How to act sober

Anybody have any tips on how to act sober? Mostly with weed because everything else I can act fine on (other then psychs) but with weed I get really anxious so I just kind of shut off and even if I don’t my friends can tell right away if im zonked and they just say I look like it. I put in eyedrops and colougn and all that but still if someone could provide some tips that would be great thank

Number one rule is stop worrying.

Once you choose fear, youre afraid. Stop giving a shit if they know and theyll never know.

Fuck the eyedrops, your eyes will get used to them and your shit will be devil's dick red. Just smoke a little less.

Ive dabbed at work and had conversations with my CEO blitzed out my mind but I really don't give a shit if he knows or if he fires me so its not a big deal.

Don't start no shit, won't be no shit.

Getting a vape, or switching to wax can help curb the anxiety since you're not constantly worrying if people can smell you or not.

Agree with cutting the drops. People who I work with, who I know don't smoke, come in red-eyed all the time. It can be from allergies, hangover, rubbing them too hard 5 minutes ago, etc.

Even if your eyes are red, as long as you don't reek, aren't sitting their eyes darting everywhere to avoid eye contact, giggling uncontrollably, or telling people you just smoked, they're first thought isn't neccessarily "Is he stoned? He must be stoned."

However, there are some things they can do to feel more alert and appear soberer.

  1. Coffee. Caffeine may help a person feel alert, but it does not break down alcohol in the body.
  2. Cold showers. Cold showers do nothing to lower BAC levels.
  3. Eating and drinking.
  4. Sleep.
  5. Exercise.
  6. Carbon or charcoal capsules.

What is considered sober?

Sobriety is the condition of not having any measurable levels or effects from alcohol or drugs. Sobriety is also considered to be the natural state of a human being given at a birth. A person in a state of sobriety is considered sober.

How do you help someone who drank too much?

What should I do?

  1. Be there for them. The most important thing to do when a friend is seriously drunk is to stay with them.
  2. Stop the booze and start the food. Try to get your friend to eat something, or to drink a non-alcoholic drink.
  3. Recovery position.
  4. Get them home safely.
  5. Get help.
  6. When it’s a regular thing.

What do you get someone for their sober anniversary?

A one-year sober gift is a great way to show the sober person in your life that you recognize their hard work and are proud of their accomplishment….Read on to learn more!

  • A Journal or Diary.
  • A Fun-Filled Getaway.
  • Books.
  • Inspiring Jewelry.
  • Picture Collage.
  • New Clothes.
  • Artwork.
  • Housewares.

Do your true feelings come out when drunk?

“There’s usually some version of one’s true feelings that come out when one is drunk,” Vranich said. “People dredge up feelings and sentiments from somewhere deep in their brains, so what one says or does certainly reflects what’s going on deep down.

What happens if you get too drunk?

The more alcohol you drink, the stronger the effects of alcohol on the body. Being very drunk can be dangerous. It can cause seizures, dehydration, injuries, vomiting, coma, and even death.

How do you refuse a drunk customer?

Do be polite and avoid value judgements. Use tact – politely inform the patron you will not serve them any more alcohol. Do point to posters/signs behind the liquor service point to reinforce your decision. Do explain the reason for refusal of service (e.g. showing signs of being unduly intoxicated).

Does alcoholism cause dementia?

Alcoholism can damage your brain and increase the risk of dementia. Here’s what you need to know about the risk, and how to reduce it. Excessive drinking may cause brain damage and increase the risk of Alzheimer’s and other forms of dementia.

Does alcohol ruin your memory?

Whether it’s over one night or several years, heavy alcohol use can lead to lapses in memory. This may include difficulty recalling recent events or even an entire night. It can also lead to permanent memory loss, described as dementia. Doctors have identified several ways alcohol affects the brain and memory.

Can alcoholism cause mental illness?

Alcohol abuse can cause signs and symptoms of depression, anxiety, psychosis, and antisocial behavior, both during intoxication and during withdrawal. At times, these symptoms and signs cluster, last for weeks, and mimic frank psychiatric disorders (i.e., are alcohol–induced syndromes).

What is Korsakoff’s syndrome?

