Shyness can truly hold people back–partly because those who are shy tend to avoid public situations and speaking up, and partly because they experience so much chronic anxiety.
If that’s you, take comfort in knowing you are far from alone–four out of 10 people consider themselves shy.
But here’s the good news: Shyness can be overcome. With time and effort and a desire to change, it’s possible to break through.
If your shyness is severe, you may need help from a therapist or counselor, but most people can overcome it on their own.
Take your first steps in getting past shyness with these 13 techniques to help you become a more confident you.
1. Don’t tell.
There’s no need to advertise your shyness. Those who are close to you already know, and others may never even have an opportunity to notice. It’s not as visible as you probably think.
2. Keep it light.
If others bring up your shyness, keep your tone casual. If it becomes part of a discussion, speak of it lightheartedly.
3. Change your tone.
If you blush when you’re uncomfortable, don’t equate it with shyness. Let it stand on its own: “I’ve always been quick to blush.”
4. Avoid the label.
Don’t label yourself as shy–or as anything. Let yourself be defined as a unique individual, not a single trait.
5. Stop self-sabotaging.
Sometimes we really are our own worst enemy. Don’t allow your inner critic to put you down. Instead, analyze the power of that voice so you can defuse it.
6. Know your strengths.
Make a list of all your positive qualities–enlist a friend or family member to help if you need to–and read or recite it when you’re feeling insecure. Let it remind you how much you have to offer.
7. Choose relationships carefully.
Shy people tend to have fewer but deeper friendships–which means your choice of friend or partner is even more important. Give your time to the people in your life who are responsive, warm, and encouraging.
8. Avoid bullies and teases.
There are always a few people who are willing to be cruel or sarcastic if it makes for a good punch line, some who just have no sense of what’s appropriate, and some who don’t care whom they hurt. Keep a healthy distance from these people.
9. Watch carefully.
Most of us are hardest on ourselves, so make a habit of observing others (without making a big deal out of it). You may find that other people are suffering from their own symptoms of insecurity and that you are not alone.
10. Remember that one bad moment doesn’t mean a bad day.
Especially when you spend a lot of time inside your own head, as shy people tend to do, it’s easy to distort experiences, to think that your shyness ruined an entire event–when chances are it wasn’t a big deal to anyone but you.
11. Shut down your imagination.
Shy people sometimes feel disapproval or rejection even when it isn’t there. People probably like you much more than you give yourself credit for.
12. Stare it down.
Sometimes when you’re scared, the best thing to do is to face it head on. If you’re frightened, just stare it down and lean into it.
13. Name it.
Make a list of all your jitters and worries. Name them, plan how you’re going to eliminate them, and move forward.
Suffering from shyness shouldn’t keep you from the success you are seeking, so try these simple tools and make them work for you–in fact, they’re good techniques to try whether you’re shy or not.
The first step to overcoming any problem is to realize that there is one. This guide will help you to become less shy and give you pointers to nudge yourself into a life where you are free from being shy.
One thing I’ve learnt throughout my life is that absolutely nothing will happen if you continue waiting for a miracle. The way to success is not to wait for something to happen but to take a step and work towards your goal. You have to realize this is what I want to change and this is how I will change it. If you want to become less shy, the first step is to make this a goal. Without direction and aim, everything else falls apart.
Destiny is not a matter of chance; it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for; it is a thing to be achieved. –William Jennings Bryan
So keeping that mindset in mind, you must prepare yourself to be committed and determined to overcome your shyness.
What is Shyness?
Shyness (Diffidence) is a feeling of fear of embarrassment that millions of people deal with each and every day. People who are shy tend to avoid human beings and situations where they are put in the spot light.
How to Become Less Shy
These 8 strategies will help you not just become less shy but defeat your shyness one and for all!
1. Stop drowning in your Insecurities
What most people don’t understand is that it is impossible to be 100% perfect. Everyone has insecurities; some choose to step over them while some choose to hide under. Continuously doubting yourself or thinking that you aren’t capable of doing something is absolutely ridiculous. Be proud of who you are and show people you are confident and have loads to offer.
2. Create Strong Bonds With Friends
A lot of times it’s your friends that bring out the best in you and it is with them where you feel most comfortable. Over time this confidence will translate into other situations as well and will become a huge asset to overcome shyness.
