How to admit that you like someone of the same gender

How to admit that you like someone of the same gender

It’s Perfectly OK to like people who have the same or different gender than you.

Ah, the joys of having a new crush; falling in love; “like-liking” someone; double-tapping every Instagram photo they have; awkwardly making eye contact with them in the school hallway. We’ve all been there! It’s totally normal to be attracted physically, romantically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually to other people, and we want you to know…

…It’s okay to have a crush on someone of the same sex or gender, or someone who has a different sex or gender. We’re all human, and we experience attraction in various ways. Who we like might change over time, or generally stay the same.

…It is okay to have fantasies about another person, and not take action on them.

For LGBTQ youth who are in the closet – that means not being “out” about the kind of people they are attracted to – finding someone to talk to about their crushes can be tricky. Read through the FAQ section to learn about some common situations, and ways to handle them.

1. I’ve always been attracted to guys, but now I have a crush on my friend who is a girl. I haven’t told anyone else about it yet. What should I do?
Answer:Take a second to close your eyes, take a breath, and give yourself credit for being open and willing to explore your feelings—that’s a huge accomplishment! Now, let’s talk about your crush. It’s tough to like somebody in secret, especially when that person is one of your friends. It also sounds like this is your first crush who isn’t a guy – and that’s ok! It can be confusing and even frustrating sometimes when you can’t make sense of your emotions, but it’s perfectly normal to like people who have the same gender as you.There’s always a risk involved when we tell a friend that we have a crush on them, and it’s impossible to know how that person will react. Since your friend is the same gender as you, there’s also an added layer of tricky-ness, especially since you’re not “out” about liking girls. Is there anyone you can talk to about your feelings? Having people who support you can make a big difference when or if you decide to talk to your friend. How might she react if you told her about your crush? She may be surprised; she might like you back; she might need some time to think about what you said; or, in a worst-case-scenario, she may not want to stay friends – and that can be scary to imagine.

Keep in mind that just because you have a crush on your friend doesn’t mean you have to take action on it. Instead of talking to her about it, it might be safer to explore what drew you to her in the first place: What do you like about her? What do you dislike about her? Are there things that you imagine doing together? How would you like to spend your time together, if you were a couple? Are there certain things she says or does that make you happy? This might give you a better idea about what you find attractive in people, rather than just your friend.

Remember, you have so much time in your life to develop meaningful relationships with other people as you continue to learn about your own identity. There is no right or wrong way to feel attraction, and it is perfectly normal for your feelings to change over time. Stay true to yourself, listen to your feelings, and empower yourself to do what’s best for YOU. As always, The Trevor Project is here to help if you ever need support:

2. I recently told my crush I liked him. He isn’t being hostile or anything, but I feel like he is avoiding me. What can I do to fix our friendship?

It can be frustrating to feel like someone has pulled away from us, especially if you worry that it’s because you let your crush know that you like him. Have you tried to reach out to your friend over text or IM to let him know that you didn’t mean to make him uncomfortable? He might not know how to react to what you shared, and doesn’t want to hurt your feelings. The next time you see him, you could also say something easy-going like, “Hey! Are we good?”

Continue to treat him like you would any other friend. Is he only avoiding you when it’s a one-on-one situation? Maybe you can invite him to get together with a larger group, so that there is less pressure. Once he sees you acting the same as you always did (which may be a challenge to do, since he’s your crush!), he may relax and fall back into the old groove of your friendship.

Still, it can be hard to stay “just friends” with someone you have feelings for. Only you can decide if the friendship is still working, especially if he still seems to be avoiding you. But you aren’t alone. The Trevor Project is here to offer resources like, our safe and secure online social networking site with young people who are ages 13 to 24. Chances are you’ll be able to find someone who has gone through a similar experience. You can also connect with us if you ever need to talk. Counselors are available on TrevorChat and TrevorText during select hours, or on our 24/7 Trevor Lifeline (1-866-488-7386).

3. I think I am in love with my best friend. She is amazing, and so supportive of my sexuality. How can I ask her out? What if she says no?

