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How to apologize after a dispute

Resolving conflict with clarity, perspective and empowerment

How to Apologise

How to apologize after a dispute

An apology may help you move on from the pain caused by a damaging act. That applies to both the person giving and receiving the apology. Perhaps, you need the wrongdoer to acknowledge your suffering and to accept responsibility for it. Or maybe you feel genuine remorse for something you have done and need forgiveness to move on.

But it’s not always that simple! Apologies can be insincere and pointless without some other form of redress or the person you want to apologise to may not be willing to accept it. Sometimes, conflict runs so deep, it can lead to strong emotional reactions which keep us entrenched in our positions.

What is an apology?

Aaron Lazare defines it as an “encounter between two parties in which one party, the offender, acknowledges responsibility for an offence or grievance and expresses regret or remorse to a second party, the aggrieved.”[1] It can be verbal, written or non-verbal and the specific context of the apology may determine whether it includes an explanation of the offence, an expression of shame or guilt, assurances that the same act will not be committed again and crucially, whether remedial measures will be taken by the offended party.[2] One study has found that apologies are received as most sincere when they contain an explanation of the event, an offer to repair the damage and acknowledge responsibility, which suggests that these elements are more important than simply expressing regret or requesting forgiveness.[3] Using the word ‘sorry’ may or may not convey an apology.[4]

What will an apology achieve ?

If you are considering giving an apology to somebody that you have harmed, the first thing you should do is congratulate yourself for being so self-aware. It’s not easy to hold yourself to account and an apology is the most profound expression of that. In a way, an apology is as much to yourself as to others for your own failings.

But in order to impact positively, it needs to be given sincerely. What’s the point, otherwise?

Apologies express accountability, regret, remorse and reassure that the harmful act will not be repeated. They are most sincere when there is no disagreement about what actually happened. If you say for example, “I am sorry that you believe I hurt you”, you are not agreeing that you (1) acted in a particular way; that (2) resulted in harm. So how can this be a sincere expression of regret?

The aim of an apology is to re-establish a relationship broken by a harmful act. It is to restore trust and to give back the offended person the dignity that they feel has been lost. It is meant to put right what went wrong and this may involve taking extra measures.

It is not about feeling superior or humiliation. It is a deeply human experience that we all go through.

Tips on giving a sincere apology

  • Try to understand what does the recipient need from the apology? You could ask them whether they would like to discuss what happened and to explore your mutual perceptions of the event. Ask them what an apology will do for them so that you can understand how it is best to give it.
  • Be sincere and honest with your emotions. If you feel remorseful, say it. If you find it difficult to talk about the subject because it evokes feelings of shame, acknowledge that. You can be in a vulnerable place when giving or receiving an apology so give yourself a safe space to understand what you are feeling.
  • Acknowledge your responsibility and express remorse. If you are in a position to repair any damage, you should offer to.
  • Listen to the recipient. Ask them if the apology is acceptable to them. This is where things may get tricky. The answer may be that they want you to do something unreasonable or humiliating to punish you. If this happens, you should not be afraid to refuse.
  • Remember, you may not repair a relationship just because you have apologised. You may not get forgiveness and for the person receiving the apology, they may not even wish to have any form of reconciliation. Be prepared for rejection.

This is where mediation could help. Apologies that are negotiated, explored, understood and tested through dialogue are usually the most satisfactory and a neutral third party may help both parties to reconcile with an apology.

What are your experiences ? Let me know !

[1] Aaron Lazare, On Apology (Oxford, 2004) 23; Michael Cunningham, States of Apology (Manchester University Press, 2014) 8

[3] Roy J. Lewicki, Beth Polin and Robert B. Lount Jr., “An Exploration of the Structure of Effective Apologies” (2016) Negotiation and Conflict Management Research 9(2) 177-196

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8 comments

Thanks for your great advice. I really struggle with empathy when I am the one who caused the hurt in the first place. I feel so bad/guilty and can’t get out of my own way. This has caused long-term struggles with my spouse and I so want to support her better. Any advice?

Hi there ! it sounds to me that it’s not the empathy that is the struggle for you, it’s the discomfort you feel when you know you have caused hurt to others. There are a couple of things you can do to address that. Firstly, it’s perfectly normal and a recognition of your humanity to feel bad when you cause somebody suffering. Secondly, sometimes, no matter how hard you try and protect the other person or prevent hurting them, this cannot be avoided. That happens sometimes, when we tell somebody the truth or we explain to them how we feel (e.g. I want to break up with you because I am not happy with you), for example. I am of course, presuming that you did not intend to hurt that person.

If you want to support your spouse when they are hurt by something you have done, a good starting point is to communicate what is going on for you when you try and do that. I have written about constructive communication in my blog and by expressing your emotions and the difficulties you feel in that moment, you open the other person up to hear your own pain. So, you could say something like this, ” I love you and want to support you when I know you are in pain but I don’t know how to do that. I myself, feel vulnerable/ bad / guilty about causing you to suffer which is why it is difficult to listen to your discomfort. This stops me from offering you support. ”

Don’t stop there though. Ask your spouse what they need from you to feel supported. Does your spouse need a hug or your presence? Does your spouse just need you to listen without commenting or providing help ? Is an apology really needed or can you show that you acknowledge your actions and the harm caused (intentional or not) in any other way?

This requires a great deal of self awareness on your part. As I wrote above, causing somebody to suffer is sometimes unavoidable and conflict is a natural and normal part of human relationships providing of course, that it does not become destructive. You may regret your actions or review what you did or said to cause harm but if you feel a crippling amount of guilt around that and it gets in the way of meaningful relationships, it may be worth talking that over with a therapist. Good luck and I wish you well!

How to apologize after a dispute

Figuring out what to say to your partner after a big argument is never easy. Do you apologize? Keep talking about it? Assure each other everything will be OK? Since it really depends on the situation, what you do will be completely up to you. But if your goal is to smooth things over and reach a compromise, there are a few great ways to go about it.

"Arguments, even big ones, are a reality in even the best relationships," Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle. So you really can’t expect to avoid them entirely, or even prevent future ones from happening. But you can use an argument as a time to discuss what’s bothering you, in order to keep the relationship healthy.

In fact, "having arguments [. ] can actually help you set boundaries and mature as a couple — but only when you learn something from them and apply those lessons to the future," Amica Graber, a relationship expert with TruthFinder, tells Bustle.

The last thing you’ll want to do is engage in behaviors that will be harmful to the relationship, Bennett says, such as ignoring each other, placing blame, or not apologizing. "By acting in a mature and healthy way following an argument," he says, "you’re making sure it’s only a temporary setback." Read on for a few things you and your partner should say to each other, following an argument, in order to keep your relationship on track.

"What Can We Do To Resolve This?"

If you’ve been talking over the same thing time and time again, and it’s leading to heated arguments, you may want to say these words as a way of getting a healthier conversation going.

"Most couples don’t argue just to argue," Bennett says. "There are usually underlying reasons for the argument. Having an honest discussion about why the argument occurred and how to avoid it again in the future will make the relationship more harmonious in the long-term."

"I’m Sorry"

The best way to go about apologizing is by being specific and sincere, Graber says. You’ll want to state what it is you’re apologizing for, and really mean it.

This can help smooth things over, while showing your partner that you understand what lead to the arguments. As Graber says, "If you could do it again, what would you do differently? Did you say anything in the heat of the moment that you regret?"

Think about these questions, and then say you’re sorry.

"I Forgive You"

Your partner should probably apologize too because, as Graber says, "a fight occurs when communication breaks down, and both parties are usually responsible for that."

Once they do, and if you’re ready to forgive them, "it’s vital that you clearly vocalize that you accept the apology," Bennett says. "Delaying forgiveness or holding out to make your partner feel bad will only prolong the pain from the argument."

When you need to apologize, honesty is the best policy

by Randy Lilleston, AARP, June 20, 2017

How to apologize after a dispute

Have you regretted posting a comment on social media?

En español | On Twitter, it can be really, really hard to say you’re sorry.

This lesson has been learned time and again by people who use social media, including the growing number of people over 50 who have joined in the conversation. This might be familiar to you: The anger at reading something infuriating, the shoot-from-the-hip response, the sudden escalation into a "flame war" and the realization that perhaps those flames need dousing.

And don’t think that deleting the comment or tweet will solve the problem. Social media is forever. Tweets can be recovered, posts on other platforms can be screen-grabbed before you can delete what you wrote, and you never know when a wandering online robot or follower might just save what you’ve posted. "Erased" social media posts can get reposted by others . and reposted . and re-reposted.

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So what do you do when your flaming post suddenly starts a back blaze that’s pointed at you?

Honesty is a good place to start. Consider the case of Hootsuite CEO Ryan Holmes — someone who should understand the perils of popping off on social media better than most people. His company creates a popular software package that allows users to monitor and schedule posts on multiple social media platforms through a single interface, so you might think he knew what he was getting into when he got into a little online tête-à-tête earlier this year with a Bloomberg News reporter.

After Bloomberg published a story about Hootsuite’s valuation, Holmes complained in a tweet that the story had been filed prior to getting a comment from Hootsuite and that its headline was "salacious." The reporter responded, saying he had reached out to Holmes and that he’d still like to talk. Holmes tweeted back a phone number — for a phone sex service.

BuzzFeed found out about it, and you can pretty much guess what happened from there. Suddenly, Holmes was in a very bad place. He knew it and took action.

"The lesson I learned out of that is that when you screw up and you actually need to apologize, you apologize, you be transparent. You talk about how you’re going to remedy it if you need to, you own it," Holmes told CNBC in an interview earlier this week.

He’s hardly the first executive to take that route. Social media apologies are so common that there’s even a website dedicated to them. But how you apologize may turn out to be more important than the act itself. Here are a few tips from those who have been there.

  • Be sincere. Almost all professional social media advice starts here. "The direct approach is always the best," Peter LaMotte, a senior vice president for Washington, D.C., public relations firm Levick, wrote in 2014 in Ragan’s PR Daily. "If you’re sincerely sorry for an error made by you or someone in your business, say so directly.
  • Be brief. This should be self-evident, but it’s especially true if you’re apologizing on Twitter. Consider the case of Uber CEO Travis Kalanick, who took 13 tweets to apologize for an executive’s wish to spend $1 million investigating journalists who wrote negative articles about the service. Of course, those tweets got responses, and soon a huge stream of noise cluttered up the attempt. It also didn’t help that the journalist who was the focus of the executive’s anger got an apology in the 13th tweet. (Kalanick recently resigned as Uber CEO and the executive who triggered the apology left the company earlier this month.)
  • Don’t forget the lesson you just learned. If the apology is effective, people will tell you (or at least, they’ll stop discussing the faux pas online). Still, "Social media doesn’t forget. In fact, your screwups are often posted and reposted to ensure they are permanently available online," Hootsuite content marketer Evan LePage noted in a recent company blog post. So you may have stopped the bleeding, but without learning a lesson at the same time, it might get repeated — and people can easily find the last social media issue you had.