What is a friend? I will tell you…it is someone with whom you dare to be yourself. – Frank Crane
3. Do Not Compare Yourself With Others
The one habit which is the downfall of millions is the constant comparison between themselves and others.
When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everybody will respect you. – Unknown
Continuously comparing yourself to others to the point where you are too insecure to act like yourself or daily lowering your self-esteem is not just going to make you feel worse about yourself but you will never get rid of your shyness.
4. Expand Your Comfort Zone
Try to push your limits bit by bit. Go to more and more public places and try to slowly get more and more accustomed. You will eventually get more comfortable and your shyness will decrease. Shopping malls, community centers and libraries are good places to start.
5. Improve Your Posture
Body Language has a direct correlation with how we feel. If you stand slouched and closed you will automatically feel more insecure and shy, but if you stand upright and be more open you will automatically begin feeling more confident and less shy.
This will initially take a lot of courage but I know you can do it.
6. Get Involved with the Community
Surrounding yourself with people is always a big step to overcome shyness. So try Volunteering in places that interest you and just go for it.
7. Learn to Accept Rejection
Rejection is a normal part of life. You are always going to meet people who you don’t share similar interests with and have different viewpoints. This is Okay. Just remember to not take it personally and learn from it.
Relinquishing your confidence for one measly rejection will not change anything.
A rejection is nothing more than a necessary step in the pursuit of success. – Bo Bennett
8. Make a Bucket List
Make a list of several situations that make you feel shy or anxious and order them from situations that make you feel the least to the most anxious. Once you have your list, go through them one by one. Do them at your own pace but make sure to push those boundaries. This activity will not only build your self-confidence but snap you out of that ‘I can’t do it’ stage because you can!
Don’t be afraid to give your best to what seemingly are small jobs. Every time you conquer one it makes you that much stronger. If you do the little jobs well, the big ones will tend to take care of themselves. –Dale Carnegie
Alison is a freelance author, yoga enthusiast and a strong believer of self-development. Being in the writing industry for over 10 years, Alison has a plethora of knowledge which she loves to share and discuss with her readers. She loves to write about self improvement and personal finance.
Amy Morin, LCSW, is the Editor-in-Chief of Verywell Mind. She's also a psychotherapist, the author of the bestselling book "13 Things Mentally Strong People Don't Do," and the host of The Verywell Mind Podcast.
People who are shy live with many of the same symptoms as those who have social anxiety disorder (SAD), but to a lesser degree. Most people who are shy learn to adapt to their surroundings and function in a world that is dominated by more outgoing and extroverted types.
At the same time, it can be easy to get down on yourself if you are shy; it might seem like everyone else is doing better socially than you. At times like these, it is helpful to consider some of the benefits or advantages of being shy.
These might not be things that immediately come to mind, but they are true of many shy people. This list of 10 good things about being shy might also be helpful if you are overcoming SAD and still struggling with shy tendencies.
Your Modesty Is Attractive
Many shy people are modest; you are the last one to announce your accomplishments or let the world know what is amazing about you. You probably shrink from compliments or downplay your positive attributes.
Although too much modesty can eat away at self-esteem, a healthy dose is considered an attractive trait by many.
At the same time, you need to be careful not to cross the line from modesty to self-deprecation. Here are five tips to make modesty work for you:
- Recognize when you’ve achieved something important rather than downplaying these things as due to “luck”
- Stand up for yourself if you feel you are being taken advantage of (read up on being assertive)
- Offer praise to others (this might feel strange at first, as though you don’t have the “right” to decide what is good or bad
- Be realistic rather than thinking things are all good or all bad
You Think Before You Act
If you are shy or socially anxious you probably tend to look before you leap. This trait can be helpful when it comes to many life decisions. Thinking carefully and planning before taking action is important for many of life's hurdles including
- Planning for the unexpected
- Avoiding unnecessary risks
- Setting long-term goals
Supporting this theory, a 2011 study comparing the behavior of human children and that of apes showed that human children displayed more behavior in line with shyness than did the apes (they were less likely to approach something new). This suggests that we as humans may have developed our ability to learn before leaping through this leaning toward shyness.
At the same time, this tendency to think long and hard before you take action should be moderated. If fear of taking a chance is holding you back, sometimes it can be better to take a leap and trust that things will work out (or that you can handle it if they don't).