First of all, it is great that you have an accepting and loving friend! Support systems are so important. That’s why we can understand why you are worried about risking this important relationship. Start by weighing the pros and cons of asking her out, and make sure to prepare for any outcome.

How will you react if your friend says no? Will things become awkward or will you be able to move past your feelings and cherish the friendship you have? Maybe she just sees you are a really close friend, but isn’t interested in dating romantically.

Is there a way to casually test how she might feel? Maybe you can ask her to go with you to a movie or for a weekend activity where it is just the two of you. See how it feels to spend time together in a “date-like” situation. If it feels right, you could tell her how you feel. It can be tough to find the right words but sometimes the honest truth is the best approach.

It might hurt if she doesn’t feel the same way, especially since you really care for her. But if this happens, try to talk to her about how you two can still stay friends. The relationship you two have right now is valuable, even if she does not want to date romantically.

Try not to put too much pressure on yourself, and do what feels right! If you’re interested in connecting with other LGBTQ young people, we hope you visit It’s our safe social networking site for LGBTQ youth between the ages of 13 to 24, and you’ll likely come across some members who can relate to your experience.


Through The Trevor Support Center you are able to link to other websites which are not under the control of The Trevor Project. The Trevor Project does not review or ensure the accuracy of the content on other sites.

How to admit that you like someone of the same gender

You can’t stop thinking about them, you blush every time they talk to you, you’re fantasizing about your future together. what you have here is a crush. Once you’ve admitted to that, your next step is to tell them how you feel. Telling someone you like them can sound like a daunting experience, and TBH, it is not easy.

That’s why Seventeen spoke with Maria Sullivan, dating expert and vice president of, for advice on how to tell someone you like them in the least awkward way possible. Here are her best tips to make this confession as painless as possible. And hey, maybe the next time you’ll be back here will be for first date ideas!

Drop A Few Hints

If you’re feeling extra nervous about revealing your feelings, try hinting at your crush and see how they respond. Make eye contact, tease them playfully, or send a flirty text. “It can help diffuse any associated pressure and motivate your crush to consider a relationship with you,” says Sullivan.

Give Yourself a Deadline

Hold yourself accountable, Sullivan says. And setting a deadline for yourself to talk to your crush will do just that. Sometimes, your nerves can get the best of you and you might push it off for way too long. If that’s the case, don’t be afraid to pick a date on your calendar and set that personal deadline. The longer you wait, the more time you give yourself to completely overthink the situation and make things even more awks!

Be Confident

This one is obviously easier said than done, but confidence and clarity will make a complete difference in your convo with your crush. “No one is born an expert at this,” Sullivan says. “Even the most seasoned daters have to brace themselves for the potential of rejection.”

Make It Easy for Them

Keep in mind that although you want to hope for the best, it’s possible that your crush might not reciprocate your feelings. TBH, rejection sucks, but it’s also a risk that comes with being vulnerable. So when you’re sharing your feelings, make sure that you don’t make them feel like they have to respond.

“Be mindful that the person you are telling has an obligation to their own feelings,” says Sullivan. “Set up the conversation in a way where he or she knows they have the choice to do what’s right for them as well.”

But Also Make Sure You’re Comfortable

You’re probably too busy thinking about how you don’t want to make them feel weird, but it’s super important that you’re comfortable, too. And if texting is comfortable for you, do that! You might think texting something so personal is thoughtless or weird, but Sullivan actually thinks sending a text is totally fine.

“Declaring your feelings via text can remove any immediate shock from the situation, making it easier for the recipient to provide a meaningful response,” she says. “There is no single right way to go about telling someone how you feel and nothing should be ruled out.”

Consider How You Would Feel If You Didn’t Tell Them

Sullivan refers to this tactic as testing the “do nothing” scenario to evaluate if you should even confess your crush. Consider how you’d feel if your crush moved away and never find out how you felt about them, Sullivan says. “Does the missed opportunity upset you? If so, you are likely already too invested not to find out what could be.” Remember that doing nothing could lead to even more regret!