All of this may make it seem like social media is a minefield waiting to be triggered, but it also may be the best way for you to keep up with friends and loved ones — especially if they’re far away. All it takes is a little sense, a little caution — and the ability to apologize if you write something you almost immediately regret.

Letters Are The Best Way To Express Your Inner Most Emotions

As humans all our relationships have ups and downs, no relationship is a bed of roses all the time. There’s bound to be fighting, disagreement, lying, cheating, jealousy and many other instances of conflict. Unfortunately, in times like this one partner will be on the receiving end. Whether you want it or not, you must hurt your partner and break his heart at some point in your love story.

So no matter how great your relationship is, there will come a time when you need to apologize to your boyfriend over something you did to him. Sometimes an apology letter is the best way to go. A letter allows you to express your innermost feelings without actually being present. He may be so angry that he doesn’t even want to talk to you, but a well-written letter could be what you need to turn things around.

If you need a little inspiration on how to write an effective sorry letter that will convince Bae of how sorry you truly are and get you back on his good graces, here are a few guidelines you can follow.

15 Effective Letter Examples to Say Sorry For Hurting Him

1. Validate his feelings and acknowledge his hurt.

Maybe you didn’t mean to hurt your boyfriend but you did, you may not see things from his perspective but you should acknowledge his hurt and validate his feelings. Accept the fact that he has the right to his feelings whether you understand them or not. You should let him know you respect the way he feels and that he has the right to get upset without you judging him.

For example, you can say ‘‘ I’m sorry for hurting you, I want you to know that we’re not on opposite sides, we’re a team and we should be working together to solve this problem. I’m sorry I made you feel like I’m against you. I sometimes get self-absorbed, Please forgive me for what I did and rest assured I am always on your corner.’’

2. Take full responsibility

Admitting you’re wrong and taking full responsibility for your actions is always a good place to start when apologizing. Tell him ‘’ My love, it was wrong of me to have hurt you the way I did, please forgive me. If I could go back in time I will do things differently, I have learned my lesson and I know better now. I’m truly sorry for… and I hope this incident strengthens our love and relationship in forgiveness and understanding’’. What I did was wrong, and there’s no way around it. I want to learn from this experience.

3. Ask for forgiveness.

Don’t beat about the bush or circle around an apology, dive right in and ask for forgiveness plain and square. You could say something like ‘’ My love, kindly look past my faults and find it in your heart to forgive me. I’m so sorry for hurting you, I wish I could guarantee that I won’t cause you pain ever again but I’m not perfect, I’ll fall short again but one thing I can promise you is that I will do my best to protect your heart and our love at all cost. I love you always’’.

For fighting

4. Say sorry and how important it is for you to fix things.

I want you to know how sorry I am for the things I said, I know I yelled and snapped at you, I sometimes get carried away and overreact. I know that you need space to calm down but I just want you to know that I’m ready to do right by you. I’ll appreciate the opportunity to make it up to you and show you how sorry I am. Please, don’t stay mad at me, bestow upon me the warmth of your embrace and bring back the joy in my life. Forgive me!

5. State your intentions

You know how much I love you and that I will never hurt you deliberately, it was never my intention to cause you pain, but I did and I apologize from the bottom of my heart. Seeing how badly I hurt you tear me apart so please don’t hold it against me. I hurt you, not because I don't love you, or because I don't care but because I’m human. I feel guilty and am ashamed for behaving in such a manner. Please forgive me. I long for your love once again and to hear the words "I love you.." from your lips.

6. Don’t Impose

When apologizing the last thing you want to do is give your partner the impression you’re imposing what you want on them, leave room for him to manoeuver and choose whether to forgive you or not and when to do so. Say ‘’ I will completely understand if you choose not to forgive me because I know I’m not deserving, however, I humbly ask for your forgiveness. I will be very grateful if you’re kind enough to give me a second chance, please don’t let this put an end to us, I love you so much and will do anything to preserve what we have’’.

While phone calls, text messages and emails are the primary modes of communication these days, a handwritten letter to a sibling can also help you express your feelings. When disagreements and hurt feelings abound, a letter helps you reflect on your feelings before you contact the other person. While there are no guarantees that a letter will smooth things over between you and your sibling, it may help heal a rift.

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1 The “I” Statement

In a dispute, people often make assumptions about what the other person is thinking when they wronged that other person. Including “I” statements, which focus more on your feelings rather than on what the other person did, can increase your odds of reaching a solution with your sibling. Instead of writing, “You’re always a jerk about my girlfriend,” you might instead write, “I felt hurt when you said that I could do better than Jill. I love and care about her, and I hope in the future that we can keep our discussions away from my choice of partner,” according to GirlsHealth.

2 Thinking it Out

Before you bring pen to paper, think about the disagreement. Did a small upset lead to a huge rift between you and your sibling? You may find that the original disagreement is not worth the hassle of explaining how you felt and trying to get an apology from your sibling. After thinking about it, you might also realize that you were partly to blame for the problem. If that is the case, you might choose to write, “I realize that the last time we spoke, we each said hurtful things to each other. All I can think about is how what happened is not worth losing our relationship. I’m sorry for what happened, and I hope we can move forward,” according to the Hallmark article, “How to Say Sorry.”

3 What to Avoid

If you are penning a personal letter to address a problem, be certain that you are not doing so just to stir up the conflict again. If you played a role in the problem, address it, because ignoring it or blaming the situation on your sibling is unlikely to get you anywhere, according to psychologist Tamar Chansky in the “Psychology Today” article, “How to Apologize.” Attempting to conceal your role in the situation such as by writing, “I was only defending myself” or “You started it” should also be avoided.

4 Sample Letters

If a small, one-time disagreement has driven you and a sibling apart, you might write, “I felt hurt when you made that joke about my weight on Thanksgiving. I realize you were trying to be funny, but I hope my weight won’t be a target for the holidays next year. I love and care about you and look forward to seeing you in a few weeks.” In a more serious disagreement you might write, “I felt angry when you told mom and dad about what I said, because comments like that are supposed to be between you and me. I hope from now on that we can keep some things to ourselves. I wanted you to know that I still care about and love you, and I don’t want something like this to affect our friendship,” according to GirlsHealth.

How to apologize after a dispute

A secondary school has been forced to apologise after it organised a "best looking pupil" contest for 13 and 14-year-olds.

Year Nine pupils were asked to nominate and vote for each other based on their attractiveness during an end-of-year celebration event.

An internal investigation has now been launched at Hugh Christie school in Tonbridge, Kent, after a teacher asked pupils to vote for the best-looking classmate in their form.

The nomination forms were handed out to the children at the school, whose former pupils include Olympic heroine Dame Kelly Holmes, during an assembly to mark the end of summer term.

They were asked to name the ‘best looking’ male and female classmates and also to give a reason for their choice.

Other categories included best couple, biggest ego, biggest poser and two blank boxes in which pupils could come up with their own ideas.

Pupils were asked to complete the form and return it back to a teacher by the 5th of July, which gave them over two weeks to make their decision on the matter.

Lucy Hall, of Maidstone, Kent, said: "My sister, who has a child at the school, is very concerned and so are many other parents.

"She showed me the nomination form and said many pupils refused to take part.

My Nephews school just sent them home with this – school is hard enough when you are 14 to create awards over best looking boy and girl. Shocking. @HughChristieSch why would you let this happen? Parents are appalled by this. pic.twitter.com/AT4ykiqB2D

— Lucy Hall 👩🏼‍💻❤️🔥💯 (@LucysHall) June 19, 2019

"Children’s mental health issues are well publicised these days. So for a school to do something so inappropriate is unbelievable.

"Schools have a safeguarding responsibility and should have processes in place to avoid mistakes like this."

People responded angrily to an image of the nominations form which surfaced on Twitter.

The school has since emailed parents to apologise.

In a statement issued today, Executive Principal Jon Barker said: "I wish to apologise unreservedly for the awards nomination form circulated to students and seen by parents that has caused offence.

Why not have things like: kindest pupil, most enthusiastic, most sporty, best jokes, tries the best, most helpful, most friendly, most likely to invent something/ be a millionaire/change the world/be PM. you know. qualities we want to encourage.

— Vic (@toria_jay) June 20, 2019

"As soon as Senior Leaders were made aware, the form was withdrawn and replaced with one that correctly reflects the school’s ethos.

"We will apologise to all students who received a form today and explain why we believe it was inappropriate to use.

"Hugh Christie takes issues concerning the mental health and well-being of its students very seriously.

"Therefore, we have launched an internal investigation as to why and how this happened."

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How to apologize after a dispute

  • July 19, 2016

BEIJING — Chinese leaders have often accused those who disagree with them of “hurting the feelings of 1.3 billion Chinese.” Getting into the spirit, Taiwanese and Hong Kongers are responding enthusiastically to a satirical Facebook page calling on them to say “sorry” to China.

Sorry for anything, and everything.

The reasons for contrition so far have included living under a blue sky (China’s skies are chronically polluted); eating clean food (food safety is a major challenge in China); and locking the door when using the toilet (not always done on the mainland).

“I’m sorry, I don’t write simplified characters,” wrote Ziyou, referring to the writing style of mainland China, but not Hong Kong or Taiwan, in apologizing for being different from Beijing. The commenter’s name is itself a clever pun. It means “character travel,” but is a homophone for “freedom.”

The Facebook page comes as actors and other celebrities across Asia and the United States find themselves the target of rising Chinese nationalism, their careers vulnerable to the scrutiny of thousands of “patriots” ready to sniff out perceived disloyalty to the Communist Party. They may be accused of being “poisonous,” “traitors” or “anti-China elements,” often for gestures or statements that are considered normal in their places of birth. Some have been pressured to issue videotaped or written apologies.

On Facebook, the person identified as a founder of the #FirstAnnualApologiseToChinaContest described himself as a farmer and philosophy student in Taiwan named Wang Yikai, according to the mainland transliteration for the characters in his name. Mr. Wang did not respond to a request for comment, and the preferred rendering of his name could not be confirmed.