You Appear More Approachable
When shyness is not extreme, it can make you appear more approachable to others. Shyness, and the modesty and self-effacing nature that go with it, are rarely threatening to others and may allow people to feel more comfortable around you. In other words, you don't have an air of superiority that makes it hard to talk with you.
Too much shyness can make you seem aloof or standoffish. If this is a problem for you, try something simple like smiling or saying "hi" to people to show that you're not stuck-up, just shy.
You Have a Calming Effect
Shy people can sometimes have a calming effect on those who are more high strung. Though you may experience inner turmoil as a shy person, your outward appearance is probably one of being calm and even keel. This calmness and ability to "not react" may have a positive effect on those around you.
However, if you are actually experiencing inner turmoil, it's important to realize that sometimes it is okay to reach out for help. If your shyness means that you must wear a mask, see if opening up to one person about how you feel makes a difference.
You Do Well in Human Services
Do you work in a human services position? If so, and if you are shy, your personality probably serves you well in terms of being an empathic listener; being shy makes it easier for other people to open up to you.
You Appear More Trustworthy
Since you don't toot your own horn and aren't the first to tell everyone about your accomplishments, others may find you more believable and trustworthy. This can also make you a better leader.
You Have an Ability to Overcome
If you have struggled with shyness your whole life, then you know what it means to battle, endure, and overcome difficult feelings. Without your struggle against shyness, you would not have developed the ability to cope with life's difficulties.
You Make Deeper Friendships
Chances are that when you do manage to develop friendships, they are deep and long-lasting.
Because making friends is not easy, you may place more value on the friends that you have. Plus, your tendency to avoid small talk means that your friendships are not likely to be superficial.
You Enjoy Solitary Work
Many jobs require the ability to focus and concentrate in a solitary environment; this is where some shy people find that they flourish. Not having a lot of social ties means that you have fewer interruptions and less need to validate what you are doing in the eyes of others.
You Experience Rewards More Fully
Research shows that the brains of shy people react more strongly to both negative and positive stimuli. This means that while you find social situations more threatening than your outgoing counterparts, you may also find positive situations more rewarding. Your increased sensitivity to reward may mean you find more value in working toward goals.
A Word From Verywell
Everyday shyness that does not prevent you from achieving your goals or participating in life can have its advantages. However, severe shyness or social anxiety that interferes with daily functioning is not helpful, and not something with which you have to live. If severe social anxiety is a problem for you, be sure to speak to your doctor for a referral to a mental health professional.
Dating a shy girl is very simple. If you can, apply the steps accordingly.
Some people misunderstand the shy girls thinking that they are too hard and stressful to date, without knowing that they are always like every other girl. It just depends on the pattern you take and the steps you follow. “How To Date A Shy Girl”
Shy girl is like any other girl, so if you are in Love with a timid person, you shouldn’t be afraid if she will leave you back. Just focus on your and work it out.
So if you are seriously looking for a way to date a shy girl, relax and read this article carefully, for we will be telling you the steps on how to date a shy girl and win her Love.
Below is every tip on how to date a shy girl.
How To Date A Shy Girl.
- Try finding out a little more about her.
- Introduce yourself one on one and make it brief.
- Ask her out but give her a chance to make a choice.
- Give her some space.
- Pay attention to her.
- Allow her to talk.
- Be a funny person.
- Be patient with her.
- Accept her for whom she is.
- Build up your communication level.
I am taking down the meaning.
Try finding out a little more about her.
If you are dating a shy girl or want to date a shy girl, you will first try to know a little more about her so that you can understand the things that she likes and those she doesn’t like. Knowing her to do(s) and don’t will highly make your work easier.
For instance. You know that shy girls find it difficult to express their feelings and are always afraid of communication because they won’t know how to start, not that they don’t like it. She may like everything but will be unable to tell it. And if you happen to Todo the wrong one, she will hate you for good. So for you to be on a safer side, you have at least ask people around her what she usually wants or what she likes doing. This idea supposed to be the number one step you should take before going for another step.
Introduce yourself one on one and make it brief.
Introducing yourself to her one on one is very important, at least she will get to know the real you, instead of sending her messages through her friends. But don’t forget to dress appropriately and cute so that she will like it when she sees you. Do not be rough and dirty, especially at your first meet. She would prefer it if she noticed that you are well mannered just like her, and don’t forget to look dull and friendly.
“How To Date A Shy Girl”
Ask her out but give her a chance to make a choice.
