How to act on a first date with a girl you already know

How to act on a first date with a girl you already know

First dates are a lot like job interviews: You can’t score the soulmate or the paycheck without that first meet-and-greet. While some glide through this necessary evil with straight-A finesse because they understand how to act on a first date, others bumble along a path of C-worthy mediocrity, producing mixed results.

Whether or not you and that hot thing across from you will one day get married and pop out children, we can’t say, but you can’t go wrong following these four tactics below:

1. “I love that (insert clothing piece, hair style, tattoo, eye makeup). “

When you first see us, compliment us. I know, I know, are we really that insecure? Are we really that vain? The answer is yes. But don’t paw and drool like imprisoned frat boys.

We wouldn’t be on a date if we wanted someone grabbing our butt. Surely there’s a dive bar down the street to provide that service if so desired.

Instead, appreciate the beading on our turquoise bracelet, compliment our navy blue eyeliner, or our trench coat. No, you won’t sound gay. Trust us. In fact, you’ll earn a few bonus points on the final exam if you appreciate our limited-edition Puma sneakers.

Of course, don’t go overboard (no need to sound like Michael Kors) and don’t force it. Rather, just verbalize what you’re thinking.

2. “And why do you say that?”

This may come as a shock, but we’re as smart, funny, and quirky as we are beautiful. Find out for yourself by asking questions and genuinely listening to the answers. You may begin to feel a bit like a therapist, which means you’re on the right path. And when you start to feel like the interviewer on a 60 Minutes reel, then you know you’re golden, baby.

While it may feel lopsided or a bit too Barbara Walters at first, if you’re more ears then mouth on the first date, you’ve already distinguished yourself. You’d be horrified by the men who feel they need to yap, boast, and brag their way through dinner.

3. “Wow you’re good at. “

Now give us an intelligence compliment. Something pertaining to our minds that isn’t overly obvious. Something that will make us think. This might be tricky, but once you start looking for it, the answers will be so apparent you’ll wonder why you haven’t done this your entire dating life.

We’re insanely cerebral, us lady folk, and if you can get in our heads, your chances of getting in our pants skyrocket. Maybe you’re impressed with our wit. Maybe Jeopardy‘s on and we’re kicking your butt. Are we good storytellers? Whatever it is, let us know.

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4. “To tell you the truth. “

Yes, please do! Starting a sentence this way makes us feel like your guard is down and you’re letting us in on some secret aspect of yourself. And this is our catnip.

This isn’t an invitation to go on and on about yourself, your high school lacrosse glory days, or your foot fetish (best to save this for a later date). Any sort of long-winded braggado is definitely more kitty litter than nip. Know what we mean?

Confused? Don’t be. Learning how to act on a first date means just letting us in a little.

Melissa Noble is a freelance writer and blogger who lives in Brooklyn. She enjoys writing and advising about relationships because as Woody Allen said in Annie Hall (her favorite movie): those who can’t do, teach.

How to act on a first date with a girl you already know

Here are the questions I ask myself during a first date:

How Tough Was It To Get Together?

If she gives me the run around, is too busy, or is flakey, I get annoyed quickly. Finding time to spend together can be difficult up to a point, but if it takes a while to get together, I’m already going into that date with mixed feelings.

How Does She Look?

All that time you take getting ready is worth it. It’s cute if someone made an effort to look nice, and us guys notice when you look great. And smile, smile, smile!

What Does She Talk About?

This is the part of the first date that feels like a job interview. I expect someone to be intelligent, engaging and funny. It’s also nice if she tells me something I didn’t know. Hopefully she’s expanding my horizons in some way. I like hearing about family and friends too. It indicates that she has strong relationships in her life. Bottom line: laughter is key.

Do I Feel Giddy?

There are intangible feelings on a good first date: the indescribable feeling of giddiness, the butterflies, the fun nervousness, and the overall feeling of something new developing make up that positive vibe.

Do I Feel Lucky?