“If you have any thing want to apologize to China, Welcome to attend the first annual ‘Apologise to China’ contest,” the page reads in English. The contest began Saturday and expires July 30 and the winner will be crowned ‘The first king of apologize to China!’” the page said.

In one video on the page that is proving a popular contender for the title, several men prance around a room in what look like rubber wet suits, slapping themselves on the face and bottom, apologizing.

Most of the video is in Cantonese, the language spoken in Hong Kong and southern China, but one set of apologies is sung in Japanese. Japan is another target for Chinese online patriotic ire because of a territorial dispute over the islands known as the Diaoyu in China and the Senkaku in Japan. Here are some of the lyrics:

“My fault, my fault, my fault, my fault.

Don’t, don’t, don’t be angry,

I pity you, glass-hearted baby.

I’m sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

You aren’t wrong. It’s all my fault.

I am sorry, I am sorry.

I pity you, patriotic baby.”

Recently, the trolling reached saturation point for Kiko Mizuhara, 25, a Japanese-American model and actress who, separately and in earnest, apologized to those who said she had expressed anti-China sentiments. She stood accused of “liking” an image by the artist Ai Weiwei of a lifted middle finger on Tiananmen Square, among other things.

Online, some sprang to Ms. Mizuhara’s defense: “China really is a damnable pile of mentally ill people and crazy dogs,” wrote Chuang Viki underneath the video broadcast on YouTube, which is blocked by Chinese censors.

Another recent high-profile target who has been obliged to issue an apology is the Taiwanese actor Leon Dai. Tens of thousands of Weibo posts have accused him of supporting independence for Taiwan and Falun Gong, a spiritual group that is banned on the Chinese mainland.

“You are not good enough to be Chinese,” wrote one person, in a typical comment. “You Taiwan independence separatist won’t have a good death.”

Last week, Zhao Wei, a mainland Chinese actress and director also known as Vicki Zhao, said she was dropping Mr. Dai from her movie “No Other Love” over the uproar.

In January, the Taiwan pop singer Chou Tzu-yu, a member of a South Korean band, apologized after being excoriated by Chinese commenters online for holding a Taiwanese flag during presidential elections on the island.

For many Asian artists, the Chinese market has become a core part of their sales, exposing them to threats of boycott.

“Apologized yet today?” a person wrote on the Facebook page, summing up the mood.

Online wrath for those who cross China surged after a ruling last week by an international tribunal rejecting the country’s claims to most of the South China Sea.

On its official Weibo site, the Communist Youth League praised the waxing patriotic fervor.

“The Leon Dai scandal and the South China Sea tribunal ruling have flooded China’s social media,” it wrote. “The young people rushing onto center stage are changing the rules of the game of social media.”

“They have built a path of national territorial integrity and sovereignty that are core interests of the country, and that constitute a red line that cannot be crossed,” it added. “And that’s the own choice of a new generation.”

Over the weekend, a popular Beijing-based Taiwan journalist, Gong Ling, committed suicide, leaving a note saying, “There is nothing in China that is not political.”

Ms. Gong had reportedly had depression, but she said she had also been the target of criticism by mainland Chinese who applied “trumped-up labels” to attack her pro-Taiwan politics.

But even that was an occasion for nationalistic criticism online, with some on the mainland Chinese site Zhihu saying that Ms. Gong lacked resilience, and that the tragedy reflected that China was becoming powerful and Taiwan weaker.

Apology Letter to Court: Have you done anything wrong that you shouldn’t have? Do you look for an apology from the Court? No worries! Together we can sort it out. The best way to apologize is either by saying sorry during the confrontation with the court or write an apology letter right away. An Apology to Court need to be with really sincere efforts and it should look very genuine too. We have provided a number of sample letters having different sub-headings that will help you in writing a nice Apology letter. We hope that you make the Court forgiving you and appreciate your efforts. Keep reading and find an appropriate sample for yourself. Good luck.

Format Apology Letter to Court

This is very important to know the right format while writing an Apology letter to the court. Because it is going to be a very sincere apology and therefore we shall need to remember to follow the genuineness while writing it down. Here are a few tips or guidance that will help you in writing an apology letter to the Court of law.

  1. Do not exaggerate rather keep it short and crisp.
  2. be truthful and so do not get much personal or at least doesn’t make it look like it.
  3. Let your letter look so genuine that your apology must look sincere and get accepted.
  4. Let the court know that you are really feeling sincere regret for your misconduct and ready to change yourself by putting the best positive efforts for not repeating such conduct in the future.
  5. Be positive and humble.
  6. Don’t forget to show that you are thankful for the Court’s understanding and consideration.

Keeping these points in mind you can write a nice apology letter and get you out of any worry.

Sample Apology Letter Template to Court with Example

How to write Apology Letter to Court for Stealing

The Hon’ble Court

I am writing this letter to you to ask a sincere apology for my shameful misconduct of stealing on ………(date). I do realize that how such conducts affects the lives of common man in our country and create a negative aura in the society. I, remorsefully, accept that I have committed a sinful act and which is not acceptable in any way, I recognised that such acts cannot be the solution to any social problem rather can degrade the life of any common man.

I assure you that I will not commit such unacceptable misconduct in the future ahead and will try best to devote myself towards doing rightful work for the betterment of myself as well as the society on par.

Kindly accept my deep apology and grant me one chance to improve myself. I will be really thankful for your understanding and consideration.

How to write Apology Letter to Court for Not Attending

I am writing this letter to you to ask a sincere apology for my absence in the Court on ………(date). I do realize that my presence in the court on every fixed date is very essential towards the continuation of valuable court proceeding in my case, and this disrespect to the court of law not only can affect my integrity in the court rather also squanders the valuable time of court and connected parties. I, regretfully, accept that I have committed an unlawful act and which is not acceptable in the court of law, I also recognized that I should not take the valuable court proceedings for granted in any manner.

I assure you that I will not be absent during the court proceedings on the predefined dates in the future ahead except due to some unforeseen reasons and for so I will present a leave application before you in advance.

Kindly accept my deep apology and grant me one chance to correct myself. I will be really thankful for your understanding and consideration.

How to write Apology Letter to Court for Assault

I am writing this letter to you to ask a sincere apology for my shameful misconduct of assaulting a person(name) on ………(date). I do realize that how such conducts affects the lives of a common man in our country and may create a negative aura in the society. I, remorsefully, accept that I have committed a dreadful evil act and which is not acceptable in any way, I recognised that such acts can not be the solution to any social or economical problem rather can degrade the life of any common man.

I assure you that I will not commit such unacceptable misconduct in the future ahead and will try best to devote myself towards doing rightful work for the betterment of myself as well as the society on par.

Kindly accept my deep apology and grant me one chance to improve myself. I will be really thankful for your understanding and consideration.

Apology Letter to Court for Missing Court

Respected Sir/Ma’am,
I am writing this letter to you to ask a sincere apology for my absence in the Court on ………(date). I do realize that my presence in the court on every fixed date is very essential towards the continuation of valuable court proceeding in my case, and this disrespect to the court of law not only can affect my integrity in the court rather also squanders the valuable time of court and connected parties. I, regretfully, accept that I have committed an unlawful act and which is not acceptable in the court of law, I also recognised that I should not take the valuable court proceedings for granted in any manner.

I assure you that I will not be absent during the court proceedings on the predefined dates in the future ahead except due to some unforeseen reasons and for so I will present a leave application before you in advance.

Kindly accept my deep apology and grant me one chance to correct myself. I will be really thankful for your understanding and consideration.

Apology Letter to Court for Drunk Driving

Respected Sir/Ma’am,
I am writing this letter to you to ask a sincere apology for my shameful misconduct of drunk driving during the last night dated ………(date). I do realize that how such irresponsible and unlawful behaviour could be dangerous to not only my life rather may be equally harmful for the lives of others on the road. I also acknowledged that such acts may affect the positive aura in the society and sometimes even diverts the other youngsters in following the acceptable behaviour in the society.

I, with deep regret, accept that I have committed a sinful act and that is not acceptable in any manner, and on a par with this I recognised that such acts can not be the solution to any social or economical problem rather can harm badly the life of any common man(can be added in place of last line- as per the situation- that drinking is acceptable in the party areas only and that too, if allowed, as per the rule of law).

I assure you that I will not commit such unacceptable misconduct in the future ahead and will try best to devote myself towards doing rightful work for the betterment of myself as well as the society on par.

Kindly accept my deep apology and grant me one chance to improve myself. I will be really thankful for your understanding and consideration.

Write this brief letter as soon as possible after the incident. Don’t apologize unless you plan to take full responsibility. Focus your comments on the actions you are taking to rectify the situation, not on the damage done. A sincere, well-worded apology, coupled with action, goes a long way towards patching up a damaged relationship. Although it is best to apologize face to face for a betrayed trust, or with a handwritten note, these tips will help you organize your thoughts.

Example Letter #1

Jane, this is the hardest letter I have ever written. I feel terrible that I let John know you were planning to leave the firm. We were discussing pending changes, and I foolishly mentioned the possibility without remembering your concern. I didn’t say it would happen, but I obviously said too much.

I don’t blame you for being very upset with me. I can only ask your forgiveness and try to make it up to you somehow. I value your friendship very much and hope it can continue in spite of my stupidity.

Example Letter #2

John, please forgive me. I had no right to tell anyone about your thoughts of resigning. I can only imagine the shock and disappointment you felt towards me. This incident has been a harsh teacher of the importance of keeping personal information confidential. I only hope I can regain your trust by assuring you such carelessness will never happen again. Friends like you are hard to find, and I very much want to continue our rewarding association.

Example Letter #3

I apologize for the distress I have caused you. I promised that I would keep your plans for next year confidential. At the party last night we were discussing prospects for the new year, and I heard myself revealing your plans. This was a terrible breach of confidence. Please forgive me. I value your friendship and will work hard to regain your trust.

Example Letter #4

I want you to know how terribly sorry I am for my poor judgment in accepting a date with your former fiancee, John. When he asked me to go to the concert with him I was excited because the show was sold out and I really wanted to go. But, I didn’t think enough about how you would feel about my going with John where you had planned to go.

I hope you can forgive me for being so insensitive. Our friendship is too important to me to jeopardize it. I am truly sorry for hurting you this way.

Example Letter #5

I apologize for writing a personal check on the club account. I was in a hurry and inadvertently pulled the wrong checkbook out of my purse when I paid for groceries. I didn’t realize what I had done until the next bank statement arrived.

