in most modern marriages, the woman is angry at her mate more often than the reverse. Women express anger at their husband’s sins of commission as well as sins of omission. And the most common sin of omission is his failure to apologize when he has offended. So here is a brief tutorial for men on how to apologize.
6 elements of an apology
There are six elements of a proper apology. If you don’t want to waste your time, you must include all six:
1. Acknowledge the Wrongful Act
You need to begin by saying, ” I was wrong and I am sorry.” There are no substitutes for this admission. If you say something dumb like, “I am sorry that you think I was wrong,” you might as well spare yourself and not bother. There is no getting around it. You were wrong, so plead guilty and get on with it.
2. Acknowledge That You Hurt her Feelings
Understand that your wrongful act has hurt her feelings and made her feel disconnected from you. You cannot reconnect without attending to the feelings piece. So you say, “I was wrong and I am sorry that I have hurt your feelings.” Once again, you cannot wimp out by fudging and saying, “I am sorry that your feelings are hurt.” You have to connect your wrongful act to her hurt feelings.
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3. Express Your Remorse
An expression of remorse and regret is the way you demonstrate your ability to feel an appropriate response to her hurt feelings. So you say, “I was wrong. I am sorry that I hurt your feelings, and I feel terrible that I have done something that has hurt you.” (It will help here if you actually look remorseful.)
4. State Your Intention Not to Repeat It
This may be difficult — particularly if you are a repeat offender — but it is an expression of your acknowledgment of your need to reform. “I know that I am sometimes insensitive to what you need, but I am going to try my hardest not to do it again.” If you smirk at this juncture, you’re going to have to go back and start all over.
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5. Offer to Make Amends
If you don’t know what would help, then ask her. “What can I do to make it up to you?” The particular act of contrition may be negotiated, but the important thing is to express your willingness to do something to compensate for it. Of course, once you commit to doing something, you need to do it, lest you render the entire effort useless.
6. Seek Forgiveness
Forgiving is an act that liberates the forgiver from anger — so seeking forgiveness is not as self-serving as you may think. A simple, “will you forgive me?” will usually suffice, but if you want to avoid appearing presumptuous, or if your offense was particularly odious, you might want to first ask, “Can you forgive me?”
As you get better at it, you will feel more comfortable creating your own sequence for these elements and adding embellishments that give it your own stamp of individuality. Master this simple skill, and you will find your domestic life ever more peaceful.
As you know, relationships take a lot of work. And at times, they’re downright hard.
And in every relationship, there will be disagreement and sometimes you may even argue.
According to a UCLA study on commitment in marriage (which followed 174 husbands and wives for their first eleven years of marriage), couples who actually lasted did three important things during conflict:
- They compromised during the conflict
- They were able to make sacrifices when engaged in conflict
- They continued to view themselves as a team
And it seems this approach really does work because another study also discovered that couples with a democratic approach — where both seek to compromise and talk to each other with sensitivity toward the other’s feelings — were much more likely to succeed in their relationships.
The takeaway — disagreements are inevitable in our closest relationships, but they do not have to lead to a conflict.
In fact, authors of the study indicated that, in the relationships that ended, the couples were not determined to do the hard work involved in resolving their conflict.
In the relationships that ended, couples had trouble apologizing for causing hurt and moving on. They were unable to move out of their corner and could not shift their thinking from one of them winning and their partner losing.
Successful couples focus on keeping their relationship strong.
The reality is: We hurt each other in our close relationships. Sometimes we do it on purpose. However, often we have no idea what just happened, but we know our partner is upset and hurt.
So, what should you do if you realize you’ve hurt your significant other and now she’s upset with you? First, you need to apologize.
Yes, when your girlfriend or wife is mad at you, you need to apologize authentically.
Then you need to re-connect and turn that “I want to win” sentiment into “I want us to win, together”.
Here are seven steps to help apologize and reconnect:
1. Find out what’s really going on.
A good first step is to find out as much as you can about what just happened. If you know what hurt your partner, give her a chance to talk about it. Or, if you don’t know why, ask her to share her feelings and give her a chance to talk about it.
This is not the time to defend yourself; it is a time to listen. Your partner would not be upset without a good reason, and now is the time to find out what that real reason is. Even if it was an unintentional hurt, she’s still wounded and you need to know more about it.
2. Give her some space, if needed.
Depending on the level of upset and how your love handles hurt feeling, she might need a while before she’s willing to talk to you about it.
So back off and grant her time and space to think.
3. Talk the issue through and clarify anything you’re uncertain of.
Once she shares her feelings about the matter, ask questions to clarify anything you don’t understand.
Before going any further, make sure you’ve allowed your partner to fully express how she feels and to tell the whole story.
4. Find out if there is more to the story.
If there is more to the story that she doesn’t know, ask if she is willing to hear what you know that she may not. BUT, be very cautious here that you’re not:
- Trying to protect yourself or cover up what you’ve done
- Attempting to minimize her upset
- Blaming her for being upset
- Stirring the pot and doing it to her all over again
- Being defensive
5. Begin repairing the damage.
As soon as you can, sincerely apologize for what you’ve said or done (even if you did not intend to hurt her).