There are a few times I’m out with someone that is so amazing thatI feel lucky to be in her presence, and I love that everyone else around us wishes they were as lucky as me. Some day, hopefully I’ll meet someone that makes me feel lucky every day beyond the first date.

How Did We Leave It?

Aside from the first hello, the goodbye is the most awkward part of the evening. Do you kiss goodbye or hug? Do you send a text after the date saying you had a great time? Did you walk away without kissing when it seemed like they wanted to kiss? While I’m terrible at reading the signals at the end of a date, I think the answers to how well the date went, whether we will see each other again, and whether we should kiss, are told in her body language, demeanor, and words during the “goodbye”.

Am I Thinking About Her Now That She’s Not Around?

If she’s left an impression on me, I’ll think about her-whether I just saw her on an elevator, or she smiled at me on the street, or-of course-if we went on a date. This is a major indicator of whether a second date is in order.The beauty of someone I actually know making an impression on me is that I can ask her out again. If the date was really good, I’ll relive the fun moments in my mind and I’ll be anxious to see her again.

What was bad, And What Was Good?

Yes, I admit I anxiously go over mistakes:

“I can’t believe I said that dumb thing.”

“I wonder if she thought that sound my chair made was a fart.”

And then there are the things I over-analyze to figure out if she liked me, wants to see me again, or was flirting with me:

“What did it mean when she touched my arm.”

“Was she really laughing at my jokes, or was she faking it?”

“Why didn’t she say she wanted to see me again at the end?”

How Did The Post-date Communication Go?

After the date, little games are fun as we both get into the next steps. I proofread texts and emails intensely, and I pay close attention to time between calls. But this is also where things might die: games go on too long, someone freaks out, someone falls off the face of the earth. The second date is sometimes just as hard to get as the first!

What questions do women ask themselves before during and after a first date? Were you aware of most of the things going through a guy’s head, or did some of these surprise you? Do you cut many first dates short like a bad American Idol audition?

How to act on a first date with a girl you already know

When I broke up with my last girlfriend I received a rather venomous email chastising me for all my personality flaws. Needless to say this was a mighty long email. One sentence I’ll never forget had to do with her opinion about my manners. When we were dating, this girlfriend used to think it was cute that I wrapped my whole hand around my fork (kinda like a cave man).

But now, in the wake of our breakup, she was holding it against me:

“You are an ignorant (learn how to use utensils) bastard.”

And just the other day, my friend Margaret quipped that I could use some help from Emily Post. I couldn’t argue, considering I didn’t know who Emily Post was until I Googled her. Apparently she’s an expert on etiquette, so she’d have a field day with me.

Honestly, I try very hard on first dates to mind my manners, but I guess the “real me” appears after I’ve dated a girl for a while.

We can all agree that bad manners can be dealbreakers on first dates. Here are a few examples of ones that plague me:

Utensil Confusion

When I go to fancy restaurants I’m confronted with a confusing array of forks and glasses. My only hope is to watch how other people use their utensils. I believe you’re supposed to start from the outside and work in. I’m also guilty of grabbing the wrong water and wine glass at round tables.

Eating Manners

Apparently, I eat bread like a Cro-Magnon man. A friend noticed meeating pieces of bread when we were out to dinner without breaking it into smaller pieces first.She pointed out my faux-pas but all I thought was, who wants to waste time doing that?

Another friend tells me (keep in mind only women give me a hard time about my manners) that I put my face too close to the bowl when I’m eating soup. Soup is my favorite food, so why wouldn’t I want to stick my face in it?

Talking With My Mouth Full

Talking with your full creates all sorts of problems. Not only is it a visibly bad habit, but you might spit food on your date, and it makes you speak in an incomprehensible language.

The Eternal Bathroom Visit

First dates are already awkward, so no one wants to be left alone to focus on his/her nerves.Sometimes you can’t help it, but leaving your date alone at the table for long periods of time is rude.