Korsakoff’s syndrome is a disorder that primarily affects the memory system in the brain. It usually results from a deficiency of thiamine (vitamin B1), which may be caused by alcohol abuse, dietary deficiencies, prolonged vomiting, eating disorders, or the effects of chemotherapy.

What are the signs of Korsakoff syndrome?

Korsakoff syndrome causes problems learning new information, inability to remember recent events and long-term memory gaps. Memory difficulties may be strikingly severe while other thinking and social skills are relatively unaffected.

Why do alcoholics get thiamine deficiency?

Thiamine deficiency is common in drinkers who consume excessive amounts of alcohol. This is due to: poor nutrition and the diet not containing enough essential vitamins, and. inflammation of the stomach lining due to excessive alcohol consumption, which reduces the body’s ability to absorb vitamins.

Can you drink alcohol while taking thiamine?

Long-term drinking or heavy drinking can stop your body from absorbing thiamine (vitamin B1). If you are taking thiamine for vitamin B1 deficiency, it’s best to avoid drinking alcohol as this will make your symptoms worse. If you are taking thiamine as a vitamin supplement, avoid drinking too much.

Is Korsakoff’s syndrome a mental illness?

Korsakoff’s syndrome is a mental disorder characterized by disproportionate memory loss in relation to other mental aspects. When these two disorders occur together, the term Wernicke-Korsakoff syndrome is used. In the United States, most cases occur in alcoholics.

What vitamins are alcoholics deficient?

Chronic alcoholic patients are frequently deficient in one or more vitamins. The deficiencies commonly involve folate, vitamin B6, thiamine, and vitamin A. Although inadequate dietary intake is a major cause of the vitamin deficiency, other possible mechanisms may also be involved.

What vitamins do heavy drinkers need?

True. Those who abuse alcohol are prone to vitamin deficiencies, especially of vitamin B-l (thiamin), vitamin B-3 (niacin) and folacin (folic acid), along with deficiencies in the minerals zinc and magnesium. The answer, of course, is to have a more moderate alcohol consumption.

You’ll Gain More Energy Since your mood affects your energy, the rewiring of your brain can cause you to lose energy as well. Another reason why your energy is often lower while abusing substances than it is while sober is because addiction causes you to not get good sleep.

Does sleep deprivation make you high?

A sleepless night can make us cranky and moody. But a lesser known side effect of sleep deprivation is short-term euphoria, which can potentially lead to poor judgment and addictive behavior, according to new research from the University of California, Berkeley.

What are the mental effects of sleep deprivation?

Sleep deprivation affects your psychological state and mental health. And those with mental health problems are more likely to have insomnia or other sleep disorders. Americans are notoriously sleep deprived, but those with psychiatric conditions are even more likely to be yawning or groggy during the day.

What are 5 emotional effects of sleep deprivation?

Sleep deprivation can exacerbate pre-existing mood disturbances, such as anger, depression, and anxiety, and can lead to confusion, fatigue, and lack of vigor. Even just one sleepless night correlates with these changes in function [5].

Why cant I sleep when I close my eyes?

What is lagophthalmos? Lagophthalmos is a condition that prevents your eyes from closing completely. If the problem only happens when you sleep, it’s called nocturnal lagophthalmos. The condition itself is usually harmless, but it does leave your eyes vulnerable to damage.

In other words, for someone to be sober, their blood must be free of any drug that one could misuse..

Why do I walk like Im drunk?

Doctors use the term vertigo (see below) to describe this spinning, revolving form of dizziness. Other people describe the feeling as if they were walking on a mattress or walking on a soft surface like cotton wool. Some people describe it as similar to being tipsy or drunk.

Does alcohol bring out your true personality?

People typically report substantive changes to their personality when they become intoxicated, but observations from outsiders suggest less drastic differences between “sober” and “drunk” personalities, according to research published in Clinical Psychological Science, a journal of the Association for Psychological …

Can you be drunk and still act normal?

Acting sober can be easy or hard depending on how drunk you are and what you are doing. … If you drink uncontrollably, at some point you will not be able to act sober regardless of your skill. However, if you are self-aware, you may be able to fool many people around you into believing you are sober.

Why do I feel drunk when sober?