As the treasurer, I am aware of the position of trust in which I have been placed, and have always been very careful up till now to fulfill my responsibilities with integrity. I paid the money back as soon as I realized what had happened, and assure you that I will be more careful in future, but if you feel it necessary to replace me, I will understand.

How to apologize after a dispute

Producers of the Netflix drama The Crown apologized Tuesday to actors Claire Foy and Matt Smith over the revelation that Foy was paid less than her male co-star.

A producer disclosed last week that Foy, who starred as Britain’s Queen Elizabeth II, was paid less than Smith, who played Prince Philip, because Smith was better known.

The gender pay gap has become a big issue in Hollywood after revelations that many female stars were paid less than their male counterparts.

Since news of The Crown pay gap broke, a petition has urged Smith to donate part of his salary to the Time’s Up campaign, which is campaigning against sexism and sexual misconduct in the entertainment industry.

Production company Left Bank Pictures said the actors "are not aware of who gets what and cannot be held personally responsible for the pay of their colleagues."

The production company apologized that Foy and Smith "have found themselves at the center of a media storm this week through no fault of their own."

The company said it was "absolutely united with the fight for fair pay, free of gender bias" and was keen to speak to Time’s Up.

The Crown traces Elizabeth’s journey from princess to queen, beginning in the 1950s. Foy and Smith are being replaced by older performers in the next season.

Delta Air Lines responded today following a dispute with a family that was booked on Flight 2222 from Maui to Los Angeles, California on April 23, 2017.

“We are sorry for the unfortunate experience our customers had with Delta, and we’ve reached out to them to refund their travel and provide additional compensation,” Delta Airlines said in a statement.

“Delta’s goal is to always work with customers in an attempt to find solutions to their travel issues. That did not happen in this case and we apologize,” the airline said.

The apology comes after a dispute in which Brian Schear along with his wife and two children, ages 1 and 2, were removed from the flight when he refused to give up a seat that his two year old was sitting in.

How to apologize after a dispute

(Image: Brian Schear/YouTube)

Schear posted an eight minute video to the internet, garnering more than 2.5 million views since it was posted yesterday.

In the video, Schear was warned that if he did not abide it would be considered a federal offense, and he would be removed from the flight. In the video he was told that if he did not comply, “You and your wife will be in jail and your kids will be put in foster care.”

He explains that he purchased the seat for his older teenage son, but decided to send his older son home on an earlier flight so that he could use the seat for his toddler.

“I bought that seat… I got him (Schear’s older son) a ticket on another flight. You’re saying you’re going to give that away to someone else when I paid for that seat. That’s not right,” said Schear.

On the way out to Maui, Schear said the flight was open, but noted that it was difficult to have a lap-child, so he decided to get the teenager a ticket on an earlier flight so the seat could be used by one of the infant children.

Schear said the family decided to put the child in a car seat on the flight so that he could sleep, since it was a red-eye flight. “It’s a red-eye. He won’t sleep unless he’s in his car seat. So otherwise, he’ll be sitting in my wife’s lap crawling all over the place, and it’s not safe,” said Schear.

The FAA states that the safest place for your child on an airplane is in a government-approved child safety restraint system (CRS) or device, not on your lap. According to the FAA: “Your arms aren’t capable of holding your child securely, especially during unexpected turbulence.”

The Federal Aviation Administration “strongly urges you to secure your child in a CRS or device for the duration of your flight. It’s the smart and right thing to do so that everyone in your family arrives safely at your destination.”

During the video, a worker explained to Schear that the two-year-old cannot be in a car seat and must be accommodated in the lap of a parent.

The family was then given the option of getting off the flight, or have the whole flight deplaned.

In the video summary, Schear claims the airline oversold the flight, and ended up filling the four seats with four customers that had tickets but no seats.

The incident occurred on a red-eye flight, leaving Schear and his family stranded on Maui at around midnight, where they ended up purchasing a hotel room and new airline tickets the following day.

How to apologize after a dispute

You never stop being a parent, even when your children are adults. Despite this natural inclination, disagreement that places you in the proverbial parent role can’t be done so fairly. This is because you and your adult children are arguing with different approaches and at times, with different expectations for an outcome. While you remain the parent, it’s important to argue fairly with your adult children, adult to adult. This can mean setting aside your instinctual urge to protect, prevent or control your children. It also means being confident that your parenting has been effective enough to raise adults who can argue fairly.

Step 1

Don’t make attempts to control the conversation or your adult children. Psychologist Jim Burns, Ph.D., explains in the homeword.com article, “How to Resolve Conflicts With Adult Children,” that while your children are always your children, you should not attempt to have the same control over them that you had when they were young. This includes attempts at controlling them to agree or concede out of guilt or obligation to you for having raised them. A fair argument can quickly become heated, particularly when both you and your adult children are passionate about being right. Escalated emotions are normal and can be diffused by using a calm tone, but don’t resort to what worked to control your children when they were young.

Step 2

Provide constructive advice instead of attempting to be right. You and your children are no longer restricted by differences in age or the strata that are inherent in parent-child relationships. You have a wealth of advice from your experiences that you can share with your adult children. Avoid attempting to force your children into using your advice and remain confident that you have raised capable adults who are able to make their own decisions. If you feel that their safety is at risk, express that without demanding that they take your advice. Mistakes, like successes, serve to make your adult children better decision-makers.

Step 3

Identify and work through your feelings, especially anger and resentment that occurs in arguing. According to the Texas A&M AgriLife Extension, in its publication “Building Positive Relationships,” conflict resolution can sometimes be uncomfortable or downright painful. Within the context of your argument however, are some very real feelings that may or may not be related to the topic at the forefront of the disagreement. Put your pride aside and back down from being verbally aggressive if you truly want to create an environment for a fair disagreement. Do some self-reflection to identify what it is you are feeling in the argument and possible reasons why you feel that way.

Step 4

Admit when you’re wrong and accept your adult children’s apologies. It’s easy to perpetuate an argument by refusing to apologize, admit you’re wrong or accept an apology. Arguing fairly however, should be an opportunity where you agree to be vulnerable, and fallible. Conflicts often become a verbal pushing match because one or more participants is clinging to vulnerability and can’t or won’t admit when he has been wrong. Don’t take blame for something that isn’t yours but listen to your adult children with an open mind.

How to apologize after a dispute

Apologies can resolve conflicts, repair hurt feelings, foster forgiveness and improve relationships in both our personal and professional lives. They increase loyalty, trust and cooperation. An apology can even keep you out of the courtroom. (Despite the fact that lawyers tend to caution their clients to avoid apologies like the plague, fearing that they are tantamount to an admission of guilt, studies show that when potential plaintiffs receive an apology, they are more likely to settle out of court for less money.)

But as anyone can tell you, apologies don’t always work. (Ask Mel Gibson, for instance. Or Anthony Weiner. Or Hank Williams, Jr. — I could go on and on.) At times they seem to fall on deaf ears. This can be because the person or persons we are seeking forgiveness from really aren’t interested in forgiving, or because the transgression itself is deemed simply unforgivable. But more often than not, our apologies fall flat because we apologize the wrong way.

So what is the right way? How should you apologize to your coworker, customer, friend, or spouse, in order to be sure that your already bad situation doesn’t end up even worse? Until recently, there has been very little (scientific) psychological research focusing on what constitutes a “good” apology. A new set of studies, however, reveals that different kinds of apologies appeal to different kinds of people, and that the key to an effective apology lies in thinking carefully about your audience.

The researchers identified three distinct forms of apology: offers of compensation, expressions of empathy and acknowledgment of violated rules and norms.

Offers of compensation are an attempt to restore balance through some redeeming action. Sometimes the compensation is tangible, like paying to repair or replace your neighbor’s fence when you inadvertently back your car into it, or running out to get your girlfriend a new phone when you accidentally drop hers into the toilet (which happened to me, by the way — not cool.) Offers of compensation can also be more emotional or socially-supportive. As in, “I’m sorry I was a jerk, and I’ll make it up to you by being extra nice from now on.”

Expressions of empathy, on the other hand, involve recognizing and expressing concern over the suffering you caused. (e.g., “I’m so sorry that I didn’t appreciate all the effort you went to. You must have felt awful, and that’s the last thing I want.”) Through expressions of empathy, the victim feels understood and valued as a partner in the relationship, and trust is restored.

When your apology is an acknowledgement of violated rules and norms, you are basically admitting that you broke the code of behavior of your social group, your organization or your society. (e.g., “No one in my family/profession/community behaves this way, I should have known better.” Or, “I didn’t just let myself down, I let my teammates/company/fans down.”)

Research shows that these three different types of apology are most effective when offered to people who think of themselves in particular ways.

People who have an independent self-concept think of themselves primarily as individual, autonomous agents, completely separate from others. They tend to be focused mainly on their own rights, feelings and goals, and as a result, experience transgressions as a personal injury or betrayal. No surprise then that they respond most favorably to apologies that offer compensation. The United States is a particularly independent, individualistic society, which may explain why American juries seem to love doling out lots of money as compensation for pain and suffering. (And this is why telling a deserving employee who you passed over for promotion that you “feel his pain” is probably not helpful — he doesn’t care what you feel, he wants what’s coming to him.)

People with a more relational self-concept see themselves as primarily defined by their relationships with significant others (e.g., spouse, parent, child, friend, colleague). This type of self-concept is more common among women, for whom relationship ups and downs tend to loom large. When your self-concept is relational, you are focused on creating, maintaining and strengthening the relationships in your life. Transgressions are experienced as betrayals of mutual respect and trust, and consequently, apologies are most effective when they include expressions of empathy, rather than offers of compensation. (And this is why your gift of flowers after you’ve forgotten your wife’s birthday or stayed out too late drinking with the guys is usually met with an icy stare. We don’t want your flowers — we want you to feel our pain.)

Finally, people with a collective self-concept see themselves first and foremost as members of the important groups, organizations, and cultures to which they belong. When you are a part of a group, whether it’s your family, your company, or your society, there are rules that govern how you are supposed to behave. For instance, baseball players aren’t allowed to take steroids. Accountants aren’t allowed to fool around with the books. Politicians can’t break the laws that they are elected to create and protect. Members of my family aren’t allowed to violate the rules of grammar. (You want to see an icy stare, try saying, “You did really good” in front of my mother. It’s positively arctic.) Transgressions are experienced as betrayals of the rules or values of the group, and thus, apologies that offer acknowledgment of violated rules and norms are your best bet for restoring your good standing with the other group members.