Using the Phone

Talking to your friends on your phone, even if it’s via text, makes you look disconnected and bored with your date.

Rude Ordering Behavior

First you have the classic: ordering for your date. Then, you have a number of obnoxious behaviors such as mistreating servers ortrying to be cool by sending wine back even though you’re not sure why you did it. A friend of mine told me that ordering wine by the glass instead of by the bottle is a dealbreaker as well. I would have never thought that.

Risky Food Orders

When you’re going out with someone for the first time, don’t get too risky with your restaurant choice. A friend of mine told me a date took her to a sushi spot (kind of risky already). In addition to ordering for her, he ordered something she described as “hairy spider legs sticking out of a roll”. When in doubt, stick to safer stuff.

What kinds of bad manners are dealbreakers for you on first dates? Do you agree with my list?

I’ve noticed a KEY difference between the way men and women act when they meet a “potential mate”.

I get a lot of guys who write in to ask me for dating advice on how to behave around women. Many of those questions focus on the first meeting or the first date.

I thought I’d devote one entire newsletter to a concept that I feel is VITAL to understand if you’re wondering how to behave around a woman you’ve just met.


I’ve noticed a KEY difference between the way men and women act when they meet a “potential mate”.

Women usually act in a way that can be characterized like this:

“You’re interesting to me. I’d like to get to know you better, and we can see where this goes.”

Men usually act in a way that can be characterized like this:

“I am so interested in you that I’m nervous. In fact, I’m already thinking of you as a potential girlfriend or wife. or at least a one-night stand.”

In other words, women are usually casual and laid-back when they’re first meeting a guy.

But GUYS tend to act like every girl is a POTENTIAL WIFE.

As you can imagine, this creates a lot of tension and pressure.

And I’m not talking about the GOOD kind, either.

I’m talking about the kind that makes men shiver and shake with nervousness, and women feel uncomfortable because the MAN is acting uncomfortable.

I KNOW that you can relate to this in some way.

The simple dating advice here is.

If you start acting all freakish and nervous when you’re talking to a woman, you’re probably going to screw things up before they’ve even had a chance to get started.

Treating a woman that you’ve just met as if she very well could be the love of your life is something you should NEVER do.

Instead, take a very different approach.

My favorite is to ASSUME that every woman has SOMETHING that’s going to annoy me, bother me, or SCREW UP HER CHANCES with me.

The MAIN reason that I do this.


The fact is that MOST women are NOT compatible “long term” with most men. In other words, there if you do get into a long-term relationship with a particular woman, the chances are that she’s going to have things about her that you don’t like.

One of my favorite Cocky & Funny themes to follow is “You’re screwing up your chances with me”.

Let’s say I’m walking down the street with a girl to have a cup of tea. Let’s assume that she and I just met the night before, I got her number, and now we’re walking from my place to tea.

On the way in the door to the coffee shop, she trips over the doorway.

I might look at her, shake my head in an “overly dramatic fake annoyed” way, and say “This relationship just isn’t going to work”.

Then, let’s say fifteen minutes later she spills her tea on the table and herself.

I’ll shake my head again and say “What did I tell you about this kind of behavior?”.

In other words, I’m communicating the very OPPOSITE of “You’re a potential wife”. I’m saying “I’m so comfortable around you that I can even make fun of you without caring what you think of me”.

Does this sound a little crazy?

If you spend a couple of hours having regular, normal conversation. being Cocky & Funny, enjoying yourself, NOT trying to impress her, and generally demonstrating that you could care less how things turn out, you’ll be FAR more likely to take things further than if you act as if she might be the love of your life and you wind up acting so nervous, stilted, and DUMB that she runs away.

So here it is your bit of dating advice. one thing that most guys who are unsuccessful with women do that screws things up. one thing to AVOID:


Instead, lean back. Be cool. Make jokes about her screwing up her chances with you. Tell her that she’s a nice friend. Assume that she has qualities that are going to annoy you, then point them out (in a Cocky & Funny way, of course).