When you ask out, do not be the one to choose a place or to plan on a date. Give her options to accept or better still, let her choose a location, and you have to follow according to her choice. Even if it takes a lot of time for her to choose, relax, and wait for her conclusion before going on a date, instead, you may end up being disappointed.
Again. If she fails to meet up with the appointment that she fixed, do not be angry at her it overreacts, just follow her and make her make another choice of date and place, I bet you this second time she will not disappoint again.
Give her some space.
Do not follow her back to back, give her some space, and allow her to make her own decisions. You shouldn’t use it because of how much you want her in your life and push pressure on her. She might see it as if you are up to something and didn’t have any feelings for her at all. So give her some space and maintain your stand as a man.
Pay attention to her.
Be a good listener. Give her maximum attention to whatever she’s doing. Even if it takes her 100 years to speak, wait till she speaks and does not get tired of listening to her. That attitude will make her love you the more, and you will be surprised to see that she’s going To be the one coming to you. Shy girls like it when attention is being given to them, no matter how long it may take them to speak up instead of being misunderstood.
Give her a chance to talk.
Do not be the one to say almost everything in a conversation, allow her today her view, she might not be able to be fast as you are, but definitely, she has something to say only if you can give her a chance.
Your lifestyle and her lifestyle will never be the same, so it will take time for her to fix the style. So do not be too fast to speak, take it slowly, and carry her along, so that the conversation will be good for both of you.
“How To Date A Shy Girl”
Be a funny person.
Do not be the type of person that always frowns or you getting severe in everything. At least make her feel happy with your funny words and jokes. As you decided to date a shy girl, you have to be ready to build up your social life. Be jovial and fun to be with. It will help to ease her shyness. A sober person and a shy person doesn’t match at all, so take note of it.
Be patient with her.
Like I said before, don’t rush things. Be patient and give her time to make her decision. You shouldn’t expect to get her answer immediately or to accept you directly. It doesn’t work like that, and it takes a little or even a lot of time. So you have to be prepared and ready to accept those challenges. But I bet you, if you can overcome that, your relationship with her will be very enjoyable.
Accept her for whom she is.
Don’t always use her shyness against her. Of you want her, you have to accept her for whom she is not the other way round. I appreciate her and the little one she has to offer. Do not expect many things from her. Don’t even expect anything from her. Just focus on your goal of winning her Love and continue with that. With time you shall surely get what you want.
Build up your communication level.
Let your communication level be adequate to achieve a healthy relationship.
A complete and effective communication has to do with good observation skills, understanding skills, excellent listening skills, persuading, telling, and explaining.
Persuading her doesn’t mean that you should force her to do what she doesn’t want to do. No, it means that you should romantically convince her to speak up her mind, Tobe frees with you, and relax as you will not harm her in any way. Explaining skills means that you should be able to explain things to her before actions. You shouldn’t jump into activities without explaining things to her and seek her permission.
Then understanding her, is understanding both her body language, her words, and her emotions. So if their things are kept intact, you will see that it will be straightforward to win her Love and that your dating will be a wonderful one.
Now that you have read this, try to also read signs she doesn’t like you to know if she is really shy od don’t love you.
Achieving the love of a shy woman is not easy at all. Therefore, learning how to conquer a shy girl is your responsibility if you like one of these girls. You will have to adapt to their way of being and accept their eccentricities. You may give up.
There is an infinite variety between slightly shy girls and very shy girls. Sometimes he will tell you that he wants to be alone. Suddenly you can find her so quiet that you won’t know what to do.
How to conquer a shy, difficult and intelligent girl? The most important thing is that you don’t become complacent. That is, do not change to please this girl, be yourself, do not pretend to be someone else.
Just learn to respect your personal space. For shy girls it is the most important thing. Advance as she allows you, as you gain her trust.
2.- How to conquer a shy girl? Taking responsibility for your own happiness
If you think that a shy girl is going to make you happy just because you tell her you like her, you are wrong. She loves her world and won’t admit anyone unless she earns her trust.
How to earn the trust of a shy girl:
– Be very honest, they are very sensitive to lies. If you lie it will be better for you to admit it, so you gain more confidence
– Trust yourself, tell him your things and accept that to gain his trust you will have to overcome many problems
– Be very communicative without questioning his silences . Better ask him, what do you want to talk about.