When crafting your apology, remember to ask yourself: Who am I talking to, and what are they looking for in my apology? What troubles them the most about what I did? Was my transgression perceived as a personal injury, betrayal of the relationship, or betrayal of the code of behavior of our group?

If you’re not sure, think about how the injured party most often talks about themselves — do they focus on their own individual qualities, their key relationships, or the important groups to which they belong? Knowing something about how the person you wronged thinks of him or herself is your first clue into what is probably bothering them most, and will help you to apologize in the most effective way.

For ways to get what you want in your relationships, at work and everywhere else, check out my new book, “Succeed: How We Can Reach Our Goals.” Or, visit my website, The Science of Success. Follow me on Twitter @hghalvorson.

SALT LAKE CITY, Utah – A FanX Salt Lake Comic Convention co-founder is apologizing after a controversial Twitter battle between him and a popular Utah author over a sexual harassment complaint.

Best-selling author Shannon Hale reached out to FanX co-founder Bryan Brandenburg about her concerns attending the convention this year following harassment allegations surrounding a conference attendee and how the conference handled the claims.

Monday, the official FanX account tweeted a screenshot of the author’s email with a response but failed to block out her email address. The tweet has since been deleted. Hale tweeted a screenshot of it, redacting her email address.

How to apologize after a dispute

Hale then tweeted a picture of another part of Brandenburg’s email response in which he called the #MeToo movement “trendy” — something that she says was left off of the FanX tweet.

How to apologize after a dispute

The post sparked immediate outrage. In response, we’ve seen tweets from a handful of local authors saying they won’t be attending FanX this year, which is scheduled for Sept. 6 to Sept. 8, at the Salt Palace Convention Center.

For example, author Brendan Reichs tweeted he will no longer make an appearance.

How to apologize after a dispute

Monday, Brandenburg apologized for his handling of reports of harassment and the Twitter back-and-forth too. He also posted a blog on the FanX page, apologizing for his behavior.

How to apologize after a dispute

How to apologize after a dispute

He says, “Moving forward, our goal is to create a safe environment for everyone. Training for staff will happen within the next 90 days, so we are equipped to handle sexual harassment and assault reports. Our new harassment policy now includes instructions on how to report an incident anonymously or in person. It also clearly states the sanctions that will be taken when a report comes in.
The harassment policy also includes more defined behavior expectations for our attendees, guests, agents, cosplayers, panelists, moderators, staff, vendors, vendor models, and volunteers. Consent is key. These improvements would not have happened without your voice.”

On her blog, Hale says she’s seen Brandenburg’s apology. She writes, “I am sure he is sorry. This has been a PR disaster for him and his organization. After all this, I do not personally feel that an apology, made under duress, is enough to restore my confidence in FanX and its leadership.” She continues that she will not be attending the conference. She says, “I do not want to be the catalyst for taking down FanX. I really hope they turn it around.” She adds that there are years of problems and a pattern of behavior, so she’s “not sure what it will take for them to regain the confidence of many of us in the Utah fan community.”

Apple won’t force the free app to add in-app purchases

How to apologize after a dispute

Apple’s dispute with WordPress has come to end after the company’s creator has said that Apple re-reviewed the iOS app.

“I am very grateful that folks at Apple re-reviewed @WordPressiOS and have let us know we do not need to implement in-app purchases to be able to continue to update the app,” WordPress creator Matt Mullenweg said in a tweet.

I am very grateful that folks at Apple re-reviewed @WordPressiOS and have let us know we do not need to implement in-app purchases to be able to continue to update the app. Bad news travels faster than good, usually, so please consider sharing that they reversed course.

— Matt Mullenweg (@photomatt) August 23, 2020

Mullenweg notes that WordPress doesn’t have to incorporate in-app purchases. This comes after it was revealed that Apple was forcing WordPress to monetize its free app. Mullenweg stated that Apple locked the WordPress iOS app until in-app purchases were added.

Apple has since issued an apology and stated that the issue has been resolved. It notes that WordPress does not have to offer in-app purchases.

“We believe the issue with the WordPress app has been resolved. Since the developer removed the display of their service payment options from the app, it is now a free stand-alone app and does not have to offer in-app purchases. We have informed the developer and apologize for any confusion that we have caused.”

This comes as Apple is facing increased scrutiny over its App Store policies and is in an ongoing dispute with Epic Games.

Resolving a conflict with a colleague through the use of email can be the only way out in some cases. The way out is to follow the general rule as long as your sole purpose is to settle the heated matter.

A good working relationship fosters a friendly and suitable environment and often, in turn, affects our job satisfaction. This is one reason to quickly resolve conflict with a member of the team at work. Not only does an unsettled matter affect your job satisfaction, but it also has an adverse effect on your productivity and that of the team in general.

Important Notes

  • You may have to resolve a misunderstanding with a colleague one-on-one but in cases whereby you want to set up this meeting, it may be necessary to use electronic media.
  • In cases whereby you need to document your interaction with the other party, sending an email could be expedient.
  • You have the advantage of thinking through what you communicate before hitting the ‘send’ button.

Limitations

The limitation of resolving/managing conflicts via email cannot be overlooked. The electronic media generally is not the best way to resolve heated matters. However, there are instances whereby one-on-one confrontation is not possible.

  • Communication is the only tool used in resolving conflicts. It comprises of the non-verbal and the verbal aspects. The facial expression, the tone of the voice, kinesis (distance) and all the other body languages are missing when using electronic media. You may need to heavily rely on the verbal (written) aspect to communicate. The person(s) at the other end will have to draw all conclusions from what you have written and will not have access to your facial expression or tone of voice to fully comprehend you.
  • It is possible that since the party you are communicating with cannot decode your non-verbal cues, he will have to draw inferences from past communication experiences you have had with him, especially if it is a one-on-one experience. He may need to put like a missing block the aspects of non-verbal communication from his perspective of you. The way he perceives you. This is one of the disadvantages of using email to communicate long-standing conflicts.
  • Words and their usage could easily be misinterpreted just like in normal physical interaction. In cases of one-on-one interactions, you have higher chances of easily noticing when you are misunderstood and can rectify it because you get your feedback almost immediately. But in communicating via email and other electronic media, feedbacks are not gotten instantly like physical interaction.

The Process

  • Be courteous. Being polite is a reflection of your personality and has nothing to do with the behavior or manner of the other person.
  • Be professional and use formal language in your interaction via mail.
  • State the person’s point of view clearly to let them know you understand what they are trying to communicate. At times, the other party may just derive satisfaction in the fact that he has been heard. While you may not agree with every opinion, it is important to show people you respect them as individuals and that their opinions are also seen that way.
  • In cases whereby you may have to state why the colleague’s point of view, opinion or idea is not going to be adopted, you may need to emphasize on the fact that such expressed view is appreciated.
  • There are situations whereby it is important not to state why you do not agree with the person. You may just let them be aware of the fact that their different opinion is respected, taken note of and appreciated. The personality and past experiences with the person in question determine this.
  • The focus of your email is to voice how much regard you have for the colleague. Many people will not go on brewing issues with someone they perceive admires them. It is possible to have regard for someone you do not share the same perspective with. Diversity is what makes us human. This is crucial. Conflicts are often easily resolved when you show the other party that you have taken note and you have regard for them and what they think. You, however, do not have to agree.
  • Find a common ground that you agree on if there is any and focus more on that. When your email is focused on the area where you agree, you tend to douse the heat created by the conflict.
  • In cases whereby you strongly disagree with every opinion, start with the ones you agree with first.
  • Because the conflict is work related, do not make the matter personal. Ensure to leave it at the professional level. It creates a mutual respect, even when you are on first name basis with the other party. For example, do not write;

MY department CANNOT attend to the issue”, instead write; “THE department WILL NOT BE ABLE TO attend to the issue”.

By using the definite article ‘THE’ instead of the possessive pronoun ‘MY’, you have successfully dissociated yourself and interests from what you are communicating.

SAMPLE 1: Resolving Conflicts with Colleagues via Email

…I appreciate your concern expressed about the time you believe the trucks should move from the city to deliver the goods. There are, however, numerous challenges the department is facing which are making it almost difficult to meet the target set by the Sales Department. Some of these complaints have been forwarded and will be sent again to the Maintenance Unit.

The goals set by the Sales Department are quite laudable and possible to realize. We hope to meet this demand…

SAMPLE 2: Resolving Conflicts with Colleagues via Email

Hello Mrs Hamilton,

…I agree that the use of buses to transport bottles to the depot will bring about lesser losses of our most valued materials. Also, the maintenance of our trucks should be given more consideration, since this will help the transportation department to function better.

I understand and appreciate your suggestions as regards how things can be done appropriately in the department. The team has also considered adjustments which can be made to effectively work in synergy with other teams. Your points have been duly noted ma…

How to apologize after a dispute

Getting suspended from your job is incredibly stressful. Regardless of whether you were incriminated for something beyond your control or you deliberately did something that got you in trouble later, you don’t really want to lose your job–especially if you don’t have another one waiting in the wings. Coming back from suspension like a boss is a great way to convince your employer of exactly how valuable you are and ensure that your standing with the company remains intact.

1. Communicate professionally and responsibly with your employer throughout your suspension. You should know going in whether or not you will be paid, how long the suspension will be for, and when you can expect to return to work. Keep communications relevant and professional, and resist the urge to contact them too often in case they’ve “forgotten” about you, but do make sure that you know exactly what will be expected of you in order to return.

2. Clearly define expectations with your employer before your return to work. This is particularly important if you were suspended for something that you didn’t realize would get you in trouble–for example, derogatory comments on social media regarding a colleague. If you have been suspended for behavior that is covered in the employee handbook, make sure that you review it so that you know exactly how to behave when returning to work.

3. Avoid even a suggestion of misconduct. If you have been accused of negative behavior against a colleague–harassment, romantic entanglement, or violence–make sure that you are never alone with that colleague. If possible, avoid being alone with that colleague and close friends of theirs, which could cause a misrepresentation of the facts.

4. Know your rights. If you live in a right to work state, your employment can easily be terminated–and in some cases, you may feel as though you’re in danger of termination soon after returning. If this is the case, make sure that you know your rights and what is considered an acceptable reason to terminate your employment.

5. Be apologetic where appropriate. If you were guilty of misconduct, be apologetic and assure your managers that you’re going to do better in the future. Have a real, actionable plan in place to improve your work behavior so that the misconduct doesn’t occur again. You want to present a capable, competent appearance to your managers to assure them that you’re going to come back and give your best to the company.