Don’t lose your composure. It can be fatal if you do.

Another bit of dating advice:

Most guys don’t “get” women.

And, unfortunately, most guys look for tricks and “pick up lines” when it comes time to LEARN how to meet women.

They don’t realize that all the tricks in the world aren’t going to help them if they don’t UNDERSTAND what’s “going on”.

That’s where my free dating advice newsletter comes in, along with my eBook, “Double Your Dating”.

The first portion of the book is entirely focused on your “Inner Game”. In other words, it’s focused on helping you “get” what’s going on.

This book goes into DEPTH about all aspects of psychology and behavior of men and women. and teaches you from the ground up. You must get rid of some of your bad programming before you can get GOOD programming.

You will get pages and pages of me teaching everything from the ground up on how to take things all the way from beginning to end. from the first meeting through the first date. all the way to the bedroom, and beyond.

You’ll get dating advice on how to overcome your limiting beliefs about women. how to eliminate your fears of talking to women. how to make women feel ATTRACTION for you, even if you don’t have money or looks, etc.

In other words, it’s a complete system.

You’ll learn everything you need to know in order to start meeting and dating more women IMMEDIATELY.

I would back off and let her do all of the initiating while keeping your options open/seeing other people.

It would be difficult to maintain this as a friendship–you’d get sexually and/or emotionally attracted and would get turned down while she sees other guys.

This is a tricky issue.

It seems reasonable for women to want to be friends first. A good friendship is ultimately necessary for a successful relationship.

But, women like men who are sexually confident, even assertive. If you don’t establish a sexual interest early on, any interest she might have had will wane, and there you’ll be, in the friend zone.

This may be unfair, but you need to deal with it. Make a move. Don’t be aggressive. Don’t ignore what she says. But you might as well learn now as later what your dating potential is with her.

@theworst32: “I thought the move was me asking her on a date lol?”
It was. She agreed to have you pay attention to and entertain her, but was clear it wasn’t a date.

“She is the most confusing girl I have ever went out with.”
Just remember she doesn’t think you’ve gone out on a date with her.

“This girl though said it but is the one that pushs to talk and hangout.”
She’s lonely and has time in her schedule you’re willing to fill. That doesn’t mean she’s romantically interested. See the difference?

“I even just let it go a few days of not talking and she hit me up to tell me she is watching a show I told her about, wanted to talk on the phone and even said things about hanging out again”
Yeah she’s bored and you’re entertaining. again that does not mean interested. Don’t volunteer for this. You’ll get more and more confused and she doesn’t understand how she’s leading you on because she’s been abundantly clear about it.

Tell her you want more than friendship and you respect that she doesn’t, but it’s probably for the best if you two stop talking until you’re able to handle it. (But then lose her contact information because your time is better spent meeting a girl who actually likes you.)

@theworst32: Yes, you’re right, asking on a date was the move.

And perhaps when she responded with ‘let’s be friends’, that was the time to realize this wouldn’t work.

But if you are ‘hanging out’, you need to keep a sexual vibe going. Perhaps touch her lower back when going through a door, give her a spontaneous half hug at an appropriate time. At least, kiss her cheek when departing.

She may not respond well. There’s your answer.

Girls will always enjoy going out, having fun and being your friend. The problem with this one is while you seem romantically inclined toward her, she has already said, “don’t fall for me, I’m only interested in you as a friend UNLESS you somehow manage to surprise me and you’re more than you seem at the moment”.

If you can go out and have fun with her and not get mad or upset if she decides to go on a date with some guy later, you’re good to go. But if you think it would upset you, cut her loose now before she breaks your heart.

@theworst32: I’ve never asked a woman if she was interested in me. Instead I took her out, showed her a fun time, (I never took the wild one to a concert in the park, never took the shy one to a wild party) and then judged how she reacted to me.