Let her know that you get it — she feels hurt and you’re sorry. Acknowledge that you understand why she’s upset, or why she feels the way she does and that you want to do everything you can to fix and repair the damage done.
6. Ask if there is something your wife needs from you.
Make it clear that you want to fix things, so if there is something she needs from you to help make things right, you’re willing to do it.
7. Talk about future steps.
ou know that your partner understands that you “get it” and has accepted your apology, it’s time to talk about the future. If you learned something or figured out something new that you think might help in a future situation, bring it up and see if she agrees.
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If you have some ideas that might help the two of you handle a similar situation in a more productive manner, share your idea and ask for her input. If you have ideas about how she could play a role to avoid a situation like this in the future, talk about your ideas. But be careful not to shift the blame to her!
Couples who are successful in their relationships learn how to problem solve, to accept responsibility for their actions, and to forgive each other.
Depending on how severe the offense is, it may take some time to repair the rift completely.
Exercise patience while waiting for your partner to fully forgive and let go of a hurt. This is a time to treat her the way you’d want her to treat you when she hurts you.
It takes effort and plenty of hard work to repair the damage we inflict (however accidentally) without making things worse. But when we do it right, the making up process is quite rewarding and fun!
Drs. David and Debbie McFadden are a husband-and-wife team specializing in helping struggling and distressed couples throughout the US and Canada. Contact them for a free 20 minute consult to learn about their couples’ intensive program.
While our mothers may often be our biggest fans, willing to forgive us for many wrongs, it is still important to be able to acknowledge when you feel you’ve done something and to offer an apology. Apologizing to your mother can be simultaneously easier and harder than apologizing to anyone else in your life. It can be easier because often you know in advance that your mom will forgive you, yet it can also be harder because it can be painful to admit that we have done something to hurt someone so important or to acknowledge that we have disappointed our mothers in some way. If you have done something that requires an apology to your mom, here are some ways to help you make your apology both effective and sincere.
"Mom, I’m Sorry"
Tell your mom that you are sorry and be specific about what you are sorry for. A flippant apology that simply dismisses the situation with a quick “I’m sorry” is neither sincere, nor effective. To truly express remorse for what you have done, you need to explicitly state what you are sorry for along with a statement of remorse. Try to avoid getting sidetracked by excuses or explanations, as these will only weaken your apology.
Ask your mother to forgive you. Of all the people on the planet, your mom is the most likely to feel unconditional love for you and to offer you their forgiveness. Nonetheless, it is still important to specifically ask for forgiveness. By formally asking your mother for forgiveness you are letting her know that you value your relationship with her and that it is important to you that your relationship be harmonious. Thus, asking for forgiveness can sometimes be less about you personally being forgiven and much more about mending the relationship that has been damaged.
Empathize with your mother and consider how your actions have made her feel. If you can understand how your mother is feeling as a result of whatever you have done, this will help you to provide a sincere and meaningful apology. Acknowledge and validate your mother’s feelings by letting her know that you understand the impact your actions may have had on her. Avoid criticizing or judging your mother’s feelings. For example, perhaps you think that she has been too sensitive or has over-reacted. Avoid mentioning these thoughts in your apology, and instead, validate her feelings, whatever they may be. By validating your mother’s feelings, you give her the freedom to openly express her feelings without fear of judgment and you create an atmosphere that is conducive to healing.
Offer to make up for what you have done. Ask your mother if there is anything you can do to remedy the situation and be open to doing what she asks of you. If you are offering to make something right, try to offer a compensation that is related to what you have done. For example, if you forgot to pick something up and consequently your mother was unable to complete an important task, offer to immediately complete the errand and set things right. The more closely related your offer of amends is to the actual offence, the more likely your mom will feel that it is a sincere offer of apology and reconciliation.
Your stomach turns. In the heat of the moment, you said something hurtful to your partner that you now deeply regret. You know you need to apologize, but you just can’t bring yourself to do it.
If the thought of saying I’m sorry gives you pause, you’re not alone. Countless people struggle to apologize, primarily because we feel shame when we think about how we hurt someone we love, says Tracy Ross, a couples therapist based in New York City.
People often struggle to say I’m sorry because they confuse having done something wrong with having something inherently wrong with them, Ross says. They don’t want to face this feeling—even though it’s misguided—so they put off apologizing. But it’s possible, of course, to have done or said something hurtful while still being a fundamentally good person. We all say and do things we regret.
The good news? Apologizing is a skill you can cultivate. Keep reading for six steps to saying I’m sorry to your partner.
Step 1: Be sincere.
There’s nothing worse than hearing I’m sorry and knowing the other person doesn’t mean it—they simply want to bypass whatever tension has arisen in the relationship. But a true apology is one that’s sincere and well thought-out.