Look At The Big Picture

The thought of your crush admitting they don’t feel the same way about you can feel AWFUL. But also remember that it is not the end of the world if you face rejection or indifference — life will go on. “Try to see the big picture and scale the problem down to actual size,” Sullivan says.

You have your BFFs, family, dog, cat. so many companions to love and be loved by. On to the next!

Stay Positive

While it’s important to consider the realistic possibilities, you should also keep a positive outlook. Your crush could totally reciprocate and you could live happily ever after (OK, probably not, but it could happen!).

If you don’t feel super confident, fake it! Smile, stay calm, and say everything you need to say. “Whether you make the move online or offline, smiling can trick your brain into lowering your heart rate, reducing stress, and boosting your mood,” says Sullivan.

You are about to take the Epstein Sexual Orientation Inventory (ESOI), a test of sexual orientation designed by Dr. Robert Epstein, one of America’s most distinguished research psychologists (follow on Twitter at @DrREpstein). The test has been empirically validated with a sample of more than 600,000 people in 219 countries and territories.

Although many people believe that everyone is either “straight” (heterosexual) or “gay” (homosexual), sexual orientation actually exists on a continuum. This test will show you where you are on the Sexual Orientation Continuum, and it will also calculate your Sexual Orientation Range, an estimate of how much flexibility you have in expressing your sexual orientation.

If you are conducting research and would like to collect raw data for a group that is taking this test – for a business, research study, classroom activity, or other purpose – please see our Group Testing Instructions.

This test will measure your sexual orientation, and it will also give you an estimate of how much flexibility you have in expressing your sexual orientation. –>

Before we get to the test itself, we’ll ask you a few basic questions about yourself. Demographic information is being collected for research purposes only and will be kept strictly confidential.

To make sure the scoring is accurate, be sure to fill in all the blanks!

ashley locke apr 13, 2017

So you ' ve had a crush for a while, but nothing has really come of it.

You ' re dying to let them know how you you feel, but you haven ' t mustered up the courage to do it.

Well, the time has come, and we ' re here to help you along with a handful of our favorite artists, of course.

If you ' re feeling ready to express your hidden feelings for that special someone, send them the playlist below. Come on, we know you can do it!

How to admit that you like someone of the same gender

(via Shutterstock)

" Black Butterflies and Déjà Vu " by The Maine

Starting things off nice and loud is a little ditty by our faves The Maine. We ' re pretty positive this song off their new album Lovely, Little, Lonely perfectly captures how you react around you crush all the time.

" Secret Love Song " by Little Mix feat. Jason Derulo

This tune by our girls in Little Mix definitely needs to be sent to your crush ASAP. Hello, it ' s a song about secret love. You ' ve definitely got that going on.

" This Town " by Niall Horan

Slowing things down a bit is Niall Horan ' s " This Town. " With the lyric ' I want to tell you everything, ' you can see why the song has made this playlist.

" If These Sheets Were the States " by All Time Low

Kicking things right back up, we have All Time Low ' s " If These Sheets Were the States. " Your crush will certainly get the gist of this playlist the second this song begins, if they haven ' t already.

" Dakota " by A Rocket to the Moon

Keeping this going is " Dakota " by A Rocket to the Moon. This song is for all of you who ' ve fallen, like really fallen, for your crush. You ' re in deep, but you don ' t even care. You just want them to know at this point.

" Dibs " by Kelsea Ballerini

There ' s really no better song than Kelsea Ballerini ' s " Dibs " to lay it all out there for the person you like. You want them bad, and you really hope they ' ve got a " Friday night free. "

" Symphony " by Clean Bandit feat. Zara Larsson

You may have been chill being single, but then your crush came into your life and changed everything. Let them know that you want to be a part of their life with this breathtaking collaboration from Clean Bandit and Zara Larsson.

" Shower " by Becky G

Tell your crush how having them in your life has made you that much more happy with this poppy and upbeat throwback from Becky G.

" How I Want Ya " by Hudson Thames feat. Hailee Steinfeld

You can ' t go wrong with a song that features Hailee Steinfeld, as far as we ' re concerned. Especially when this tune states, " All I want is you. "

" Technicolor " by Sainte

Having a crush, though it is sometimes a pain, is one of the greatest feelings in the world. Sainte ' s tune " Technicolor " is clear proof of that. We ' re guessing you feel exactly the same way when your crush walks into the room.