6. Abide by any restrictions placed on you. These restrictions may be inconvenient for you. They may be equally inconvenient for your colleagues. Dedication to abiding by these restrictions, however, will assure your managers that you’re committed to doing what’s necessary in order to restore your place within the company and go forward with a much better view of what is expected of you. Whether the restriction is that you’re unable to be alone with a specific individual or that you’re unable to enter certain areas unsupervised, be gracious and stick to the restrictions. The better you are about adhering to the rules, the sooner your position will return to normal.

Returning to work after suspension can be awkward, uncomfortable, and difficult to manage. You can’t know what’s been said about you while you were gone or how your colleagues are going to react to your return. You can, however, move forward professionally with confidence: your employer likes your work enough that they were willing to have you come back in spite of an indiscretion, and that says something!

By putting on your most professional attitude and committing to a solid work ethic from the day of your return, you can put your suspension behind you and improve your employer’s vision of you in the future.

Sheri Stritof has written about marriage and relationships for 20+ years. She's the co-author of The Everything Great Marriage Book.

Dr. Sabrina Romanoff, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and a professor at Yeshiva University’s clinical psychology doctoral program.

Verywell / JR Bee

There are times when your partner will be upset with you. Maybe you’ll know why they’re upset, or maybe you’ll have no clue what you did to hurt them.

While you may prefer to avoid further conflict and wait for things to blow over, research shows that tackling the issue head-on is usually the best course of action. Though it may be uncomfortable at first, cleaning up your emotional messes can lead to honest conversations that benefit your relationship in the long run.

​Below are some simple ways you can improve your communication with your partner when they’re hurt and avoid angry stand-offs and silent treatments.

Please note that this article is not about the hurt caused by emotional or physical abuse. If you or a loved one are a victim of domestic violence, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

For more mental health resources, see our National Helpline Database.

Acknowledge Their Feelings

Don’t ignore the situation or try to make a joke about it. You may not like how your partner feels, but you should still respect their feelings and show empathy.

All they want is to feel understood, accepted, and cared for by you. Like you really get them. It’s OK if you disagree with their response. That’s not the point. The point is to simply acknowledge their hurt feelings.

Think about how nice it is to hear the words, “I can understand why that would make you angry.” That type of statement can make your partner feel heard and that it’s OK for them to feel the way they feel.

What Not to Say

Here are some examples of phrases that are not helpful and can actually make the conflict worse:

  • “It’s not a big deal.” It’s a big deal to them, so it should be to you, too. It doesn’t matter if you think your partner is overreacting. They’re hurt because of something you’ve done, and now it’s your job to make them feel better.
  • “I can make this better for you.”Thinking you have the solution to your partner’s problem or issue will probably be taken as patronizing. Your partner may simply want understanding from you, as opposed to problem-solving.
  • “You don’t make sense.” Your partner may have a different take on the situation, but that doesn’t mean their concerns aren’t valid.
  • “. “ Saying nothing at all or avoiding the conversation won’t help resolve the conflict. Instead, if you need a timeout or space to cool down for a bit before coming back to the conversation, say so.

Take Responsibility

When you do something that hurts your partner, whether intentionally or not, it's always best to own up to what you did wrong. If you're not clear on what you said or did that was hurtful, just ask.

It's important to show your partner that you know you made a mistake and that you're willing to take responsibility for your actions. This means avoiding annoying phrases such as, "I'm sorry if you were hurt," or, "I'm sorry you were upset."

All these statements do is shift the responsibility from you to your partner. It's basically you saying, "You weren't supposed to get hurt/upset about something so tiny, but I'll apologize out of pity." Instead, take responsibility for the hurtful things you said or did.

Here are some helpful phrases:

  • "I know what I did was wrong. I wish I had thought before I acted. I made a big mistake."
  • "There’s no excuse for what I did."
  • "The way I spoke to you was wrong, and I didn’t realize how much I hurt you."

Whatever you do, don’t get defensive. It will only escalate the argument or issue.

Explain, Don't Excuse

Prefacing your apology with, "I don't want to sound like I'm making excuses, but. " sends the wrong message.

An excuse is about not taking responsibility. It's meant to deflect the blame to someone or something else. For example, "I shouldn't have yelled at you but I'm really stressed," is just an excuse. All it does is weaken your apology.

On the other hand, providing an explanation while still acknowledging the wrongdoing emphasizes the apology: "I've been under a lot of stress, but that's not an excuse for yelling." It gives your partner more background that helps explain why you hurt them.

Show That You're Sorry

Be sincere in your apology. Own up to exactly what you did wrong and identify it. It can be a good idea to go beyond just saying you’re sorry by following through with actions that reflect what you’re apologizing for. Be patient—showing you’re sorry can take time.

While it’s important to ask for forgiveness, keep in mind that your partner may not be ready. Think carefully about what you can do to make things right. If you’re not sure what would help, ask your partner what you can do to make them feel better. Token gestures, empty promises, and insincere apologies can do more harm than good.

You may not know what to do to make things better with your partner, and that's OK. Tell them that. Make it clear that you're willing to do whatever it takes.

Be Open and Flexible

You may find it hard to not get defensive when your partner expresses dissatisfaction with something you did or said. It can also be difficult to put yourself in your partner's shoes. Resolving conflict in your relationship can feel uncomfortable, but being flexible in how you think about the situation can be helpful.

Try to see the situation from your partner's perspective. Not only could this be a step toward understanding them more deeply, but it also may indicate to them that you're invested in resolving the issue.

Learn From What Happened

Because conflicts that linger can be detrimental to a relationship, it's helpful to learn from what you did to prevent the same thing from happening over and over again. Remember what upset your partner and store it away. Taking steps to get to know and understand them better can strengthen your relationship.

If you do find that similar conflicts are reoccurring and you're not able to get past them, this could be a sign that professional counseling could be beneficial for you and your partner.

When Your Partner Is Still Upset

If a lot of time passes and your partner is still upset, you may need a bit more help. Conflicts that fester aren’t beneficial for anyone, so it’s a good idea to resolve them as soon as you realize they’re still lingering or reappear. Getting professional help could be the next best step if your partner is still hurt over what happened.

Get Professional Help

It can be difficult to heal a relationship after major hurts have occurred. If you feel stuck in your efforts to repair the damage, you may want to consider couples counseling.

Couples counseling can be very effective, especially if couples seek it out sooner rather than later. A counselor can help you identify destructive patterns and teach you how to communicate more effectively. Counseling may also give you insight into your partner’s feelings and concerns.

Thank you for your feedback! We are really sad to hear about your disappointment.

Please excuse us for making you wait, but you can be sure, that we would not be making you wait next time.

We are so sorry to hear that you waited so long and that we did not meet the requirements. We are developing our services continuously so that similar cases should not happen in the future. We hope you will not judge (YOUR COMPANY NAME) by this case, and we would be given another chance for our products/services.

Please accept our deepest apologies for the inappropriate services.

Please accept our apologies for the experienced a service interruption. We will immediately get back to you and update you accordingly as soon as we have further details available. Furthermore, kindly be informed that as soon as the service is fixed we will issue a Credit Note for the outage.

Because of the occurred unpleasant situation we will provide you with a discount/ additional amount of the device/ upgrade service.

I would like to offer you my sincerest apologies that no one has contacted you on behalf of (YOUR COMPANY NAME) to take care of your current the service/s or to offer you better solutions that meet your business needs and expectations.

I will continue doing my best trying to assist you and I really hope that we will find a way to meet your business requirements.

There is no real excuse for the large time gap, but please be informed that a lot of changes have recently happened that we weren’t able to fix. Our company’s priority is to tend to our customers and partners demands and always to do our best to provide them with timely admin support and market competitive services.

EXAMPLE

Dear (CLIENT NAME),

Thank you for your email of (DATE) regarding your experiences with customer service.

We take all comments regarding our customer service department seriously, and I investigated the matter you raised. However, I could not find any instances of the type you describe. In fact, our representatives are trained to be polite, friendly and helpful.

I have referred the matter to our …. department, who will keep your comments on the file. Please be assured that we will continue to monitor the performance of our customer service to ensure prompt and courteous handling of calls.

If you wish to contact someone regarding this matter, please write to my line manager (added in cc).

Regards,
(YOUR NAME)

EXAMPLE

Dear (CLIENT NAME),

Thank you again for sharing your experiences, your opinion is highly important for us!

I understand now and apologize for all you have been through and still waiting on. I wish I could assist with this case very much. I am going to copy the group that definitely can assist as well as another group. Your service will remain active until you tell me otherwise.

Although I am disappointed, I respect that your selection of solution provider was based on careful consideration of the merits of both companies and that (THE OTHER COMPANY) offerings were more in line with your present needs. Naturally, I wish you only the best of luck with your choice.

If you have further need that our company can service, please don’t hesitate to contact me.

Sincerely,
(YOUR NAME)

EXAMPLE

Good Afternoon Mr Crum,

I know that you might be disappointed by the whole situation and the slow resolution of your issue, but we took over your case and we are really trying to do our best to sort it immediately.

You are a valuable client for us and it is our priority to fix your accounts and make you happy and satisfied with our services.

I hope that we can collaborate in the next few weeks and resolve everything.

If you make a mistake in the workplace, you should apologize to your employees. This acknowledges you’ve made an error and will take the necessary steps to fix it. You should know how to deliver an appropriate apology that helps build trust and a lasting relationship with your team. Learn how to properly apologize to your employees and review FAQs about apologizing effectively.

Why is it important to apologize effectively?

Apologizing to employees acknowledges that you made a mistake and will take the necessary actions to correct yourself. Accepting responsibility for a behavior that affected an employee is a great way to start a conversation with them. This helps you learn what you did and how to fix it. It also helps you understand what you can do in the future to avoid making this mistake again.

Admitting you made a mistake shows employees that you’re willing to improve yourself and understand what you can do to be better. This motivates your employees to apologize to others as well and repeat the steps you took to acknowledge you were wrong. This motivates the entire office to understand how to improve themselves and practice communicating their feelings with one another, which builds a stronger company culture.

Taking responsibility also helps the other person feel better by allowing them to gather their dignity and confidence. This makes it easier for them to heal after the situation, which allows you to remain respected and appreciated as a supervisor.