“You want an apology to actually carry weight and not just become a throw-away comment or conversation ender,” Ross says. “Sincere apologies are validating and help you let go and move on, but hollow apologies are just momentary filler.”
Step 2: Act quickly.
Once you realize you’ve made a mistake and need to apologize, it’s important to act quickly, says Gabrielle Usatynski, a licensed professional counselor based in Boulder, Colorado.
“Quick repair is a hallmark of successful long-term intimate relationships,” Usatynski says. “The longer you wait to clean up a mess you made with your partner, the more you threaten the well-being of your relationship.”
Step 3: Watch your words.
Word choice is incredibly important when delivering an apology. Using the wrong words can make the entire apology come across as dismissive and insincere, says Caitlin Garstkiewicz, a therapist based in Chicago.
Garstkiewicz says it’s important to use “I” versus “you” statements. For example, instead of saying, “You seem mad at me,” opt for, “I hear you saying that you feel hurt.”
“When we use ‘I,’ we are making a statement of ownership,” Garstkiewicz says. “When we use ‘you,’ it can be perceived as a displacement of responsibility and feel very dismissive to our partner.”
Garstkiewicz also recommends avoiding the words “if” and “but,” as they can also come across as dismissive. For example, saying “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way… ” or “I’m sorry, but you… ” doesn’t feel as genuine as saying, “I’m so sorry I did that and made you feel that way.”
When choosing your words, be as specific as possible. Ross recommends the following phrases to get started:
- I realize I hurt you by…
- I misunderstood you and…
- I understand that…
- I wish that I had…
- In the future, I will try to…
Step 4: Consider your delivery.
Words matter, but so does body language, tone, volume and eye contact.
“A smile, soft expression and gentle tone of voice are all important cues that signal to your partner that you’re non-threatening and truly regret what you did,” Usatynski says. “Words are important, but the best words in the world will not be meaningful if they’re delivered with an angry expression, eye-rolling or a lack of sincerity.”
Usatynski says the importance of these signals reinforces the fact that apologies should always be done in person—not via text, email or phone call. “Ninety-seven percent of our communication is non-verbal,” she says. “Your partner needs to be able to see your face, your expression and your body language in order to know you are sincere.”
Step 5: Look for cues you’ve been forgiven.
When you apologize well, you’ll know it, Usatynski says. You’ll see a noticeable change in your partner’s face and body language that indicates they’re starting to relax. They might take a deep breath, smile a little, give out a sigh of relief or visibly loosen their shoulders.
Step 6: Be patient.
If you don’t notice any of the above cues following an apology, there’s a good chance your partner isn’t ready to forgive you right away. And that’s OK.
If your partner isn’t ready to forgive, you need to figure out why by asking open-ended questions. “Focus on the feelings and the emotional experience, not the content of what happened or who said what,” Ross says.
Remember that just because your partner isn’t ready to forgive you right away doesn’t mean they’re holding a grudge. “Forgiveness can’t always be immediate,” Ross says. “It has to come after some sort of process you go through together as a couple, and the timeline can vary.”
Even if you feel irritated or angered by the fact that your partner isn’t ready to forgive you, it’s crucial to not act on these impulses, Garstkiewicz says. Don’t challenge your partner if they aren’t ready to forgive, as this can cause additional hurt instead of putting you on the path to repair.
“Picture the process of forgiveness like riding a wave,” she says. “The wave can feel unsettling, bumpy and turbulent, and at the same time we can feel content, patient and hopeful. Instead of fighting the wave of forgiveness and the uncomfortable feelings it can create, we can choose to sit with it and understand that the current uncomfortable feelings will not last forever.”
I am sorry we failed. I will forever feel guilty that we broke your home and world apart. I know it’s ultimately for the best, but I know, and you have explicitly told me, that you would rather us all live together with some tension than separately tension-free. You don’t know that I was no longer living and now you have a mother, when before I could barely breathe. I know at 7 and 10 you want your mom and dad together and for that I am so sorry.
I am sorry you have to move back and forth between two homes. Going away for a weekend causes stress when I pack. I plan what I need: clothing, jewelry, shoes, jackets, electronics and toiletries. You are forced to move several times a week and you don’t complain. If something is needed from the other house you make do without or mention it without reprimand or annoyance. You are always in one car going to another house. It’s exhausting for me and I am sure it is for you. I created this and I am sorry.
I’m sorry you will have to deal with the uncomfortable and embarrassing reality of your dad and I dating, loving, kissing and hugging someone other than your mom or dad. It will be great for you to see what a stable and healthy relationship is. But, I get that lesson is not top of mind for you. Affection between parents is nauseating enough for kids and teenagers. To bear witness to your mom or dad with their girlfriend or boyfriend must be even more skin crawling.
I’m sorry that even though your dad and I are really good at not putting you in the middle, your reality inherently makes you smack dab in the thick of it. If we were married and you went out for a day with dad and had fun, great! Now sentences start with “no offense mom but I had the best time…with daddy and my cousins.” No offense taken, my heart is filled whenever you have good quality time with your dad and extended family, on either side. My heart breaks a little that somewhere inside, you feel a twinge of guilt for it.