If a guy is paying attention and NOT unfair to himself by seeing things not there (she brushed her hair while staring deep into my eyes does not equal she likes me no matter how much I want it to) he can tell if she just had a good time or if she was having a good time being with him.

Sometimes the rush to make it official or to label the connection can be off putting. It’s better to give her a few free samples, enjoy going out together, spending time together, having fun together and then don’t. Skip a few weeks, give her time to begin hoping you will call rather than being texted a few times a day with silly little annoying texts. Some guys are so desperate to close the deal they lose the deal.

Love is a mind game but unfortunately too many guys just don’t understand that. And love is a lot like sales. If you bum rush someone, trying hard to sell any product, people will automatically throw up barriers to buy, resit any attempt becasue they do not trust that pressure method. Many will cave and buy under that pressure but they either return the product later or never buy from that salesman again.

But the guy who dangles the product, lets them discover for themselves it’s value, let’s them understand this product has limited availability, may not even be for sale. that’s the one they begin thinking about, wanting.

I’m just saying rather than asking her if she wanted to be friends. maybe you could have gone out, made her laugh, enjoy herself, actually enjoy being with you and then say, “hey, it was fun, I’ve got your number, I’ll call you again sometime and maybe we can do this again.” then leave a gap between that and the next time you call. Not a day and a half but several weeks.

(On phone) Then you know that oatmeal? (laughs) Ok I’m gonna have to cut you off because I’ve got that date with Amy in an hour, and I’ve gotta watch that dating thing again. . Yeah(Laughs) Yeah, alright I’ve gotta go, bye.

Then he puts the video in and then the microwave goes off and he runs to it.

VIDEO HOST (Anthony):

For all you idiots who don’t know how to act on a first date, we will clearly show how NOT to act on a first date. Again, stay clear of doing any of these things, and you’ll be just fine. (Adam comes back with food) I’ve broke my program into 5 easy steps. Hygiene, Dinner, conversation, paying the bill, saying goodbye. Step 1: Hygiene. Don’t bother taking a shower before your date. Buy deodorant, and put it over the parts of your body you think smells.

Then goes to scene where Adam is putting deodorant all over himself.

Step 2: Dinner. After you pick up your girl, take her to somewhere YOU like to eat. Her opinion doesn’t really matter.

Then cuts to scene where Adam and Amy are at McDonalds.

I wanted to go to an italian restaurant.

Adam: What’s wrong with this place? They have a dollar menu. Do you know how much food you can get with ten dollars?

Step 3: conversation. Girls like to talk, so show her that your listening. Just nod your head and agree to everything.

Then cuts back to McDonalds.

Then she just calls me stupid, do you think I’m stupid?

Amy: Are you retarded?

Adam: Yeah! I’m sorry, what?

Cuts back to video.

Video host: Step 4: paying the bill. Make up some dumb and inapropriatee excuse to why you can’t pay. If she starts giving you crap about why YOU can’t pay, tell her to walk her ass home.

Cuts to McDonalds

Amy: Aren’t you going to pay?

Adam: I was planning to, buy while I was in the bathroom taking a huge dump, I dropped my wallet in the toilet. It was pretty gross so I just left it there. But, I mean, you can go get it if you want.

Video host: Step 5: saying good bye. Saying goodbye is super important, so you don’t want to do something wimp like walking her up to the door.

Then cuts to Adam driving Amy to her house. He parks in front of it. Amy gets out.

Amy: So are you gonna walk me up to the door?

Then Adam drives away.

Then cuts to Adams room.

Video host: After the date, leave no waiting period. Immediately ask her for another date.

Adam (on phone): So seriously though, how about another date. Hello? pfft. (redials number) Hey there. The video you gave me sucks. I followed every step, and she still refuses to have another date with me. What? Are you serious?

Then then takes the disk out and it says: *How not to act on a first date*

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Asking for hers, definitely. Giving yours too never hurts, however. Might make her a bit less likely to say “who is this?” after you call and tell her your name.

