Without visual cues, detecting deception is difficult, but not impossible.
Posted January 13, 2012
Detecting Deception over the Telephone
I hear the voice coming through the telephone receiver, but I am not sure the person at the other end is telling the truth. Without visual cues, detecting deception becomes more difficult, but not impossible. Deep budget cuts have forced many companies to use the telephone to conduct business instead of face-to-face meetings. Mastering skills to detect deception over the telephone safeguard against people who intend to lie to you or to take advantage of you. Several techniques will be presented to help determine the veracity of the person at the other end of the telephone. These techniques will be particularly helpful for investigators who have to conduct telephone interviews. Remember, no deception technique is 100 percent reliable. These techniques will only provide you with a probability of deception, not a certainty of deception.
Establish a Baseline
A baseline can be established during the first few minutes of a conversation. A baseline consists of verbal patterns and paralinguistic cues of the person to whom you are talking. The best method to establish a baseline is to engage the person in social pleasantries such as the weather or other neutral topics and catalogue the person’s speech patterns and paralinguistic cues. The baseline is established during the part of the conversation when the person you are talking to has no reason to lie. Later, during the conversation, you can listen for any deviations from the person’s baseline. Deviations from the baseline indicate a degree of anxiety. Various factors can cause anxiety, including deception. One deviation from the baseline does not indicate deception. Look for a cluster of baseline changes before concluding deception. Deviation clusters typically occur during deception.
Liars have longer response times than truth tellers. Truthful people simply answer questions; however, liars typically need extra time to formulate their answers to ensure that they appear truthful. A person’s response time to “hot” questions can be compared with the baseline response time established at the beginning of the conversation. If the response time is longer, then deception is possible. Truthful people could take longer to answer a question if the question requires thought. To reduce the possibility of false positives, use the “Well” technique. When you ask someone a direct “yes” or “no” question and they begin their response with the word “well,” it means they are about to give you an answer they know you are not expecting. This technique only works with direct “yes” or “no” questions.
I used this technique recently to determine if the projector problems were resolved for an upcoming speech I was giving. The conversation went something like this.
Me: Hi, my name is Jack Schafer. I am scheduled to speak at the convention tomorrow. I was told that there were some problems with the projector for my slide presentation. Have those problems been resolved?
Event Coordinator: (Slight pause) Well, (Slight pause) they told me that everything has been taken care of.
Based on the event coordinator’s “Well” response to my direct “yes” or “no” question, I was reasonably certain that the problems with the projector had not been resolved. The coordinator knew I was expecting a “yes” answer. Her “well” response indicated that she was going to give me an answer other than “yes.” The coordinator displayed three indicators of deception, speech latency, failing the “Well Technique,” and the answer was evasive. Evasive answers will be discussed later in this blog. This cluster indicated that there was a high probability of deception. Rather than call the coordinator on the deception, I caarried a projector with me just in case.
Liars need time to construct believable answers. To gain extra time, liars often use Word Fillers such as “umm,” “ah,” and “uh huh” before responding. Another method liars use to gain extra time is to answer a question with a question or ask the speaker to repeat the question. Truthful people seldom need extra time to answer simple questions. Using this technique is less effective in today’s society because cell phone reception can be spotty requiring the need to ask for the question to be repeated. Again, no one technique can detect deception. Look for clusters and clusters or deceptive indicators.
Liars have difficulty providing direct answers to direct questions. Liars will use a variety of techniques to avoid answering direct questions. If you suspect deception, ask the person a direct “yes” or “no” question. If the person does not provide you with a direct answer, then the probability of deception increases. If the person pauses before answering the question, probability of deception significantly increases. If the person answers the question with the word “well,” deception is very likely. These responses form a cluster of cues that indicate a high probability of deception.
DePaulo, B. M., Lindsay, J. J., Malone, B. E., Muhlenbruck, L., Charlton, K., & Cooper, H. (2003).Cues to deception. Psychological Bulletin, 129, 74-112.
Sporer, S., Schwandt, B. (2006). Paraverbal indicators of deception: A meta-analytic synthesis. Applied Cognitive Psychology, 20, 421-446.
Cheating is one of the most horrific experiences one can go through. However, sadly, it is a surprisingly common occurrence. About 81% of people agree that cheating is wrong, however, surprisingly, about 25% of men and 15% of women are likely to cheat.
If you doubt your wife is cheating on you then you must be worried about how to get her to admit. Very few women admit to cheating.