I am sorry that you miss me at bedtime, are lonely sometimes in your new home, miss your dad when we go on vacation and have to always think about whose house you are sleeping in tonight. I’m sorry you have to tell your friends you have two homes, grasp for words to describe our significant others and have to spend every holiday split. I’m sorry that even though we try to handle it all behind the scenes, you still wind up being the western union, relaying messages back and forth. You are people, not robots, and I’m sorry that just because today is Tuesday and that is “my day”, doesn’t mean you don’t want to hang with Dad. And maybe on a Thursday, “dad day”, you want some time with me. You don’t have the luxury of having complete access to your parents. As you go to bed on your 10th birthday with tears in your eyes and tell me that now you have a to wait 365 days until you can get one dinner with just your dad, sister and me and how it really sucks that you only get that once a year, I am more sorry than you will ever know.
I’m mostly sorry that I am not a child of divorce. I know what it’s like to be left out from a group of friends, not be picked first for a team, feel insecure, lonely or do poorly on a test. I know what it feels like to be teased, want the skirt your friend has or wish you were allowed to watch a movie that I keep saying no to. I know what it’s like to want chocolate and not carrots, be annoyed with your sister, or brother, have a great day and want to run home and tell both parents. I know how it feels to yearn to be older, do more, make more decisions. I can relate and offer advice on all of this. I do not know what it’s like to be a kid of divorce. I do the best I can to empathize and put myself in your shoes. I will walk down your path next to you. But I can’t know your pain, the pain I have caused, and sorry is too small a word for what I feel.
I am hopeful that this will be your sucky lot in life and that your other roads will run smoother. We all have shit to deal with and within the pain there are innumerable lessons you will learn. You won’t realize these lessons, they won’t stand out. They will be part of the fabric of your soul. You will be compassionate, flexible and have a world-view that is one more expansive than I had growing up. From a young age you see your dad and I, as people, not just parents and this will serve you well.
My love for you is greater than my guilt. While I am so very sorry for all the sucky things that divorce means for you, I have the knowledge of what our collective alternative was and am unwavering in my decision that this was the best path for all of us.
The relation between daughter and dad is very unique. It is one of the best relations in the world. Dad is her daughter’s, first love. If you ever hurt your dearest daughter, this letter is just for you. You may take a look at a sample apology letter to your daughter.
If you want a smooth relationship with your daughter, you have to talk to her very gently and politely. It will help to build your relationship stronger.
Apology letter to daughter
Dearest Daughter (Daughter’s Name),
At the starting of the letter, I would like to tell you that I love you with all my heart. You are my only child and I will always there for you no matter what happens. I would like to tell you both thanks and sorry. Thanks for exposing your heart to me and sorry for not understand your feelings. I know that I have not been a perfect dad. I have not been honorable by anyone. I have blown it so many times. I have broken so many commitments, have done so many things without knowing you. Yes, I am a liar, cheater, and selfish. I obviously made a mistake when trying to raise you and for that, I sincerely apologize.
I am sorry that your dad never took his role of being a dad seriously and every day of my life I wake up hating myself forever for choosing such a selfish heartless person to call your father. Your dad is not your hero at all.
I know I never give you proper time at all. The workload of the office is increasing day by day. But I assure you from today I will give you the proper time which you deserve. Honey, you are my life. I can’t see your sad face. Please always keep a smile for me. I love you a lot.
Breaking up is hard. Forgiving is even harder. You can repair your relationship.
If you’re the one who messed up, it’s time you fessed up.
Your relationship broke up. Maybe you lied or cheated. No matter what happened, getting your ex to forgive you is a little bit of work. But listen, it’s not completely impossible.
First, a warning, however. Your ex’s forgiveness is never guaranteed. You might never get your ex to completely forgive you. What I can offer is a roadmap. And hopefully the roadmap will lead you to forgiveness and a second chance.
1. Decide what you really want.
Sometimes all of this striving won’t really get you the kind of relationship that you want in the end. It’s important to take a step back and think about whether it’s your ex who you miss or it’s the act of being in a relationship with them that’s really bothering you. You can do everything under the sun to get your ex back, but if your relationship with them isn’t right in the first place, it’s a huge waste of time and energy.
Once you get clear on this, and it’s your ex who you indeed miss, proceed.
2. Take complete responsibility for your part and apologize sincerely.
So often we think that providing a genuine apology is a weakness, when really it’s the first step in getting things between the two of you to where they’re good again. Think of your sincere apology as opening the door and clearing the way to a better future between the two of you.
One caveat. You can’t apologize sloppily. What do I mean by sloppily?