" Into You " by Ariana Grande

Because you ' re definitely into them, and what better way to announce that than with this banger from Ariana Grande?

And here are all these tunes in one playlist for you to send along to your crush. Good luck!

Obviously you want to make sure your crush has feelings for you, too, before you send them this playlist. HERE are five ways to tell if they might be into you.

Same-gender Couples :

Expect and Manage Extra Relationship Stressors

by Peter K. Gerlach, MSW

  • site intro > course outline > Lesson 4 study guide or links > site search, chat, or prior page > here

  • the introduction to this site, and the premises underlying it

  • self-improvement Lessons 1 thru 4 or 1 thru 7 (stepfamilies)

  • five reasons most couples are stressed

  • three significant stressors all couples face

  • options for coping with others' prejudice

  • significant psychological wounds, including an inability to empathize;

  • public unawareness and ignorance (lack of knowledge); and.

  • public denial and indifference.

  • their individual identity ("Am I really homosexual?")

  • their personal and social legitimacy as a committed couple;

  • their moral and legal rights a committed couple;

  • mixed signals they get from key people ("we accept you and we disapprove of you")

  • how to respond to ignorance and prejudice in other people;

  • their relationship roles ("Am I your husband, your wife, your partner, or something else? Are we 'married,' 'committed,' 'mates,' ‘partners,’ or something else?")

  • if, how, and when to acknowledging their gender-preference and/or their partnership in their families, churches, neighborhoods, and workplaces;

  • their financial and legal obligations to each other;

  • if, how, and when to adopt and/or raise kids together;

  • how to resolve religious and spiritual questions about their gender preference and relationship; and.

  • other local confusions.

  • "Will my family and/or key friends reject (abandon) me or us?"

  • "Will my/our church community still accept me/us as full members?"

  • "Will I be shunned / demoted / harassed / ridiculed / discriminated against in my workplace?

  • "Will God punish me for my choices?"

  • "Will our relationship last?"

  • "Will my/your/our kids turn out all right?"

  • "Will my or your ex sue for child custody and/or impede visitations?"

  • "What if we can't find effective supports?"

  • "What will happen if we can't resolve or manage our anxieties, confusions, shame, and guilts?"

  • loss of a "normal childhood";

  • loss of social "normalcy" and identity;

  • possible loss of genuine acceptance and support by some people;

  • loss of some social opportunities;

  • possible loss of the chance to be biological parents; and.

  • possible loss of psychological and financial security.

  • learning stepfamily norms and realities, and converting myths to realistic expectations;

  • accepting their stepfamily identity and what it usually means;

  • admitting and solving disputes about stepfamily membership;

  • couples making three informed, well-timed re/marriage and/or cohabiting choices;

  • admitting and reaching consensus on how to "do" up to 15 extra family roles;

  • evolving, agreeing on, and living by an effective stepfamily mission statement;

  • admitting and grieving special losses caused by divorce and stepfamily formation;

  • patiently resolving inevitable conflicts over merging three or more multi-generational biofamilies;

  • evolving effective strategies for managing loyalty and values conflicts and relationship triangles;

  • adults learning typical minor kids’ many developmental and special family-adjustment needs, and resolving confusion and disputes over who is responsible for filling which needs?

  • learning how to overcome common barriers to evolving an effective co-parenting team;

  • learning how to pick informed, healthy (unwounded) lay and professional supporters.

  • more roles and relationship problems cause higher odds for significant confusion and overwhelm;

  • more family members cause higher odds of anxiety, prejudice, and rejection;

  • more divorce and re/marriage and/or cohabiting losses increase mates’ need to grieve well; and.

  • there is currently very little effective help available for gay mates and their stepfamilies.

To balance and manage all these issues, mates need to want to help each other patiently progress at Lessons 1 thru 7 here. Ideally, they will progress well before ever deciding to join or start a high-risk stepfamily, and be able to heed these danger signs. Typical Grown Wounded Children in denial will minimize or ignore this – and many will eventually re/divorce.