Ask me how I know.

My experience on this subject, is to give her your number but ask for her number as well. If she is on doubt, at least you tried.

If she is at least a bit interested, she will contact you. But you have an option to go for it. Most women like a man who can initiate things.

The best thing is to have business cards handy. Give them out, but also ask for theirs or ask for her number.

Of course do this after you talked to her awhile. 90% of women do not call first.

But if you said “I will call”. Do yourself a favor and call.

Numerous downsides to this.
1. You’re putting her completely on the spot. If she’s not interested, she has no way out.
2. Phoning the number she keys in = kind of like a police tactic. You’re implying you don’t believe she was honest and gave you a real number, until you hear her phone ring. That’s a really negative message. And
3. It sends an intimidating, almost controlling message. It could freak some women out. It’s overbearing.

So, you joined here just to say, “give her your ****ing phone”?

1. Maybe I forgot to mention I’m Asian. I think it really depends on culture. A trick like this may be a typical one used in bars in America or in your country, but in my country I’ve never failed with it. In fact, the look on their faces and eagerness to enter their number tell me they’re quite comfortable with this sort of approach. Of course, both of you should have already hung out a couple times or so, then do this when you can feel she’s somewhat quite comfortable with you. Don’t ask her to key in her number the first time you’re meeting of course!

And you’re right – the key to this is to ‘put her on the spot’ so you show that you’re leading and she kind of just follows along instead of being given a chance to say yes or no (which has a larger chance of you getting a no). What’s the worst that could happen? She just doesn’t give you the number. So what? Then move on. You’re the man. LEAD.

2. I didn’t say ‘phoning the number she keys in’. I said she usually phones the number she keys in herself, to check if her own phone rings. This is a good indication that she’s not giving you a false number. If she’s already keyed in her number, then just store it! What the **** do you want to phone it for??

3. ‘sends an intimidating, almost controlling message. It could freak some women out. It’s overbearing.’ Well then do it your way, and let me know your success rate.

Like I said, do this when you can feel she’s somewhat quite comfortable with you. Don’t ask her to key in her number the first time you’re meeting of course!

The key to a successful first date is to relax and just be the real you.

If you try to act in a way that you think the other person will like, then they may start liking someone who you are not, and in the end you will wind up breaking up and getting hurt.

So honest truly is the best policy, and in the end if you are just being you and it does not work , you know they were not the one for you.

Dating is like gambling at poker, sure a good bluff may win you a hand or two but you are not going to win the World Series of Poker by bluffing, only by playing the best you can.

This is no different from dating if you make things up to try and impress this person they are not liking you but are liking the fake you and eventually they will see the two are no the same.

Try to think back to the things you talked about when the both of you spoke on the phone and see if you learned anything that may help you decide where to go for your date, but if you do not have enough information about them to know what they may like you sometimes have to gamble and throw the dice, and hope you don’t crap out.

The most important thing to do on a first date is to have a good time, the bigger a deal you make of it the harder it is going to be and the higher the chances of you making a jerk of yourself.

If you are nervous before the date take a few minutes and take a few deep breaths and if this does not help then I recommend you do what I like to do in the casinos when my nerves are bothering me I simply have a drink.

The alcohol in one drink will usually calm me down enough to concentrate.

How to act on a first date with a girl you already know

The idea of love at first sight as a possible thing that happens gives me very real anxiety. It couldn’t possibly be true, right? Sure, lust at first sight is totally reasonable and an event I have encountered firsthand. It can spur a glorious night or string of nights involving super hot, sweaty fun. But I really don’t buy that simply a series of glances right off the bat proves an accurate predictor of emotional connection potential. I understand that a lot of senses go into play when biology goes behind our backs and forms or doesn’t form a solid attraction. However, how can pheromones realistically explain our intellectual compatibility with another human? How may one’s musk explain the person’s aptitude for understanding thick sarcasm and not just getting offended all the time? There’s no way lingering eye contact has the power to reveal much about a person’s inner peace or turmoil, how they take their coffee, the status of their relationship with their mom. A lot goes into long-term attraction and romantic rapport. It takes longer to suss such lasting forecasts. I’d wager about a month into dating someone, though, you have a decent shot at accessing what can and probably will happen in the possible LTR scenario. There are signs, and here are some of them. So you can figure out if this go in the dating arena will likely sink or swim—whether or not it’s time to adjust the sail for a lengthy cruise or take a deep breath and abandon ship now.