“Oh my goodness dear, wonderful ex, I’m the most wrong person in the history of wrongness, and everything I ever did was for us and I somehow lost my path. I love you now and forever, please forgive me. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”
There are a few problems with this. It comes off ultra pathetic, and it’s clear that you’re trying to get something from your ex. Now, you ARE trying to get something from them (their forgiveness) but they can’t lose respect for you during your apology! This is better:
“I wanted to let you know that I’m really sorry for (whatever I did). It wasn’t the right thing to do or fair to you. You deserve better. I’m sorry.”
This is better for several reasons. First, it’s crystal clear exactly what you’re apologizing for. You aren’t groveling for the entire history of your relationship or making yourself look like a pathetic, sappy mess. You’re also recognizing and taking responsibility for the hurt that you caused them. Get in, get it done, get out.
3. Accept that they might punish you for a while.
Sometimes we hope that we’ll say the magic apology and our ex will immediately jump back into our arms, ready to forget about everything that happened. Unfortunately, this seldom happens. Depending on what you did, your ex is possibly still angry with you and will have a difficult time treating you the way you wish they would treat you.
Now, I never advocate letting anyone abuse you, and it’s up to you to decide how much of an emotional beating you’re willing to take. However, happy times might not happen again right away, and you’ve got to let them work through the anger and hurt, even after your sincere apology. That leads me to my next point.
4. Give them time and space to forgive you.
Knowing that they’re still upset or hurt can make us feel guilty and bad in our ex’s presence. We yearn for things between us to go back to how they once were, and we just want to get the whole process over with so things are happy again.
The problem is that often we want all of this way too soon. It can take a long time for someone to feel better around you, and you have to recognize this when looking for forgiveness. Let them process their feelings and give them some space to do it.
5. Avoid becoming defensive.
It’s up to you to maintain a clear head in the face of whatever they might toss your way.
Avoid the temptation to roll into an emotional ball, re-apologize, or launch into more explanations for your behavior. Stay calm, accept that they’re still emotional about what happened, and make them feel heard.
A good statement like “I completely understand why you’re upset about that,” works well. Let them get it out, and then gently move the conversation on or remove yourself from it. You listing the 24 reasons why you did what you did and apologizing profusely YET AGAIN will just add fuel to the fire. Instead, keep your eye on your real end goal — a harmonious relationship with your ex. Getting defensive and fighting doesn’t accomplish that goal.
I realize it’s hard when you feel like they’re attacking you, but it’s so important that you avoid saying something that you know will devastate them. Don’t fight back. Stay cool.
6. Continue trying to make it fun, even though it’s not fun right now.
The biggest mistake that people make with their exes is that they let negative patterns continue while they’re trying to get their ex back. What I mean is that instead of using their actions to remind their ex how amazing things were in the beginning of their relationship, they go back in and rehash all of the old, negative emotions.
If you really want your ex to forgive you, this is the wrong thing to do because it reinforces the negative pattern between the two of you. If they’re going to forgive you and repair your relationship, breaking that negative cycle is absolutely crucial.
If you’re wondering why men pull away from relationships and what you can do about it starting today, check out a free copy of Elizabeth’s book, Why Men Lose Interest and free (almost) dailyemail series here.
Apology Letter To Ex: Not everyone you love is meant to stay in your life. Some people just come in your life and go and mostly they are your lovers’. A boyfriend and girlfriend relationship is not always rosy and lovey-dovey. It’s not what you see in movies, the reality of life is different and you have to face it no matter how hard it is or has been for you. There are many situations and reasons that separate two people in love. And, once your lover becomes your ex. However, sometimes in life, we do realize our mistakes and just want to express our feelings and emotions to them for the one last time.
It may give you the satisfaction and sense of security that you have done the right thing. But, it may become difficult for you to face them and tell them what you feel. In this case, the best way is to write an apology to an ex and express what you truly feel. The letter will freely express what you have been holding back and not been able to tell them in person. There are many templates that will help you in writing this letter.
Sample Apology Letter to Ex with Example
So, let’s have a look at the sample these letters:
Apology Letter to Ex-Girlfriend Sample
Methuen MA 57798
Dear Bunker Steaves,
Hope you have been doing well.
I Michal Jackson am writing to you today to live once again for the last time the memories of our relationship. It all started in ——————- (mention the year) and have been a great time till ——————- (mention the reason).
Slowly and slowly —————————— increased and we started growing apart from each other. It all made me confused earlier and we could never find a solution for ————– (mention the problem).
But, with time and age, I have realized my mistake and know where I have gone wrong. I would like to apologize to you for everything that has hurt you and made you felt bad. I hope you would consider this letter as an apology and will forgive me. I hope that we can still be in good terms and be friends with each other.
657 Curran Memorial Hwy
North Adams MA 67565
Apology Letter to Ex-Boyfriend
87/87 Monestry Market
It’s been long that we have even heard of each other and it feels like that it was nothing between us. We have just become two strangers and once in life, we could not live without each other. So, after a lot of deep thinking, I took out the courage to write to you and tell you exactly what I am feeling.