Be consistent so that she feels safe with you – Do not talk to others about the things she entrusts to you. If they argue, avoid negative ratings. So she will be more open with you
– Better than promising is to do it at the same time as you announce it. And if you promise, that they are things that you can fulfill in the short term
– When she wants to be alone, respect her. She loves her relationship with her friends. Don’t control her, and when she contacts you, respond quickly.
3.- Take care of the way you approach her
The best way to win over a shy girl is to move and talk in a way that makes her feel comfortable. Its comfort is your main challenge. That is why you must move calmly, without haste. A shy girl does not like the limelight.
For a shy girl to feel comfortable she has to move in her comfort zone. You will not accept and you will feel very bad doing something outside of your lifestyle. If you are an extrovert, simply respect their way of being, you do not need to change.
It is not easy for a shy girl to let you enter her core of deepest emotions. Let her choose the places they should hang out.
4.- Find out what the world of shy women is like
Once you know the way a shy girl is, your approach to them will be more successful. Shy girls live in a very rich emotional world that you will have to understand. Therefore, before dating a shy girl you should know:
– In shy girls they are very different and sensitive to common girls
– Being shy does not mean that they do not have a good self
– esteem – They are more very intelligent and exquisite with their tastes
– A shy girl likes to be alone, she is herself their best company
– It can be difficult for them to open up to people, especially the boy they like
– They do not like to be the center of attention under any circumstances
– They pay a lot of attention to details that most go unnoticed
– A shy girl not necessarily looking for a shy guy
– It will take you a long time to get to know her well
– They are the most romantic and passionate among women, a treasure worth waiting for
5.- To make a shy girl fall in love, it is important to enthusiastically accept her personality
A shy girl is insecure around people, but in her particular world, they are very safe. That is why the best way to conquer a shy girl is by validating her world as something wonderful. Don’t ever tell him that he should be more open or more communicative.
In them there is an intellectual and emotional richness that they love and take care of. Consequently, your turn is to recognize and admire that richness. Say things like, you have a wonderful way of looking at life or I like the way you think. Negative opinions about her way of being will harm your approach to her.
6.- To conquer a shy girl, talk about what you love the most
Shy women are very sensitive and highly appreciate male intelligence. They like men with well-defined and differentiated hobbies than ordinary people.
With a shy girl you can be very expressive with those things that you love and like to do. If you like poetry, singing or some art, they will feel very good with you. Well, they love everything that is inner life.
7.- She will put many barriers on you, but it is not to intimidate you
How to fall in love with a shy, difficult and intelligent woman? If you are not the right guy that they can trust, they will not give you access to their life. For that they are going to put you many tests that you have to overcome. If you back down from those tests, you obviously don’t qualify.
Do not be scared if he says no or if things are very difficult for you. Remember that many of these barriers are your way of interpreting what they do. For example, if she is more quiet and strange with you, it is not rejection, rather it is an indicator of interest.
8.- Shy women are very auditory
Men are visual and women are auditory. But shy women are even more sensitive to the things you say to them and how you say it. They will remember every detail of what you tell them.
The good thing about this is that if you achieve their interest you will have very good conversations. Consequently, pay close attention to his reactions while you speak to him.
9.- Do not rush to know her most feminine side
When a man likes a shy woman, he wants to get to her s**xual side as quickly as possible. But if you want to conquer a shy girl you don’t have to rush. They, as a total woman, also dream of a passionate and uninhibited relationship but it is difficult for them to manifest it.
Just let it be as it is. Give up all need for physical contact and aggressive alpha male movements. When they are confident they will open up the sensual richness of their world.
10.- It is important that at the beginning they gain control of the situation
An alpha male who wants to lead from the beginning as the relationship should be, will lose to a shy woman. The best thing to fall in love with a shy woman is to let herself be carried away by the way she poses the relationship.
Do not pressure her over time, do not invade her space demanding her attention. Once she trusts you and falls in love, she will put you in control.
To make a shy woman fall in love, you have to know what you want. Above all, have the clarity of what you are willing to do to achieve it. You have to adapt to the approach that works best with that girl.
Home » Relationships » It’s Complicated » How to accept being a shy person
- 0 share
Sadly, in our society, people tend to â??put up withâ?? a shy person. Shyness, however, could be a characteristic to value, enjoy and even celebrate.