This is why it is important to know how to get your wife to admit she cheated.
First Be Sure That She Cheated
You must have a justified reason to doubt your wife’s loyalty. While hunches are generally right, you can’t blame your partner just because you feel so.
You must know about the signs that indicate your wife is cheating on you. Getting your wife to confess the truth should come after you are sure she is having an affair.
You can’t force her to confess if she’s not cheating on you. Doing so will cause a rift between you two. Hence, be careful.
Related reading: Should I Disclose My Revenge Affair To My Husband?
Tip #1 Ask Her Straight Away
Honesty is the best policy so why not be honest and ask her to confess the truth. However, make sure to create an atmosphere that makes her comfortable enough to share the truth.
Use a friendly tone. Do not try to intimidate or force her to speak the truth. Be respectful and ask her questions like:
- Are you cheating on me?
- Are you seeing someone behind my back?
She may confess and tell you the truth. However, in some cases she may deny the truth and call you obnoxious for doubting her.
If you feel your wife may not confess the truth then you can ask her questions in a twisted manner.
For example, instead of asking her if she’s having an affair, ask her what she thinks of infidelity and what she’ll do if she catches you cheating on her.
You can twist the conversation based on her answer to make her utter the truth.
Tip #2 Beat about the Bush
This is an easy way to get your partner to confess the truth.
Get her engrossed in a random conversation about love and relationships to get her to confess.
You can talk about how movies now show infidelity as a common occurrence or how one of your friends is cheating on his wife.
Ask her if she has ever thought about cheating on you. Such questions may irritate her and she may tell you the truth in a moment of anger.
Such slip of tongue moments are not very rare. It’s all about building tension and taking her to a point where she has no option but to speak the truth.
Related reading: How To Get My Husband Back After I Cheated?
Tip #3 Find Proof
People are more likely to speak the truth if you confront them with undeniable proof. There are several ways to gather proof. Some good options include:
- Listen to Your Partner’s Conversations: Eavesdropping might not be the best option but it can work. You can even find clues which can help you find the truth.
- Hack Their Phone: When we talk about hacking, we mean to use a phone spy software designed to give you access to your partner’s phone. Hacking may not be legal but installing a phone spy tool to keep an eye on your partner is.
- Hire a Detective: If you believe in going extreme then consider hiring the services of a detective. It will cost you a lot but you’ll have peace of mind.
- Follow Your Partner: Stalking your partner can help you gather proof in the form of photos and videos. You will, however, need a lot of free time in hand to make it a success.
- Verify What She Says: If you think she was out with someone last night but she claims to be at work then call her colleagues to confirm. This is an easy way to find a cheater.
The more proof you have, the better it will be.
Tip #4 Express Empathy
An easy way to get your partner to confess is to show empathy. People hide the truth because they are scared of the consequences. If you convince your wife and took her in confidence, she may speak the truth.
Tell her you are willing to forgive her. However, we strongly suggest not to play with her feelings.
Related reading: How To Find Hidden Profiles On Social Networks
Tip #5 Tell Her You Cheated on Her
A lot of people hide the truth because they are not ready to face the music. They do not have the courage to be honest.
Knowing that you have cheated as well can give your partner the confidence they need to share the truth.
They may tell you the truth to convince you that it is okay to cheat and that you shouldn’t feel bad or they may use it as an excuse to end the relationship, depending on where they want to take the marriage.
However, you need to be careful because you may get into trouble if you are wrong about your partner cheating on you.
Tip #6 Bluff a Little
You can lie about stuff like:
- I saw you with someone else.
- Your friend told me you are having an affair.
She may confess the truth if she feels you already know it. However, make sure to come up with a smart move.
Related reading: Why Do Women Have Affairs?
Think of what you will say to her and plan the conversation in your head so that you don’t get carried away.
How to Deal With the Situation
You got your wife to speak the truth but now you don’t know what to do with your life. The truth can hurt like a hundred bricks but it’s important to be strong enough to deal with the burden.
“Instead of becoming a detective and snooping through their phone, consider talking about it,” Elisa Dombrowski, a marriage and family therapist in Orange County, California, told The Huffington Post. “Let them know you can handle the truth and that you believe you can work through anything, as long as there’s honesty.”
Below, Dombrowski and other marriage therapists offer more advice for broaching the delicate subject.