Since the beginning of our relationship in ————– (mention the date and time) we were madly in love with each other, then——————– (mention what happened). There have been many hurtful instances between us —————————— (mention the instances) where we did hurt each other and things got worse when ————————- (mention the situation in detail). I know I was wrong, but at that time I could not think of anything else.
I just wanted to apologize to you for whatever I did, and I hope that you will forgive me. This will be my only last wish from you and I hope you will forgive me for this ———– (mention the reason).
I hope you will understand me and I will be waiting for your reply on this.
6546 S Washington Street
North Attleboro MA 65765
Apology Letter to Ex-Wife
321 State Road
Dartmouth MA 6578
Dear Mickey Billiard,
Hi! Hope you are fine.
Our marriage was a dream come true for both of us, but sadly we could not continue it forever.
Like every couple, we had our ups and downs in our little paradise, but slowly and gradually these problems became huge and started troubling both of us. We could not find a way to amicably solve these problems and get together. The situation got worse when —————— (mention what happened) and you decided to leave. I have realized that letting you go that day was the biggest mistake of my life and I should have stopped you.
If I would have stopped you, then we might have been together today and could also save our marriage. So, I would like to apologize to you for everything that I have done, every time I have hurt you, and for the dreams that we could not fulfill together. I hope that you would consider my apology and will forgive me. I will be waiting for your response to this letter.
My best wishes are always with you.
Yours lovingly ex-husband,
354, Main Street,
North Oxford MA 54878
Apology Letter to Ex Husband
200 Otis Street
Reading MA 565
Dear Tiger Shroff,
Hi! It’s been long that we were reminded of each other, but, I am writing to you because there have been unsaid things between us, which have been troubling from quite some time now.
Our marriage happened on ———— and thus began our beautiful journey together and we loved each other deeply. There have been many moments of love, laughter, joy, and fights as well. But, the situation was out of hand when those fights turned into misunderstandings and we started to ignore each other and not face each other. Lack of communication and ——————– (mention other reasons as well) became the reasons for fighting with each other and not understanding each other points of view.
The first time that we fought madly was when ————— (explain the situation) after that also it was repeated many times and we still have a chance to each other, but lastly the ending point was on —————- (mention the date) and we just separated and then there was no coming back. I have realized where I went wrong in that situation and would like to apologize to you.
Though I know that it’s been late to apologize, it will still give me the satisfaction and a realization that I have told you what I am feeling. I hope that you will consider my apology and will forgive me for whatever happened between us.
I will be waiting for your response and wish you good luck in the future.
Yours lovingly ex-wife,
North King Street
Northampton MA 65465
Apology Letter to Ex Best Friend
A friend in need is a friend indeed and you have been that friend in my life who has always been there for me. No matter what the situation has been, we have together like twins and no one could come between us.
Many people were jealous of our friendship and I believe that this has been the reason that we started having fights and were not able to understand each other. It all happened because ————— (mention the reason). I just could not think of what can be the other side of the coin and misunderstood you.
I would like to apologize to you for doing this, but I hope that you will understand that this was not intentional and I just saw what came in front of me.
I am apologizing to you and still wish the best for you. Please forgive me and cherish the best moments we had together.
I will be waiting for your response and wish that if we can have that bond again.
Write this letter as soon as possible after the incident. Assume that your reader has good reasons for his or her hurt feelings. Often, it is best to apologize in person or with a handwritten note. Even so, these suggestions will help you organize your thoughts.
Example Letter #1
I feel I owe you a personal apology for my insensitive comment at the meeting yesterday. I know these days since John’s funeral have been very difficult for you, and I was clearly out of order in making reference to “merry widows.” I’m sorry you had to suffer from my foolishness.
I hope you will be able to forgive me. I have tremendous respect for you and your abilities, and I hope we can continue to work well together. I’m terribly sorry.
Example Letter #2
I’m sorry I spoke so sharply to you on the phone last night. As you know, I am a morning person and I had been asleep for about fifteen minutes when you called. I’m not sure I was completely awake.
You are a dear friend, and I would not intentionally hurt your feelings. Please accept my apology and let me make it up to you by taking you to lunch Friday. It’s been a while since we had a good talk.
Example Letter #3
I am so sorry for the way I spoke about you in the interview. My comments were very insensitive and I know they must have hurt you. I hope you will forgive me and try to understand how something like this might happen when I open my big mouth. The trouble is, I tend to speak sarcastically even when my audience might be apt to take me literally. I hope you will believe what you hear me say instead of what you read. Our relationship is very valuable to me. I hope you will allow me to make this up to you.
Example Letter #4
I want you to know how sorry I am for the misunderstanding over who was going to pay for Jane’s birthday lunch. I assumed we would each pay an equal share, but I must have given you the impression that the lunch was my treat. I am really embarrassed about the breakdown in communication. I will be sure in the future that I make the arrangements clear ahead of time. Anyway, I am happy we could get together; we don’t see each other often enough. I am glad our friendship can survive misunderstandings like these.
Write Your Letter Step-by-Step
Begin with a straightforward apology. Do not rehash the incident, but be specific enough that your reader will know that you acknowledge your error.