Human nature causes some people to love and desire mates of their own gender. Social and religious tradition has burdened such couples with scorn, pity, revulsion, and rejection. As our society slowly liberalizes, more and more gay couples are "coming out" to take their rightful place in our cultures.

This article summarizes five challenges average gay couples must meet togethe r to protect and nourish their integrities and their relationship – significant shame + guilts + confusions + anxieties + losses to grieve. The article closes by summarizing common extra challenges typical gay stepfamily partners face, and urges such mates to start working at this self-improvement course before exchanging vows.

Pause, breathe, and reflect – why did you read this article? Did you get what you needed? If not, what do you need? Who’s answering these questions – your true Self, or someone else?

Research finds that we’re surprisingly bad at recognizing flirtation.

You’ve got beautiful eyes. Can I buy you a drink?

How to admit that you like someone of the same gender

Sometimes flirting is completely obvious, but often it’s more indirect and tentative. How accurately can you decipher flirting from non-flirting? Are you likely to misinterpret attempts just to be friendly as flirting? (“He’s always flirting with me!” “Um, no he’s not.”) Or are you the kind of person who thinks real attempts at flirtation are just basic conversation? (“No one flirts with me.” “I’m trying to flirt with you right now.” “That’s sweet, but seriously, no one flirts with me”).

Flirting is more complicated than you might think.

By definition, flirting is communicating in a way that signals attraction (Hall, Carter, Cody, and Albright, 2010). Here’s the thing though: Most people aren’t eager to experience direct rejection, so if they want to communicate interest, they might use indirect flirting strategies, those that resemble other, non-flirting conversation (teasing, joking, being friendly).

Recent research offers new insights into how accurately people detect real flirting behavior (Hall, Xing, and Brooks, 2014). The researchers brought strangers into the lab, had them talk to each other for 10 or so minutes in a “first impressions” task, then (in private) asked them questions about the interaction.

How accurately do people decipher flirting and non-flirting?

  1. Physical attraction is part of the equation. The more physically attracted individuals are to strangers, the more they are apt to flirt (as you might expect). Being physically attracted to someone, however, has no relation to the perception of flirting: Just because you think someone is cute doesn’t mean you’ll automatically interpret neutral comments as flirtation.
  2. Men and women are both bad at detecting flirting. When chatting with a stranger, research suggests most people actually don’t know flirting when they see it. In this study, women were only 18% accurate in recognizing men’s flirting as flirting. Men did better, but with only a 36% accuracy rate, they still are operating way below chance. Most of the time flirts just aren’t perceived as flirting.
  3. People recognize non-flirting more accurately than flirting. In this study, women were 83% accurate in seeing non-flirting as non-flirting, and men performed about the same, 84%. It seems both men and women are much better at recognizing the absence of flirting than recognizing real flirting. The default, it seems, is to infer no romantic interest.

Overall, these are rather disappointing results. With so many people mistaking real flirting for neutral conversation, a lot of people might be missing out on romance. At the same time, though, people tend not to overestimate flirting, which could be socially useful. After all, the consequences of misinterpreting casual chatter for flirtation could be serious. We’re still left with the puzzle of how to accurately detect flirting, a puzzle that seems even more important now that we know how poorly people do at the task, in general.