You deserve to know if your partner is faithful. If you have a suspicion that something is amiss in your relationship, don’t ignore the warning signs, Dombrowski said.
“Some people worry that confronting their partner will force the break up of their relationship,” she said. “They hope it will go away on its own but it’s often this lack of communication that creates distance in the relationship from the beginning, making it easier for an affair to take place.”
Ultimately, you should trust your intuition and broach the subject delicately, she said.
“Too often, we condition ourselves to ignore that tiny voice inside that says something doesn’t feel quite right,” Dombrowski added.
Don’t lower yourself to snooping through email or text messages, especially if you’re hopeful your relationship can withstand any possible betrayal, said Stephanie Mintz, a marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, California.
“Resist the temptation to snoop,” she told HuffPost. “This would be a total breach of trust and privacy on your part and would make rebuilding that trust much more difficult. Although you may suspect your partner or spouse has already broken the trust, you don’t want to add fuel to the fire.”
Timing is critical when discussing a subject this sensitive, Mintz said. You’ll both need to be in the right frame of mind, so to that end, don’t bring it up at 12 a.m. on a Monday, when you’re both exhausted. (Indeed, studies have shown that the brain’s emotional centers are more reactive when we’re sleep deprived.)
“You don’t want this to be rushed and you don’t want to do it before work, when children are around or with an activity to go to shortly after,” Mintz said. “Wait for an evening after each of you has had some time to unwind from work or a weekend where you don’t have plans for later on in the day.”
This is bound to be an uncomfortable conversation. You may want to begin the talk by acknowledging how uneasy it makes you, said Todd Creager, a marriage therapist in Orange County, California and the author of The Little Black Book On Infidelity.
“Let your partner know that you have some uneasy feelings and need him or her to help you sort through them,” he said. “Then go ahead and let your partner know what you are suspicious of or what caused your uneasiness.”
Your spouse still may get angry and defensive ― especially if your suspicions are true ― “but you’re cutting down the chances of defensiveness by focusing on yourself and not your partner,” Creager said.
Let your partner know that when you feel uneasy or have an intuition, you owe it to yourself to check it out, Creager said.
“By bringing it up, you are educating your partner that you have integrity,” he said. “Let him or her know that you are owed the truth if nothing else. You deserve to know what is truly going on so that you can make a good decision for yourself.”
It can be isolating and painful to deal with infidelity. Depending on the answer you receive from your partner, you might consider seeking individual or couples therapy afterward, Dombrowski said.
“You might feel the need to tell friends and family about your partner’s cheating but once the secret is out, you can’t put it back in,” she said. “Friends and family are great but a good therapist can help you decide who your trusted circle of support will be while you are learning to navigate the difficult journey that lies ahead, whatever you decide.”
Use this strategy to encourage truthfulness among preteens and teens.
“I’m infuriated, all she does is lie to me!” exclaimed Joan, about Allison, her not-so-angelic 15-year-old daughter. “She lies about what friends she sees at the movies, lies about completing her homework, and by the way, I am sick of policing her about it. And, you know what, I can’t even trust if she really washes off her dishes. If she’s like this now, how’s she going to be as an adult? And, even when she tells me stories, I am finding that she is embellishing galore. I just don’t get it. I was not like this as a kid and it would be so much easier if she was straight up about things.”
As you can see from the above example, and as you probably know if you are reading this blog, lying children and teens can drive us nuts – if we allow them to. The best you can do as a parent is keep yourself from overreacting to your child’s lies. If you overreact, then you are just building a bigger barrier between you and your child feeling safe to open up to you.
As I discuss in my book, 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child , the “truth” is that often preteens and teens will shade the truth or downright lie. It is best as parents not to take the lies personally. This is not easy but if you step back and stay mindful that kids can lie for different reasons, this realization alone may help you stay calm. Preteens and teens can lie to try to avoid getting in trouble, defend a friend they like, or lie because they are too upset to talk about painful experiences, like rejection from peers.
One child in my practice concocted a story about burying a gun in the woods that was supposedly obtained from a “gang” he belonged to. Turns out the story was a hoax but his underlying feelings of inadequacy were a serious matter. In this example, the child lied to make himself seem more powerful to others, calm himself from feeling invisible and lonely, and because he lacked social and problem-solving skills.