Shy people tend to be introverts, but introversion is not the same as shyness. Introverts prefer doing things alone but don’t fear social contact, whereas shy people feel uncomfortable and self-conscious during social encounters, and tend to avoid social situations out of fear.
This article deals with shyness in the sense of social awkwardness. If youâ??re a shy person, here are some ways to accept, value and embrace your natural shyness.
1. Remember that attitudes toward quietness are cultural
In some parts of the world, such as some European and Asian countries, the most popular children are the most reserved and sensitive. On the other hand, in North America, the most assertive, loud children are the most popular. (This has been studied and documented.)
2. Accept that, while loud extroverts get more attention they can also sometimes be really tiresome
It’s enjoyable to get to know someone slowly, which is often how quiet people proceed. Quiet people can project a sense of self-possession and an inner centredness that more extroverted people don’t have. In other words, quiet people can be very appealing in our culture too, as long as the quiet person values him/herself.
3. Recognize that many writers, philosophers, inventors, engineers, artists, scientists, designers, composers and other fascinating and creative people are quiet or reserved
Quietness and sensitivity are often associated with intelligence, complex thinking and creativity.
4. Read up on how to value yourself as a shy person
Surf the internet to find some wonderful books on the many values of shy people.
5. Enjoy being someone who loves being alone
Some extroverts can’t stand to be alone and can fall apart without others around. Quiet people, on the other hand are often very resourceful, self-reliant and simply thrive on being alone.
6. Embrace your individuality as a listener in a sea of talkers
You have enormous value as a listener â?? there are not many of those around. Just listening to what people have to say can make a valuable contribution to any social occasion.
7. Know your own strengths as a shy person
Do you write better than you talk? Does your quiet watchfulness make you more observant or insightful than those who never stop talking long enough to notice? Have you mastered a solitary art, craft, skill, trade, game or hobby? Shyness does not indicate weakness and neither does it preclude self-confidence.
8. Seek out other quiet people
If you find yourself alone at an event or gathering, approach someone else who is on their own. There are others in the world who prefer a quiet and meaningful conversation, rather than trying to listen to or show interest in those making flippant small-talk with everyone in the room.
Article provided by wikiHow, a wiki building the world’s largest, highest quality how-to manual. Please edit this article and find author credits at the original wikiHow article on How to accept being a shy person. Content on wikiHow can be shared under a Creative Commons License.
But skewing shy or introverted doesn’t exempt you from happiness, success, or being a total badass at work. “Being shy isn’t a character flaw that you need to fix to find success,” says life and career coach Susan Jewkes Allen. In fact, tapping into your subtle sensibilities can work to your benefit. For example, says career coach Daisy Swan, introverts tend to process information (and listen) better, think problems through more thoroughly, and state their perspectives more clearly when they do speak up.
“Just because you don’t like to speak up doesn’t mean you can’t find your voice.” —career expert Rita Friedman
That said, if you, the shy powerhouse you are, find yourself struggling to get to where you want and need to be at work, certain tips and tools can help. “Just because you don’t like to speak up doesn’t mean you can’t find your voice,” says career expert Rita Friedman. So whether you’re struggling with meetings culture at work, getting the credit you deserve for your job well done, or just learning to accept yourself for who you are, use the intel below to succeed, you shy superstar, you.
Make the most group meetings
Meetings can be daunting because they can often feel like a public speaking gig (even if you get to sit down). Choosing when to present your point can occupy so much headspace that you might find yourself not paying attention to what other people are even saying. But, to make speaking up feel more manageable, Swan says to make your points less personal. For instance, you can speak from an objective point of view by saying “It appears” rather than “I think.” Removing yourself from the thought may make you feel less in the spotlight.
Also, consider the ways you best communicate, and use those as tools meetings to help you out. “If you don’t like public speaking but you write killer emails, you might find that you’re better off with detailing your work in a project summary,” Friedman says. In this case, you could circulate the summary to your team pre-meeting, and use it for talking points as your present. “Or perhaps you lean toward the visual and can capture your perspective in an interesting graphic format.”
Learn to advocate for yourself
Try requesting one-on-one time with your manager to get in face time and talk about what you’ve been up to. When there are fewer voices in the room, you’ll likely feel more comfortable speaking up about your great work and ideas.
“It is often the case that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, so you do need to be mindful of not getting the attention your work deserves,” Friedman says. “If you think you need to advocate for yourself, consider asking to meet regularly with your boss for check-ins to go over projects you’re working on.”