Clues that help you spot real flirting

  1. Look for non-verbal signals.Body language can speak volumes. Research suggests that people observe certain behaviors that together can communicate romantic interest. In certain contexts, smiling, leaning forward and touching someone, and making eye contact can suggest romantic interest (Henningsen, Kartch, Orr, and Brown, 2009).
  2. Listen for verbal flirting. Both men and women are equally good at recognizing certain verbal communications as flirting (Henningsen et al., 2009). Specifically, they interpret sexual interest from compliments; overt references to being single/available to date someone else; and using mild sexual innuendos as signs of interest.
  3. Consider the context. Evidence suggests that flirting is more apt to occur in places that have the following features (Fox, 2004): sociability (people can easily talk to one another); alcohol (the classic social lubricant); and common interests (it’s a gathering place for like-minded individuals).
  4. Flirting styles predict flirting behavior. Not everyone flirts the same way, so if you know a person’s style, you can use setting cues to help figure out if they’re flirting. Recent research (McBain et al., 2013) revealed that:
  • Traditional flirts, who tend to be introverted, are cautious and polite when flirting at a party, bar, or educational setting. They are not the folks chatting it up at the supermarket.
  • Physical flirts, who use a lot of body language, like to playfully flirt across many contexts.
  • Playful flirts are less polite than physical flirts and tend to be highly extroverted, throwing caution to the wind when flirting. They are not so sincere in their flirting when the context doesn’t match the goal (supermarkets) but are sincere when speed-dating.
  • Finally, the sincere flirt and the polite flirt both prefer to be introduced to someone, as opposed to initiating contact themselves, and are cautious in their approach.

Fox, K. (2004). SIRC guide to flirting: What social science can tell you about flirting and how to do it. Retrieved from Social Issues Research Centre website:

Hall, J. A., Carter, S., Cody, M. J., & Albright, J. M. (2010). Individual differences in the communication of romantic interest: Development of the flirting styles inventory. Communication Quarterly, 58(4), 365-393.

Hall, J. A., Xing, C., & Brooks, S. (2014). Accurately detecting flirting: Error management theory, the traditional sexual script, and flirting base rate. Communication Research, Advanced online publication. doi:093650214534972.

Henningsen, D. D., Kartch, F., Orr, N., & Brown, A. (2009). The perceptions of verbal and nonverbal flirting cues in cross-sex interactions. Human Communication, 12(4), 371-381.

Kelley, H. H. (1967). Attribution theory in social psychology. In Nebraska symposium on motivation. University of Nebraska Press.

McBain, K. A., Hewitt, L., Maher, T., Sercombe, M., Sypher, S., & Tirendi, G. (2013). Is this seat taken? The importance of context during the initiation of romantic communication. International Journal of Humanities and Social Science, 3, 79-89.

The language you use to describe how you interact with a marginalized community indicate how to conceptualize them as a group. Are you aware of what you are saying?

  1. Nurturance- Assumes the differences in people are indispensable in society. They view LGBTQ+ people and culture with genuine affection and delight, and are willing to be LGBTQ+ advocates.
  2. Appreciation- Values the diversity of people and is willing to confront insensitive attitudes. These people are willing to combat homophobia, biphobia, transphobia, and other phobic behavior in themselves and in others.
  3. Admiration- Acknowledges that being LGBTQ+ in our society takes strength. Such people are willing to truly look at themselves and work on their own personal biases.
  4. Support- Works to safeguard the rights of LGBTQ+ people. Such people may be uncomfortable themselves, but they are aware of the climate and the irrational unfairness in our society.
  5. Acceptance- Acceptance still implies there is something to accept, characterized by such statements as, “You’re not gay to me, you’re a person,” “What you do in bed is your own business,” “That’s fine as long as you don’t flaunt it.” Acceptance ignores the pain of invisibility, the stress of being in the closet, and does not acknowledge that another’s identity may be of the same value as their own.
  6. Tolerance- Being different is just a phase of development that … most people ‘grow out of.’ Thus, they should be protected and tolerated as one does a child who is still learning. LGBTQ+ people should not be given positions of authority (because they are still working through adolescent behaviors).
  7. Pity- Pity is heterosexual/cisgender chauvinism. Heterosexuality/Cisgender Identity is more mature and certainly to be preferred. Any possibility of becoming straight/cisgender should be reinforced and those who seem to be born that way should be pitied, the poor dears.
  8. Repulsion- Homosexuality/Transgender Identity is seen as a crime against nature. People who identify as LGBTQ+ are sick, crazy, immoral, sinful, wicked, etc., and anything is justified to change them (e.g., prison, hospitalization, and negative behavior therapy, including electric shock). Anything which will change them to be more normal or a part of the mainstream is justifiable (e.g. violence, imprisonment, shock therapy, conversion therapy, etc.)