It’s important to be cognizant of the difference between lies that cover up for risky behaviors including drug use as opposed to smaller, everyday lies. Lying that results in, or covers for, unsafe or illegal behavior must be addressed directly. Instead of getting hung up if your teen is showing remorse – and yes, I realize that this is important – remember that being responsive is paramount. When the lying is about dangerous behaviors, involving drug or alcohol use, stealing, or other risky activities, seek guidance from a qualified mental health professional in your local community.
What to do as a parent or caregiver
Try to keep in mind that kids can be quite self-absorbed (can’t we also be as adults, too?) and they often don’t understand how hurtful lies can be. Calmly discuss versus lecture about honesty and dishonesty, and why they chose to lie. Do not use a judgmental tone, as it just usually fuels the, “See, I can’t tell my parents anything,” reflex from preteens and teens. You may not be able to stop your teen from creating those everyday lies, but you can convey that there are other options available.
I suggest that you think of yourself as an “emotion coach” versus over-the-top disciplinarian out to show who is boss. Talk about how telling the truth can feel scary and how we can all feel scared and that it’s OK. Share how calming down and solving problems are the keys for a successful life. Relate how lies can give the tempting illusion of calm and avoiding problems (e.g., homework not completed) but in the long run lies just create stress and emotional chaos.
If you feel that your child is making lies a “go-to” way to cope then acknowledge this observation. Talk about the problems they face as a consequence of lying but don’t use shaming tones as you speak. Join with your child about his fears. For example, does he believe that saying something dishonest helps him fit in?
Remember, above all, to help your child see her value. I often remind my own children and my clients about KYV (Know Your Value). In fact, I wrote a past blog on this very topic. For example, if your child is exaggerating a story, you might ask, “What you were telling me really held my interest, but then it seemed like you started to add things to it that weren’t true. That got in the way of seeing how you really are becoming so mature. Can you tell me why you decided to do that?”
Keep in mind that addressing lying behaviors is a process versus a quick fix. Some kids may take a while before they feel safe to level with you. But if you keep your own emotional reactivity and judgmental responses at bay, your child or teen is more likely to eventually open up. While in the short term you may just get a shrug, keeping yourself calm will your help your voice of truth and reason be heard.
By Hugh Benson on April 29, 2013 0
The worst part about believing that your wife is cheating on you is the fact that she won't honor you and own up to it. She believes that she can get away with having her cake and eating it too and it's time someone gave her a dose of harsh reality.
It's not fair to you that things continue on like this. You don't deserve a second of it and it's time that you ended it. You want to know how to get your wife to admit she cheated and you want to make this happen today.
You may think that it won't be that easy but it is actually very easy to get someone to admit to a lie that they constantly keep telling. Sooner or later, they actually start believing themselves so you need to stop this process now. You need to use these 3 surefire ways to get her to tell the truth so you can stop the madness.
The first way to get her to admit to her affair is to guilt her into it. She is probably having an affair out of spite for you and this whole situation needs to end. If you are extra sweet on her, buying her gifts, treating her with respect and putting her up on a pedestal for a little while, it will make her feel guilty for what she is doing to you. She most likely things you are the one at fault here so you need to show her that you are actually the victim. Guilt her into telling the truth by acting really kind to her. It will turn her whole world upside down.
The second way is to catch her in the act. That way, she won't have any choice but to admit to it and it will feel so sweet to you to catch her doing this. There is no better feeling than catching a thief red handed. Usually, when she says she is going to be late from work, she thinks you believe her so you would have no reason to show up. What if you did? What if she said she was going to be late coming home because of work and you showed up and she wasn't there? How is she going to explain herself now? She will have to figure out some way how to because right now, she is practically busted.
The third way to get her to admit she cheated is to make her jealous. If you start talking about someone that you find attractive in the office, she will certainly explode. She feels so neglected and is having an affair for that reason that if you start talking about someone else, even if they aren't real, it will set her off. She will want to hurt you back as equally if not more as you are hurting her and admitting to cheating on you will certainly do just that.
If you suspect that your wife is cheating on you, try using these methods to get her to reveal it once and for all. You deserve to know the truth and if she isn't going to be completely honest with you, the gloves will have to come off.
Suspecting that your wife is cheating can leave you feeling confused and alone. You may not think adultery can impact your marriage, but it can. Many men have no idea that their partners are being unfaithful. You can learn within the next few minutes how to catch your wife cheating on you.
When you think of that old Truth or Dare game, what comes to mind? – traumatizing memories of admitting your secret crush, or maybe being dared something embarrassing like running across your neighborhood in nothing but your underwear? While maybe shame-inducing, it is definitely fun, and not just for that awkward pre-teen phase anymore!