Auto brewery syndrome is also known as gut fermentation syndrome and endogenous ethanol fermentation. It’s sometimes called “drunkenness disease.” This rare condition makes you intoxicated — drunk — without drinking alcohol. This happens when your body turns sugary and starchy foods (carbohydrates) into alcohol.

Is it safe to let a drunk person sleep?

The blood alcohol concentration (BAC) can rise even when someone has stopped drinking alcohol – this means that “sleeping it off” is not safe; Ensure the intoxicated individual is sleeping on their side with a pillow behind them to prevent them from rolling on their back.

Do true feelings come out when drunk?

“There’s usually some version of one’s true feelings that come out when one is drunk,” Vranich said. “People dredge up feelings and sentiments from somewhere deep in their brains, so what one says or does certainly reflects what’s going on deep down.

Can someone get drunk off water?

Share on Pinterest A person may experience water intoxication if they drink too much water. Also known as water poisoning, water intoxication is a disruption of brain function caused by drinking too much water. Doing so increases the amount of water in the blood.

Is getting drunk once a week too much?

Heavy drinking – even binging one or two nights a week – is harmful for your health, according to Dr. Bulat. Consequences like liver damage, blood pressure issues along with vomiting and seizures from excessive drinking can all occur if you consume too much.

Why do you see double when drunk?

The most common effect is double vision, or blurry vision, brought on by heavy drinking. This occurs as a result of weakened eye muscle coordination as alcohol is a depressant, slowing your reaction times and impairing coordination.

What do you call a sober person?

1 abstemious, abstinent, moderate, on the wagon (informal) temperate. 2 calm, clear-headed, cold, composed, cool, dispassionate, grave, level-headed, lucid, peaceful, practical, rational, realistic, reasonable, sedate, serene, serious, solemn, sound, staid, steady, unexcited, unruffled.

Why is being sober important?

When living a sober life after addiction, your overall health improves immensely. This is because you’re no longer attacking your body by putting dangerous amounts of toxic substances in it. Due to the toxicity level of alcohol and drugs, when you chronically abuse them, your immune system lowers.

How does being drunk feel?

You might become emotionally unstable and get easily excited or saddened. You might lose your coordination and have trouble making judgment calls and remembering things. You might have blurry vision and lose your balance. You may also feel tired or drowsy.

Does sober mean drunk?

This adjective means the opposite of playful or drunk. … The most common meaning of sober is “not drunk” — people who drive need to be sober. Sober sounds a lot like somber, and it often means sad and quiet too, or sometimes too serious.

Why are drunks so mean?

Mean Drunk Psychology Results from the study showed a decrease in brain activity in the prefrontal cortices — areas of the brain related to inhibition and working memory — of intoxicated players when making an aggressive response.

How to act sober

How do you learn to live sober when you have lived most of your adult life high either on drugs or alcohol? It’s not easy to do. If you are lucky enough to get help and overcome drug or alcohol addiction through a treatment program in a rehabilitation facility, you will start a new life. Once you leave rehab, you start your new life of sobriety with much self-doubt and sometimes even fear. You are fearful that you will not be able to make it in the world living without your crutch of alcohol, drugs, or both. You doubt if you can learn to live sober since you can’t even remember what that life was like.

Learn to Live Sober One Step at a Time

The way you learn to live sober after leaving rehab is to take one step at a time. The first thing you do is surround yourself with other individuals who have been through rehab and are newly sober also. You can begin by attending group meetings where you will receive support and encouragement from others. Being with others who are in your same situation can be very comforting and can help you to be assured that you are not alone on this journey.

Sharing stories, fears, hopes, and dreams will help you understand that you are justified in your feelings about your new life of sobriety. It is perfectly normal to have these emotions and thoughts when first leaving rehab. You may wonder if you can be happy without drugs or alcohol; after all, you can hardly remember what life was like without them. Just remember, you will learn to live sober and you will be far happier and healthier because of your decision to do so.

Find a New Hobby or Activity to Fill Your Free Time

Many individuals use meditation to help them learn to live sober. Those who meditate have found that it helps many emotional issues and helps calm their lives. Meditating can help relieve stress and anxiety, two of the main reasons people use drugs or alcohol. Many people find serenity through meditation and make it a part of every day’s activities.