Adapted from Western Illinois University, (n.d.).

Your Actions Are Loud !

  • Challenge anti-trans remarks or humor in public spaces. Consider strategies to best confront anti-trans remarks in your organization, office, classroom, or living space. Seek out other allies who will support you in this effort.
  • Support All Gender/Gender Neutral Restrooms. Some Trans and Non-Binary people may not match the signs outside the restrooms doors—or your expectations! Encourage your organization, office, building, or group to have single-stall/single-use all-gender restrooms. Make it clear that any person is welcome to use whichever restroom they feel comfortable using.
  • Make your organization truly trans-inclusive. To be an ally to Trans and Non-Binary people, you need to examine your own gender stereotypes, your own prejudices, and fears about trans people, and be willing to defend and celebrate trans lives.
  • Know your own limits as an ally. Don’t be afraid to admit you don’t know everything! When speaking with a Trans or Non-Binary person who may have sought you out for support or guidance, be sure to point that person to appropriate resources when you’ve reached the limit of your knowledge or ability to handle the situation. It is better to admit you don’t know something than to provide information that may be incorrect or hurtful.
  • Listen to Trans and Non-Binary voices. One of the best ways to be an ally is to listen with an open mind to Trans people when they talk about their lives. Talk to Trans and Non-Binary people in your community and on campus. Check out books, films, documentaries, YouTube channels, and blogs to find out more about Trans lives.
  • Know your resources. Another best way to be an ally is know where to refer someone when you have reached your limit of knowledge.

Adapted from Action Tips for Allies of Trans People by MIT and Tips for Allies of Transgender People by GLAAD

How to admit that you like someone of the same gender

How to admit that you like someone of the same genderScreen Shot is from a movie called Aquaslash

Most Helpful Girls

How to admit that you like someone of the same gender

Yeah, why not? I'm straight and I'm secure enough to admit when I see a woman that's sexy or attractive!
Not because I'm bi, lesbian, attracted to her, or anything like that. I can admire a person, male or female, with a nice body.

That and it makes me wish I looked as good as they do. I am definitely envious of women with gorgeous bodies because I wonder how did they attain it.

How to admit that you like someone of the same gender

Right! I look like”I want that body” meaning that type of body. Not”I want that person” in a sexual way!

How to admit that you like someone of the same gender

@Brainsbeforebeauty Exactly. I’m so glad I’m not the only one that thinks that way

Like you look at them wondering how they look so good and wish you could look as good as they do. Not to be creepy or weird, you just admire their figure

How to admit that you like someone of the same gender

Exactly. Sometimes you want to ask but do on he want to look like you hitting on em 🤣🤣 oh why am I lying lol did do that once like girl I need to know your secret I need to get in shape type thing. She didn’t react negatively. Not like the chick my friend died once how far along she was when it was just overweight chick buying tons of snacks 🤣🤣🤣 well that chick didn’t find it funny, but I did after but only cuz told my friend not to. Want making fun of that chick, more my friend 🤣🤣

How to admit that you like someone of the same gender

@Brainsbeforebeauty LOL! I’ve got to try that next time: just ask them what their secret is to their figure/how good they look. Like I’ve seen women with these perfect legs, arms, etc and you KNOW they probably eat, sleep, and breath fitness? Those types.
That’s awesome she didn’t react negatively or weirded out when you asked her! But then I guess they’re probably so proud of their figures and work they put into looking that way, they don’t mind telling you how they did it

Here’s what writers can do instead of assuming gender

How to admit that you like someone of the same gender

Feb 26 · 4 min read

How to admit that you like someone of the same gender

I’ll admit it — whenever I’ve interviewed or quoted people for my articles, I’ve been assuming gender. Someone named Sara talks to me with a higher-pitched voice? That’s a “she.” Someone named Brian shows up on my Zoom screen wearing a tie? “He.”

But that’s not fair to people whose genders don’t match my stereotypes — and it’s not good reporting, either. I would never assume my facts were accurate in other areas of my writing, but in these instances, I was letting myself slide.