How to apologize effectively to employees

Apologizing to employees is a great way to build strong dialogue between all your team members in the office. Follow the steps below to deliver an effective apology to your employees:

1. Reflect on what you said or did

Before apologizing to an employee, take time to think about your actions. Analyze the situation and ask yourself how you would have felt if you were the other person in this circumstance. Evaluate how you and the other person feel and what exactly you believe you did to cause it.

2. Reach out to the employee to set up a meeting

Once you know exactly what you’ll be apologizing for, contact the employee and set up a meeting with them. An apology is more professional if you complete it privately, in person. This helps both you and the employee feel more comfortable and confident to express feelings during the conversation. Try to reserve a meeting room, conference room or speak in your office to ensure privacy and confidentiality.

3. Start the apology by expressing remorse

Begin the apology by immediately stating, “I apologize” or “I’m sorry.” By starting this way, you’re telling the employee what the meeting will be about. Hearing an apology at the beginning of the conversation helps them feel more comfortable and encouraged to engage in a professional conversation.

4. Take responsibility for your actions

After stating your remorse, admit that you are responsible for the behavior or actions you performed. Be specific about what you did and mention how that may have made them feel. This helps express that you’re aware of what your actions caused and makes them understand that you really are sorry about it.

5. Make amends with the employee

Once you have clearly explained what you may have done wrong, detail how you plan to correct the problem. Tell them ways you will avoid making the mistake again and what steps you will take if you do make it once again. This demonstrates your willingness to correct your problem and work to overcome it. This action encourages your employees to do the same.

6. Give them time to provide an appropriate response

After presenting your apology, allow the employee time to take in your information and curate a response. They may need time to process what happened in the conversation. This may cause them to simply accept your apology or tell you they need time to think. Accept the response they give you and allow them some time to process the situation. They may approach you later with their own apology, or they may express their feelings with a thought out speech.

Apologizing effectively FAQs

Here are answers to several common questions regarding apologizing effectively:

Can I apologize to an employee over email?

Depending on the situation, it may be best to apologize via email. If you made a minor mistake like providing incorrect information or arriving late to a meeting, you can apologize through a well-written email. Take your time when you compose it and ensure the message holds you accountable for your actions. Proofread it carefully to make sure it sounds professional and is free of spelling or grammar errors.

What’s an example of an apology over email?

If you’re planning to write an apology over email and are unsure of where to start, use this example to guide you:

Dear team,
I would like to apologize for arriving late to our meeting on Friday, March 13th. I value and respect each of your ideas and your time, and appearing late gives the opposite impression. Next time, I will set more than one alert on my calendar to ensure I come to each meeting early.

Thank you all for your time and effort.
Taylor Adams

What’s an example of an apology in person?

Here’s an example of professionally delivering your apology to employees in a face-to-face setting:

“Thank you for meeting with me. I’m sorry for telling you your numbers were incorrect in front of the team during your presentation. I reviewed the numbers at my desk afterward and realized you calculated them correctly. I’m sure the situation made you feel embarrassed and frustrated with me, which is understandable. Next time, I will make sure to double check the numbers before jumping to conclusions. I hope you can accept my apology.”

How to apologize after a dispute

There was a good deal of uncontrolled emotion on my side. I wasn’t expressing myself well and I knew it. I became more and more frustrated and less effective at explaining my feelings.

I found myself laying unwarranted blame on my friend rather than admitting openly that something was hurting me and I was feeling vulnerable.

Ultimately, he said the words I was having trouble finding for me, and that resolved the situation.

I was embarrassed and grateful, but I realized I needed to evaluate a few of my shortcomings to avoid making the same mistake again.

I also realized that what I was feeling wasn’t the problem.

It was my inability to effectively convey what was in my heart and on my mind that led to hurt feelings and further misunderstanding.

After much self examination, I’ve come up with a few tips to communicate effectively during a conflict.

1. Think about whether this needs to be said right now, in this moment.

Sometimes the opportunity will be missed if not.

In my case, I felt I needed to bring the subject up right then or I might not have gotten the nerve again. I went for it, but it could have gone better if I’d waited to form a well organized idea of what I wanted to say.

2. Think about the other person’s state of mind.

Is he/she tired, under other stress, or not in an ideal place right now to have a heartfelt talk?

3. Consider if you have a good handle on your emotions.

Also, consider if you have the proper perspective to deal with the potential consequences.

Email, texts, and cell phone calls are not an ideal way to introduce the need to talk about something substantial.

4. Hold off on the confrontation if you feel the time is not right.

There is a marked difference in avoiding a hard topic and thoughtfully planning the ideal time to have a potentially difficult conversation.

5. Focus on breathing to help control your emotions.

If you begin a difficult conversation starting from a place of controlled emotion and grace, the path will be smoother.

6. Keep your perspective broad and realistic.

Don’t place too much importance on a single talk. Most of the progress in relationships comes from a series of discussions as they unravel naturally. Try and stay in the moment and minimize added drama by bringing up old or irrelevant issues.

7. Listen more than you talk.

It’s fine to be heard, but if you are not listening to the other’s response, the discussion is pointless.

8. Avoid adding unnecessary drama.

These things never help to fix a problem and ultimately bring more hurt to all involved. These include ultimatums, yelling, threatening to cut off the friendship, name calling, and personal attacks.

If it comes to that, walk away. Breathe, step back, and allow some time before you try again.

9. Focus on what the person is trying to communicate.

I’m often reminded as a parent to listen to my children’s words and not necessarily the emotion behind them. Emotions are fleeting, and rarely final. They are simply a temporary reaction to the current situation.

My three-year-old sometimes throws temper tantrums when she’s frustrated, but if I listen and respond to her words, it often diffuses her anger. Many times she is telling me she is not feeling heard as the youngest member of our family. I focus on the simple phrase, “Mommy! Listen to me!” Not her screaming voice and kicking feet.

10. Acknowledge the feelings.

If you acknowledge that someone is angry or hurt, you can better understand the sharp or harsh words that may be coming from them. You can choose to help them deal with their emotions or let them regain their composure to talk another time.

11. Take a realistic assessment of your true feelings in the moment.

I tend to distort and add unintended nuances to the words that others say when I am upset. This has caused me a great deal of distress in past conflicts. I am not on the wrong page, but in the wrong book sometimes metaphorically speaking.

After such experiences, I find the other person saying “How did you come to that conclusion from what I said?”

This is a classic example of our ability to inflict the worst hurts upon ourselves.

If I realize that I am upset and try to hear the words being said to me as they are, without my running mental commentary, things come across much clearer.

12. Clear the emotional fog enough to receive the message.

If you need to ask for clarification or even repeat what you think the other person is trying to say, so be it.

13. Know that most well established relationships can weather the occasional conflict just fine.

It can even be an opportunity to grow and evolve as you turn a new corner of understanding one another.

The friend I argued with is the best kind. He challenges me to broaden my perspective. He is relentless in keeping me from settling and expecting too little from life. He pushes me out of the nest over and over when I get too comfortable.

Don’t avoid expressing how you feel for the sake of preserving a friendship.

The foundation of all relationships is grounded on honesty and trust. It’s okay to show weakness, to be wrong, or to just plain melt down from time to time. Each person has something to give and something to learn. Conflict might be considered the way to pass along such knowledge.

I am fortunate my friend knew me well and was willing to give me space and offer forgiveness. The next time I have something to say, I will try to remember this and be more straightforward.

Every challenge with another is a chance to better our response. They give us the chance to practice patience, respect for others, detachment, and compassion. The added benefit is strengthening our relationships and our ability to communicate.

The diplomatic row erupted over amendments to a law concerning a government debt of the religious authority of the Muslims in Bulgaria.

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Comments by Turkish Foreign Minister Mevlut Cavusoglu that Turkey “had to intervene” in Bulgaria’s legislative process, and Ankara’s ensuing refusal to apologize despite the insistence of Bulgarian Prime Minister Boyko Borisov have sparked an outrage in Sofia.

The dispute began over Cavusoglu’s comments in a speech in the Turkish town of Tekirdag concerning recently adopted amendments to Bulgaria’s Religious Denominations Act.

With the controversial piece of legislation, the Bulgarian Cabinet led by Borisov and the rightist GERB party at first intended to write off EUR 4 million in debt owed to the state by Bulgaria’s Chief Mufti’s Office, the religious authority of the Muslims in the country who are mostly ethnic Turks.

After public pressure, however, the ruling coalition modified the religious denominations law to give the Chief Mufti’s Office an extension of 10 years to pay the debt.

Up until 2 years ago, Bulgaria’s Chief Mufti’s Office was subsidized by Turkey. Since then, however, it has accrued a debt of BGN 8 million (EUR 4 million) in unpaid social security dues.

“The draft amendments for the Denominations Act in Bulgaria was against all rights and freedoms. Turkey was forced to intervene, and Bulgaria had to make changes,” Turkish Foreign Minister Cavusoglu said in Tekirdag, as cited by the Bulgarian National Radio.

“We work day and night for the interests of the Turkish communities abroad, and this is a priority of this government,” Turkey’s top diplomat added.

The comment led Bulgaria’s Foreign Minister Ekaterina Zaharieva to summon the Turkish Ambassador in Sofia, Hasan Ulusoy, for explanation, while denying that Ankara was able to meddle in Bulgaria’s domestic affairs. Ulusoy said Cavusoglu’s words had been taken out of context.

Meeting with Turkey’s First Vice President, Fuat Oktay, in Romania’s capital Bucharest on Friday, Bulgaria’s Prime Minister Boyko Borisov asked for an apology but did not receive any after talks that drag on for five hours.

“Turkey doesn’t wish to apologize to Bulgaria… I was adamant about any other kinds of joint statements. I was very clear that a nation’s honor and dignity cannot be measured with any other types of benefits,” Borisov commented after failing to get Turkey to apologize, as cited by BGNES.

“Nobody called me, and nobody pressured me,” he said, reiterating that the amendments to Bulgaria’s Religious Denominations Act concerning the government debt of the Chief Mufti’s Office were not introduced and adopted under pressure from Turkey.

Borisov added he understood the election campaign situation before the Turkish local elections but argued that his party GERB never resorted to similar approaches in its own campaigning.

“When everybody else uses anti-Turkish rhetoric, we’ve never done that. And in Bulgaria, the anti-Turkish rhetoric brings benefits. We never do that precisely because of our good neighborly relations,” the Bulgarian Prime Minister said, alluding to three nationalist and far-right formations which are currently his coalition partners united in a grouping called “Patriotic Front”.