In the age of social distancing, we need to ignite a little spark in our lives, so why not bring this game back from the dead to play over text? The rules are simple and can be played one-on-one, or with your entire friend group. Basically, each person has a turn and asks one other person, “Truth or dare?”. The person chooses, and you ask them, or dare them, anything your heart desires! If they fail to answer or complete the dare, they have to take on a challenge – maybe fifty push-ups, or be deleted from the group chat! Stuck on what to ask?
Here are some fun, challenging, and all-out mouth-dropping truths and dares to text to your friends during your next group chat!
Truth or Dare over the phone
1. What is the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done?
2. What is the most childish thing you’ve done over the age of 13?
3. Who are you crushing on right now?
4. How many people have you kissed or slept with?
5. Tell me a time you were rejected, and describe it in detail for at least five minutes!
6. What is the meanest thing you’ve ever done to somebody?
8. What is something illegal you’ve done?
9. What is the grossest thing you’ve overheard someone do?
10. Tell me something you don’t like about me.
11. Who is a person you don’t like but pretend to?
12. Who is one person you wish was still in your life?
13. Do you think you’re uglier or better looking than most people you know?
14. When was a time you felt really embarrassed for somebody else?
15. Have you ever stolen something from your parents or another person?
16. At what age did you stop sleeping with a light on?
17. What is the silliest thing you’re genuinely scared of?
18. Do you believe in ghosts?
19. Have you ever been pulled over by the cops?
20. Have you ever catfished anybody? If so, what happened? If not, have you wanted to?
21. Have you ever been catfished before? What happened and how did you find out?
22. What is something you did a long time ago that you still regret today?
23. Have you ever heard your parents sleeping together?
24. What is the naughtiest thing you’ve ever done?
25. What is a really gross habit you have and never wanted anybody to find out?
Next: 98 Best Truth Questions to Ask Your Friends
26. Have you ever been in a police car, and if so, why?
27. What is something your best friend or significant other does that you really hate?
28. Have you ever hacked into someone’s social media to read their messages?
29. Have you ever creeped on or stalked somebody on social media?
30. Describe your grossest kiss and why it was so nasty!
31. If you had to go out on a date with one person of the same s*x, who would it be?
32. Tell me about a time you fake-cried, or only pretended to be regretful in order to get out of trouble.
33. What is the biggest lie you’ve ever told, and who did you tell it to?
34. Who do you think is the most unattractive of all your friends?
35. If you had to hook up with one family member, who would it be?
Recommended: 50 Truth or Dare Questions With Crazy Silly Dares
Good truth or dare questions over text
1. I dare you to order me $10 worth of food for delivery.
2. Shave your arms and send me a pic.
3. Record yourself singing a song and post it on YouTube.
4. Mix a drop of every condiment in your house and drink/eat it.
5. Message someone you haven’t talked to in at least 1 year on Facebook or Instagram and take a screenshot.
6. Try to lick your own foot!
7. Do a three-way prank call to somebody so I can listen.
8. Text your crush and ask them out on a date.
9. Fill up the bath and get in with your current outfit still on.
10. Pick the third number on your contacts list and message them a silly poem.
11. Open up all your windows and sing an entire song as loud as you can.
12. Cut a piece of your hair.
13. Put ice cubes down your pants and try to shake them out and send me a video.
14. Take a video of yourself doing a crazy dance and post it to social media.
15. Ask a neighbor if they have fifty cents.
16. Walk around the block and talk to yourself the entire time, even when people are around.
17. Drink or eat a teaspoon of soap.
18. Close your eyes and reach into your fridge or food pantry – the first thing you touch, you have to eat.
19. Send me a screenshot of your messages with the last person besides me you texted.
20. Brush your teeth with peanut butter or another condiment and send me a pic.
Next: 100+ Funny Dares for a Wild Time with Friends
21. Take a really unflattering picture and make it your profile picture for one full day.
22. Send me a screenshot of your selfies gallery.
23. Watch five minutes of an adult movie I’ll send you.
24. Go up to your biggest window and dance really badly until someone walks past.
25. Text a random number and write “I see dead people”.
26. Text a random number a selfie.
27. Shave a part of your body you wouldn’t usually shave.
28. Pretend to be a cat for five minutes and send me a video.
29. Find the spiciest thing in your house and eat an entire spoonful of it.
30. Make a video of yourself doing your weirdest habit!
31. Put on clothes of the opposite s*x and take a video of yourself trying to act like a guy/girl.
32. Create a really bad, five-minute make-up tutorial and post it to YouTube.