It happens to everyone. Maybe you said the wrong thing at the wrong time, maybe you forgot to do something you said you would do. Maybe you made the biggest mistake of your life and are looking for ways to make it right. Maybe it’s none of the above. Maybe it’s all of the above. No matter what happened, you’re not alone. We all have to apologize — to lovers, to friends, to coworkers we offend.
But when it really matters…how do you write an apology message? What do you write to apologize to your husband, to your wife, to your girlfriend or boyfriend? How do you apologize to your boss? To your best friend?
Step 1: Own It
No matter who it is, no matter what you did, start with those two hardest little words: I’m sorry. Keep the blame on you, the apologizer: you hurt them, and you are sorry. After you get those two words out, tell them what exactly you’re apologizing for. Own up to it.
Apology Message To A Lover, Parent, Or Friend
- I really messed up when I…
- I can’t believe I…
- I shouldn’t have…
- I feel so bad that I…
- I was wrong to…
- I should have known that…
- I didn’t think about…
Apology Message To A Boss Or Coworker
- I’m sorry. I should not have…
- It was a poor decision to…
- I regret that I…
Step 2: Empathize
After you’ve said I’m sorry and owned up to what you did, acknowledge their feelings. Validate their opinions. Express empathy. Let them know you understand where they’re coming from, and no matter what your initial intentions were, you know you upset them. After all, apologies are about their feelings, not your reasoning. Even though it’s tempting to explain yourself, it’s more important to not make excuses.
Apology Message To A Lover Or Friend
- I know you’re not my biggest fan right now. I’m not my biggest fan either.
- What you feel is completely justified.
- You’re right to think…
- Everything you said is true.
- You have every right to be mad/hurt/upset.
- I hate that I made you feel like this.
Apology Message To A Parent Or Mentor
- I know I hurt you.
- I let you down, and that’s not okay.
- I know you were trying to… and I shouldn’t have…
- I never wanted to disappoint you.
- You were right.
(Unless you’ve hurt a boss or coworker in some personal way, you can generally skip this step of the apology message. Forgetting to finish a project on time doesn’t require any validation of feelings, just an acknowledgement of truth.)
Step 3: Make A Plan To Make It Right
You’ve said you’re sorry, you’ve acknowledged their feelings, and now it’s time to make it right. How are you going to move forward from here? The most important part of any apology is to be honest. Don’t say you understand if you don’t. Don’t deny things you still feel. Don’t make promises you can’t keep — sometimes there’s a good chance you actually will do it again, even if you don’t mean to.
But don’t just leave it there. Make a plan. Tell them how you’re going to avoid this same situation in the future, and then stick to it. Did you say something hurtful? Tell them you’ll be more mindful of your words. Missed a deadline? Propose an idea for how you’re going to stay on top of things. Whatever it is, tell them your plan for not letting it happen again. Be specific. And be honest. Even if you’re not exactly sure what would make it better, you can write something like:
- I want to make it up to you.
- I want to make it right.
- I’d be so grateful if we could talk about this.
- I want to find a compromise.
- Let me fix this.
- I’ll do everything I can to make sure this never happens again.
- I messed up. Next time, I…
You can even ask for their help — show them that you need them in your life. Show them that even though you don’t know exactly what to do or how to do it, you’re trying to make the situation better.
To A Lover, Parent Or Friend
- I’m working on it — will you help me?
- Please show me how to keep making this right.
- Will you keep me accountable?
- I want to always communicate on things like this. Please help me do that.
To A Boss Or Coworker
- I would appreciate if we could sit down and talk this over, so I don’t do it again.
- I know not to do this again, but if there’s anything else I can do, please let me know.
- These are the steps I will be taking to… Please let me know what else I can do.
Step 4: Be There
No matter how you apologize or what you’re apologizing for, remind them that you want to keep them in your life. And then make good on it. Relationships don’t always run smoothly, but the more we learn as we go through these rough times, the stronger and better our relationships will become. Keep showing up. Keep being there. Keep working to make your relationship the best it can be.
To A Lover Or Parent
- Having you in my life means everything to me.
- You are so important to me.
- I don’t know what I’d do without you.
- You’re my rock.
- I need you in my life.
- You’re the best part of my life.
- I respect you so much.
To A Friend
- Your friendship is one of my favorite things in life.
- I love having you as a friend.
- I keep remembering all the good times we’ve had, and I’m looking forward to so many more.
- You’re practically family.
- You’re an important part of my life, and I don’t want to lose your friendship.
To A Boss Or Coworker
- You’re a fantastic boss/coworker, and I’m grateful for all you do.
- I really appreciate the opportunity I have to work for/with you.
- I’m thankful for all you’ve taught me, and I’m excited to learn more from you.
At the end of the day, we’re all human, and we all mess up. We’re going to keep messing up for the rest of our lives, sometimes in the same ways and often in new and unexpected ways. And that’s okay.