Implement methods to feel great about your authentic self
Both at work and in your personal life, you can practice mindfulness to become more attuned to when you feel good, Swan says. Then, you can carry that positive mind-set into work. By being more aware of yourself and your feelings, you’ll be able to recognize your accomplishments at work and take pride in them.
“Many highly successful and accomplished people are shy. The thing is not to ‘overcome’ shyness, but to accept it and develop the skills to manage it.” —Susan Jewkes Allen, career coach
Beyond mindfulness, Jewkes Allen recommends breath work, having a helpful mantra, journaling, and engaging your social muscles by engaging with people who share your interests. Friedman asks her clients to try something a little braver: practicing speaking at home, in front of a video camera. “Watching yourself can be painful, but in a good way: catch the areas that need work, and you’ll feel more prepared to enter any meeting.”
But no matter what you do to be your best you at work, Jewkes Allen says to simply remember that you’re capable of whatever you want, regardless of how outgoing or soft-spoken you are. “Many highly successful and accomplished people are shy,” she says. “The thing is not to ‘overcome’ shyness, but to accept it and develop the skills to manage it.”
Being your authentic self, Friedman says, is always your best bet—even if you’re shy or reserved. “Don’t try to be the loudest or flashiest if it’s not you,” she says, “Sincerity goes a long way.”
Here are five things an introvert would rather do at a party than talk to people—take, for instance, reading a book in the bathroom.
Do you have a hard time meeting new people? Do you find yourself declining invitations? You could very well be shy.
Shyness is when you spend too much time in your head, judging yourself, based on other people’s standards and opinions.
You are constantly trying to figure out how you should be acting and behaving in various situations.
You can use the following strategies to learn how to overcome shyness and become more confident in life.
1. Accept Yourself
If you are always trying to fit in, you are doing nothing more than wearing yourself out.
You need to understand that not everyone will like you, and this is ok. It’s normal.
Everyone experiences times of insecurity and self-consciousness. It’s not just you.
If you accept yourself and your qualities, things will be much easier for you.
2. Become Self-Aware
If you want to overcome shyness and social anxiety, you need to understand that people are not looking at you.
Most of them are far too busy looking at themselves. When you are around people, seek within yourself. Observe your thoughts.
By simply admitting your shyness, you can reduce your anxiety, which in turn will help you relax.
Once you become self-aware, you will be on your way to improvement.
3. Embrace Your Strengths
In order to gain confidence and self-esteem, find something you enjoy and know you are good at.
Focusing on doing this very thing, whatever it is, could help you overcome your shyness.
Think about how your unique strength gives you an advantage over other people.
Knowing that you possess some unique qualities will boost your self-confidence. It will help you accept yourself wholeheartedly.
4. Take Care of Yourself
Taking care of yourself can totally boost your confidence! Even just small things, like showering, flossing your teeth, and keeping your nails trimmed can make a big difference in how you feel about yourself.
When you add ‘dressing well’ in addition to good hygiene, you will be surprised by how much better you feel about yourself!
With this increased confidence, you’ll no longer fear meeting new people and striking up conversations.
5. Practice Talking
This one is very important. If you don’t start talking to people, you'll never stop being shy and awkward!
Try to be a bit more talkative and practice talking more openly with friends, family, and even complete strangers.
Talk to people at bars, restaurants, or wherever you are. Approach others and strike up a conversation.
This will give you a chance to meet new people, and you'll be facing your fear of talking to others.
6. Start Focusing On Others
Shy people often feel that they have to come up with amazing topics to talk about. But this is not the case.
Try to focus more on others. This will help take your mind away from your shyness.
People always like talking to others who seem interested in them, so ask a lot of questions and be genuinely interested.
Before you know it, you’ll be so deep in conversation that you'll completely forget about your shyness.
7. Take a Deep Breath
When you’re around new people, you feel the anxiety and it overwhelms you quickly.
Next time, just excuse yourself and head over to the restroom or a quiet corner and then close your eyes and breathe.
Concentrate on your breathing, and breathe in and out, slowly. Do this for a few minutes if possible. This exercise will help you relax.
8. Relax Your Muscles When Anxious
Relaxing your muscles is another great way to deal with anxious situations.
You can do this by focusing on a specific part of your body. Then tighten those muscles for a few minutes, releasing slowly.