How to act on a first date with a girl you already know

Check out Bustle’s ‘Save The Date’ and other videos on Facebook and the Bustle app across Apple TV, Roku, and Amazon Fire TV.

They respond to texts within a reasonable time window

No one wants to spend a mortal eternity playing chase. When your significant other doesn’t mess around with games and (at least mostly) gets back to you within about an hour (granted they’re not swamped at work or, I don’t know, sleeping), that means they’re a real, mature adult person who is capable of being responsive, present, and connected to you, all of which are very nice qualities for a potential long-term partner to have. They don’t feel the need to create some sort of mystery or essentially ice you out—because they dig you and they want to make sure you know that. It’s a courteous way to reassure the other person you’re confident in your feelings.

They are eager to make and keep plans

Yes, we are all busy and we have things going on, but when you invite another person into your life by way of a relationship, you gotta learn to shuffle. It’s essential. If your SO wants to schedule time together—especially in thoughtful, varied ways—that’s great. It’s even better if they prove such hangs’ priority by rarely breaking plans you two make.

You hang out with each other in daylight hours, and actually enjoy it

It can be shocking the first time you see a partner in daylight hours—but if you want this thing to have a forever (or at least 3ever) chance, daylight does have the nasty habit of happening. Make sure you two can still enjoy each other while doing activities that don’t employ alcohol and darkness.

You can spend a length of time together. when not in bed

Listen, it’s pretty easy to spend insane stretches of time in bed when you just started dating a new person you like, lost in Netflix, delivery, and frequent pauses to make out. But when you don’t have the laptop as a crutch, how do you actually dig the other person’s company? Does a harmony still exist while vertical for longer than it takes to pass a club line? This is important, guys.

. but, you still definitely HAVE PHYSICAL CHEMISTRY

Conversely, you gotta make sure what you’re starting isn’t just a super great, platonic friendship (which are needed, too, duh). There has got to be a sizzling, physical attraction. If it cools right away—as in, one month in—that isn’t super promising.

You guys laugh at the same things

A matching, or at least similar, sense of humor is crucial. A particularly facetious friend of mine once tried to date a dude who didn’t understand sarcasm and, well. he thought she was being serious and thus, frankly a total jerk. Needless to say (but here I go anyway), they did not have a long shelf-life together. If you can’t laugh together, there is zero future.

They’re down to meet and hang with your friends

Balancing friends with alone time in your limited windows of leisure time has to happen. When someone is skeptical or slow to meet up with your pals, bail. You want and totally deserve a partner who feels confident enough to carry on swimmingly with your crew—not someone who will only attend events with a Charlie Brown cloud over their head. No one’s got time for such an energy. These people suck in social situations and generally also suck in relationships.

. and vice versa

Hey bb, it’s gotta go both ways. If you find yourself not hesitating to spend time with your SO’s mains, it could be a sign that you’re possibly onboard for the long haul. Because it really is important to get to know your significant other’s friends. These are the folks your boo confides in, relies on, has history with. They’re integral with who your partner was and is—isn’t that kind of an exciting idea to explore? Not to mention, if your person is rad enough to choose you, chances are their friends are cool AF, too.

You’re both excited to tell other people about each other

In a non-obnoxious way, of course. The gushing just flows.

This isn’t describing your relationship? Here’s the 5 dating tips you need to know, from your bartender: