Here are some time tips for ladies that will help you not only meet that special guy, but as well help keep him for the long-term. If you are a first timer, you should by no means feel that you have to settle down with just anyone because you aren’t afraid that he might make you. This is one of the primary mistakes that lots of girls generate and it’s often a big burden to carry. Imagine about this: a whole lot of associations have been messed up by damaged vows or perhaps one person declaring they usually are ready straight away to agree.
So , what can you perform to avoid these kinds of dating unfortunate occurances? Well, probably the greatest first date tips for young girls is to actually improve your seeing horizons away from local area. There is absolutely no better way to attract a man than to increase your horizons and meet new people just who enjoy life for the fullest. Yet , you must make sure that you’re interacting with the right form of guy who might be into thrilling doesn’t head dating somebody who’s somewhat out there. You must be open-minded when ever dating a fresh person since otherwise, you won’t really discover much about the man.
A further of the great first particular date tips for young women is that you must never assume that a guy is going to be equally into you as you are into him. Although it may seem complementary, a guy’s attention period is very unreliable. You can use this kind of to your advantage and you can genuinely make a guy see that you are compatible. Which means you don’t quickly assume that he’s going to be sitting down next to you at every get together and that you can expect him https://russianmailorderbrides.info/guide/russian-mail-order-brides-tours/ to pay attention to you. Instead, learn to bring up topics that you discover interesting and have interaction him in a conversation.
The first of all date suggestion for girls you must remember is always to relax and not just to receive too functioned up before the nighttime even starts. You certainly do want to demonstrate up at your guy’s place or flat and right away demand to grasp where he is you feel as if you absolutely must be there. You need to relax and tend over think things if you need him to fall for you. Just focus on yourself and enjoy the night away with him. He’ll observe that you are completely relaxed and that will certainly set the mood intended for the night.
Of course , the first particular date idea for girls is that you need to respond like a woman and try to work like a lady. Just about every guy wants a girl who are able to bring pleasure and appeal to him and that can simply come from a girl who has learned what the woman wants and who can enjoy her credit cards right. Should you make men feel like she has the only man in the room consequently he’s going to quickly take a step back. Become a lady and let him see that you can be his friend, nevertheless also let him see that you could end up his partner and maybe an improved companion than he contains ever referred to before.
Hopefully these kinds of first day techniques for girls will let you make the greatest impression likely on this man. You will be amazed at how fast he will arrive at appreciate every thing about you. When you follow these kinds of suggestions you might be well soon on your way creating a fantastic new relationship.
So the first date went well and you know what? That’s great. But a first date alone is just the beginning. Even if it’s a good or a great beginning, you need to follow up and now blow it on the second date. So how do you make sure that you do that? Follow these easy 2nd date rules and you’ll be on to date number three like a pro.
2nd Date Rules: Pick Something New and Exciting
It’s a pretty well-established fact: People like novelty. Just because mini golf or hiking worked great last time doesn’t mean it will this time. Sure, you can repeat the same date again later on down the road. But when it comes to your second date, do something new. And while we’re on the subject of “something new…”
2nd Date Rules: The Dinner / Movie Ban Is Still in Effect
You cannot take your date out for your second date to dinner and a movie. Why not? Because you two are still getting to know each other. And how are you supposed to do that at a movie? What’s more, at this early stage, dinner can still feel a bit like a job interview. So when choosing your second date location, avoid the dinner / movie crutch. However…
2nd Date Rules: Meet Up for Drinks or Coffee Before
If you’re going on a second date with a woman, there’s a good chance you two aren’t totally awkward around each other. And since you’re also still trying to get to know one another, why not include a little bit of time expressly for that purpose? Hit up a happy hour and grab some cheap drinks, or sit outside of a coffee shop and have a chat before you head off to the main part of the date. Remember to schedule this so you spend no more than an hour chatting at the bar, as it can slow things down.
How Not to Blow It on a Second Date Tip #4: Make It a Surprise
One way to add a little bit of excitement to the second date is to make where your ultimate destination is a surprise. Note that this is a gambit; She might very well not be into what you pick. Rather than worrying about this, we suggest that you just take pains to select something you know she’ll want to do. Plan ahead. Listen to what she’s into on the first date and surprise her by taking her to some mundane thing she mentioned on the second date. Not only will she love the surprise, she’ll be impressed that you were paying attention.
2nd Date Rules: Make It Memorable
Making it memorable is always a good tip for a date. However, the second date is very crucial. This is where she decides if she wants a third date and a third date is generally where things start happening. So bring your A-game. Try and find something to wow her, even if it’s just driving by a cool old building and knowing a lot about the history or bringing her to the best cocktail bar in the city. You want her to come away from your second date with something she’s not going to forget by Monday.
AJ Harbinger – author of 1177 posts on The Art of Charm
AJ Harbinger is one of the world’s top relationship development experts. His company, The Art of Charm, is a leading training facility for top performers that want to overcome social anxiety, develop social capital and build relationships of the highest quality. Raised by a single father, AJ felt a strong desire to learn about relationships and the elements that make them successful. However, this interest went largely untapped for many years. Following the path set out for him by his family, AJ studied biology in college and went on to pursue a Ph.D. in Cancer Biology at the University of Michigan. It was at this time that he began to feel immense pressure from the cancer lab he worked in and began to explore other outlets for expression. It was at this point that The Art of Charm Podcast was born. View all posts by AJ Harbinger →
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Here are some night out tips for females that will help you not only meet that special guy, but also help keep him for the long-term. If you are a first timer, you must for no reason feel that you should settle down with just anyone because to get afraid that he might make you. This is one of the greatest mistakes that lots of girls help to make and it’s usually a big burden to carry. Consider about this: a whole lot of relationships have been destroyed by smashed vows or one person stating they usually are ready straight away to agree.
Therefore , what can you do to avoid these types of dating disasters? Well, one of the best first night out tips for ladies is usually to actually develop your dating horizons beyond your local area. There is no better way to attract a man than to expand https://russianmailorderbrides.info/guide/russian-dating-scams/ your horizons and meet new people who also enjoy life towards the fullest. However , you must make perfectly sure that you’re reaching the right kind of guy who may be into thrilling doesn’t brain dating an individual who’s somewhat out there. You must be open-minded when dating a fresh person because otherwise, you’ll not really discover much about the man.
An additional of the great first particular date tips for ladies is that you should never assume that someone is going to be much like into you as you are in him. Although it may seem flattering, a mans attention course is very unreliable. You can use this to your benefit and you can genuinely make a man see that you are compatible. This means that you don’t quickly assume that he’s going to be sitting down next to you personally at every get together and that you can get him to pay attention to you. Instead, figure out how to bring up topics that you find interesting and have interaction him within a conversation.
The primary date idea for girls you should remember is to relax and not just to get too labored up before the nights even starts. You certainly don’t want to exhibit up at the guy’s place or property and quickly demand to learn where he is because of you feel just like you absolutely have to be there. You have to relax and is not going to over think things if you need him to fall for you. Just focus on yourself and revel in the night out with him. He’ll realize that you will be completely casual and that will absolutely set the mood for the purpose of the night.
Of course , the first time hint for girls is that you need to conduct themselves like a young lady and try to perform like a lady. Every guy wants a girl that can bring thrills and appeal to him and that can just come from a female who realizes what your lady wants and who can play her note cards right. In the event you make someone feel like he’s the only person in the room consequently he’s going to quickly take a step back. Become a lady and enable him notice that you can be his friend, yet also let him see that you could end up his associate and maybe an improved companion than he offers ever noted before.
Hopefully these first time suggestions for girls will let you make the very best impression feasible on this person. You will be stunned how fast he will go to appreciate everything about you. If you follow these types of suggestions you’ll end up well soon on your way creating a delightful new relationship.
These are all questions that I get asked often in one way or another, and in this dating tip I’d like to address this topic.
The first thing to remember when you’re meeting up with a girl for "a date" is that it’s NOT an INTERVIEW.
You’re not applying for a job (and neither is she), so don’t act like it.
It’s so funny to me when I sit down in a restaurant and I hear a couple that’s obviously out on their first date. and the guy has no idea what to do.
It sounds like this:
"So, did you grow up around here?"
"Where did you go to school?"
"Do you have brothers and sisters?"
"What kinds of things do you like to do for fun?"
Why is it that people tend to act like they’re on job interviews when they go out on dates?
It’s just such the not-right thing to do.
I mean, no wonder women sit around with each other and complain about how hard it is to find an interesting guy in this world.
Here’s a good rule of thumb:
ONLY ASK QUESTIONS OR TALK ABOUT COMMON, BORING, PREDICTABLE TOPICS LIKE SCHOOL, WORK AND FAMILY IF YOU HAVE ABSOLUTELY RUN OUT OF ALL OTHER OPTIONS.
And why is this?
Good question. And I’m glad you asked.
First, let’s talk about WHY most guys allow the conversation to turn to these ultra-boring topics.
Most guys approach a first date from the perspective of "I don’t want to screw this up".
In other words, they try to play it safe and not do anything or say anything that the girl might not like.
They try to present themselves as "nice guys" who love mom, have a good job, and are stable.
Somehow, guys have gotten the idea that if they act nice, buy dinner, and talk about the same old things that everyone else uses to bore women to tears that they might get lucky and score (or at least get a kiss and a second opportunity to buy dinner).
I don’t know where this concept came from, but it’s just not a very effective approach.
WOMEN AREN’T ATTRACTED TO THE SAME OLD SAME OLD, BORING, PREDICTABLE CONVERSATION.
Attraction happens when there is energy, spice, humor, mystery. COCKY AND FUNNY. and saucy.
So if you want to create ATTRACTION instead of BOREDOM, you’re going to have to learn a new way.
You’re going to have to learn to talk about something else.
The trick to not talking about the "usual" things is to know how to make conversation INTERESTING.
Let me ask you, what are the most INTERESTING topics to humans in general?
Right – drama, violence, scandal, and comedy that is painful to one of the parties involved.
Here are a few good ideas for conversation that come to mind:
"So what’s with The Osbournes being MTV’s #1 show of all time? I guess people just can’t get enough of dysfunctional family life. they have to watch it on TV too."
"I’m so bummed that J-Lo and Ben are on the rocks. They were so damn cute together. I was hoping that they’d have a daughter with perfect hair and a bedonka donk butt from birth."
"Have you tuned into this "Cheaters" TV show? Don’t you just love it when they come storming into someone’s house and catch the wife in bed with another guy on national TV?"
These topics will light up a conversation like nobody’s business. And they create all kinds of opportunities to be cocky and funny while talking about the misfortunes and neurotic behavior of others.
The trick is that you must remember you’re not there to impress her, and you’re not on a job interview.
The more you act nervous, stilted, and uncomfortable. like you’re trying to impress her and get her approval. and like you don’t want to say anything that might make her disapprove of you, the less likely you are to trigger that all- important ATTRACTION inside of her.
And here’s a real twist on this theme:
If SHE starts asking the "normal" questions about school, job, family, etc. this is a perfect opportunity to bust on her and say "What, is this a job interview?"
Or "Can’t you think of something interesting to talk about? Please, spare me the pain of the usual school-job-family conversation. Let’s save that until we’re picking names for our kids."
Here are a few other good ideas for conversation:
1) History. Women love to hear stories about the history of places. If you’re in an interesting part of town, tell her the story of how the area came to be named, or why the city was built where it is. And if the story involves a tale of love and/or scandal, all the better.
2) Anything superficial, classy, and basically meaningless. Try learning a little about fashion, this way you can make fun of it while acting like you know what you’re talking about. "Didn’t Madonna really screw up the fashion world with this whole over-the-top fake cowboy look thing?"
3) Comedy Psychological Analysis. Have fun by giving your wild perspective on others. "You know, I’ve been trying to figure out why so many people these days are going postal and shooting everyone. I think it might be all the NSYNC, Britney Spears, and Backstreet Boys on the radio." This one can be a lot of fun. be creative.
Do you see where I’m going with this?
If you want to keep her interest, then you have to be INTERESTING.
The old-fashioned act-like-you’re-on-a-job interview rap just doesn’t cut it.
Now, for some guys, the ideas that I’ve just talked about will make sense, but they won’t come naturally.
That’s OK. You may have to work on this for awhile, especially if you’ve spent the last 25 or so years doing the wrong thing.
Old Proverb: "No matter how far down the wrong road you’ve gone, TURN BACK."
So remember, attraction isn’t a choice. And attraction doesn’t make logical sense. If you want to create that magical "chemistry", then you’re going to have to LEARN and PRACTICE it.
. and if you’d like to learn DOZENS of great ideas on how to meet, attract, date, and get physical with women, I recommend that you download a copy of my online eBook "Double Your Dating," and sign up for my free Dating Tips Newsletter. Just go do:
So this girl asked me out but left it up to me to pick a time/place/location. To be honest I don't think I am really that into her yet so I don't want to take her to a restaurant or something expensive. She suggested the cinema but to me that just sounds boring because we can't talk.
I have an idea to just take her for a walk in the country along the river which leads down onto the old train track. This would give us lots of opportunity to talk but it could get awkward really easily. She also seems more like a city kind of girl to me. Also I am worried that she would think I was being cheap for taking her on a date that's "free".
So do you think this a good idea? Advice please?
Most Helpful Girls
I've just recently been on a second date with a guy on a walk and we both really enjoyed ourselves and had a good talk and a chat, and at the weekend I went on a walk for a first date. It is a really good way to get to know someone without spending a lot of cash. It shows you don't need money in the early stages of dating and in fact dating can get quite expensive! You could stop at a cafe or pub for a pit stop along the way or an icecream like someone suggested.
The only issue I have with your question is you saying "To be honest I don't think I am really that into her yet so I don't want to take her to a restaurant or something expensive"
If your not really into her maybe you shouldn't go out with her at all. because if your not sure your into her yet you may not be after the first?
EDITOR’S NOTE: He Said-She Said is a biweekly advice column featuring a question from a Crosswalk.com reader with responses from a male and female point of view. If you’ve got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to He Said-She Said (selected questions will be posted anonymously).
QUESTION: It’s been a while since I’ve been on a “first date” with someone. I have one coming up, and I’m freaking out. Help! How can I calm down and act naturally? This is so crazy. I feel like a teenager again.
HE SAID: One thing you need to realize about a “first date” is you’ve already accomplished the hardest part of dating—getting a date in the first place. That means the other person is already interested enough to want to spend time with you.
Don’t put additional pressure on yourself by allowing your mind to wander off into the wedding planning stage. This is only a first date which means it is just a time for each of you to get to know one another, leave the best impression possible (without embellishing) and to see if both of you would want to go on a second date. That’s it.
To help with the anxiety, why don’t you try “practicing” for the date by talking to strangers? You’d be amazed at the confidence you can build by doing it.
Begin with sales people, grocery clerks, ticket agents, bus riders, or whoever you meet. Most of them are not there to have a conversation or to get to know you, so if you can succeed with getting to know something about them or making them smile, the better prepared you will be.
On your date, try to quickly find some commonality between the two of you by asking questions. Discovering interests, activities or dreams you share will put you both at ease, and it’s always best to discuss something you know and are passionate about.
Make an effort to not set the bar or your expectations too high for this one date. It won’t mean you don’t care nor want the relationship to develop into something more; it will just allow you to give and accept grace for the awkwardness that is associated with being with someone for the first time in this kind of situation.
In the end, be yourself and don’t let the other person determine who you are.
SHE SAID: Ah yes. The first date. It can either paralyze you, be an experience that will help you gather information about someone else, or just provide you with a free meal (and believe me, I’ve had plenty of dates like the latter!).
I know it sounds like it should be easy-breezy, but sometimes it’s just not. I’ve fretted before many a first date and become consumed with what I needed to do or not to do to make a guy like me. But sometime in my later dating years, it dawned on me that whatever person God has in store for me . . . well I can make just about any social foible or say the wrong thing and this person will still be interested in me, because God is sovereign and in control of it all.
Once I started thinking like that and realizing that that’s what I truly believed, I was able to exhale and just be myself. Yes, please just be yourself. After all, it’s important to be who you are and to see the other person’s true self if the two of you are making some important assessments about one another. If you’re tall, be tall . . . if you’re smart, be smart . . . if you’re goofy, be goofy. And then go from there.
In general, though, I would advise you (and anyone) to ask your date lots of questions. Lots. That will initially help you to calm down. Then, if you hear your date share an answer or make a comment about something or someone that you share in common or know in common, then by all means jump into the conversation and talk about it! This serves two purposes: 1) it gives your date an opportunity to hear from you and make some mental notes and 2) it gives you an opportunity to express yourself and share a personal story or two. Plus, when you talk about something you know, you most always will not be nervous and will have fun sharing. (P.S. I don’t know if you’re male or female, but I’ll just say this: the way to a woman’s heart is through her ears. So men out there, don’t be afraid to chat it up if you are at all interested in the woman you are taking out for a first date!)
And lastly, but most importantly, bathe the matter in prayer. God wants us to present our requests to him (Philippians 4:6) . . . even first dates! So tell him what’s troubling you, and then thank him for hearing your plea and calming your anxious heart.
HE is … Cliff Young, a Crosswalk.com contributing writer and a veteran single of many decades. He has traveled the world in search of fresh experiences, serving opportunities, and the perfect woman (for him) and has found that his investments in God, career and youth ministry have paid off in priceless dividends.
SHE is … Laura MacCorkle, Senior Editor at Crosswalk.com. She loves God, her family and her friends. Singleness has taught her patience, deepened her walk with the Lord and afforded her countless (who’s counting anyway?) opportunities to whip up an amazing three-course meal for one.
DISCLAIMER: We are not trained psychologists or licensed professionals. We’re just average folk who understand what it’s like to live the solo life in the twenty-first century. We believe that the Bible is our go-to guide for answers to all of life’s questions, and it’s where we’ll go for guidance when responding to your questions. Also, it’s important to note that we write our answers separately (we think they sound eerily similar sometimes, too!).
GOT A QUESTION? If you’ve got a question about anything related to singleness or living the single life, please submit it to He Said-She Said (selected questions will be posted anonymously). While we are unable to answer every inquiry, we do hope that this column will be an encouragement to you. Click here to visit the He Said-She Said archives.
Oh the terrifying world of dating . That minefield of awkward silences, waiting for texts , expensive bar bills or the worst of all – the realisation that the beautiful woman in the red dress you met a week previously, is indeed a full blown crazy-cat lady. We’ve all been there, countless times no doubt, but if you’re reading this then the likelihood is that you’re yet to make a true success of it.
Equally, if you’re reading this, then I’m going to presume that you have indeed over come the first hurdle and already asked her out. If so, then take a moment to pat yourself on the back. It takes serious balls to actually ask a woman out, and however you ended up doing it – she’s said yes – so well done you.
The next hurdle, however, is a pretty big one too. How to actually impress a woman on a first date is anyones’ guess. They all want different things, so that cute little French bistro that Miss A simply adored last week, might be Miss B‘s idea of kitsch hell. The place is not so much the problem , rather it’s the impression you give off that will determine if there’s going to be a date number 2 or not.
And whilst some may not necessarily be every woman’s’ idea of the perfect man – we’re prepared to bet that these few simple tips will bag even the most Neanderthal of men date #2 or even #3.
The key to impressing her on a first date is quite simply a string of gentlemanly gestures . No matter what women say about wanting a ‘bad boy’, trust us when we tell you that they don’t. Not really anyway. Yes they may hark on about boys in bands with tattoos up their arms and unwashed hair, but what they really really want is a gentleman .
You don’t need to look like one, but you sure as hell need to act like one. Have you ever heard a woman say “he was such an a**hole last night, I can’t wait to see him again” – no, nor have we. We’re not saying you need to go overboard, but here are a few simple tips to impress her on a first date…
Make an effort with appearance: She will have spent hours talking to friends discussing outfits, weighing up the pros and cons of wearing heels, doing her hair and make-up and accessorising, so make an effort yourself. Nothing over the top, but a crumpled shirt and trainers does not a good impression make.
Open doors for her: From the door of a cab, to the restaurant and the bar afterwards, it’s really quite easy, but you’d be surprised to hear how few men actually do this anymore – trust us, she will notice.
Keep curbside: An easy chivalrous gesture that she may not even consciously notice, but still worth the effort.
Take her coat/ give her yours: When you walk into the restaurant take her coat, when you’re walking out help her back on with it. If it starts to rain and you don’t have an umbrella then volunteer your own coat as a rain shield.
Put your phone away: Put it on silent or turn it off – nothing say’s “You’re boring” or “I’m not interested” to a woman more than a man texting or taking calls whilst on a date.
Compliment her: Make them spontaneous and casual and ideally the earlier the better into the date, do not, and we repeat do not say ‘you have beautiful eyes’ – it is vomit inducing. Instead, stick to a more passing ‘you look great’, when you first see her. Anything after the first hour will seem planned and contrived.
Ask questions: Yes, you want her to hear all your best qualities, but women love to talk to, and more than that, they love to be listened to. And we’re talking, actually listened to. Don’t just nod and smile – engage and expand.
Know the difference between confidence and cockiness: If ever there were a fine line, this would be it. Similar to the above, you want her to know your best qualities, but stay revered – no woman wants to hear how much you earn, how many models you’ve slept with or how large your family estate is (at least not on the first date she doesn’t).
Pay the bill: Call us old fashioned, but we still believe that the man should pay the bill on the first date , especially if he is the one who initiated it. If you find yourself on a date with a new wave feminist who insists on paying (and you want to see her again) then still refuse, instead suggest that she pays for an after dinner drink or even the second date.
Don’t try to sleep with her on the first date: This is absolutely paramount. No good relationship has ever come from a one night stand . No matter how well you got on or how many cocktails were consumed, put her in a taxi and bid goodnight. That’s what a gentleman would do.
First dates are a lot like job interviews: You can’t score the soulmate or the paycheck without that first meet-and-greet. While some glide through this necessary evil with straight-A finesse because they understand how to act on a first date, others bumble along a path of C-worthy mediocrity, producing mixed results.
Whether or not you and that hot thing across from you will one day get married and pop out children, we can’t say, but you can’t go wrong following these four tactics below:
1. “I love that (insert clothing piece, hair style, tattoo, eye makeup). “
When you first see us, compliment us. I know, I know, are we really that insecure? Are we really that vain? The answer is yes. But don’t paw and drool like imprisoned frat boys.
We wouldn’t be on a date if we wanted someone grabbing our butt. Surely there’s a dive bar down the street to provide that service if so desired.
Instead, appreciate the beading on our turquoise bracelet, compliment our navy blue eyeliner, or our trench coat. No, you won’t sound gay. Trust us. In fact, you’ll earn a few bonus points on the final exam if you appreciate our limited-edition Puma sneakers.
Of course, don’t go overboard (no need to sound like Michael Kors) and don’t force it. Rather, just verbalize what you’re thinking.
2. “And why do you say that?”
This may come as a shock, but we’re as smart, funny, and quirky as we are beautiful. Find out for yourself by asking questions and genuinely listening to the answers. You may begin to feel a bit like a therapist, which means you’re on the right path. And when you start to feel like the interviewer on a 60 Minutes reel, then you know you’re golden, baby.
While it may feel lopsided or a bit too Barbara Walters at first, if you’re more ears then mouth on the first date, you’ve already distinguished yourself. You’d be horrified by the men who feel they need to yap, boast, and brag their way through dinner.
3. “Wow you’re good at. “
Now give us an intelligence compliment. Something pertaining to our minds that isn’t overly obvious. Something that will make us think. This might be tricky, but once you start looking for it, the answers will be so apparent you’ll wonder why you haven’t done this your entire dating life.
We’re insanely cerebral, us lady folk, and if you can get in our heads, your chances of getting in our pants skyrocket. Maybe you’re impressed with our wit. Maybe Jeopardy‘s on and we’re kicking your butt. Are we good storytellers? Whatever it is, let us know.
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4. “To tell you the truth. “
Yes, please do! Starting a sentence this way makes us feel like your guard is down and you’re letting us in on some secret aspect of yourself. And this is our catnip.
This isn’t an invitation to go on and on about yourself, your high school lacrosse glory days, or your foot fetish (best to save this for a later date). Any sort of long-winded braggado is definitely more kitty litter than nip. Know what we mean?
Confused? Don’t be. Learning how to act on a first date means just letting us in a little.
Melissa Noble is a freelance writer and blogger who lives in Brooklyn. She enjoys writing and advising about relationships because as Woody Allen said in Annie Hall (her favorite movie): those who can’t do, teach.
I've thought about it, and while I got a few ideas on what to talk about, I don't know how to get to that point.
Example : Date is at Starbucks, girl and guy don't know much about each other (Let's say nothing at all. They don't know what kind of music the other likes, what kind of movies, etc etc) They order whatever coffee they want and take a seat.
Where do you go from there without making it awkward?
"What kind of music do you like" sounds odd as a conversation starter.
Any tips on what to talk about and how to start a conversation?
EDIT : Thanks for all the comments!
What I've learned : Tragedy of plageius the wise, F.O.R.D not R.A.P.E, interactive discussion, might be better to walk around and drink the coffee than sitting in front of each other. Be natural, compliment her a bit, talk about the present-past-future, don't compliment her too much (makes things awkward), avoid politics at 101%, be a good listener, change the conversation if it doesn't interest you or her, be authentic, follow the flow / don't stay stuck on one subject too long and don't stay stuck on thinking what to ask next, ask her to tell you something interesting about herself and expand on that, try making a compliment into a conversation.
EDIT 2 : Thanks everyone for wishing me luck and making me feel less stressed!
I usually skip the first 9 to 10 lines of conversation. Works like a charm.
Anything just don't try to force a subject if she doesn't like it just switch and try to listen and engage in an interactive discussion not a monologue ok?
"Did you ever hear the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise?"
It's easy to get stuck on words, phrases, questions. think about why you are there and what you want. So it's not so much what you say but the vibe behind it. You are in front of a beautiful woman that you are curious about getting to know deeper. You want to push in closer. Then if you ask "So what kind of music do you like?", you're saying "Hey, I'm curious about you.". but if you're too focused on words, questions, formulas, you lose that feeling subtext and it becomes "I'm asking a canned question, it reveals nothing about me and my intentions, I could be very insecure and just ask because it takes away pressure from me". then she can respond with "I like X, why do you ask?". and you're like "Oh shit, I don't have a follow-up to that, halp".
So be authentic, get out of your head and trying to figure out the right thing to say – express how you feel and what you want in the moment. It's way easier, you just be yourself – it requires confidence though, a knowing that being yourself is enough. which is attractive, more so than saying the perfect phrase or something cool.
If you run all these topics and cant get someone to light up and start spilling their guts then they may not like you. Almost every person is really into one of these 4.
Possible leading enquiries:
F "So, you got much family here?"
F "Big family? Small family?"
O "What you do for a crust?"
R "You got any weirdo hobbies I should know about?" (fun)
R "Are you fun though? What do get up to in your spare time?"
D "If I gave you $5mil right now, what would be the first thing you bought?"
D "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?"
Customise these to fit your conversational style.
Don't try to work from a mental list. Remember a conversation is a dance. Start with something easy like "so what did you order?" and go from there. She may ask a question, answer, expound on it a bit, toss it back to her, say something about what she's wearing and say you like it, but don't go overboard on that. Conversation should flow, don't get stuck trying to think of what to say next.
First always start a conversation about the environment you are in because it keeps both of you in the moment.. For example in starbucks you can comment on how empty or full that place is or about the people in the venue, make it fun and light.. Secondly know what you are looking for? Ask her " tell me something interesting about yourself" whatever she says if it genuinely interest you probe further..In case if you are not interested in what she is saying then don't hesitate to ask what you want know specifically..
My best advice for you is to be present.
It's very easy to be so far into your head that you're thinking about conversation topics that may never come to fruition. Instead, let the moment dictate what you talk about. Did the barista comment about the weather or about what you're wearing? Use that to integrate a conversation about fashion or the current rainy spell into your conversation. Or maybe comment on the music they're playing, and use that to extrapolate her music preferences.
It seems like you have many great ideas as to what topics/questions you should be asking, just live in the moment and let your surroundings dictate how the conversation flows!
Inspired by a bash.org quote, I sometimes ask women how they feel about potatoes.
Look, you can have all the topics and pickup lines in the world, but if you don't roll with it and see them for what they are (dumb ways to break the ice) then none of them are going to work.
I talk about potatoes because it's stupid and absurd. I'll talk about how I fucking love them so much that I'm going to start a society for potato lovers. The Pastafarians have their noodliness, so why not potatoes?
That's because it's precisely my kind of dumb humor. If she doesn't get it, then it's never going to work. And if she does get it and runs with it, holy shit is it going to be a good night. I need a second in command as well!
They say be yourself. I agree to an extent. If you like who you are, that's fine advice, but if not, don't jump into the dating game yet. Work on you and being comfortable with who you are.
People (not just women) don't appreciate you following a script. They do appreciate that you put yourself out there and were honest with yourself and them. While not perfect, a bumbling fool who is honest with himself and says, "Look, I know this is a cheesy line, but I didn't want to mess up and not try to get to know you" is way better than the guy who follows a script.