33. Walk to the nearest store and ask for the smallest available change for five dollars.
34. Wait until a dog walks past your house and bark at it!
35. Knock on someone’s door and try to run away before they answer!
Truth or Dare Questions To Play Over Text
If you want the questions in an Image or PDF format, You can grab it here: Image | PDF
How can you detect a lie before it’s told? It’s not as challenging as you might assume. Sure, some liars are so skilled that you won’t even see them squirm when they spin their web of stories, but they say eyes are the window to the soul for a reason, right? If you look deep enough into the eyes of your deceiver, you might just be able to tell what’s real from what’s not. According to new research, direct eye contact might even be the only way to get the truth out of someone who has dozens of lies lined up in their head. So, not only can you make the falsities stop while you’re ahead, once your eyes meet theirs, they’ll have no other option but to tell the truth. Now that’s what I call power.
This new research is pretty groundbreaking because, while it’s pretty much common knowledge that you can tell someone’s lying by the way they look — or don’t look — at you, this study suggests that direct eye contact encourages truth-telling. If that’s the case, then you could just skip the awkwardness of having to call someone out on a lie because — spoiler — they literally won’t be able to tell one. Though, come to think of it — and I mean no disrespect to the experts who uncovered this fun fact — but I’m pretty sure moms already know this trick. At least, my mom sure does. I digress.
According to the University of Tampere’s press release on the study, a team of psychologists from the school unveiled how you can get the truth out of someone who’s lying, by creating an interactive experiment in which participants faced off against one another in a computer game. As per the press release, opponents could see one another through a smart-glass window. As they played, researchers took note of how each opponent moved their eyes — upward or downward — during the course of the game. According to the study’s results, direct eye contact from an opponent was enough to reduce lying throughout the game. Coincidence? I think not, and neither do a whole slew of other experts in the space.
"We all know the classic ‘tells’ that reveal lying: eyes darting back and forth, and failure to make direct eye contact," best-selling author and relationship expert, Susan Winter, tells Elite Daily. These "micro-gestures," she explains, can reveal the discomforts and insecurities of even the most practiced liar. As a result, Winter says, "people who are self-conscious, insecure, or inauthentic will feel uncomfortably exposed when making direct eye contact."
Eye contact, even if it’s fleeting, is a personal connection. Let’s say you’re traveling on a train, and your stop is about to be called. You make your way to the doors to wait for the wheels to slow and come to a stop, and for a second, you look up from the floor, directly into another passenger’s eyes. Now, I know myself, and any time this has happened to me, I’ve laughed nervously and quickly looked away, as if the interaction was just a little too close for comfort.
The same sensation occurs in someone who is lying, says Robert Glatter, M.D., an assistant professor of emergency medicine at Lenox Hill Hospital, Northwell Health. In other words, that direct eye contact makes them feel exposed. "Making eye contact changes the dynamics of an interaction, turning it deeply personal, demanding accountability for their actions and behavior," Glatter tells Elite Daily. "Being direct in this fashion is a power move, and asserts authority, respect, and accountability."
Even if you’re able to suppress a friend or loved one’s lie, though, sometimes just knowing they were about to be dishonest with you can feel like a betrayal. Sure, looking deep into their soul and making them squirm and rethink their story is a win all its own, but if it would make you feel better to confront them straight-up, you should do so. Easier said than done, I know, but just in case these kinds of awkward situations leave you tongue-tied, I asked award-winning therapist Shannon Thomas for some pointers.
"Addressing the obvious discomfort in the other person is better than directly accusing them of lying," Thomas tells Elite Daily. "[If you accuse them of lying], they are likely to become defensive and shift the blame onto you." Instead, she suggests starting the conversation by saying something like, "I notice you are uncomfortable saying this to me and looking directly at me. Why is that?" That way, she says, you won’t come off as confrontational; instead, you’ll just seem curious and genuinely concerned for the other person.
You could also go a more direct route, Winter adds, but overall, she says it’s best to keep the conversation leveled and calm. "Explain to them that you may not like what they have to say, but whatever they say is preferable to a lie. Then, support that statement by remaining rational and grounded as you listen their truth," she says.