Kristen Csuti is a professional word nerd, amateur baker, and lover of all things caffeinated. When she’s not writing greeting cards, you can find her wandering around new cities or curled up with a blanket and a book.
When we enter a relationship, we become positive on a lot of things, we tend to be happier, be more inspired and even want to become better. For men, finding the woman who would complete them is such a wonderful feeling and for women who think that men can’t be devoted to a woman – you haven’t seen someone who has found “the one”
But what if the woman of your dreams turns out to be a toxic girlfriend ? Is love and patience enough or will this affect the relationship?
Do you have a toxic girlfriend?
No relationship starts off as toxic or unhealthy but as months and years pass, you’d see changes, subtle to start off but is enough for you to ask yourself “ is my girlfriend toxic ?” If you feel that she is, then you might start analyzing when it started or did something happen that might have triggered a person’s attitude to change.
How do we define a toxic girlfriend ?
Your girlfriend is toxic when she is controlled by her negative emotions, when she no longer listens to reasons and thinks logically.
It’s when you’re together and all of a sudden there’s an issue that you don’t even know about, where a date that is supposedly be filled with happiness is filled with stress and negative emotions. This means that you have a toxic girlfriend and to know more about the different toxic girlfriend signs , check out the signs below.
- Do you feel that you can no longer be yourself when you are with your girlfriend? When you can no longer be who you really are when you’re with her? When you have to watch every move or words that you say, then this might be the start of realizing that you have a toxic girlfriend .
- Do you often fight and argue? Is she always in a bad mood and blames you and your actions as to why she’s experiencing these negative emotions? Does she fail to take responsibility with her actions and her moods?
- You have a toxic girlfriend when she picks fights more than she expresses affection. It’s when she bursts out in anger on the most trivial issues.
- Does she become irrationally jealous over every girl that you talk to? Have you had an experience where she would even get jealous over your friends and workmates?
- Does your girlfriend start to belittle you? How about making fun about your physical appearance, work, how you speak, and even how you make love to her?
- When you bring up these issues and tell her how to stop being a toxic girlfriend — does she threaten you that she’ll leave you? Does she blame you and say that you have shortcomings thus justifying her actions?
- Do you feel that when you are with her, you are no longer happy and instead you feel stressed, sad, and just frustrated?
Warning signs of a toxic relationship
A toxic girlfriend will eventually lead to a toxic relationship, that’s a fact. If you are with a toxic girlfriend and have been with her for a while now, then you might know the warning signs of a toxic relationship and for those who think they are in this type of relationship then read through.
1. Your relationship makes you feel bad
When you’re too tired at work and you just want to be with your girlfriend to feel happy and to unwind but being with her lately has become more toxic than before. It’s when you are with her and instead of enjoying the moment; you are greeted with issues and emotional outbursts that are out of control.
2. Trick questions that lead to arguments
Surely you’ve dealt with trick questions that has led to major issues such as asking if you have a close female workmate or if someone asked for your number or those situational questions like “What if your ex calls you? Will you answer?” These questions would only come from a toxic girlfriend who’s just waiting to trap you with your own answers and then will become a major issue.
3. No open communication
Have you tried talking to your girlfriend to see and understand what’s happening? If so, you’ve also experienced being diverted to another topic or just playing innocent and would rather blame other people into justifying her actions. In a toxic relationship – there’s no open communication.
4. One way effort
You can do so many things for the woman you love but sometimes, it’s just too much. When all you do is to try and please her but you feel that all your efforts are put to waste.
5. Irrational doubts and jealousy
Surely you’ve seen your toxic girlfriend just explode in anger and you on the other hand had no idea why she’s acting like that. Apparently this isn’t just the case of a jealous girlfriend but rather an irrational woman who has been eaten away with insecurity, hate and irrational thinking.
When you no longer feel at ease to be in a company of a female friend because you’re afraid of what your girlfriend might think.
6. Physical and verbal abuse
Physical and verbal abuse can also happen to men. When a toxic girlfriend is angry or is thinking that you’re cheating on her, she can commit acts of physical and verbal abuse too. How far can you tolerate this?
7. No privacy
What does it feel like to have no privacy in your phone and your things? When the first thing that your girlfriend does is check your phone instead of hugging and kissing you?
8. You are no longer happy
The final straw that you’ll feel if you are in a toxic relationship is when you are no longer happy . Being in a relationship is all about bringing the best out of each other, being happy and being inspired despite life’s trial.
Giving up on a toxic girlfriend
When enough is enough and you just want to end the relationship even if there is still love, sometimes, you have to let go of the relationship because it’s not healthy anymore and before it can do more damage – let go.
You’d be surprise to see that it’s not as easy as you may think and you might even wonder “ how to get rid of toxic ex girlfriend ?” but the answer is really simple. Let go of this person and don’t look back. Don’t talk or entertain her calls no matter how much she asks for forgiveness. You owe it to yourself to be free from your toxic girlfriend and to find someone who will love you and someone who will lift you up.