Don’t Expect a Perfect Life Overnight

Don’t expect your life to be perfect overnight when you return home from rehab. Don’t let anyone tell you that you won’t have struggles and uphill battles. It’s not easy to learn to live sober after being high for most of your adult life. Everything is new and foreign to you at first. However, if you will apply yourself and keep a positive attitude that you are going to do this, you will. You can learn to live sober and become a much healthier and happier person than you ever thought possible. It will get easier as time passes and you will be free from addiction and be living a life worth living. You won’t have to be sick and tired of being sick and tired anymore.

Start Your Life of Sobriety Now

If you are tired of living a life of addiction, manipulation, and lies, start your new life by entering an inpatient addiction treatment facility and get the help that you need and deserve. You can learn to live sober and have a healthy and happy life ahead of you. Continuing on the path of addiction can only lead to downfall and disaster. Don’t let addiction define the rest of your life.

Call today to learn more about treatment programs that will benefit you or your loved one and get you on the road to recovery so you can return to a life of sobriety and well-being. Call now!

Some people sober up, but they're still jerks.

How to act sober

Why do people, who have been sober for years, behave inappropriately with alarming regularity? Recently, I was asked this question in group therapy (the exact words have been edited as they were not fit to print). The person who posed the question felt she had been misled. She believed that, even after decades of recovery, some people were “still messed up and acting out their issues.”

Similarly, a reader who commented on my post, “What Recovering Alcoholics Can Teach Us About Happiness,” discussed her negative experience in AA. She described some longtime members as “seething cauldrons of anger.” Another commenter observed that many AA members are caught in a cycle of negativity. This is certainly a common view for many who spend time in AA.

There are several possible reasons.

When someone enters addiction recovery and starts attending 12-step meetings they hear of the wonders that await them if they can remain sober. This is in the form of what Alcoholics Anonymous calls The Promises. To acquaint those unfamiliar with AA, here are The Promises:

“We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self-seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.” Alcoholics Anonymous

These are lofty promises. Those who have been invested in AA swear these promises are realized. Many newcomers wonder how long-time members can make these claims when sober members are still acting out.

Having such expectations can lead to a letdown. One such expectation: Sobriety will resolve all the issues that addiction has caused. Initially, newcomers see hope in what long-time members offer. Newcomers may well see AA old-timers, who have been sober for a decade, in a glorified light; it is as if they are meeting a guru for the first time. The glorified image may soon fade when the glorified makes mistakes and displays natural human emotions.

This happens for a number of reasons. First, the newly recovering individual has the expectation of near perfection. Think of how quickly we lambaste those in religious or political authority who fall short. But who doesn’t, at times, behave hypocritically? Having such an unrealistic expectation pushes the newcomer to pose the question: “If they’re sober, why are they still jerks?”

However, this is not the only reason.

Here is another fact: Many recovering addicts do not actually practice the program as they claim to. This is true for many who claim religious propriety (remember that guy with the religious bumper sticker driving selfishly or flashing a nasty gesture). We hold these people, who state their commitment to a more propitious life, to higher expectations. Yet many who claim that level of commitment are not as committed as they’d like us to believe.

My clients have pointed out that many old-timers in 12-step programs remain in a negative cycle of beliefs and behavior. They hold onto sobriety but are miserable because of it. I tell clients in addiction treatment: The first step of AA (admitting there is a problem and drinking isn’t an option any longer) is enough to keep one sober; it is the other steps that lead to happiness without the substances. Many people in 12-step programs don’t practice the rest of the steps. They do not work hard at changing their attitudes, beliefs, and behavior.

There is also another idea: The 12-step program is a selfish program. I have heard old-timers tell new members that one must be selfish; put yourself first to recover. Although there is some truth to this, wiser 12-step members refer to it as a selfless program. The idea that an individual, who is finally quitting substances, must continue being selfish is a tough pill to swallow. Family members often feel like they’ve tolerated enough. The newly recovering family member says: “I know, but I can’t (help around the house, take Bobby to practice, mow the lawn, clean the bathroom) because I have to make my AA meeting. I don’t want to slip and I have to be selfish about my recovery.”

As with most problems, the solution is as difficult or as simple as we make it. Balance is the key. Sometimes you must put your needs first. Sometimes, consider how your behavior has affected others. Or maybe those crotchety old-timers like to complain about life. Or the newcomer has unrealistic expectations and judges others unfairly. Perhaps some just prefer to behave like jerks. Acceptance of one another and each individual’s right to walk her own path is the solution.

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Sober Living Regulations: A Look at Trending Legislation

Sober living facilities, also known as recovery residences or drug and alcohol-free housing, have been largely unregulated for years. There are many laws, regulations, rules, and guidelines that govern substance use disorder treatment programs, including mandatory licensure and oversight at the state level. But, to the extent sober living facilities have been subject to governmental oversight. They have largely been done on a local level. Some municipalities have attempted to limit the proliferation of sober living homes and regulate how sober living facilities operate through zoning laws, mandatory safety standards, and other local measures. States themselves have been slow to regulate this growing industry.

According to many critics, the lack of regulations has resulted in widespread problems with sober living facilities. Open up any newspaper and you may find articles about neighbor and community complaints, allegations about fraud and abuse, and even stories of patient deaths. Following significant bad press and community outrage, there has been a movement by local governments to try to bring oversight to these facilities.

Federal law has been a significant hurdle to regulate the sober living industry. The facilities do not offer medical or clinical treatment services; instead, they are merely groups of individuals, with legally recognized disabilities, living together as a unit. As a result, their circumstances result in federal legal protections, including provisions under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and Fair Housing Act (FHA), which had been interpreted by courts to allow residents to live as a family without undue intervention from federal, state, or local governments. Many municipalities have tried to impose zoning and safety-related regulations that would tend to limit the ability of sober living facilities to operate in their residential neighborhoods, and courts have been asked to determine whether the regulations pose undue burdens and violate these federal laws on a case-by-case basis.

Currently, many states are joining in the attempts to regulate sober livings. The most recent trend is that states are creating programs to officially license or certify sober living facilities, similar to the oversight they provide for substance use disorder treatment facilities. Certain states have taken an approach whereby they offer “voluntary” licensure or certification of sober living facilities, but only those licensed or certified facilities may obtain referrals from licensed treatment facilities, state-run agencies, and/or government funded programs. Indeed, most states that have pursued licensure or certification requirements for sober living facilities have opted to create voluntary programs, where facilities have the option to not participate and still operate within the state. Only a few states have made licensure a requirement for operation.

The role that the state itself takes in providing the licensure or certification varies. In some states, the same department that licenses treatment centers also oversees sober living facilities. In other states, the oversight and certification process are outsourced to a third-party, like affiliates of the National Association of Recovery Residences (“NARR”) or other agencies. In these states, the legislature and regulations provide guidance about the requirements for operation, but the third-party is responsible for creating more detailed rules and guidelines for facilities.

With so-called “voluntary” licensure and certification mandates, there is no formal requirement that sober living facilities must receive state approval to operate. Instead, these laws cleverly said that such licensure is only required if the sober living facility wants to obtain patient referrals from government-run, government-funded, and/or government-licensed facilities or if they want to participate in government-sponsored funding programs. Therefore, on paper, sober living operators have the choice to decline licensure, thus avoiding many FHA and ADA-related challenges to the laws. But, in effect, depending on the state regulation scheme, for the sober living house to successfully function, it may, for example, have to receive patients referred from licensed addiction treatment centers, thereby requiring the facility to pursue the “optional” licensure or certification.

Voluntary certification or licensure programs are currently in effect. Several states like Florida, Maryland, Massachusetts, Missouri, and Rhode Island, are under development in Pennsylvania, and may be proposed elsewhere. The degree of voluntariness depends on the state program. Some states, like Florida, limit all referrals from licensed substance use disorder treatment agencies, which has a strong effect of making licensure a requirement of doing business. Other states, like Maryland, Massachusetts, Missouri, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island, only limit referrals from state agencies or state funding to licensed/certified facilities, which makes licensure or certification more voluntary. Meanwhile, in Illinois, there are both licensed recovery homes and unlicensed sober living facilities, which are both permitted to operate in the state.

Licensure is technically required in a few states, including New Jersey and Utah. However, recognizes limited exceptions for self-run sober living houses that follow the “Oxford House” model. In addition, Arizona, which allowed localities to create their own ordinance standards for structure sober living facilities, has just passed a new law that requires statewide sober home licensure. Pursuant to these types of mandatory licensing laws, operating a sober living facility without a license may result in serious penalties and even criminal charges.

It remains to be seen whether these licensure and certification requirements will survive the inevitable federal legal challenges from operators and other stakeholders. While there have been many lawsuits over local municipalities’ attempts to regulate or otherwise limit sober living facilities, there are few reported cases where plaintiffs have challenged the statewide licensure or certification regulations. In Utah, when a court expressed doubts over whether the former licensure requirements could pass scrutiny under the FHA and ADA, the state voluntarily amended the requirements to make them less burdensome; but in Utah, there are still mandatory requirements in place, albeit less excessive for operators.

Given the proliferation of these new state licensure schemes, there should be more judicial decisions on the mandatory and voluntary licensure and certification programs being enacted by states, as operators face difficulties complying with the new laws and regulations. But, right now, it is unclear how courts will respond if sober living operators attempt to challenge the licensure or certification requirements as a violation of federal and state discrimination laws through expensive litigation.

Until there is more clarity from the courts about the validity of the new regulations, operators are urged to follow the laws on the book and seek professional advice and counsel in making decisions about how to proceed in light of current requirements. In states without licensure or certification programs already in place, obtaining optional certification and accreditation from private organizations like NARR affiliates may prepare facilities to meet the formal requirements that may be coming their way.

It's all about how much and when you smoke. Personally I'm a daily smoker but I only smoke at the end of the day to chill out and relax at the end of the day.

Literally the perfect system I do that too..never get tired of it and it gives me something to look forward to after taking care of responsibilities

Weird. I don’t have this problem and I’ve smoked pretty much daily for the last decade and multiple times a day for the last 2 years. I’m back to normal after a couple hours and cannabis usage has never had an impact—positive or negative—on my self image. But everyone is different. Good luck on your journey.

I smoke daily, multiple times. Ounce a week + dabs. Been for years. Almost always sober after a hour. Worst case is when I green out Ill be drowsy the next morning. If you are legitimately having to find ways to look sober days after smoking you need to go see a doctor. Something isn't right. Hell try a different supplier too. People like to add fents, and coke to bud in my area.

Well I don't particularly look sober because of my anxiety and paranoia it's not neccesairily skin tone and darkness under the eyes or red pupils.

It's the body language I portray and the personality I become.

Because of this it's possible that I am just one of few people with major anxiety disorder that has either developed from trauma or was just born with naturally because of my DNA —

But I think that is only a small part of it.

I think alot of cannabis users are 'tricked' into thinking everything is normal when infact it is not.

Their version of normal is being or slightly stoned.

Take dabs while interviewing and during the first week everyday they never know any different

And just not get hired in the first place 🙂

I heard a friend say this when I was around the age of 16 — he said he got high asf on his first day at work so they never know any different.

People do know though, they just don't say anything because they don't want any trouble.

Especially because of the culture in my country (the United Kingdom) weed is very, very common.

People are used to ignoring the personality traits and body language of those who smoke weed here unless it is breaking serious rules or laws.

People just, turn a blind eye because they have their own shit to deal with.

How to act sober

Married to an Addict in Recovery? Tips for a Sober Spouse

Being married to someone in recovery from addiction can in unpredictable ways alter the dynamics of your relationship.

You may feel elated that your spouse is no longer using their preferred substance of abuse but may also feel bitter about the missed moments, the stress you have experienced as well as the future of your partnership.

If you decided to stay in your marriage then you’ll need to understand the recovery process. You’ll also need to understand how to support their recovery, care for yourself, and discuss the importance of making changes.

Recovery will change your marriage just like active addiction changed your relationship. It will take time to readjust, to heal, and to learn how to live together once more.

There’s a saying in Alcoholics Anonymous that not only do alcoholics have a drinking problem, but also a thinking problem. These “thinking problems” require that the newly sober person learns how to cope, live, and react differently to life. This is why recovery is a lifelong process and needs constant attention.

Want to learn how to support yourself and your spouse during this time of change? Read on to discover our tips for sober spouses married to an addict in recovery.

Tips for Being Married to an Addict in Recovery

We often view marriage as an equal partnership. But, when your spouse was struggling with their addiction, they likely weren’t equally contributing to your home life.