I recently inte r viewed someone who included the pronouns he/him/they/them in a Zoom screen name, which forced me to ask which of those pronouns I should use. It also made me realize I should be asking that question all the time.

The reason you shouldn’t assume gender is not everyone fits neatly into “boy” or “girl” categories.

People who are transgender identify with a gender that differs from the sex they were assigned at birth. A report in the American Journal of Public Health estimates that one million Americans are transgender and predicts that this number will climb in the future.

People who are agender do not identify with any gender. It’s explained in detail in this article from NPR.

People who are genderfluid have a gender that changes — they don’t identify with the same gender all the time.

People who are genderqueer don’t identify with conventional gender identities.

People who are nonbinary don’t identify exclusively with masculine or feminine traits.

People who are cisgender identify with the sex they were assigned at birth. In other words, they were labeled girls at birth and identify as female, or they were labeled boys at birth and identify as male. (If you’re struggling to understand these different identities, you’re probably cisgender.)

All of these terms refer to how people see themselves. They don’t refer to sexual orientation, which describes the type of people you find attractive. A cisgender woman could be attracted to people who identify as men, women, or nonbinary, for example.

For more details on the language of gender, check out the gender spectrum’s explanations.

It’s important to understand these gender differences because assuming “she” or “he” doesn’t cut it anymore. (Really, it never should have.) People can and do have names, appearances, and characteristics that don’t match conventional gender roles.

When you don’t clarify pronouns you risk misgendering someone or possibly outing them — that person may not be sharing their gender identity with everyone they know. As a writer, those are mistakes you don’t want to make.

At first, it might feel unfamiliar to ask someone for their pronouns. Here are some tips:

  • Start with your own pronouns. When you’re interviewing someone, you can open the conversation with, “Hi, I’m Stephanie, and I use ‘she’ and ‘her’ as my pronouns.” You can use this introduction format with anyone you don’t already know, not just with people you think are trans/nonbinary.
  • If people don’t reply with their pronouns, you can ask which they use and add, “if you are comfortable sharing.” Some people are private about their gender identity and would prefer not to state a gender. If that’s the case, you can ask, “How would you like me to reference you in the article?”
  • Don’t say “preferred pronouns.” It’s pronouns, period. “Preferred” implies that you have favorite pronouns, but you’re OK with others as well. As a cisgender woman, my pronouns are “she” and “her.” They aren’t my preferences. (Exception: If someone gives you multiple pronouns, like my he/him/they/them source, it’s okay to ask which are preferred.)
  • Don’t default to the singular “they/them.” If you’re not clear about someone’s gender identity, don’t assume that “they/them” covers it.
  • If someone doesn’t want a gender included, write around it. Instead of saying “Stephanie got in her car and drove to her office,” say, “Stephanie got in the driver’s seat and was at work in a few minutes.” You might need to use passive voice sometimes as a workaround, but that’s a better choice than misidentifying someone’s gender or sharing their gender in a way that isn’t comfortable for them.
  • You don’t always have to ask, you just can’t assume. For example, if someone’s assistant schedules an interview for you and writes, “She can talk to you at 10 a.m. on Wednesday,” the assistant is a trusted source. You can go with “she.”

Depending on the publication you’re writing for and its readers, “they” might appear to them to be a grammatical error. If that’s the case, you can add a small parenthetical: (Bobbie uses “they” as their pronoun).

In time, as the use of “they” becomes widespread, these explanations won’t be necessary. Singular “they” is already acceptable in many style guides, including the Associated Press and the Chicago Manual of Style.

A grammar point — “they” takes the same form of the verb whether it’s referring to one person or multiple people. So write, “They are,” not, “They is.”

A lot of cisgender people, especially older people, aren’t familiar with the idea of asking for pronouns. You can make it easier — add them to your email signature and screen names.

When you’re writing, it’s important to be accurate when you describe someone’s gender. That means you can’t make assumptions based on characteristics. If you don’t know for sure, just ask. Most people will be grateful you’re trying to get it right, even if you don’t phrase everything perfectly every time.

Oh, and my source who listed he/him/they/them pronouns? He wanted he/him in my article. Now I know.