Establishing this kind of relationship, Winter explains, will create a solid foundation for honesty in the future.
Despite popular belief, most lying and cheating does not get discovered because a suspicious spouse is good at interrogating a partner (e.g., Where were you? Who were you with?).
Typically, cheating spouses get caught in one of two ways:
In most cases, deception and infidelity are uncovered by mistake (see Park, Levine, McCornack, Morrison and Ferrara). A husband or wife decides to come home from work early, a third party inadvertently reveals the truth, an unpaid parking ticket reveals a spouse’s true whereabouts, an e-mail exchange is accidentally sent to the wrong person, and so on.
Monitoring a Spouse:
Surveillance, by comparison, is an attempt to discover the truth by monitoring a spouse’s behavior. If you’re dealing with a lying and/or cheating spouse, some type of surveillance is almost always needed.
While monitoring a spouse tends to be the most effective way to find what is going on in a relationships, spying on a spouse can also cause problems. Is it ethical to monitor a husband or wife without his or her knowledge (see is it ethical to monitor a spouse)?
On the other hand, if you’re dealing with a lying and/or cheating partner, how do you address the problem to get the truth out in the open? Fixing problems requires a full accounting and acknowledgment of the issues involved.
Practical Tips for Catching Lying and Cheating:
- Keep a journal of your spouse’s reported activities. Write down the times, dates, places, other people involved, excuses given, etc. Your journal will become invaluable as you compare what’s said with phone bills, credit card statements, ATM withdrawals, talk to other people, etc. A cheating spouse is likely to change his or her story, or question your memory, so keeping a record of everything is critical.
- Keep track of all incoming phone calls. Record the time and number of all calls.
- Plan a surprise visit to work, or come home at unexpected times, or make announcements about having to work late, but then come home early, etc.
- Keep track of your spouse’s mileage, receipts, credit card statements, ATM withdrawals, phone records, etc.
- If you can, check your spouse’s call log. Look for an unusual amount of phone calls. Keep in mind that cheating spouses often store their lover’s phone number under someone else’s name: a friend, a co-worker, etc.
- You can also purchase surveillance equipment (hidden cameras and voice activated recorders) or download computer monitoring software (keylogger) which will make it easier for you to monitor your spouse’s activities. Using such equipment can, however, can raise some legal issues (see surveillance issues).
- Never confront your spouse until you’re certain that you have enough evidence to make your case. And never reveal all of your evidence at once. Most cheating spouses will try to concoct a story to fit the evidence presented (for example, see husband won’t confess). But if you withhold some evidence, and let your spouse create a story, it gives you the opportunity to use the remaining evidence as leverage. And if you strategically withhold evidence, your spouse will start to question exactly how much you know, increasing the odds that he or she will tell you the truth.
Overall, if you find anything suspicious, do not confront your spouse until you’re certain that you have enough evidence to get a confession.
Think for a minute about how your spouse might try to dismiss your accusations (e.g., we were just joking around, I was just flirting, it was a misunderstanding, we are just friends, nothing happened, etc.). If you can anticipate how your spouse is likely to respond, you can try to gather the evidence you need to counter what he or she says.
Finally, listed below are several more techniques, products, and services designed to help you catch a lying and cheating spouse.
Resources and Information for Catching a Lying, Cheating Husband or Wife:
– allows you to see everything your spouse does online. Establishes a record of all online activities. – purchase a global positioning satellite device which can track a vehicle’s exact location 24 hours a day. – monitors your spouse’s cell phone activity. – recover messages from your partner’s mobile device or computer. – check to see if your spouse has a hidden online profile. – test samples of your spouse’s clothing for biological evidence of cheating. – hidden cameras and voice-activated recording devices can be purchased in every shape and size imaginable. – do you think your boyfriend or girlfriend is lying to you about the past? A background check can reveal a lot about a person’s past. – hiring a licensed investigator is the quickest and most effective way to discover the truth.
In most cases, the options listed above are very effective when trying to discover the truth about a cheating spouse. If, however, none of these options work for you, several more are provided below. Hopefully, you can find a technique that will work in your specific situation.
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How the Easy Spy Cell Phone Monitoring Process Works
Easy Spy will gather texts, calls, GPS and more from any Android or supported iPhone or iPad without having access to that phone. Data is accesses via the OTA (over-the air) method and displayed on your cell phone, tablet or computer. All you need is an internet connection.
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