Explore the following tips for spouses who are married to an addict in recovery to better support yourself and their recovery process.

1. Understanding Addiction

Do your best to educate yourself about addiction.

It’s difficult to understand something we’ve never been through, but do your best to empathize with your partner’s addiction. This doesn’t mean that you condone it or allow it to continue. It just means that you can understand that they wouldn’t choose this type of lifestyle for themselves.

This can help you to reduce the amount of blame and anger you feel toward your spouse.

2. Self-Care

Taking care of yourself will give you a renewed sense of purpose and a direction in life. Many spouses who are married to an addict in recovery expect that once their spouse gets sober, there will be more time for their relationship. But, this isn’t always the case at the beginning of recovery.

Recovery needs to be your loved one’s number one priority. They need to attend meetings, learn new coping skills, and get support from other addicts and/or healthcare professionals.

When they are newly sober, it’s important for you to put yourself first just as they are putting their recovery first. Take time to exercise, be with friends and family, and pursue your hobbies. You can also join a support group yourself such as Al-Anon to learn how to cope with living with people who are in recovery.

3. “Alcohol was but a symptom”

Removing the addictive substance won’t cure your spouse of their character defects completely. You both may see their recovery as a life-altering change, but it also comes with its share of challenges.

Your spouse is learning how to cope with emotions and problems without their addictive substance. If they’ve been using for many years, their development may also have been stunted.

This is where the AA phrase, “Alcohol was but a symptom” can be most understood. The problems that led your loved one to their addiction likely still exist without their substance. This could be trauma, mental illness, or negative thinking patterns.

A twelve step program, mental health professionals, and potentially medications can help them to overcome these challenges, but it doesn’t mean that it will be a smooth ride.

Because of this, you’ll need to be patient, take care of yourself, and have firm boundaries. Remember, you are never obligated to stay in your marriage, especially, if you aren’t happy. Aim to be communicative with your partner, but realize that they need to learn how to regulate their own moods, actions, and behaviors.

4. Find Support

Finding support is especially important if you felt isolated while your spouse was in active addiction. If it felt like your life revolved around their addiction, then you’ll need to lean on like-minded people who can understand and support you.

When a loved one is addicted to a substance, some people develop a set of behaviors, thoughts, and actions known as codependency. Codependency occurs when the non-addicted person gets their needs met by caretaking for the addicted individual. Codependent partners typically enable their loved ones, make excuses for their partner’s actions, and feel like a martyr.

Support groups can help you to learn how to not engage in codependent behaviors. They can also teach you how to emotionally support yourself and become more self-reliant.

5. Set Boundaries

Setting boundaries with a person in recovery is just as important as setting boundaries with someone in active addiction. This is because of the reality that they may relapse again. It’s also important to hold your spouse accountable for their behavior in recovery.

Be patient while they re-learn how to cope normally again or even for the first time. But, don’t allow them to manipulate, lie, or treat you disrespectfully. If these behaviors seem to be a problem for your spouse in recovery, then individual and couples therapy could be beneficial.

Individual therapy is also a great environment for you to learn how to set firm boundaries and enhance your communication skills.

6. Rebuild Your Identity

When your loved one was in active addiction, it’s likely that part of your identity was based on their addiction. A lot of your life revolved around worrying about them, trying to get them to change, and taking on their responsibilities around the home.

Their addiction likely didn’t give you much time to do things you enjoyed.

Make a conscious choice to re-build your identity. Rebuilding your identity will also be useful in the event that your loved one relapses. Your new identity and life paired with your firm boundaries can help you to not take their relapse personally and to act in your own best interest.

Start by getting in touch with your old hobbies. Contact friends and family members and make a commitment to spend quality time with them.

Married to an Addict in Recovery? You’re Not Alone

If you’re married to an addict in recovery, you’re certainly not alone. Millions of families struggle with a loved one’s addiction, but many learn how to successfully adapt to the changes recovery brings. To be successful and manage these changes, it’s important to put yourself and your children first.

When those factors take precedence, then you can more confidently support your spouse throughout their recovery.

Live in Arizona and need to find an accredited treatment program? Check out our list of affordable programs that can help your loved one to get sober and help your family to heal from addiction.