Start from your toes and then move up gradually. At the same time, you can also practice deep breathing.
9. Make Eye Contact As Much As Possible
Making eye contact is one of the best confidence-building activities you can do!
Direct eye contact helps create a more emotional and meaningful connection.
Have you ever noticed that when you are with a group, the person who is looked at the least, is the one who talks the least?
The more eye contact you make, the more interested you seem. It lets the other person know that you're interested in the conversation. This makes them feel more comfortable.
10. Focus on the Moment
When you focus on the present moment, you take your attention away from your self-consciousness.
The next time you are having a conversation with someone, focus on the words they are saying.
Focus closely on what they're talking about. Focus on their tone and expressions.
If you completely become absorbed by what the other person is talking about, you automatically shift your focus away from your shyness.
11. Mimic Others Interactions
If you have a hard time interacting with someone and you feel yourself getting all tense, try to mimic them.
I don’t mean full-out mimic every single thing they are doing, but you can mimic their posture and tone.
This tends to naturally give off the vibe that you understand what they're saying and enjoying the conversation.
12. Start Saying Yes Instead of No
Whenever you say no, you create a barrier. You're closing all the doors.
When you say no, you're missing out on a chance to meet new people and explore new situations.
Instead of always saying no to everything, give yourself a chance and start saying yes!
This will allow you to be around people and socialize with others who share your interests.
If you constantly put yourself around people, you will get used to it. And this will definitely help you stop being shy and quiet!
By doing these self-confidence tips every day, you can slowly overcome shyness and become more confident, until you can publicly display who you are – without fear of being judged.
“I am soooo shy. What can I do?”
“My shyness interferes with every part of my life. Help!”
“I have been shy all my life. I want to break free. Where do I start?”
“Everyone tells me I’m so shy. How can I change that perception?”
There’s a BIG difference between being quiet and being shy.
When you’re quiet, you know you have the option to speak, but you just choose not to do so.
But when you’re shy, you’re plagued by discomfort, worry, or even anxiety in social situations.
No matter how shy you think you are, there are ways to train yourself to overcome this obstacle. While you won’t turn into a social butterfly overnight, you can become a more confident person ready to take advantage of new opportunities that come your way.
These seven steps will help you conquer your shyness:
Accept your personality.
It’s truly important for you to accept yourself for the person that you are. You can never be anyone but you. If you’re a quiet person from time to time, so be it. There is just as much beauty in the personality of a quiet person as there is in an outgoing person.
Who are you?
Put yourself out there.
When you’re shy, you’re more likely to avoid social situations altogether. This only makes the problem worse. If you make the effort to participate, you’ll become more comfortable in every social gathering.
- Take small steps, but take action to step out of your comfort zone.
What do you like to do?
Avoid running away.
Even if you’re feeling especially awkward and anxiety ridden, get through the situation as best as you can.
- Afterwards, you can evaluate what you went through so you can grow from it. Ask yourself why you felt the way you did and see if you can correct the problem for next time.
Learn to relax.
When you’re feeling shy, your mind begins to race. You might be thinking about all the things that can go wrong and you’ll find it impossible to relax. Instead of thinking about what might happen, concentrate on the present and on what actually is happening.
- If you begin to panic, use relaxation and breathing techniques to calm yourself down.
Practice your social skills.
If you’re shy in social situations, try to practice your communication and social skills in non-threatening environments, such as with family or close friends. This will take away some of the scary “unknowns” that might be causing you to be afraid.
Visualizations can be very powerful. They can help you relax and get past the anxiety associated with shyness.
- Close your eyes and think about yourself in a situation where you’d normally feel shy or panicky. Instead of feeling overwhelmed with negative emotions, visualize yourself as completely confident and happy.
Focus on someone else.
Place all of your focus on the person you’re sharing a conversation with. Really listen to what they’re saying. If your energy is focused away from how you feel, you’ll be less likely to be overtaken with the feelings of shyness.
- It may also help you to encourage the other person to do more of the talking. Use open-ended questions where they can launch into a whole story or explanation instead of just answering yes or no questions.
Shyness is a combination of fears and feelings that are reinforced by your habits.
Use these seven steps to help you change your habits and your feelings of shyness will dissipate along with the old habits!
Goodbye shyness and say hello to the NEW YOU!
Overcome shyness and solve your problem, click here.