“I understand that they have elections [in Turkey] but [that cannot be] at Bulgaria’s expense. Our Muslims do not need any protection in any way because they have absolute rights and freedoms, of religion and of everything else,” he argued.

Turkish Foreign Minister Cavusoglu’s comments about Turkey’s meddling in Bulgaria’s legislative process led VMRO, one of the three nationalist formations in the Bulgarian ruling coalition, to stage protest rallies before the Turkish Embassy in Sofia.

“It is certain that Turkey intervened in our internal affairs, there is no question about that,” Georgi Dimov, Bulgaria’s former consul in the Turkish city of Edirne, told bTV.

“Two years ago, there was the same kind of intervention, and we took no measures. Back then Turkey’s Minister of Labor and Social Policy Mehmet Muezzinoglu directly campaigned in favor of a certain political force in Bulgaria,” Dimov reminded.

In his words, in the present diplomatic row, Bulgaria’s government only partially took the necessary steps to get an apology from Turkey.

According to Dimov, Sunday’s local elections in Turkey completed its transition from a parliamentary republic into a presidential one.

“During the campaign, Erdogan himself said it was possible that his opponents who win elections might face various charges, thus applying a tactic known from the Kurdish-populated regions in Southeast Anatolia… The opposition’s mayoral bidder for Ankara, Mansur Yavas, is facing indictment over a 15-year-old case,” the former diplomat said.

At the same time, Dimov expressed doubts that Turkish leader Erdogan would go through with his plans to turn the Hagia Sophia in Istanbul from a museum back into a mosque.

“Things there are more complicated, and the election campaign situation would be no more. What matters more is that with the Hagia Sophia case and these comments Turkey is making giant steps away from the modern Republic of Turkey established by [Mustafa Kemal] Ataturk,” he concluded.

THE Talk’s Sharon Osbourne and Sheryl Underwood “refused to apologize” on air after their blowout fight on Wednesday’s episode, The Sun can exclusively reveal.

Sharon, 68, got into an argument with Sheryl, 57, as she explained her decision to defend her friend Piers Morgan’s “freedom of speech” over his intense scrutiny of Meghan Markle over the years.

How to apologize after a dispute

Amanda Kloots opened Thursday's episode of The Talk by addressing the fight, as she said: “We are a TV family here. Sometimes we argue like we did yesterday and sometimes we laugh, but we are back together again today and we are ready to start today's show!”

The women then discussed show topics, as Sharon and Sheryl did not issue any apologies.

A source told The Sun both sides “refused to apologize.”

The insider claimed: “Sheryl and Elaine did not want to look weak to the black community who think they went out of their way to educate Sharon. Sharon does not trust that Sheryl and Elaine wouldn’t bury her further on air.

How to apologize after a dispute

How to apologize after a dispute

How to apologize after a dispute

“She does not want to apologize when she feels she was attacked on air for supporting a friend. It was an impasse and there is still tension you can cut with a knife.”

The source continued to claim: “The damage is done. Mrs. O will never forgive Sheryl for ambushing her with that question and seeming to paint her out to be racist on live television. That bridge is forever burned.

“Mrs. O left the set sobbing yesterday so hurt by what transpired.”

Viewers commented on the tension between the co-hosts throughout the episode.

How to apologize after a dispute

One tweeted: “Okay @TheTalkCBS is super awkward, uncomfortable and cringey & we all know why! Sharon owes her co-hosts an apology!”

A second wrote: “The air is so thick you could cut it with a knife.”

A third commented: “Yep… that air is a bit thick between Sheryl and Sharon today. Sharon looks uncomfortable. Sheryl’s gettin’ on with ease because, like many of us, she’s had to do that before. But trust, she hasn’t forgotten.”

Sharon said on Wednesday’s show: “Why is it that because I supported a longtime friend and work colleague for years, people go ‘well you must be racist because he’s racist.’

How to apologize after a dispute

“No. I support his freedom of speech. I’m not racist and neither is Piers racist.

“What have I ever said about anybody that’s racist? It’s not within me. It’s not in my soul.”

Sheryl disagreed with Sharon’s comments, as she acknowledged Piers showed “racial implications with the way he spoke about Meghan” last time he appeared on their talk show.

Sharon continued: “I have friends in my life and I speak up for my friend. If he ever needed me, I’d be there for him.

How to apologize after a dispute

“But I feel like I’m about to be put in the electric chair because I have a friend who many people think is a racist so that makes me a racist.”

When Sheryl said “well…” Sharon screamed: “Well? Well what? Well what?”

Sheryl then tried to go to commercial break, but as cameras cut back to the studio, the mom-of-three was seen crying on set.

Sharon fired at her co-star when the show returned: “I’ll ask you again Sheryl because I’ve been asking during the break…

How to apologize after a dispute

“Oh and don’t try to cry, if anyone should be crying it should be me! This is the situation… educate me, tell me where you have heard him say racist things. Educate me!”

Sheryl then explained: “It’s not the exact words of racism it’s the implication and the reaction to it. To not want to address that because she is a Black woman and to try to dismiss it, that’s what makes it racist.

“But right now I’m talking to a woman that is my friend and I don’t want anybody here to watch this and say we’re attacking you for being racist.”

Sharon then laughed and rolled her eyes before quipping: “I think it’s too late. I think that seed’s already sewn.”

How to apologize after a dispute

An insider told The Sun that staffers are “petrified” Sharon, the only original cast member, will quit.

The source claimed: “Sharon is hurt that she was attacked on air. She feels she was made to look bad. She feels betrayed and that no one at the show has her back.”

The source added: “If Sharon quits the show will most certainly be canceled. No one will watch without Sharon.

How to apologize after a dispute

How to apologize after a dispute

“We are still the lowest rated of all network shows, down more than 30 percent from last year.”

Viewer reaction to the fight has been mixed, as many defended Mrs. O, while others took Sheryl and Elaine's side.

Making up after an argument is more than just saying you're sorry.

Jason and Kate had one of those late-night arguments last night…again. It wasn’t one of their worst, but it left them both feeling raw. The next morning was awkward, circling around each other in the kitchen as they got coffee. One of them finally mumbled an apology, and the other did the same, both trying to just put it behind them. Case closed.

How to apologize after a dispute

There are a lot of ways couples try to mop up after an argument: Jason and Kate’s mumbled apologies; for others, make-up sex, or several days of deep-freeze during which no one talks until it somehow gradually defrosts, but nothing more is said as things go back to “normal”.

Disagreements will flare up in any close relationship, and there are two parts to them:

At the front-end is the way the argument unfolds. This is about balance and containment. The balance is exactly that — that both partners need to feel safe enough to speak up. It doesn’t work when there isn’t that balance — when one person dominates the conversation through rants and bullies and the other person shuts down. Or when both partners shut down, or worse, stop bringing up problems at all. These couples keep everyday conversations superficial, walk on eggshells, and use distance to avoid conflict.

Containment is about keeping the disagreement in emotional bonds — where it doesn’t turn into open warfare in which each person digs up the past to throw more wood on the emotional fire. This is where hurtful things are said and things can get physical, creating emotional or physical scars that don’t go away but create more fear, resentment, and fodder for future arguments.

But then there is the backside of the argument—the making-up.

What You Don’t Want to Do

Don’t pretend it didn’t happen. You skip the apologies and get up on Sunday morning and pretend that what happened last night didn’t.

Don’t continue to punish the other guy. You do the silent treatment, not because you don’t know how to make-up, but because it’s your way of punishing and essentially continuing the argument in another form. Here partners often throw in passive-aggressive behaviors to rub salt into the other’s wounds.

Don’t do the deep-freeze. Even if it’s not about punishment, but anxiety and awkwardness, the deep-freeze creates an awful climate in a relationship as home becomes a who-will-blink-first contest. This is particularly harmful for children, who are forced to walk on eggshells and often naturally and erroneously believe that it is all somehow happening because they did something wrong.

Don’t not apologize. Apologizing is not about saying that the other person is right, i.e., you’re wrong and she wins the argument, but simply about acknowledging that you hurt the other’s feelings. Apologies are simply about taking responsibility for your side of the argument.

Doing It Right

Cool off. You want to cool off in order to get your rational brain back online. If you try to talk too soon, you’re likely to trigger each other again. That said, couples usually differ in how much time they need to calm down (and men often take longer). If you’re not ready yet to come back and make up, simply say, in one sentence, “I’m still upset; I’m not trying to ignore you, I just need more time to cool off.”

Apologize.

Go back and solve the problem that started the argument. The dishes left on the counter, the money spent on shoes or video games, the time the kids need to get to bed. This is where it is easy to fall down. Jason and Kate say they’re sorry, but don’t return to the topic. Why? Because they are afraid it will only turn into another fight. The challenge is to go back and talk about it and solve the problem, rather than sweeping it under the rug.

Your job at this point is to stay sane — pretend you’re at work and act as you would if a coworker did something that bothered you. Resist the urge to plow back into the argument: you said, no I didn’t, if you hadn’t said, etc. Move forward — figure out a plan for dealing with the dishes, the expenses, the bedtime. If it gets hot again, stop, cool off, try again, or write down your solution to the problem, then circle back and talk again.

Figure out the moral of the story of the argument. You want to fix the problem so it doesn’t keep coming up, but you also want to learn something that the argument can teach you about communication and, often, the underlying source of the problem.

Questions to Ask Yourself

Is there a deeper issue underlying the problem?

The dishes are not about dishes but about feeling criticized, or feeling like the other person doesn’t hear you and dismisses your requests, or feeling like you are Cinderella and the other person isn’t doing his or her share of the work. Ditto for money. Bedtime? Different parenting styles, a power struggle about parenting, or something else? Be curious: Dig down, look for the larger pattern that makes the argument merely the tip of the iceberg, then have a conversation about the bigger stuff.

Why did it turn into an argument at all?

Was there something that the other person did that pushed your buttons? Talk about that. Was it because you were both tired and cranky already, or that it was late at night and you both had had a couple of drinks? Talk about that, and how to do it differently going forward. Was it because you were holding things in for a long time and finally blew up? If so, talk about what you need to feel safe to bring things up sooner. Was it because you both had been feeling disconnected from each other, and somehow had subconsciously developed this pattern of picking a fight so you could then have make-up sex or cuddly make-up and get recalibrated? Talk about how to catch the disconnection sooner and develop better ways of bringing you both closer.

The goals here are clear: Solve the problem and learn from the experience so you don’t keep repeating it. The challenge is having the courage to do so, to step up (or step down), and approach your anxiety rather than avoiding it.